(This blog was
originally posted on August 17, 2016)
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| Photo by Rick Hustead |
In my blog titled Family
Systems Issues, I explained various behavior patterns that facilitate the
continued function of dysfunctional family system. Keep in mind that children
are born helpless; they will literally die if a parent or guardian is not
around and available to take care of them. Consequently, a child will do
whatever it takes to survive. To do so, he or she (subconsciously) adopts
behaviors that attract nurturing attention—even to the detriment of the
youngster’s mental and psychological well-being. Today I will describe
characteristics of the specific roles family members occupy in a dysfunctional
family system.
The Hero: Someone in this role is a “parentified child” and
usually the oldest sibling. The individual can become a workaholic and retreat
into an ability to achieve or over-achieve. It seems like this person can never
do enough or achieve enough and is usually a good student with a high need for
approval. However, the person often experiences deep feelings of inadequacy,
denial and fear. Heroes usually marry a dependent partner whom they can control
and manipulate. Sometimes the person’s high need for approval can inspire the
individual to take on tasks or perform jobs that inspire an employer to also
depend on him or her.
The Lost Child: This person is never the trouble-maker; instead,
he or she is “invisible” in the family. The individual survives by not being
obvious in the family; the child avoids trouble, may be withdrawn and is often
an emotional
sexual personality. If the person is an only child, he or she may be a
“parentified child” and the parent’s best friend. The Lost Child has trouble
making friends and comes across as being very adult.
Mascot: The person in this role is characterized as a
“chameleon,” willing to turn into anything or anyone the family wants and needs
at that time. The individual thrives on attention and love. He or she can keep
other members’ secrets and is dependent on others. He or she is likely to marry
a “hero” in the partner’s family system.
The Scapegoat: This is the “problem child,” whose acting out
manifests the stress/anxiety/unhappiness of the family. The individual
typically has problems with authority and defiance behaviors are manifestations
of underlying anxiety. When the roles of artist, scholar or bad child are
already occupied in the family, this person occupies this other niche with very
little self-esteem.
Any time there are behavioral issues with an individual in a family, the
entire family is the client. In this case, the hypnotherapist should agree to
work with the person only if the entire family also receives therapy from a
licensed mental-health professional (Business and Professions Code 2908).
Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified
hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors
from the Hypnosis Motivation
Institute in 2005. For more
information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an
appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.
© 2017
