(This blog was
originally posted on August 29, 2016)
 |
| Photo by Sara Fogan |
According to Erik
Erickson’s Stages
of Development model, passive-aggressive behavior begins when a child is
between three to six years old (Loco-Motor stage), when he or she is just
starting to become independent. The youngster also learns about guilt and
initiative at this time. Erickson observed that if a child is punished or
discouraged from expressing initiative, he or she would try to sabotage the
parents. For example, the individual might wet or soil the pants instead of
going to the bathroom despite having been toilet trained. This kind of passive-aggressive
behavior carries over into adulthood as a way to subtly hurt or frustrate
someone as if to teach a lesson to the other person. However, it is ultimately
the person who behaves in this passive-aggression way who suffers the most.
John Kappas, Ph.D., considered
passive-aggressive behavior part of a “losing syndrome” in which the person
subconsciously always expects to fail because he or she was never allowed or
encouraged to succeed at a task, or was even punished for being assertive. An
example of passive-aggressive behavior in adulthood is an employee saying or
doing something at work that contradicts the workplace environment/culture that
jeopardizes the individual’s chances of promotion or even gets the person
fired.
In the above example, Dr. Kappas worked with a man who sought
hypnotherapy to increase his motivation about his job and stop procrastinating.
The client conceded that he had had 20 jobs over the years; despite feeling
optimistic and believing he would succeed at the beginning of each employment,
it ultimately wouldn’t work out. When asked why the jobs didn’t work, the
client blamed his co-workers when something went wrong; or, he became bored
very quickly if he didn’t feel challenged if the job didn’t pay well.
To help the client work through these issues, the hypnotherapist identified
and pointed out common denominators between the unwanted behavior (procrastination
and low motivation) and the man’s passive-aggressive tendencies. Examples included
tardiness to work, tendency to daydream, avoidance of responsibility and
failing to show up at meetings or appointments. Next, Dr. Kappas recommended
specific dietary
changes to stabilize the client’s blood-sugar level and reduce anxiety and
frustration, and gave him positive suggestions for future personal growth and
appreciation of his abilities. Finally, Dr. Kappas introduced him to the Mental
Bank Concept to increase the client’s motivation and sense of self-worth.
“Passive aggressiveness gets worse as the person gets older,” warned the
Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder,
which is why it is so important to obviate these behaviors sooner than later to
ensure continued growth and opportunities for self-improvement.
Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified
hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors
from the Hypnosis Motivation
Institute in 2005. For more
information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an
appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.
© 2017
