Overcoming Fear, Part 2

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

“Fear does not prevent death. It prevents life.” – Naguib Mahfouz

 

(This blog was originally posted on April 17, 2014)

 

Photo by Sara Fogan

 

 

 

As I explained in my previous blog, Overcoming Fear, Part 1, repeated exposure to and familiarity with a stimulus can help increase confidence about dealing with a potential threat or fearful situation. That is because the subconscious mind is more likely to accept and feel comfortable with something it knows. Of course, this kind of familiarity and resulting sense of relaxation can backfire as the person relaxes and feels more comfortable. Some degree of fear and a healthy dose of respect are very important emotions to have when working with horses: A lot of “accidents” happen with and around horses when we forget or ignore how big and powerful they are and can be. On the other hand, when you use your subconscious mind’s known information about working with that animal while you remain focused and aware of your environment, this can be a fabulous and safe experience.

Over the years that my horse, Galahad, and I were at our first training barn, I groomed and clipped each of my riding instructor’s twenty horses. I handle the mares and geldings on a more regular basis, but I often rotated her four stallions between their stalls and the turnout arena. Through these activities, I came to know each one’s quirks and preferences: I knew who was likely to nip or rear to test his rank with the human at the other end of the lead line; I knew who would walk quietly past other horses and stallions in their stalls and who might pin his ears and try to kick through a fence to intimidate a challenger. I was not afraid of these animals per se, but I always treated them with the respect they were due and an abundance of caution for my own safety and well-being when I handled them. As another former trainer once said of the stud at his barn, “He knows he’s a stallion, so he deserves respect.”

Each of my trainer’s stallions is generally very sweet, well behaved and respectful of the people who ride and handle them. But they are also 900-plus pounds of powerful muscle and strong bones, with a very healthy fight-flight instinct and an equally a strong courtship instinct. I did not just decide to clip my trainer’s stallions yesterday on a whim or a personal dare to prove I could do it. Rather, it was my job to that day—including the two more demonstrative ones. So I put on my helmet and gloves to protect my head and hands—rope burn is no fun and very easy to get when a horse pulls suddenly back on the line—grabbed the clippers, a bag of treats and got down to work.

The first stallion on my list was Galahad’s half-brother, Amadeus: a purebred Lipizzaner whose modus operandi for intimidation and asserting dominance featured holding a levade (a very controlled half-rear) for several seconds. Since the mares were already turned out in the paddock for their playtime, I took the clippers and a bag of treats to the stud where he was also enjoying turnout time in the arena, away from the mares. I admit that I was already a little wary: I had never clipped this stallion on my own, before (my trainer was usually nearby when I did this work). Since I knew from previous experience that this horse could get very “challenging” to handle if mares were his immediate vicinity, so I decided to hedge my bets and do my work where we were. Amadeus stood still as I slid his halter over his head; he even cocked a hind hoof—a sign of equine relaxation. I plied him with treats and slowly desensitized him first to the electric clippers in the off position (some reaction) and then to the persistent buzz when I turned them on.

I don’t know whether the sound of the clippers scared him; perhaps the sensation of the blades against his muzzle irritated or tickled him. Whatever: the stallion immediately pulled back and coiled his body to make a few half-hearted attempts at a levade. Since I was expecting this reaction (his “known”/previous reaction to the clippers), I was prepared and able to hold on to the lead-line while Amadeus had his temper tantrum. While I waited, I immediately did some deep, diaphragmatic breathing to keep my adrenaline low and consider my next move to get the horse back under control. I spoke quiet words of reassurance (not placation) and told him to quit his behavior. For the first time, I spoke with a confidence and sense of control that I truly felt in this situation. I was confident in the physical precautions I had taken to be as safe as I could be in this situation; and, I was confident in my new-found ability to effectively handle this horse and finish my job without having to call my trainer for assistance.

