“Winning
is habit. Unfortunately, so is losing.” – Vince Lombardi
Winning. Losing. Some people do a lot of one; others do a lot of the
other. No matter what you do, the more you practice (repeat) a behavior, the
more likely it is to become a habit. And as many of us know, it can be very
difficult to change an unwanted behavior because, well, change is hard.
As I explained in a previous
blog titled Traditions:
It’s All in the Family, the subconscious part of the mind likes and wants
to do what is familiar (known), because this sense of familiarity represents
“safety” and comfort. Hypnosis Motivation
Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D.
proposed that human behavior is based on the subconscious
mental scripts that we create during early childhood. During this time the
subconscious mind is accumulating and storing various message units that will
ultimately comprise the subconscious life script. We will
behave and even think in ways that are consistent with it even when the script
does not facilitate achievement of our personal goals. Each message is ultimately categorized as a
positive (pleasure) or negative (pain) experience, and anything that the
subconscious mind does not recognize falls under the category of “pain.” Even
if the conscious mind questions the behavior, its
logic/reasoning/will-power/decision-making faculties will be no match for the
unspoken acceptance of that action, in the subconscious mind.
Fortunately, it is possible to
change or get rid of an unwanted habit. This change starts in the conscious
mind, where logic, reasoning, decision-making and reasoning faculties hold
court. This is the area of the mind where we notice that this particular
behavior isn’t working and is even making life more challenging for us. Noticing
and deciding that you want to make this change is the first positive step to
making it happen. However, the real change
happens in the subconscious mind. This is the area of the mind where the
subconscious mental script was originally written and continues to be
carefully, lovingly nurtured to keep us comfortable. Or so we think.
Because each of us is most suggestible to ourselves, when we feel
discouraged or sad or unhappy or are even hungry, we may be more likely to not
only hear but also listen to those negative messages. The more down on
ourselves we become, the more we subconsciously behave in ways that reinforce the
feedback we give ourselves. For example, consider the individuals who are
running for President right now. Pay attention to the language they are using
in their campaign: “If I become
President” versus “When I become
President.” Have you noticed a trend whereby the individuals who say when seem to be doing better in the
polls and in recent elections? Of course there are other issues at stake and to
consider, but it is striking how many more candidates who seem less confident
about being electable are not doing so well or have suspended their
campaigns.
For example, a John Grisham novel
called Gray Mountain features
a protagonist who recently been furloughed from a well-paying, high-status job
as a lawyer. It is 2008, right before the recession. As a condition of her
unemployment, she can keep her health-care benefits and a chance to get her job
back if she does the volunteer work at one of the small law firms her P.R. department
has recommended. After she receives nine
rejections in one day while applying for pro bono (unpaid) work, she decides (conscious
decision) that she does not want to get a tenth one, so she makes a conscious
effort to change her negative attitude about her situation. Yes, the
prospective firm is tiny by comparison, located in a tiny town and she will
have to practice the kind of law she hasn’t done since she was in law school. She
tries to be more optimistic and enthusiastic about the opportunity to practice real
law for “real” clients, as time passes she discovers that she really enjoys and
values the work she is doing at this tiny law firm, compared to the corporate
law that she has become used to. She is finally doing the work that she (her
subconscious mind and subconscious mental script) believes is truly worthwhile
and meaningful for clients who really need her. The more she believes her work
is valuable and valued, the harder she works to do the right thing for her
clients. And the harder she works for her clients, the more they appreciate her
and what she is doing for them. (Well, most of them. This is a thriller, after
all.) The important thing to remember in this instance is that the protagonist’s
subconscious mental script identifies with those ideals she originally held
when she decided to become a lawyer. The idea and ideal of actually helping
people resonates with what she must do to fulfill the conditions of her
furlough.
At the end of the day, each one of us behaves in way(s) that fulfill our
subconscious goals. Whenever we make a conscious decision to change a behavior,
the success of that decision is largely dependent upon our subconscious mind facilitating
that change. Remember: the conscious messages you pay attention to the most
that reinforce which subconscious messages and which mental script most
resonates with you. The more you listen to and believe the negative messages,
the more you reinforce those negative beliefs. Conversely, the more attention
you pay to and believe the positive messages, the more you reinforce those
beliefs. Ultimately, the subconscious mental script and the extent to which your
subconscious mind accepts these goals determine whether your desired behavior change
can and will occur.
If you want to achieve a desired goal, pay attention to what messages you’re
listening to!
Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist
based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation
Institute in 2005. For more
information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an
appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.
© 2016
