Making Friends

“There are no strangers here; only friends we haven’t met yet.” – Irish proverb

 

                It can be challenging—and stressful—to enter an unfamiliar social environment. Whether it is your first day of college, you are starting a new job or you have just joined a special-interest group Facebook, the prospect of introducing yourself and striking up a conversation with a stranger can be daunting. Everything is an unknown entity, from the linoleum tiles on the break-room floor to operating the copying machine to learning the organizations rules and bylaws. Furthermore, most if not all of the other employees or group members already know each other and are familiar with how the organization is run. They have probably already created friendships or even cliques in that group. In addition to an obvious group leader, such as a teacher or department supervisor, another member may also occupy an unofficial, self-appointed leadership role and help to “run” the organization when the boss is not around. As you become familiar with your new role and responsibility in the group and learn (and try to remember) everyone’s names, you wonder: Now that I am “in” this organization, how do I truly join it?

                Even if you feel shy, even if you feel unsure, remember this fact: every other person in this group has likely been where you are and felt like this at some point. Consequently, most if not all of your team will make an effort to include you and help to make you feel comfortable and welcome in the organization. On my first day working as a proofreader at a national martial arts magazine, the editorial team took me out for a pizza lunch.

Go out of your way to make conversation and reciprocate gestures of kindness. For example, one of the assistant editors at the magazine created a seating chart for me to indicate the work stations of everyone in the company. She even included the names of the men who ran the warehouse, the accountant and art-project coordinators who worked off-site. I was so touched and inspired by this gesture that I created a similar seating chart to help out every other new employee throughout the years that I worked at that company.

                One way to boost your confidence is to physically change your posture: stand up straight with your shoulders back, and hold your head up high. This conveys to others that you have a strong sense of who you are and what you are about, what you stand for. Even if you don't actually feel this way, your body is “acting” as if you do. Since your subconscious mind doesn't know the difference between fantasy and reality, you can pretend to be confident until your mind actually starts to actually feel self-confident.

              Another strategy is to think about or focus on the reason(s) why you are attending a particular university; remind yourself why you are working at this company or joined this particular social network. It is likely that you had to undergo some kind of application and/or interview process to get accepted to the college or to be offered your job. You demonstrated that do possess the skills, knowledge, talents and other attributes that will benefit the university or corporation of your choice. Anyone who wrote a letter of reference to support your college or job application will have believed this, too! Similarly, you were attracted to that social network because you share a common (mutual) interest with other members in that group. If another member had to invite you to become a member of a “closed” group, this is further validation that you have something to offer them and strengthen the quality of that organization.

                Remember to take care of your body—not just during those first days or weeks when you are finding your way around, but every day. Eat well-balanced meals that include protein and reduce your intake of caffeine or alcohol to help balance your mood and stave off sudden drops in blood-sugar level, which is associated with elevated levels of anxiety. Be sure to get enough sleep at night and take deep breaths (diaphragmatic breathing) to circulate the oxygen in your bloodstream throughout your body and further relax you if/when you feel nervous or anxious.

Finally, as your level of relaxation and self-confidence begin to grow in this new environment you have chosen—remember, you want to be here!—allow yourself to smile and say hello to the other people in your group. A new friend is likely just a “hello” away.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

Watching Blackfish, Part 3

 

For me, one of the most interesting aspects of watching Blackfish with my family was seeing their reactions to the marine biologists’ and former SeaWorld trainers’ interviews. For many trainers, their attitudes about orca captivity evolved over the years, starting with genuine excitement, pride and love for the work they did training and performing with the killer whales. They explained how they loved to share their passion and knowledge about the orcas with park visitors; they loved the bonds they had created with the animals in their care. Eventually, however, the only reason they continued this work was so they could continue to care for the animals, because their real-life, behind-the-scenes experiences at the park were very different from the happy image the public saw in advertisements.

During the film, I watched as my nephews experienced a similar wave of emotion about the park. Afterward, they asked why people still go to marine parks to watch orca, dolphins and other marine mammals perform in a show when someone can just take a whale-watching trip and see the animals in the wild. Here are a few reasons why these parks remain popular:

·         Whether you are talking about zoos, ocean-theme parks or circuses, animal entertainment is a “known” entity for a lot of individuals. These venues have always been around (or so it seems). Many people visit them with their families as part of a family vacation, and then recreate this positive experience with their own children, a generation later. These visits represent a familiar experience of comfort, love, family time, etc.