Amadeus must have sensed that I meant business, too, because the stallion dropped back onto all four hooves and stood still while I went to work on his whiskers and bridle path. Once again, I plied him with treats and praise the entire time. When I finished clipping him and removed his halter, the stallion lowered his head and ambled just behind me, at my right shoulder, right up to the gate. I believe that this was a very good clipping experience for both of us, the perfect opportunity to create a positive “known” association between my confidence in my ability to safely handle, reassure and help Amadeus through an encounter with clippers.

As my dad likes to say, “Every experience becomes a part of you.” I, for one, am looking forward to having a lot of good, positive experiences like that becoming a part of my life.

 

 

Special Offer: Free 30-Minute Phone or Zoom Consultation

This is a great opportunity to find out why hypnosis is so effective and how hypnotherapy can help you achieve your self-improvement goals. Call or text me at (661) 433-9430 or send me an e-mail at calminsensehypnosis@yahoo.com to set up your free, 30-minute phone or Zoom consultation* today! 

*This is not a full hypnotherapy session. Hypnosis will not be provided during this consultation. This offer is not redeemable for cash and may not be combined with any other promotion.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

 

Overcoming Fear, Part 1

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

“Fear does not prevent death. It prevents life.” – Naguib Mahfouz

 

 

Photo by Sara Fogan

 

 

               Many of us fear the Great Unknown: a new experience, a new environment, a new member of our social circle. Will this unknown entity hurt or kill us? Or will exposure to this X-factor make us more confident, stronger or self-resilient? No matter what frightens us, the emotion of fear is actually a great physical, emotional and psychological defense, because it is already known to the subconscious mind. We may not be afraid of the same things, but the experience of fear—especially, fear for personal survival—is a great equalizer in every species on the planet.

               I have certainly felt trepidation and even fear in various situations. I will not deny that when I first arrived in London to do my junior-year abroad, and then moved back to England in 1990 to do my post-graduate degree, I certainly felt some fear. I was on my own in a foreign country, thousands of miles away from my family, friends and familiar surroundings. But I wanted these experiences badly enough that I over-rode my fears of the unknown and struck out on my own in a foreign land. England became my “spiritual home,” and I made some very dear friends. I learned how to take care of myself, to think for myself and to be able to pick myself up after a disappointment and carry on, stronger than ever.

As my father likes to say, “Everything you do becomes a part of you.” Once I started my hypnotherapy training at the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2004, the basis of the subconscious mind’s strategies to guide our behavior to essentially protect us and ensure our survival became very clear to me. According to HMI founder John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind, everything that is unknown to the subconscious mind is immediately, inherently something to be feared. The conscious mind—replete with our reasoning, decision-making, logic and will-power faculties—cannot easily over-ride this instinct until the subconscious mind accepts the stimulus as a known.

In addition to hypnosis, repeated exposure to an unknown or threatening stimulus can desensitize us to its negative (unfamiliar) aspects so that it eventually becomes a known in the SCM. Once you have had previous exposure to the original event, person or object, this experience can help you to create and activate a strategy that will enable you to meet and hopefully resolve a challenge or neutralize a perceived threat.

That is why I decided to clip the muzzles and bridle paths of each of my former trainer’s four stallions.

 

 

Special Offer: Free 30-Minute Phone or Zoom Consultation

This is a great opportunity to find out why hypnosis is so effective and how hypnotherapy can help you achieve your self-improvement goals. Call or text me at (661) 433-9430 or send me an e-mail at calminsensehypnosis@yahoo.com to set up your free, 30-minute phone or Zoom consultation* today! 

*This is not a full hypnotherapy session. Hypnosis will not be provided during this consultation. This offer is not redeemable for cash and may not be combined with any other promotion.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

© 2023

Oh, I Love a Rainy Night 3.0

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

 

Oh, I Love a Rainy Night! 3.0

 (A version of this blog was originally posted on February 28, 2014)

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

 

 

It has been raining in Southern California. Not just a drizzle or the light showers. Oh, no. This is real, honest-to-goodness, I-mean-business rain. Last night, I drifted off to sleep with the sound of wind howling and rain drops splattering against my window. Although a drier La Nina season was predicted for 2022-2023, the opposite has proved true. The second, or maybe third, Atmospheric River event of the past four weeks or so has been predicted for next week. Los Angeles ABC7 meteorologist Dallas Raines has forecast a clear weekend, at least through Saturday morning. However, the new storm that is set to pass through Southern California starting Sunday afternoon is fabulous news to me. (The rain is good news for the state, too.)

