(This blog was originally posted on May 1,
2018)
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| Photo by Rick Hustead |
The cornerstone of Hypnosis Motivation
Institute founder John Kappas,
Ph.D.’s hypnotherapy practice is his concept of Emotional and Physical
Sexuality. In my blog titled, All
About Emotional and Physical Sexuality, Part 1, I described the
characteristics of these personalities and the importance of knowing a client’s
sexual personality as a way to understand, predict and even mold his or her
behavior. I provided more information about each personality—in particular, their
priorities and goals in the context of a romantic (sexual) relationship—in the
follow-up blog titled All
About Emotional and Physical Sexuality, Part 2. In today’s blog I will
present relationship perspectives in three songs (“scenarios”) that may give
you a lyrical insight about how Emotional Sexuals and Physical Sexuals might
behave at the end of a relationship.
·
“Buy
Me a Rose,” by Kenny Rogers. In
this song, Kenny Rogers represents the Emotional Sexual partner in a
relationship. Remember, an Emotional Sexual generally does not feel comfortable
expressing his feelings for a lover or spouse (the same is true for Emotional
Sexual women). Consistent with this personality, he shows the love he feels for
his wife by working hard to provide a good home and lifestyle for her. Since an
Emotional Sexual’s core values are financial security/work; hobbies; friends
and family; and the relationship, in his mind the relationship is going great
because he is providing for her so well. However, since he does not verbalize
his emotions or even show affection by calling her from work to say hello/I
love you, or even bring her flowers from time to time, their marriage is not
really so great.
·
“Wrecking
Ball,” by Miley Cyrus. Sung from the
post-breakup perspective, the lyrics describe a post-mortem of all the extreme
and excessive clinging behaviors with which a Physical Sexual overwhelms and
often alienates an Emotional Sexual lover. For example, when Cyrus describes how she
“came in like a wrecking ball”—full of emotion and demanding attempts to get
closer to her partner—you can almost imagine a hurricane-force ball of energy
hurling at you. Meanwhile, the Emotional Sexual partner keeps pulling away from her until
she is burning with rejection. The heart-breaking line in the bridge of the
song is when she concedes, “Instead of using force/I guess I should have let
you in.” If she had taken a step (or several) back and given him some space—the
metaphoric “Twinkie”—the relationship might not have imploded. (Although this
song is sung by a woman/her perspective, it is also applicable to a Physical
Sexual man in a similar situation.)
·
“Just
Give me a Reason,” by Pink
featuring Nate Ruess. For me, this song represents the dynamics and
communication (or miscommunication) between Physical Sexual and Emotional
Sexual partners as their relationship starts to unravel. The lyrics trace the
trajectory of their early attraction in the romance to a plateau stage in the
relationship, where the passion and urgency of new love has worn off. The
Physical Sexual female notices that her partner is talking in his sleep and no
longer seems as attentive or interested in her compared to what is going on in
his life. Meanwhile, the Emotional Sexual male is confused about her insecurity
about their relationship: “Your head is running wild again/my dear we still
have everythin’.” As the title of this song suggests, the outlook for this
couple seems bright, though, because both partners want to work through their
insecurities and misunderstandings to save the relationship.
Although the three songs I have chosen for this essay seem to emphasize stereotypical male/female roles, it is important to note that Dr. Kappas’s theory of Emotional and Physical Sexuality is not based on male/female behaviors. A man can be a Physical Sexual and a woman can be an Emotional Sexual. For example, in her hit “Ex’s and Oh’s,” singer Elle King is the Emotional Sexual partner whose (Physical Sexual) lovers are pining and cursing her name after she ends the relationship.
This is also a sliding scale, so no one will
be 100 percent Emotional Sexual or 100 percent Physical Sexual. Rather, we each
possess characteristics of both personalities but tend to be more “dominant” in
one or the other category.
For fun, consider the lyrics of your favorite
relationship song in the context of Emotional and Physical Sexual personality.
You may find an entirely new perspective or understanding of the song.
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Sara
R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern
California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation
Institute in
2005. In July 2019 she was voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita,
California. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.
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