·         Hypnotic modalities also influence our beliefs and behaviors. As I explained in my Hypnotic Modalities blog (January 16, 2014), three factors contribute to an hypnotic modality: 1) The other person has authority over you or perceived control over the environment; 2) The other person has an important theory, model or logic that makes some sense to you; and 3) The other person overloads you with so many message units or stimuli that you start to go along with whatever he or she is saying. (This is how the hypnotic state is created.) For example, people who visit marine parks and watch the orca performances might experience sensory overload from the bright colors or lights, loud music, cheering, smell of popcorn or other snacks, and even the sensation of heat from the sun, drizzle or a breeze as they sit in the stands. Those audience members who are sitting close enough to the pool will even enjoy the sensory experience of being soaked the orca smacks his or her tail against the surface of the water at the end of the performance (sensation overload). An orca trainer or other park representative wearing the park uniform/wetsuit and a microphone (authority) would narrate what the audience will be watching during the performance and provide specific details (facts/information) about the animals (doctrine). And then, of course, the audience gets to experience the performance, including being soaked by a spray of water when an orca smacks his or her tail on the water at the end of the show. In this closed environment, it is easy to understand how and why people get caught up in the excitement and supposed mystery of these performances. After all, how many people do you know get to work and interact with a killer whale? Even the former trainers who were interviewed in Blackfish conceded that, at the beginning, they believed what they had been taught about orca behavior during their training and happily disseminated this information to their audiences.

Like those trainers who eventually saw through the misinformation about these animals in the doctrine they had been taught, my nephews came to their own decision about whether captivity is harmful to the physical and emotional well-being of orca. As we all watched the documentary, I saw them ride a tide of curiosity and laughter to skepticism, outrage and sorrow that mirrored that of those trainers. During the course of these three blogs, I have described the subconscious thought processes likely helped to formulate their (and your) intellectual and viscerally emotional responses to Blackfish, whatever that response happened to be. For more information about this game-changing film, visit http://blackfishmovie.com/.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

Watching Blackfish, Part 2

As a practicing hypnotherapist, I spend a lot of time wondering, exploring and analyzing facets of behavior so I can create an effective hypnotic script that will help my clients to achieve their vocational and avocational self-improvement goals. I admit that this has become a subconscious, occupational behavior for me in a lot of non-clinical contexts, too. No matter where I am or what I am doing, I automatically contextualize every behavior and emotional reaction in terms of Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D.’s models of suggestibility and sexual personality. Yesterday was no different. As I settled into my seat on the sofa to watch Blackfish with my mother, sister and her two sons, I was as riveted by my family’s responses to what they were watching as I was by the content of the documentary. I described their responses to the film in yesterday’s blog (Watching Blackfish, Part 1; 4/27/14). Today, I will explain the “hows” and “whys” behind my and my family’s behaviors and reactions to Blackfish as well as those of people who were interviewed for the film in the context of Dr. Kappas’ model of suggestibility and hypnotic modalities.

Suggestibility: Suggestibility (how we learn) is established by the age of 14. The primary caretaker—typically, mom—influences what type of suggestibility the youngster develops. (For more information, see my “Sources of Suggestibility” blog on 12/28/13). My sister, mother and I tried very hard to not reveal our emotions or thoughts about the film to the boys so they could to come to their own conclusions about Blackfish’s Big Question: Do orca belong in captivity? At age 10, the youngest was still very “physical” (direct and literal) in his interpretations of what he was watching. The orca trainers were shown smiling, nodding and enthusing about the information they were providing during a SeaWorld performance. The orcas’ mouths were open as if they were smiling, too. My nephew perceived that everyone was having a great time and he asked his mother to take him to the park one day. The picture of smiling people saying that they and the animals were having fun was consistent with what he knows (a known) as being happy or having fun.