As Eddie Rabbitt sings in his hit song, “I Love a Rainy Night,” rain quite simply makes me feel good. It is my subconscious known, my subconscious mental script for contentment, my happy place. It is the climate and weather that makes me feel comfortable and cozy and relaxed. It reminds me of happy memories doing my post-graduate degree at Goldsmiths College in London, studying and writing my research thesis with rain pounding against the windows at the college library or in the front room of the house where I lived with friends. It washes the metaphoric cobwebs out of my mind the way it cleans the months-old accumulation of dirt and dust off of the leaves and plants outside. The fresh, clean air inspires me to get down to work, to do my best work. Best of all, rain gives me an opportunity—okay, an excuse—to really enjoy some down time and relax. I allowed myself to sleep in this morning. Then, I spent a good part of the afternoon catching up on social media, promoting my special for a free 30-minute phone or Zoom consultation. Tonight, I will curl up and finish reading a book.

Although the heavy rain is not conducive to riding my horse, it is great for hanging out with Galahad at the barn. In addition to cleaning his stall and grooming (especially cleaning his hooves) when it is stormy, I can still go out and read aloud to him while he munches hay in his stall. Yes, there is more to enjoy having my own horse than just riding, as other horse lovers will appreciate. I still have some early spring-cleaning tasks to do, such as get tax information to present to my accountant next month and complete a couple continuing-education courses, so the coming rainstorm will be a good opportunity to do that.

Soon I will be able to fall asleep listening to the music of rain on my windows and maybe, fingers crossed, the sound of thunder rumbling and crackling overhead.

Oh, how I love a rainy night…

 

 

 

Special Offer: Free 30-Minute Phone or Zoom Consultation

This is a great opportunity to find out why hypnosis is so effective and how hypnotherapy can help you achieve your self-improvement goals. Call or text me at (661) 433-9430 or send me an e-mail at calminsensehypnosis@yahoo.com to set up your free, 30-minute phone or Zoom consultation* today! 

*This is not a full hypnotherapy session. Hypnosis will not be provided during this consultation. This offer is not redeemable for cash and may not be combined with any other promotion.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

© 2023

 

Hypnotherapy and a Different Perspective

 I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on September 19, 2014)

 

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

 

 

 

In September 2013, the local news reported that a white cobra was loose in a neighborhood in Thousand Oaks, California. Residents responded to this information in various ways. Many were understandably frightened by the prospect of having an exotic, venomous snake potentially slithering around their property and told reporters that they would secure their livestock in barns and keep domestic pets inside until it was caught. Others seemed to take a more measured approach, explaining how they would continue to live their lives as usual but would avoid areas where the snake was last seen or biologists warned it might hide. Another person (or persons) even went to social media and created a Twitter account for the cobra so the snake could post updates on its whereabouts and, presumably, add some levity to a very tense situation.

I was surprised that my reaction to the news that a cobra was loose in a local neighborhood was one of curiosity rather than terror. If I lived anywhere near where the snake had been spotted or if I kept my horse out there, I probably would have been beside myself with anxiety and concern. My subconscious mental script was already familiar with the idea that venomous snakes live in Southern California: anyone who owns or rides horses here knows to be on the lookout for rattlesnakes hiding in a hay barn or slithering across the path on a trail. Of course, the idea of a lethal exotic (and comparatively rare) snake slithering around a suburban neighborhood is a different story.

