(This
blog was originally posted on October 19, 2016)
 |
| Photo by Rick Hustead |
When we get in
a bad mood, for whatever reason, it is “okay” to trudge around the house or
office scowling, grumbling or whatever because, well, it just is, right? Something
happened earlier in the day or afternoon that set us off; it’s got nothing to
do with you, so stop taking
everything so personally! We think or say: Everything
will be fine in a little while or tomorrow or next week…. You shouldn’t be so
sensitive!
Of course, when
the bad mood or unnecessary gruffness isn’t our own, it can be very difficult
if not impossible to extend the same amount of patience, tolerance or even
indifference to another person. More often than not, the subconscious mind goes
right to: What did I do? Don’t snap at
me! Just chill out, won’t you! It truly is like there are different rules
for different players in the same game.
Any time we
find ourselves internalizing another person’s bad mood or caustic comment as a
personal affront, this is a good time to do a reality check about the
situation. Ask yourself whether you actually or accidentally did or said
something that might have caused offense. If the answer to this question is
“no,” consider the likelihood that the other person is not intentionally, specifically striking out at you. Low self-esteem
is often correlated with negative
self-talk (“chatter”), whereby it is easy to wear a mantle of guilt about
or misplaced sense of responsibility for causing any other negativity in the
environment. Imagine going into that part of your subconscious mind or even
body where your self-esteem resides and turn the dial up until you no longer
notice or perceive the conflict around you. How does that feel in your mind and
body? What it does it look like to be (more) indifferent to the other person’s bad
mood or problem?
Also remember
that being hungry (low
blood-sugar level) can affect how we perceive and react to our environment.
In this case, a colleague’s sarcastic comment or ribald joke that normally
would not irritate you could easily trigger a chain reaction of hurt feelings,
hostility and a barrage of snide remarks in response. On the other hand, you
might even laugh at that same comment if you hear it after you eat lunch that
contains some form of protein (meat or plant-based).
Whenever
possible, practice an attitude of empathy and imagine that possibility that
your colleague/boss/relative/friend is having a really hard time at the moment
for reasons you may not or even need to know. Consider what, if any, gesture of
empathy would ease your emotional burden in a similar situation. Depending upon
your relationship with the person, it may be appropriate to ask if everything
is okay and offer to help resolve or just talk through whatever is causing the
problem. Maybe the best course of action might be to remain silent and let the
person work through whatever is going on, alone, until/unless you are asked or
invited to help. (Of course, if the individual’s problem or attitude is
endangering your or another person’s safety/well-being, take steps to protect
yourself and get out of that situation.)
Keep in mind
that most of the time, someone else’s bad mood really isn’t about you. However,
the sentiment, “Don’t judge another person until you have walked a mile in his
shoes” and an open, empathetic and compassionate attitude toward the other
person helps to get through these situations.
Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in
Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation
Institute in 2005. For more
information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an
appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.
© 2017