 A little and while later in the film, a former trainer described the day a three-year-old orca calf was separated from its mother. The baby was being shipped to another park, and its mother was inconsolable with what the trainer and other marine biologists interpreted to be grief. How did we, the audience, trainers and the biologists know that the mother was experiencing grief? The orca was making a plaintive, screeching noise over and over again, which the scientists identified as calls of distress and even long-distance location calls previously heard when wild orca are looking for a lost member of the pod. The trainer who witnessed the separation and just about everyone who knew that a child had just been forever separated from its mother (and vice versa) only needed to watch and listen to her to understand what was going on. This was a great example of emotional suggestibility (audience and observers), who saw the emotional pain in one creature and then interpreted and internalized this distress as if it were our own. My youngest nephew was visibly distressed to see and learn that the baby would never see its mother again. Could this happen to me?

A little later in the documentary, a list of human/animal “accidents” recorded at the park flashes on the screen, interspersed with video clips of a few of these incidents. As he watched, my older nephew asked why no one had stopped the interactions if this kind of thing kept happening. He pointed out that it probably wasn’t a good idea to put humans in a tank with predators like killer whales. This observation would also be consistent with that of an emotional suggestible: captive orca + human has resulted in human injury or death several times, so why wouldn’t it happen again?

I will address how hypnotic modalities likely influenced our emotional reactions to the documentary—and visitors’ responses to their experiences at ocean-theme parks—in my next blog.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

Watching Blackfish, Part 1

 

                I watched Blackfish (again) today. My sister wanted to borrow my DVD to watch with her sons; it had been a few months since I last saw the documentary, so I invited them over and we saw it together. I did warn her that some parts of the film might be sad or traumatic for her youngest child to see; I was very proud of him when my sister told me that she had warned him about that, but he believed the movie was very important and he should see it. So, my mom, my sister, her kids and I all gathered around the TV to watch it. In a way, the movie is about the effect of captivity on extended (matriarchal) families, so I thought it was appropriate that we were all going to see it, together. We popped popcorn. My youngest nephew likes to add hard-shelled chocolates to the popcorn, so I dumped some left-over Cadbury mini-eggs into the mix. My oldest nephew—who is almost 15 and a genius with technology—helped to get the DVD going in my dad’s (very complicated) Blue-Ray/DVD player.

The film affected me as it has every time I have seen it: I felt sad, frustrated, angry and even hopeful for the fate and future of these magnificent animals. This time, I was able to watch Blackfish through the eyes of two youngsters who didn’t know anything about the film or the ongoing campaign to end captivity of dolphins and whales. Although my sister and her boys have seen orca in the wild, the kids have never seen them perform at a marine park.

                Within the first few minutes of the movie, the younger boy started to ask questions and react to what he was watching: a dark screen, and then audio from the 9-1-1 calls start coming in. Someone is requesting emergency assistance to Shamu Stadium because a female trainer is being attacked by a killer whale. “Wait. Did that guy say the whale just ate her?” My nephew wanted to know, his eyes big as saucers.

                Later, in another scene, trainers are shown interacting with some orca. Happy music is playing in the background; the audience is cheering, my nephew is smiling. “Mommy, can we go to SeaWorld?” I must have grimaced, because the next question he had was whether the park was a good or bad place for the animals to be living in. My sister replied, “Watch the movie and decide for yourself.”

                By the end of the movie, we had watched fishermen capture and separate orca calves from their families to become stars in shows at marine parks. We had listened to interviews with biologists and former trainers about behavior of captive versus wild orca. We heard the trainers’ anecdotes about their interactions with the orca they worked with and how they felt about that work then and now. We had watched video analyses of the grief reactions observed in a couple of captive female orca whose calves had been taken away from them to perform at other parks. We had seen clips of accidents in which some trainers emerged from the training pool with lacerations, broken limbs and almost drowned. My older nephew observed sardonically that a bloodied trainer who was shown smiling and waving into the camera was doing this because he was “happy to be alive.” He added, “It wasn’t very surprising that when you keep a predator in a very stressful situation around humans, that people get hurt!”

When images of Tilikum’s family tree flashed on the screen and indicated that this orca had sired more than half of the orca in SeaWorld’s collection, both of the boys said in unison, “That isn’t good.”

