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| Photo courtesy of Microsoft Sometimes the only choice we have is how and whether to react to a situation. |
It may not feel this way all the time,
but we always have a choice to make. Should
I go or stay? Should I wear this outfit or that one? Should I paint the walls
blue or white? Should I believe what you are telling me or not? And so on.
But even when there is not an obvious difference in your material options, you
can always choose your how you behave or react to a situation.
I understand how very difficult it
can be to remain calm and dispassionate when something happens that interrupts
your plans for the day, week or month. Aside from the practical inconveniences
that you now must deal with, you likely have to manage your emotional
disappointment, frustration and even anger. Other than the temporary release
that swearing a blue streak, punching a hole in the wall or getting into a
physical altercation with the person who “ruined” your day may provide, these actions
are seldom productive. However, a different perspective on this new situation
may help.
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Remember: Not
every aspect of our lives is in our control. Sometimes things just happen, and
the people who rise above those little (and big) challenges in their lives are the
ones who can flow with, adapt to and even rise above them.
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Patience is the
gift that keeps on giving. In her book The
Power of Patience, M.J. Ryan explores the various way that being patient
with yourself and the people in your life can literally open up new
opportunities (www.maryjaneryan.com).
However, she warns, the key to capitalizing on this success is in knowing when
and for how long you should be patient (wait) versus reach for the great
opportunity that seems to be calling your name. Like the children’s story about
the tortoise and the hare, sometimes focus/quiet consideration, diligence and persistence
to achieve your goal are more effective strategies to attain it than charging
directly into the fray to stake your claim.
·
Be generous and
understanding/compassionate toward others even when you are inconvenienced. Similar
to patience, every now and then we must all step aside or even take a step
backward and give another person the benefit of the doubt when events in his or
her life take precedence over your own. I liken this situation to the sign
posted in each examining room at a local veterinary practice. The sign informs clients
that the doctors must sometimes devote extra time to a very sick patient (the
animal), and they ask for the humans’ understanding and forgiveness if a vet
can’t see their pet at the scheduled time. I couldn't begrudge them that; could you?
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Correct your “thinking
errors” with cognitive-behavioral therapy
techniques. A “thinking error” refers to making broad cognitive (thinking)
distortions or misinterpretations of an event or situation. An example of a
thinking error would be your certainty that the world is conspiring against you
because this freeway closure will make you late for work again, you’ve lost
your house key and misplaced your cell phone twice this week. CBT facilitates a
more balanced and accurate interpretation of those events and their likely
cause(s), as well as help you to develop strategies to resolve conflicts that may
develop from them.
Next time you are faced with a practical
choice to make or are deprived of one altogether, remember that your emotional
response is probably the most important decision you will make in that
situation (albeit initially less obvious). Practice diaphragmatic breathing to
clear your mind and help you to focus on these choices, your interpretation of
what is going on in this situation and the possible implications of this belief(s).
In addition to helping you relax, this technique will give yourself more time
to consider all of your options and opportunities before you commit to a
thought, verbal or physical action that you may not mean and cannot take back.
Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a
certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with
honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more
information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy®
and to set up an appointment, please
visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.
