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| Photo courtesy of Sara Fogan |
Someone
I knew in college once told me, “Every relationship has a shelf life.” As I look
back on the past twenty or thirty years of my life, I am starting to appreciate
what she meant. Over time, it is natural to grow out of the hobbies and habits
that used to preoccupy us. (Do you remember Atari video games?) The crushes on pop
stars and television or movie stars that once fascinated us when we were teenagers
are replaced by one true love that meant the world to us—and even that
relationship eventually runs its course. But life goes on, and we continue pursue
some old and new interests; we create strong new social bonds. It is often sad
to acknowledge that no matter how hard we try to fight this process and hang on
to that part of ourselves we have started to outgrow, this fight can rarely be “won.”
On the other hand, when we accept that such growth and change in ourselves and
others is a natural part of living, it is
possible to enjoy a very long-lived (and evolved) friendship.
In my February
14, 2014 blog titled “Keys to a Successful Long-Term Relationship,” I described
seven components that characterize a successful romantic partnership. Most of
these factors are also present in a long-term, successful platonic friendship:
like each other, trust each other, respect each other, mutual interests,
separate interests, good communication. This is certainly true of my friendship
with two women I have known since I was eight years old.
We rarely have
a chance to spend time all together anymore since one of my friends, Jennifer, is
living her dream in New York City. Joy, her sister, is newly married and lives
in Northern California. But despite the distances between us, we continue to share
secrets and confidences over the phone or in letters, cards or e-mails. We can still
laugh at or cry about the same shared memory. We provide emotional support to help each other overcome a fear or reassurance if one of us feels nervous or anxious. One of my friends persuaded me to
read the Harry Potter books—the U.S. version, even though I once vowed I would
only read them in the original U.K. format. She also introduced me to sushi and
music by one of her favorite bands; I have become a Bon Jovi fan, too. Her
sister and I remain loyal fans of a long-running afternoon soap opera and Dallas (original and new series). I entertain
them by reminding my friends of that day, many years ago, when “X” event
happened, and I even remember what day of the week it was.
Of course,
there are differences between us, too. There are probably more differences than
similarities these days, since we lead such different lives now. We each have friends
that the others have never met, hobbies that don’t interest each other, jobs
that we can’t imagine doing—or know how to start to do in the first place. Ten
or fifteen years ago, these disparities and the idea of growing up and away
from them definitely alarmed me. But I have learned that even though many things
have changed in each of our lives and time continues to fly by, everything is
okay. I really, truly like, trust and respect the good communication, mutual interests
and separate interests that cement our friendship.
And I love them.
Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a
certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with
honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more
information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy®, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.
© 2014
