(This blog was originally posted on September 13, 2016)
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| Photo by Rick Hustead |
Have you ever
had problems sleeping after ending a romantic relationship? If so, you are not
alone. According to Hypnosis Motivation
Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D.,
continuing to hold onto the former partner and unresolved grief
about the ended relationship is often the cause of this problem.
Sleeping
problems can take the form of interrupted sleep or insomnia.
The hypnotherapist deduced that denial of the emotional and even physical pain
an individual can experience at the end of a relationship produces this sleep
pattern. Indeed, this behavior may be a subconscious defense mechanism to
interrupt a dream that would confirm the relationship is really over. “Denial
covers up depression, and you’re really covering up depressive
sleep,” Dr. Kappas explained.
Sometimes, it
is only until some time has passed after a relationship has ended that a person
truly realizes that it is over, the hypnotherapist explained. Continuing to
“hang onto” an emotional attachment to the former partner inhibits or even
prevents going through the grief and depression stages of loss that would
facilitate letting go of the relationship. In this situation, the person is
likely to get stuck in the denial stage of this process.
“As long as
you’re in the denial stage, it’s next to impossible to replace [the lost
relationship]. You have to go through the stages of loss in order to go forward
and start developing another relationship,” Dr. Kappas said. To facilitate this
process, he advised giving a client specific suggestions to have a venting dream
that will allow the person to release, or “vent out,” unresolved feelings and
work through the end of the former relationship: “You’re going to sleep soundly
and deeply throughout the night, and the reason you’re going to sleep soundly
and deeply is that you’re going to prepare to let something go. You’ve made a
decision that you’re going to relax the denial mechanism on [the specified
date].”
Dr. Kappas said
it is important to include a specific date by which the client has the venting
dream, such as to coincide with the next (follow-up) hypnotherapy session, to
start working through the various stages of loss. This process should help
reinstate the person’s normal sleeping pattern and come to terms with the end
of the previous relationship, he explained.
Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based
in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in
2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an
appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.
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