In
my blog titled 7
Keys to a Successful, Long-Term Relationship, I described seven
characteristics of a successful relationship. Each of these factors is equally
important in this context, but one—separate
interests—is imperative for ensuring individual growth in and outside of
the relationship. Let me explain.
Whether
we are discussing a platonic friendship or a romantic partnership, two people
enter a relationship because they are attracted not just to the similarities
and mutual interests they share but also the differences between them. The
expression “opposites attract” really is true: We are attracted to people who
possess skills, characteristics and experiences that are different from our
own. It is natural to consciously adopt some of the other person’s interests
and to subconsciously mimic some facial expressions, mannerisms and beliefs
during the course of the relationship. After spending time together, people
tend to focus on and emphasize those similarities as a way to demonstrate that
their relationship really is meant to be. (Have you ever noticed how couples
that have been together for a long time, such as your parents or grandparents,
even start to look alike?)
Ironically, when
one (or both) of you forfeits your unique traits or interests to be more “like”
the other person the relationship may falter. Rather than closing any space
between you, abandoning your individuality can inadvertently cause the other
person to lose some interest in you. Whether the relationship continues to
thrive or eventually ends, you want to have a foundation on which you can
continue to enjoy doing the things you always have, with or without the other
person in your life.
If you want
share a healthy relationship with someone else, start by nurturing your
relationship with yourself. What do you enjoy doing? What do you want to do or
never do again? Meditate, work with a hypnotherapist or practice self-hypnosis
and explore what is important to you. How much are you willing to compromise on
an issue or even sacrifice an activity or belief, in order for the relationship
to thrive? Give yourself permission to make room in your life for you, and
practice doing something for yourself every day. Maintain and grow your
self-confidence by expressing an opinion or asking questions about an issue if
something doesn’t make sense to you. Give yourself permission to experience every
emotion as you feel it. Sing, dance, laugh, and cry. Be present in every
moment. The more interested and engaged you are with the world around you, the
more interesting you will be and become to people in your life.
You will be
interesting to yourself, too.
Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in
Southern California. She graduated with honors from the
Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about
Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.
© 2015
