(This blog was originally posted on March 10, 2014)
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| Photo courtesy of Microsoft/Bing |
Recently,
I treated a very dear friend to lunch to celebrate his birthday. We have known
each other for a very long time. We consider each other to be honorary members
of each other’s family. We can go months or even years without seeing each
other, but when we meet we pick up the relationship right where we left off. During
the course of our conversation, I kept thinking about how very lucky I am to
have such a special friend in my life. I was delighted to learn some details
about his life that I had never known before; the information was interesting
and funny, but the best part was that he shared it with me. And then I started
to wonder: I have known this person for so long and have only just heard this
incident, which happened long before we ever met. How well do I really know
about the people I really care about? How well do they know me?
I
described key characteristics of romantic relationships in my blog titled, “7
Keys to a Successful, Long-Term Relationship.” Friendship also requires
some tender, loving care to maintain and grow over the years.
Unlike
familial relationships, your friends are “friends” because they want to be with
you, not just because you share a gene code. They like you; they like to hang
out with you. Friends trust each other to keep each other’s confidences and to
offer emotional, physical and even practical support if necessary. Friends feel
comfortable telling each other how they feel or what they think about something,
and they do it in an honest, compassionate way that will not (intentionally)
hurt the other person. Friends respect what the other person says or how that
individual feels, even if they don’t share that sentiment. Friends share common
interests, but they also pursue hobbies and activities that the other person
may not care about. Friends ask each other, “How do you feel? What are you
doing? What have you been up to? What do you want to do, today?
Friends
listen without judgment or interruption to what each other says. Friends appreciate
this opportunity to get to know each other better and to experience their
world, through their eyes. The next time you are with your friend, take a few
minutes to get to know him or her better. Spend more time listening to what
that person is saying than you do
talking. Turn off or put away your cell phone so you can devote your complete
attention to the person you are with. Nod, smile, ask questions or rephrase a
statement to demonstrate that you are involved in this interaction. You will
find, as I did, that the more you listen and observe what is going on with
someone you care about, the more you will learn about that person and the
richer that relationship becomes.
Happy
birthday, my friend.
Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in
Southern California. She graduated with honors from the
Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about
Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.
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