“Worry is like going around in circles
with one foot nailed to the floor.”
– Women
Who Do Too Much Day Calendar (February 11, 2015)
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| Photo by Rick Hustead |
Worrying can seem like a very useful activity because
it always gives us something to do. It is a way to stay (or just look) busy
when our time is not otherwise occupied doing something else, like completing
that task we keep putting off. As a writer of the philosophy for the January 1,
2015 page in the Women Who Do Too Much,
page-a-day calendar wrote, “[Worry] is a great way to occupy and fill up our
time.”
Indeed,
worrying is a great way to avoid actually facing a possible negative outcome to
a project we started. For example, if we keep so busy fretting about how to
actually accomplish “x” that we inadvertently somehow manage to miss our
deadline or opportunity at least we won’t have to face the embarrassment of a
possible failure. Right? Wrong.
Similarly,
when we worry that a prospective romantic partner may not reciprocate our
interest or feelings in a relationship we want to pursue, we often pile on so
many negative thoughts about our self-worth to “prepare” ourselves for possible
rejection. Instead of cushioning what we believe is an inevitable emotional
blow such negative “chatter” more likely sets us up for disappointment. For one
thing, we are more attractive to other people when we exude self-confidence
and, yes, self-love: It’s as if we are sending out a beacon that says, “Of course I am
loveable/desirable/interesting.” If nothing else, worrying that the other
person might reject our romantic overtures can ultimately undermine the
opportunity for creating a strong emotional connection with that person because
fear has prevented us from making that initial contact.
While
I was completing my hypnotherapy certification at the Hypnosis Motivation Institute, one of my
favorite instructors, the late Marc Gravelle often warned us about the perils
of “toxic worry.” Basically, toxic worry is the trap (never-ending circle) of
wondering “What if X happens…?” and then even worrying about being worried about that dilemma. And still,
nothing gets solved or resolved except increased anxiety and distress. This
training and my experiences as a hypnotherapist have taught me to re-adjust my
attitude and expectations about situations that previously would have sucked me
into that whirlpool of toxic worry. These days I can quickly activate the
reasoning, logic, will-power and decision-making faculties in my conscious mind
to determine whether I can do something productive to change or improve a
challenging situation—and then take that positive action. If there isn’t an
opportunity to make this kind of positive change, then I can choose to not worry about it and move on
to something (or someone) that will offer an opportunity for positive
self-growth that I desire.
For
more information about toxic worry, check out my blogs titled Toxic
Worry and Hypnotherapy
and a Different Perspective.
Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern
California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in
2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy®
and to set up an appointment, please
visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.
© 2018
