Communication
is an art. I am not talking just about expressing a thought or a feeling in
words (or dance, music, art, etc.) but also how and whether we take the time to
really experience what is being communicated to us. Often, we are so
preoccupied with our own thoughts about what we are seeing or listening to, we
neglect to notice and process what is going on emotionally, physically and
spiritually with the other person. We express ourselves to share how we feel or
what we think about something; so what can we do to ensure that the other
person truly “gets” what we have just communicated?
Hypnotherapist
Dr. Alex G. Kappas, Ph.D., used to say: “I know you believe you think you understand
what I have just said; but I am not sure
that what you heard is not what I meant.” In other words, we tend to “hear” a
specific message based on our previous experience and expectations about what we
think the other person is (or should be) saying as it fits our (not their)
mental script. Then, we get preoccupied thinking about what we should or want
to say in response and likely miss the rest of the message. Most of us do this subconsciously
from time to time. So, how do we become an active listener?
The
answer is simply to listen. Be consciously present in the conversation. Pay attention
to each word and each sentence as the other person is speaking. Do you
understand what he or she is trying to say? Ask a question, rephrase the
statement to check that you are getting the information your companion is trying
to share with you. Imagine, visualize, picture or pretend that the only people
in the room (or world) at that moment are you and the person you are talking
to; actively “tune out” any distractions in your environment, or use those
distractions to deepen your level of focus and concentration on the
conversation you are in. Turn off/ignore your phone. Do not interrupt your
companion while he or she is speaking but wait for a natural ebb or pause in
the conversation for your turn to speak.
Sometimes
the most important part of talking is actually listening.
Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in
Southern California. She graduated with honors from the
Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about
Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.
© 2014