But ever since I earned my hypnotherapy certification in 2005, my attitude and expectations about various situations I have encountered during my life have changed. As soon as I heard about the loose cobra, I was quickly able to activate the reasoning, logic, will-power and decision-making faculties in my conscious mind to determine whether I or anyone I knew was in immediate danger: No. Even if I had been, my previous experiences dealing with animal control and law-enforcement officers reassured me that these professionals were trained to deal with various threats, including unexpected ones posed by wild animals that the average citizens probably never consider. I was confident that I could have put my trust and faith in their recommendations to keep myself and my animals out of its way until it was caught. Also, I trusted that the survival instinct in my (and just about every other person’s) subconscious mind was strong enough to avoid unnecessary risk and avoid areas where I knew/heard the animal had last been seen or was likely to hide.

Something else helped me take a more measured perspective about the possible danger posed by that cobra.  I knew various mental tools with which I could re-frame what I initially believed to be a no-win situation and turn it into an opportunity to learn something new: i.e., look up information about the biology and natural habitat of cobras. That kind of lesson would be far more beneficial for me than indulging in toxic worry about a situation over which I and most of the residents of that Thousand Oaks neighborhood had little control.

Fortunately, the snake was safely caught and removed from that community the next day and no humans or animals were victims of its lethal bite. Another positive thing to come out of this situation is that everyone who was affected by this experience now has a new subconscious known in his or her repertoire of mental scripts. While it is unlikely any Southern California residents will have to deal with another cobra loitering by their swimming pool, if this scenario is ever repeated, we will have some idea what to expect and how to handle the situation.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

© 2023

 

Application of Theory of Mind in Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Part 1

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

  

(This blog was originally posted on December 16, 2014)

 

Photo by Rick Hustead

 

 

One of my favorite holiday traditions is to watch the 1964 stop-action film, Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Yes, after repeating this activity since I was a very young child, it is now a subconscious known for me. So, last week I curled up in front of the television and sipped a home-made eggnog latte while I enjoyed the familiar story one more time. For fun, I tried to notice “new” things in and about the show that I might have overlooked in previous viewings. I did: I saw a tuft of bright yellow hair sprouting between the tiny antlers of Dasher, Rudolph’s new friend at the reindeer tryouts. And then it dawned on me that that Comet, the “coach” of the reindeer tryouts, was sporting a baseball cap as well as a whistle. How had I never spotted those details before?

I know from my hypnotherapy training that it is normal and natural to not notice every aspect or characteristic about a person or an event. There are so many physical stimuli in the world that we could perceive that being consciously aware of each sensation would be completely overwhelming. To protect us from this kind of overload, the subconscious mind automatically associates and characterizes information (message units) as being “known,” or familiar; and “unknown,” or unfamiliar. Over time, we automatically ignore the known information because after repeated exposure, the SCM knows there is no associated danger with the stimulus and it can focus on other things. Conversely, a new piece of information can signify danger, and we will respond to that stimulus defensively until we feel safe and comfortable again.

This model forms the basis of Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind. According to Dr. Kappas, the subconscious part of the mind is uncomfortable about and resistant to doing new or different things even when the conscious mind (logic, reason, will-power/free-will and reasoning) says that it’s okay to do so. The SCM likes and wants to stick to what is familiar, comforting and safe: i.e., what it knows. Guess what? The characters in Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer seemed to behave according to their own specific set of known and unknown message units, too. Furthermore, the characters’ attitudes and behaviors mirrored a lot of our own (e.g., bullying, low self-esteem, specific beliefs about the holidays). Following are more of my observations about the program in the context of Dr. Kappas’s Theory of Mind.

 

