(This blog was originally posted on September 25, 2015)
“Don’t worry that children never listen
to you, worry that they
are always watching you.” – Robert Fulghum
 |
| Image courtesy of Microsoft |
Little kids are
like sponges. They literally absorb every piece of information around them.
Good or bad, if a child sees or hears something he or she is likely to imitate
or repeat the behavior at the first opportunity. Like their adult counterparts,
they have come into the world not knowing anything except the reactions to a
fear of falling and of loud noises. Over time, they will learn countless behaviors
and beliefs by association and repetition of those same behaviors and beliefs
they have observed in people around them. As children, we learn attitudes and
behaviors from our primary caretaker (usually mom) that are likely to stay with
us throughout our lifetime. This is Theory of Mind.
A couple of things in the media have recently
really caught my attention because they are real-life examples of Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D.’s model. In the first,
a television advertisement depicts a man and his young son hanging out together
for the day. The little boy imitates everything his dad does from the way the
adult crosses his legs to how he brushes his teeth. At one point, the father
looks over at his son sitting beside him on the sofa eating potato chips right
out of the bag just like he is. It is as if a light-bulb goes on in the father’s
head: he suddenly gets up, turns off the TV and goes into the kitchen with his
son to prepare a cooked meal.
In the second example, last year a radio
talk-show host discussed a news story in which a popular young television
actress has reportedly filed a restraining order against her alleged abusive
boyfriend. Apparently, the young man had been physically and verbally abusive
toward her throughout their relationship. During the course of his report, the
host issued his own impromptu, loving “warning” to his daughter and her
boyfriend. He told them that as the teenage girl’s dad, would not tolerate
anyone mistreating his daughter in any way for one day, let alone four years.
He ended the segment by observing that both loving/considerate and
abusive/inconsiderate behaviors are learned. Of course, if his daughter’s
boyfriend really ever did mistreat her, it might not be productive to contact
the boyfriend’s dad to “break up with” the other boy. After all, he mused, when
and where/from whom was the kid must likely to have learned that abusive
behavior was okay?
I can’t
remember what—if any—product was being marketed in the advertisement I
described at the beginning of this blog. That didn’t matter to me, because the
ultimate message viewers would receive is that parents or guardians must provide
a healthy, loving role model for the children around them. When kids see the
adults in their lives eating healthy foods, exercising or playing sports, and communicating
with them and each other, they are more likely to imitate these positive
behaviors. When a parent quits smoking cigarettes and cuts out unhealthy snacks
in his or her own life, this is also a positive example. It shows the child
that he or she “walks the walk” of the healthy lifestyle behavior that the
parent is encouraging for the rest of the family. Similarly, children can (and
do) just as easily pick up negative behaviors when the adult makes unhealthy
lifestyle choices or is emotionally and/or physically abusive to other people
in the environment. Regardless of which behavior is consciously or
subconsciously (and perhaps unintentionally) taught or encouraged in the home,
every time the child repeats this belief or action it becomes more firmly
entrenched in his or her own subconscious life script.
As the
grown-ups in our kids’ lives, it is up to us to be an example of the adults we
would like them to become.
Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in
Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation
Institute in 2005. For more
information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an
appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.
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