                Everyone in my home audience finally breathed a sigh of relief and smiled when several of the former trainers go whale-watching and finally see wild orca, swimming free in the ocean. I was interested and ultimately gratified to observe how my sister and her sons reacted to what they saw in the film. Of course, the questions I had had about their reactions as a hypnotherapist (and observer of human behavior) were: How and why did they react to Blackfish the way they did? Did anyone—and if so, who—influence these reactions?

                I will address these issues in my next blog.

               

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

Body Language

 

                I am fascinated by a new television advertisement for mobile (cell) phone services. In the ad, a group of potential customers puts a representative of a major, national phone company through her paces as they ask about various communications features that the company offers. Viewers are led to infer that the prospective customers are real-estate agents, because each of them is professionally rand sports a tan blazer with a large emblem of a house on the left side of the jacket. The group pretty much verifies the identity of their vocation when one of the women says, “Let’s close!” and they all cross their arms over their chest and grin. But it is what the customers and the sales representative say with their bodies throughout the ad that is of greatest interest to me.

                Throughout the ad, the phone-company representative matches every physical and facial gesture that her prospective clients make. As a customer’s voice lilts at the end of a question, the salesperson uses a similar lilt in her response. When one person points a finger to make a point, the sales rep makes the same movement during her explanation. Someone steeples her fingers across her midsection; the sales rep makes the same gesture. Another person in the group nods and raises her eyebrows; so does she. When the camera pans back a little, viewers can see that the sales rep has even adopted a similar stance as she stands with the customers. At the end of the advertisement when one of the customers crosses her arms and announces they will all take (“close”) the deal, her colleagues look at her and immediately imitate the crossed-arms gesture.

                I like this ad because it is such a fabulous demonstration of how people mirror someone’s behavior in order to build rapport with someone. If your job entails selling products or services, you probably recognized every sales technique depicted in the advertisement I just described. But you don’t have to be a salesperson or a customer to identify with what went on. We mirror each other’s various behaviors—facial expressions, physical gestures, patterns of speech—all the time, often without realizing that we are doing it. These actions are like a “fast track” to building rapport with someone you would like to get to know better. People are naturally attracted to others who behave or seem to think like they do.

Think about a conversation you have had recently: Did you nod at some point during the conversation or lean forward in your seat as if to listen to your companion’s words even more closely? And did your companion then lean his or her body closer to yours, return your nod or mirror a hand movement that you were previously unaware of having made? Did you notice when your spouse or friend took a step forward, backward or sideways to mirror your stance, or raised or lowered his or her voice to match the tone of yours? These are examples of mirroring; and mirroring is a subconscious (or conscious) behavior that creates rapport and can facilitate social bonds by reinforcing similarity or familiarity between you. Rapport is an inherent and necessary component of every kind of relationship; it is the cornerstone upon which every relationship is built. It is only when we establish rapport with someone are we likely to explore the similarities and differences between us, and know whether we want to spend the time and energy to create a social, romantic or professional relationship with that person. Without rapport, we cannot come to trust, respect, like or communicate well with him or her, and a relationship—or a successful sale—is unlikely to result from the interaction.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

And Your Handwriting Says…

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

 

 

                As I wrote in my February 5, 2014 blog, “Handwriting Analysis,” I ask each of my clients to write a few sentences about why they are seeking hypnotherapy to help them achieve their vocational and avocational self-improvement goals. I do this as a way to find out what the person thinks or believes about his or her presenting issue. Also, as an ideomotor response, handwriting gives a sneak preview into the subconscious mind, including suggestibility (how we learn) and behaviors. Here are a few handwriting characteristics that I look at:

·         Baseline slant: This handwriting characteristic indicates the mood of the person at the time the handwriting sample is done. An upward slant would suggest that you tend to be optimistic. A downward slant suggests a more pessimistic attitude or possible depression, which would necessitate a referral to a licensed medical or psychological professional for further evaluation and/or treatment. A baseline that undulates like waves indicates moodiness, which could be associated with low blood sugar/hunger.

·         Connecting strokes: Writing samples whose letters are connected and flow together indicate someone who has a very methodical and systematic way of thinking. Writing samples that feature little or no connection between the letters could indicate someone who is very analytical and can intuit information or results from just a few pieces of information.