• When Rudolph is born, his father, Donner, is horrified that his son has a shiny red nose. No other reindeer has a red nose. Even Santa Claus initially dismisses Rudolph as being eligible as a member of the sleigh team because of it. Donner immediately fashions a cover for the young buck’s nose to conceal Rudolph’s “nonconformity.” However, when the cover slips off to reveal Rudolph’s shiny nose after the flying tryouts (which he wins), his peers laugh at and ostracize him.
• Meanwhile, back at Santa’s Castle, an elf named Hermey is having a hard time in the workshop. His boss and colleagues ridicule him because he wants to be a dentist, not a toymaker.
• Even though their characteristics and talents are different (unknown) to each other, the fact that Hermey and Rudolph are social outcasts in their communities enables them to bond over this shared status. Later on, they also befriend Yukon Cornelius, a nonconforming mineral prospector who goes with them to the Island of Misfit Toys in hopes of finding someplace they all do fit in.
• The Abominable Snow Monster of the North (The Bumble) is initially presented as a fearsome beast that only wants to ruin Christmas and probably bring physical harm to other creatures. He is huge with shaggy white fur, sharp teeth and long claws. The first time we see The Bumble, Donner is teaching Rudolph the fine art of being a reindeer. Suddenly there is a ferocious roar; after evading the Snow Monster by hiding behind a snowdrift, Donner tells his son how dangerous the monster is and that everyone must always be careful to avoid it. He doesn’t explain why the Bumble is so frightening and dangerous, but the young buck immediately files the information his father provided and the memory of his terrifying near encounter with the beast as a new known. By the way, this scene is a great example of how youngsters develop their suggestibility.
• Ultimately, as they become more familiar with each other’s differences, they become more comfortable with and even appreciative of their individual talents and characteristics. For example, Hermey the Elf’s dentistry skills also prove useful in rescuing Rudolph and his family when he removes all of the Abominable Snow Monster’s sharp teeth. Not only does this action make the Bumble far less scary to the citizens of Christmas Town, but also reveals the gentle creature he really wants to be. Meanwhile, Yukon Cornelius discovers that The Bumble’s secret wish is to be useful, and since he really is a nice guy and conveniently very tall, he’s given a job placing the star on top of Santa’s Christmas tree.

Of course, Rudolph’s shiny red nose wins everyone over when Santa realizes that the now-famous reindeer is the only one that can save Christmas by turning on his bright nose to guide the sleigh through a ferocious blizzard. And this outcome is probably the most famous “known” in the story—now legend—of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit my website. 

© 2022

 

Micro-Aggressions

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on May 3, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

 

Someone is finally doing it. Someone is finally suing Starbucks® because the company “shorts” advertised quantity of coffee in iced beverages compared to the ratio of ice. O-kay, then.

The company argues that ice is supposed to be in an iced beverage. Isn’t that implied—even explicitly stated—in the names of the beverages like iced coffee, iced tea, iced-green-tea latte, etc.? Even the Frappuccino beverages made with a lot of ice. Considering how many units of iced beverages Starbucks® sells each day, I doubt that the plaintiff in this case is the first person who noticed the imbalanced of the coffee-to-ice ratio. Most people who order an iced beverage simply pay and happily walk out of the store or take a seat along the coffee bar and enjoy their drink, end of story. I wonder what inspired this person to actually sue the company over this imbalance instead of simply ask the barista to prepare the beverage with less or even no ice, or simply stop buying coffee there in the first place?

Last year, one of my nephews introduced me to the word “micro-aggression.” I remember laughing at the concept of micro-aggressions. I didn’t laugh because I believe some complaints and perceived injustices are truly funny or deserve to be dismissed out of hand, but because the word itself is demeaning and yet so accurate. In the context of the many injustices (real or perceived) that are occurring in the world, not receiving the advertised amount of coffee in your iced beverage doesn’t seem like a big deal, or even that it should be. Taking the company to court for a $5 million payday over this imbalance is a bit extreme. And yet, it’s happening. My question is: how did this and similar situations get so far?

A couple years ago I posted a blog titled Passive-Aggressive Behavior in which I explained the origins of this behavior, which typically begins during early-childhood. A youngster naturally starts to become more independent from his caregivers between the ages of two and five. However, if the adult does not provide options and opportunities for the child to demonstrate the desired behavior, the youngster may adopt passive-aggressive responses to these requests in order to display some kind of autonomy. Rather than ask directly for something, the individual hints and insinuates that something is wrong/must change until other people in the environment change behavior to accommodate him. Over time, this strategy becomes a subconscious known—a go-to behavior to get what the person wants. I can’t help but wonder if passive-aggression is at the root of so many examples of micro-aggression we are seeing lately.

