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| Photo by Rick Hustead |
In my previous
blog titled Family
Systems Issues, I explained various behavior patterns that facilitate the
continued function of dysfunctional family system. Keep in mind that children
are born helpless; they will literally die if a parent or guardian is not
around and available to take care of them. Consequently, a child will do
whatever it takes to survive. To do so, he or she (subconsciously) adopts
behaviors that attract nurturing attention—even to the detriment of the
youngster’s mental and psychological well-being. Today I will describe
characteristics of the specific roles family members occupy in a dysfunctional
family system.
- The Hero: Someone in this role is a “parentified child” and usually the oldest sibling. The individual can become a workaholic and retreat into an ability to achieve or over-achieve. It seems like this person can never do enough or achieve enough and is usually a good student with a high need for approval. However, the person often experiences deep feelings of inadequacy, denial and fear. Heroes usually marry a dependent partner whom they can control and manipulate. Sometimes the person’s high need for approval can inspire the individual to take on tasks or perform jobs that inspire an employer to also depend on him or her.
- The Lost Child: This person is never the trouble-maker; instead, he or she is “invisible” in the family. The individual survives by not being obvious in the family; the child avoids trouble, may be withdrawn and is often an emotional sexual personality. If the person is an only child, he or she may be a “parentified child” and the parent’s best friend. The Lost Child has trouble making friends and comes across as being very adult.
- Mascot: The person in this role is characterized as a “chameleon,” willing to turn into anything or anyone the family wants and needs at that time. The individual thrives on attention and love. He or she can keep other members’ secrets and is dependent on others. He or she is likely to marry a “hero” in the partner’s family system.
- The Scapegoat: This is the “problem child,” whose acting out manifests the stress/anxiety/unhappiness of the family. The individual typically has problems with authority and defiance behaviors are manifestations of underlying anxiety. When the roles of artist, scholar or bad child are already occupied in the family, this person occupies this other niche with very little self-esteem.
When there are behavioral issues with an individual in a family, the
entire family is the client. In this case, the hypnotherapist should agree to
work with the person only if the entire family also receives therapy from a
licensed mental-health professional (Business and Professions Code 2908).
Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified
hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors
from the Hypnosis Motivation
Institute in 2005. For more
information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an
appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.
© 2016
