(This blog was originally posted on September
25, 2015)
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| Photo courtesy of Microsoft |
Little
kids are like sponges. They literally absorb every piece of information around
them. Good or bad, if a child sees or hears something he or she is likely to
imitate or repeat the behavior at the first opportunity. Like their adult
counterparts, they have come into the world not knowing anything except the
reactions to a fear of falling and of loud noises. Over time, they will learn countless
behaviors and beliefs by association and repetition of those same behaviors and
beliefs they have observed in people around them. As children, we learn
attitudes and behaviors from our primary caretaker (usually mom) that are
likely to stay with us throughout our lifetime. This is Theory of Mind.
A
couple of things in the media have recently really caught my attention because
they are real-life examples of Hypnosis
Motivation Institute founder John
Kappas, Ph.D.’s model. In the first, a television advertisement depicts a
man and his young son hanging out together for the day. The little boy imitates
everything his dad does from the way the adult crosses his legs to how he
brushes his teeth. At one point, the father looks over at his son sitting
beside him on the sofa eating potato chips right out of the bag just like he is.
It is as if a light-bulb goes on in the father’s head: he suddenly gets up,
turns off the TV and goes into the kitchen with his son to prepare a cooked
meal.
In
the second example, last year a radio talk-show host discussed a news story in
which a popular young television actress has reportedly filed a restraining
order against her alleged abusive boyfriend. Apparently, the young man had been
physically and verbally abusive toward her throughout their relationship.
During the course of his report, the host issued his own impromptu, loving
“warning” to his daughter and her boyfriend. He told them that as the teenage
girl’s dad, would not tolerate anyone mistreating his daughter in any way for
one day, let alone four years. He ended the segment by observing that both
loving/considerate and abusive/inconsiderate behaviors are learned. Of course, if
his daughter’s boyfriend really ever did mistreat her, it might not be
productive to contact the boyfriend’s dad to “break up with” the other boy.
After all, he mused, when and where/from whom was the kid must likely to have
learned that abusive behavior was okay?
I can’t remember
what—if any—product was being marketed in the advertisement I described at the
beginning of this blog. That didn’t matter to me, because the ultimate message viewers
would receive is that parents or guardians must provide a healthy, loving role
model for the children around them. When kids see the adults in their lives
eating healthy foods, exercising or playing sports, and communicating with them
and each other, they are more likely to imitate these positive behaviors. When
a parent quits smoking cigarettes and cuts out unhealthy snacks in his or her
own life, this is also a positive example. It shows the child that he or she
“walks the walk” of the healthy lifestyle behavior that the parent is
encouraging for the rest of the family. Similarly, children can (and do) just
as easily pick up negative behaviors when the adult makes unhealthy lifestyle
choices or is emotionally and/or physically abusive to other people in the
environment. Regardless of which behavior is consciously or subconsciously (and
perhaps unintentionally) taught or encouraged in the home, every time the child
repeats this belief or action it becomes more firmly entrenched in his or her
own subconscious life script.
As the grown-ups
in our kids’ lives, it is up to us to be an example of the adults we would like
them to become.
Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in
Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in
2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy®
and to set up an appointment, please
visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.
© 2015
