(This blog was
originally posted on August 4, 2016)
 |
| Photo by Rick Hustead |
“The difficulty lies not
so much in developing new ideas
as in escaping from old
ones.” – J. M. Keynes
Many years ago, an aerobics teacher commented to my class that the
discomfort of childbirth is the only kind of natural, “healthy” pain we should
experience. Every other kind or source indicates that something is very wrong in the body and should
receive immediate attention. This warning is also true of emotional pain—or, it
certainly should be—but it is so
often disregarded or even intentionally ignored to return to the source or
cause of that pain. Why?
When I explain “Theory of Mind,” I often use the example of how
individuals frequently return to an abusive romantic partner to explain how
even a painful experience can be associated with the familiarity of what is
known. From very early childhood we are taught to associate physical pain and
discomfort as negative, bad,
something to be avoided or fixed right away. Conversely, in an effort to avoid conflict or even a physical
altercation we repeat the mantra, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but
words can never hurt me.” We are encouraged to ignore the verbal slights and
barbs and do whatever is necessary to maintain peace in the environment. (This
model also applies in a physically abusive relationship.) We learn to look the
other way or look for the good, positive attributes once attracted us to him or
her and enter the relationship. Over time, every time we repeat this behavior
and return to the source of the pain, we are actually reinforcing the
subconscious known which provides that temporary comfort of familiarity in the
relationship.
As Hypnosis Motivation Institute
founder John Kappas, Ph.D.
explained, we are all subconsciously
motivated to maintain and/or restore a known
physical and emotional status of comfort and security. Since
the subconscious mind is motivated and even programmed to seek this comfort, we naturally,
repeatedly gravitate toward the source of that comfortable, secure state until
something or someone is available to replace that familiar stimulus. In some
respects this response can be likened to addictive behaviors: Every positive
gesture or response the person receives is an emotional reward that literally
lights up the pleasure areas of the brain. However, when the response is
negative—hurtful or even abusive—the subconscious association of familiarity in
this situation knowing that it will likely turn around again is equally if not
more powerful. No matter how frustrating and even humiliating the “pain” of
that rejection is, the lingering hope that the situation will turn around and
the negative behavior will actually change keeps us toughing out the temporary
pain, luring us back.
Fortunately,
hypnotherapy and guided imagery can help you change this behavior pattern by
replacing and rewriting the subconscious
mental script that has been keeping you in this pattern for so long. A
hypnotherapeutic process called de-loving is also extremely effective to help
dissolve the subconscious associations to the feelings and emotions that you
carry for the other person and/or relationship. Instead of erasing any memories
of the other person or situation, however, de-loving helps you return to a
neutral and even indifferent attitude that enables you to focus on yourself,
personal goals and other (more) important areas of your life.
For
more information about this topic and to set up an appointment with me, call or
send a text to (661) 433-9430 or send an e-mail to me at calminsensehypnosis@yahoo.com.
Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified
hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors
from the Hypnosis Motivation
Institute in 2005. For more
information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an
appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.
© 2017
