Survival Skills

 As an undergraduate student studying psychology, I learned about the human instinct to prevail and survive. It made sense to me that animals would be attracted to sweet flavors, which usually indicate that the food would be a source of nutrition such as mother’s milk or sweet grass. Similarly, they learned to associate bitter or sour flavors with physical discomfort and danger/death, and would not ingest those substances. After being bitten or stung by another predator or venomous creature, the animal would learn and remember to stay away from whatever hurt or made it sick (provided it survived the encounter in the first place). The species would thrive or perish depending on how well its members taught these survival skills to their offspring and how well their young learned these lessons.

                When I was training to earn my certification in hypnotherapy, I got a better insight into why this theory didn’t always apply to humans. Don’t get me wrong: basically, people want and strive to survive and thrive, whenever and wherever we can. However, we also have an uncanny ability (habit) to undermine or sabotage our well-being. Sometimes, we even metaphorically watch this train wreck while it is happening, knowing what is going wrong but unable or unwilling to change the deleterious behavior that is causing the disaster. For example, we want to be “right” when we have an argument even at the expense of being happy or comfortable. We are willing to risk emotional pain or even physical injury to prove that point to others and ourselves.

                If you succumb to a nasty case of food poisoning at a picnic because you ate a tuna-salad sandwich that has been sitting in the summer sun all afternoon, you will anchor that experience in your subconscious mind. For better or for worse, you may never eat a tuna-salad sandwich again because even the briefest memory of how sick the spoiled mayonnaise made you feel. However, if you turn the situation around to look at the lesson you learned from this experience, you would also know that you should (and always will) avoid eating these sandwiches after they have been sitting out in the hot sun. And yet, people are often willing to jeopardize their physical and emotional well-being and sacrifice their self-interest in so many other ways.

John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind explains why people may continue to practice self-destructive behaviors even when they consciously do not want to repeat those patterns. According to the Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder, when the subconscious mind accepts a particular situation or behavior as familiar and known, this mental script becomes a behavioral default. It doesn’t matter that your doctor has warned that you are likely to succumb to a lung disease if you don’t quit smoking cigarettes right now (not to mention the physical discomfort you have from symptoms of the disease). You have been smoking since you were 13 years old and your SCM recognizes this behavior as familiar, relaxing and comforting (if not comfortable.) It doesn’t matter that you were raised to respect other people and their opinions even when they differed from your own. You were also told from a very young age that you must fight for and defend what you wanted and believed, and never give up your advantage. It is no surprise to you or anyone in your social circle that you will have no qualms about fighting with words or fists—whatever it takes—to prove your point. It doesn’t matter that the logic, reasoning, will-power and decision-making faculties in your conscious mind are screaming at you to finally, once and for all, leave your physically abusive spouse. Once the mental script in your SCM kicks in to remind you how secure and even safe you feel in that relationship, it will likely override your intention to seek sanctuary at a shelter and the abusive cycle will begin again.

What does it take to convince ourselves that we can feel comfortable and relaxed in a relatively stress-free environment? Why isn’t it enough for us to be content with what we have (emotional and physical health, amenities to survive) and be willing to learn the important lessons from consequences of behaviors that didn’t work out so well for us? Chances are that the answer is a new mental script.

 

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.