There is a huge difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness/passive-aggressiveness. In the first case, an assertive Starbucks® customer would immediately, politely, tell the barista that there is too much ice in the beverage and ask for it to be remade. (There is a sign on the counter of every Starbucks® that states the store’s policy about re-making a drink to a customer’s satisfaction.) If the new drink still wasn’t made to the person’s satisfaction, the person could ask for a refund and stop going there for coffee. Maybe even a letter to the CEO would be in order. Conversely, an aggressive customer might rudely complain about the drink, demand the refund/reject apologies from the company, etc., and even stomp loudly off the premises and tell everyone about the lousy experience. The passive-aggressive customer may take the beverage as it was originally prepared and then complain (loudly or discretely) about everything that is wrong with the drink. The final step on this path would be to take the complaint to court.

I do not know all of the details about this customer’s lawsuit. Perhaps the individual has made many attempts to change how the company prepares its iced beverages and even had a one-on-one meeting with the CEO to vent frustration about this perceived rip-off. But is this issue so important to press legal charges, knowing that the cost of hiring a legal team to defend/prosecute this injustice may become financially prohibitive? Sure, the ultimate pay-day could be worth this effort—if and when it eventually comes. The question I have about this issue is whether having a disproportionate ratio of ice-to-coffee symbolic of another more personally meaningful perceived imbalance in this person’s life.

Maybe it isn’t about the coffee, at all.

 

 

Autumn Promotion: Hypnosis for Weight Loss

 

Let the power of your subconscious mind help you release extra weight and increase your motivation to make healthier eating/nutrition and exercise choices. Book the entire 10-week series up front and save $250!

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit my website. 

© 2022

 

 

 

The Critical Area of the Mind: A Real-Life Example

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

(This blog was originally posted on January 13, 2016)

 

Photo by Rick Hustead

 

I sat in the waiting area while my friend finished a meeting. While I flicked through a copy of Us Weekly, a man approached the reception desk and asked one of the assistants if it was possible for him to speak to someone in the accounting department. The receptionist smiled politely and suggested he sit down while she went to check if the person was available to talk to the customer. When she returned a few minutes later, it was to apologize: the gentleman he wanted to talk to was in a meeting. Could she have “Mr. Jones” call the customer later?

The man smiled slightly, nodded and walked out of the office, probably disappointed but he didn’t seem very surprised. He didn’t have an appointment; at this time of year, it would be very unlikely to squeeze in an impromptu meeting with an accountant. Guess what? This kind of solicitation and rejection occurs many, many times each day between the conscious and subconscious areas of the mind.

The “heavy” that sends the conscious mind’s desired new beliefs or behaviors away is called the Critical Area of the mind. This very small region of the mind is divided equally between the Conscious Mind and Subconscious Mind. Its responsibility, as it were, is to maintain the comfort (homeostasis) between these areas of the mind.

As I have explained in several previous blogs (Why Being Comfortable Feels Uncomfortable, Intuition, Because…That’s What You Like), your behavior is dictated by the subconscious mental script that is created very early in your life. This script is created by the multitude of positive and negative message units that the SCM processes and interprets as pain or pleasure during your early childhood. A positive experience, such as your pet dog licking your face in greeting, is classified as “pleasure.” A negative experience, such as burning your hand on a hot stove, would likely be classified as pain. However, even a message unit that is initially perceived as negative or “painful” can become recognized as “pleasure”, such as returning to or remaining in an abusive relationship because it is familiar or comfortable.

Conversely, if your dog bites (instead of licks) your face, or you decide to stand up to or even leave an abusive partner, the Critical Area of the mind is likely to reject the new message unit that the conscious mind is processing. Rejecting this new information is the Critical Mind’s job: If the information is unfamiliar, it is uncomfortable and therefore unwelcome: What do you mean, Fido bit me? He doesn’t bite! It was just a love nip. Or, I can’t leave my partner; I have nowhere to go! Since this information challenges the known subconscious mental script, it is unlikely that you will accept this information and change your behavior right away.

