To minimize risk of exposure to and spread of the COVID-19 virus and COVID-19 variants, I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. Meanwhile, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!
(This blog was originally posted on May 1,
2018)
The cornerstone of Hypnosis Motivation
Institute founder John Kappas,
Ph.D.’s hypnotherapy practice is his concept of Emotional and Physical
Sexuality. In my blog titled, All
About Emotional and Physical Sexuality, Part 1, I described the
characteristics of these personalities and the importance of knowing a client’s
sexual personality as a way to understand, predict and even mold his or her
behavior. I provided more information about each personality—in particular, their
priorities and goals in the context of a romantic (sexual) relationship—in the
follow-up blog titled All
About Emotional and Physical Sexuality, Part 2. In today’s blog I will
present relationship perspectives in three songs (“scenarios”) that may give
you a lyrical insight about how Emotional Sexuals and Physical Sexuals might
behave at the end of a relationship.
·
“Buy
Me a Rose,” by Kenny Rogers. In
this song, Kenny Rogers represents the Emotional Sexual partner in a
relationship. Remember, an Emotional Sexual generally does not feel comfortable
expressing his feelings for a lover or spouse (the same is true for Emotional
Sexual women). Consistent with this personality, he shows the love he feels for
his wife by working hard to provide a good home and lifestyle for her. Since an
Emotional Sexual’s core values are financial security/work; hobbies; friends
and family; and the relationship, in his mind the relationship is going great
because he is providing for her so well. However, since he does not verbalize
his emotions or even show affection by calling her from work to say hello/I
love you, or even bring her flowers from time to time, their marriage is not
really so great.
·
“Wrecking
Ball,” by Miley Cyrus. Sung from the
post-breakup perspective, the lyrics describe a post-mortem of all the extreme
and excessive clinging behaviors with which a Physical Sexual overwhelms and
often alienates her Emotional Sexual lover. For example, when Cyrus describes how she
“came in like a wrecking ball”—full of emotion and demanding attempts to get
closer to her partner—you can almost imagine a hurricane-force ball of energy
hurling at you. Meanwhile, the other partner keeps pulling away from her until
she is burning with rejection. The heart-breaking line in the bridge of the
song is when she concedes, “Instead of using force/I guess I should have let
you in.” If she had taken a step (or several) back and given him some space—the
metaphoric “Twinkie”—the relationship might not have imploded. (Although this
song is sung by a woman/her perspective, it is also applicable to a Physical
Sexual man in a similar situation.)
·
“Just
Give me a Reason,” by Pink
featuring Nate Ruess. For me, this song represents the dynamics and
communication (or miscommunication) between Physical Sexual and Emotional
Sexual partners as their relationship starts to unravel. The lyrics trace the
trajectory of their early attraction in the romance to a plateau stage in the
relationship, where the passion and urgency of new love has worn off. The
Physical Sexual female notices that her partner is talking in his sleep and no
longer seems as attentive or interested in her compared to what is going on in
his life. Meanwhile, the Emotional Sexual male is confused about her insecurity
about their relationship: “Your head is running wild again/my dear we still
have everythin’.” As the title of this song suggests, the outlook for this
couple seems bright, though, because both partners want to work through their
insecurities and misunderstandings to save the relationship.
Although the three songs I have chosen for
this essay seem to emphasize stereotypical male/female roles, it is important
to note that Dr. Kappas’s theory of Emotional and Physical Sexuality is not based on male/female behaviors. A
man can be a Physical Sexual and a woman can be an Emotional Sexual. For
example, in her hit “Ex’s
and Oh’s,” singer Elle King is the
Emotional Sexual partner whose (Physical Sexual) lovers are pining and cursing
her name after she ends the relationship.
This
is also a sliding scale, so no one will be 100 percent Emotional Sexual or 100
percent Physical Sexual. Rather, we each possess characteristics of both
personalities but tend to be more “dominant” in one or the other category.
For fun, consider the lyrics of your favorite relationship song in the
context of Emotional and Physical Sexual personality. You may find an entirely
new perspective or understanding of the song.
Special offer
To thank the community for naming me the Best Hypnotherapist in the Santa
Clarita Valley for 2021, I am offering a 10-percent discount on all single, a
la carte hypnotherapy sessions. The discount is not eligible for the two-hour
introductory session. This offer is valid through September 30, 2021 and may
not be combined with any other promotion or exchanged for cash.
Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist
based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation
Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best
Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, three years in a row (July 2019,
September 2020, July 2021). For more information about Calminsense
Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.
© 2021
