(This blog was originally posted on
November 28, 2016)
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| Photo by Rick Hustead |
Lying,
losing syndrome,
procrastination, the desire to control authority and a tendency to lose a job/
get fired are all manifestations of passive-aggressive behavior, observed Hypnosis Motivation Institute
founder John Kappas Ph.D.
and his colleague, psychiatrist Dr. Ron Hodges, M.D. Furthermore, a passive-aggressive
person typically has very childlike, neurotic behavior,
low-self-esteem, is not assertive and tends to be impulsive. This person also
tells lies to control authority figures and avoid conflict with other people.
The decision to tell the truth (or not) depends on how the person believes or
expects the other party to react, Dr. Kappas explained. However, these
deceptions usually only make the situation worse for the person.
“Sooner
or later, lies catch up with you,” he said.
According
to developmental psychologist Erik Erikson,
passive-aggressive behavior typically begins between the ages of three and six
years. This age span is categorized as the third, or play age/loco-motor stage
of development, when the youngster is developing a sense of independence. At
this age, a child is motivated to try new things and show initiative. However,
if the parents/guardians discourage or even punish the child for asserting
independence this way, he or she is likely to become angry, frustrated and/or
guilty and behave in various ways to “punish” the parents, Dr. Kappas said.
However,
it is the passive-aggressive person who typically suffers the consequences of
this behavior. For example, a child may insist that he doesn’t have to use the
toilet before going on a car trip and then wets his pants five minutes into the
journey. In adulthood, this behavior may carry over so the person sabotages his
career. If there are conflicts in a romantic relationship, the person may leave
clues that she is having an affair so the partner deduces what is going on
without her actually having to confess about the other relationship.
To
help a client resolve such passive-aggressive behavior, Dr. Kappas recommended
working to increase the person’s self-confidence and self-esteem. “The lying
will decrease as confidence builds.” The next step is to expose and desensitize
the person to different situations that could trigger the lying response. The hypnotherapist
should also work with the client to be able to face people and diplomatically
resolve conflicts, which will also reduce the urge to tell a lie, the HMI founder added.
It
is important to construct a framework in which a client can cognitively,
consciously identify and understand how and why he uses passive-aggressive
behavior to deal with a conflict. In hypnosis, therapeutic techniques such as
role-playing, hypnodrama or guided imagery can help identify, address and
desensitize the person to various stimuli that trigger lying. (For example,
have the client imagine talking to the boss to ask for a raise.) While the
person is relaxed and in hypnosis, the hypnotherapist should give suggestions
that replace the person’s negative/self-destructive behaviors (e.g.,
passive-aggression) with constructive beliefs about increased
self-worth/self-confidence and positive behaviors (e.g., problem-solving
skills).
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Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified
hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors
from the Hypnosis Motivation
Institute in 2005. For more
information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an
appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.
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