Now, let’s put this model in the context of what the interaction I observed this afternoon when someone asked to meet with “Mr. Jones.” The receptionist (Critical Area of the mind) checked with the gentleman in question (processed the message unit) and reported that Mr. Jones was busy. Since the client was also not an expected appointment (unknown to the subconscious mind), she sent him away (rejected the message unit). You might also recognize this process when you check the Caller-I.D. application on your phone and decide whether to pick up the call or let a message go to voice-mail.

For more information about the role of the Critical Area of the mind, I invite you to read my blog titled, Why Are New Ideas Scary?

 

Special Offer:

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Hypnosis for weight loss series: $1,250 for the 10-week series. (This is a $250 savings!) The $200 fee for the first session will be waived only when the package is purchased up front. Motivational materials and a free digital recording of the hypnosis portion of each session will be provided.

This promotion is not redeemable for cash and may not be combined with any other offer.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, three years in a row (2019, 2020, 2021). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

© 2022

 

 

Moving On, Part 1

To minimize risk of exposure to and spread of the COVID-19 virus and COVID-19 variants, I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. Meanwhile, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on August 3, 2018)

 

Image courtesy of Microsoft

 

 

I recently read a quote from Redefining Refuge which really resonated with me: “Cutting people out of your life doesn’t mean you hate them, it simply means you respect yourself. Not everyone is meant to stay.” Think about it: children are born, grow up and eventually move out of the family home. They may attend college, get married and start their own families; or, they choose a vocation and start their career, perhaps moving out of state (or out of the country) to establish their own lives. Changing and moving on is part of living; growing up emotionally as well as physically and chronologically. While these separations are initially hard for both the parents and the “kids,” that doesn’t mean these life transitions should not occur.

Just as we grow up and outgrow our roles as children in the family home, we can also outgrow the relationships we have forged during the course of our lives. As we mature, it is natural to develop different and separate interests from the ones we shared with our childhood and school friends. We often away from friendships and romantic relationships we have enjoyed as adults. But, why shouldn’t this occur? We continue to grow and mature every minute of our lives. It is not so unusual to discover that the things that you couldn’t imagine liking or wanting to do at seventeen have become sources of profound enjoyment at thirty-seven. If the relationship devolves from friendship and respect to resentment and even physical and/or physical abuse, it is time to cut those ties and move on to a healthier relationship and a safer environment. But knowing this doesn’t make it easier to do. Does it?

It isn’t just that we continue to feel strong emotions about or bonds to the other person that makes this separation so difficult. Rather, per John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind, it is so difficult to “leave” a relationship we have outgrown because we must give up a powerful known in our subconscious mind. This relationship and the person(s) we share it with have become part of our subconscious mental script; the longer we have been following this script by interacting in loving and respectful ways with the other person, the more difficult it is to stop following that script. The same is also true if and when we have been following an unloving and disrespectful or abusive script. Even if you do not or no longer have positive feelings about the other person or people, this separation may be painful because you must venture into the unknown experience of being independent from that relationship. Regardless of the quality of that bond, disengaging from it and the habits or behaviors you have practiced during the relationship entails breaking script.

Whatever the cause, letting go of a relationship can be very difficult and painful. In the next blog, I will explain how experiencing grief and the five stages of loss during hypnotherapy can help accept that the relationship is finished. When we are able to say goodbye with love and respect, we can move forward in our lives and so can they.

              

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, three years in a row (July 2019, September 2020, July 2021). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2021

 

Micro Aggressions

 

To minimize risk of exposure to and spread of the COVID-19 virus and COVID-19 variants, I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. Meanwhile, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on May 3, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

 

Someone is finally doing it. Someone is finally suing Starbucks® because the company “shorts” advertised quantity of coffee in iced beverages compared to the ratio of ice. O-kay, then.

The company argues that ice is supposed to be in an iced beverage. Isn’t that implied—even explicitly stated—in the names of the beverages like iced coffee, iced tea, iced-green-tea latte, etc.? Even the Frappuccino beverages made with a lot of ice. Considering how many units of iced beverages Starbucks® sells each day, I doubt that the plaintiff in this case is the first person who noticed the imbalanced of the coffee-to-ice ratio. Most people who order an iced beverage simply pay and happily walk out of the store or take a seat along the coffee bar and enjoy their drink, end of story. I wonder what inspired this person to actually sue the company over this imbalance instead of simply ask the barista to prepare the beverage with less or even no ice, or simply stop buying coffee there in the first place?

Last year, one of my nephews introduced me to the word “micro-aggression.” I remember laughing at the concept of micro-aggressions. I didn’t laugh because I believe some complaints and perceived injustices are truly funny or deserve to be dismissed out of hand, but because the word itself is demeaning and yet so accurate. In the context of the many injustices (real or perceived) that are occurring in the world, not receiving the advertised amount of coffee in your iced beverage doesn’t seem like a big deal, or even that it should be. Taking the company to court for a $5 million payday over this imbalance is a bit extreme. And yet, it’s happening. My question is: how did this and similar situations get so far?

A couple years ago I posted a blog titled Passive-Aggressive Behavior in which I explained the origins of this behavior, which typically begins during early-childhood. A youngster naturally starts to become more independent from his caregivers between the ages of two and five. However, if the adult does not provide options and opportunities for the child to demonstrate the desired behavior, the youngster may adopt passive-aggressive responses to these requests in order to display some kind of autonomy. Rather than ask directly for something, the individual hints and insinuates that something is wrong/must change until other people in the environment change behavior to accommodate him. Over time, this strategy becomes a subconscious known—a go-to behavior to get what the person wants. I can’t help but wonder if passive-aggression is at the root of so many examples of micro-aggression we are seeing lately.

There is a huge difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness/passive-aggressiveness. In the first case, an assertive Starbucks® customer would immediately, politely, tell the barista that there is too much ice in the beverage and ask for it to be remade. (There is a sign on the counter of every Starbucks® that states the store’s policy about re-making a drink to a customer’s satisfaction.) If the new drink still wasn’t made to the person’s satisfaction, the person could ask for a refund and stop going there for coffee. Maybe even a letter to the CEO would be in order. Conversely, an aggressive customer might rudely complain about the drink, demand the refund/reject apologies from the company, etc., and even stomp loudly off the premises and tell everyone about the lousy experience. The passive-aggressive customer may take the beverage as it was originally prepared and then complain (loudly or discretely) about everything that is wrong with the drink. The final step on this path would be to take the complaint to court.

I do not know all of the details about this customer’s lawsuit. Perhaps the individual has made many attempts to change how the company prepares its iced beverages and even had a one-on-one meeting with the CEO to vent frustration about this perceived rip-off. But is this issue so important to press legal charges, knowing that the cost of hiring a legal team to defend/prosecute this injustice may become financially prohibitive? Sure, the ultimate pay-day could be worth this effort—if and when it eventually comes. The question I have about this issue is whether having a disproportionate ratio of ice-to-coffee symbolic of another more personally meaningful perceived imbalance in this person’s life.

Maybe it isn’t about the coffee, at all.

 

 

 

Special Offer: Intensive Hypnotherapy to Quit Smoking

This session lasts approximately 2 hours. You must be smoking 5 cigarettes or fewer per day and have previously completed the First Hypnotherapy session with me to participate in this program. Relevant handouts and a free, digital reinforcement hypnosis track will be provided at the end of the session.  The Intensive Hypnotherapy to Quit Smoking session costs $275. If you also need to do the First Hypnotherapy session, I am also offering a $35 discount on the First Session if you book and pay for both up front, at the same time ($440 total). This promotional discount may not be combined with any other discount or discount package. It is not redeemable for cash. Expires on October 31, 2021.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, three years in a row (July 2019, September 2020, July 2021). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2021