·         Margins: Do you start and/or finish writing at the edge of the page? The more room you leave on the right-hand margin of the page indicates that you tend to be generous with the amount of time and space you leave for other people. If you have wider margins on the left-hand margin of the page, you are more generous with yourself.

·         Pressure of the writing: I can tell by feeling the grooves on the reverse side of the page how much pressure (intent or emotion) the writer invested in writing this sample. Someone who is very passionate or emotional about the topic would tend to exert more pressure when writing. Conversely, areas of lighter pressure (no groove) could indicate less emotion, indifference or even physical weakness.

·         Signature: A person’s signature indicates how he or she would like to be seen by others. It is not necessarily indicative of who the person really is/what the person is really like. Someone whose signature matches or is most like the body of the writing tends to be very no-nonsense; “what you see is what you get.” The opposite would be true of an individual whose signature is very different from the rest of the writing.

·         Slant of letters: The degree of angle or slant of your letters indicates whether you tend to repress or express your emotions. Someone whose writing has a left-hand slant tends to hold in emotions whereas a person whose writing that slants to the right will express how he or she is feeling. The greater the degree of the slant indicates the degree to which emotions are repressed or expressed.

·         Zones: Each “zone” of writing indicates where the person puts the greatest emphasis or priority in his or her life. The upper zone is where thought/fantasy/analysis occurs. The middle zone concerns daily life, communication and responsibility. The lower zone is dedicated to fulfilling physical or materialistic needs: sex, clothes, shelter and money.

 

These are just a few of the indicators I look at when I analyze handwriting in my hypnotherapy practice. For more information about handwriting analysis, or if you would like to request an in-depth analysis of your own writing, please contact me via my website at www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com.

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

Just Say No!

Elton John sings, “‘Sorry’ seems to be the hardest word.” That may be true; but ‘no’—the key word in assertiveness, in my opinion—is right up there in the Number Two position of difficulty for so many people to say, especially females. I often wonder why that is. Perhaps it has to do with the texture of the words, themselves. The definite, hard consonant “n” and then a long “o” gives the pronunciation and enunciation of no a cold, harsh sound. In comparison, the sometimes-vowel “y”, short “e” and the soft, drawn out “s” when we say yes create an almost musical or lyrical sound. Yes is a nice word to hear and say.

This point brings me to the implication and connotations associated with each of these words. From early childhood, we learn to associate positive emotions and experiences—such as presents, treats and rewards, with yes; whereas adherence to strict rules, criticism and/or punishment tend to go with no. What child has not categorized a parent, guardian or teacher who says yes a lot as being “nice,” compared to the adult who expects Johnny and Sue to be on their best behavior and do their homework before they get to go outside to play? Even in adulthood, it is natural to prefer the company of someone who does what we like and want them to do, compared to an individual who will not go along with our plans or desires just to please us, if doing so won’t benefit the other person. In the heat of the moment, it is impossible to understand the motives and inner fortitude of people who can say “no” without blinking an eye and refusing to back down: how come they are so stubborn?  Sometimes, we even resent them for their willingness to stand up and fight for their beliefs, especially when this stance blocks or interferes with our plans. And yet, these are the people many of us secretly admire and want to be like.

Self-confidence and self-esteem are key components behind the willingness to say yes and the ability to say no. Neither trait is automatic, nor are they mutually inclusive: It is possible to be very confident but have very low self-esteem (self-value), and vice versa. When I work with a client to help the person become more assertive, one of the first things I do is assess and, if necessary, increase the person’s self-confidence and strengthen his or her self-esteem. This work is imperative because it shores up the person’s defenses against negative self-chatter and suggestibility to other people’s criticism as he or she works to achieve this vocational and avocational self-improvement goal. Next, I use relaxation and therapeutic guided-imagery techniques in hypnosis to help the person rehearse using the assertive behaviors. This exercise not only creates a new known in the subconscious mind that he or she can be assertive, it reinforces the person’s confidence that he or she can use this new skill effectively and successfully in the real world.

No isn’t so hard to say, after all.

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

Hypnotherapy and Public Speaking

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

Hypnotherapy is a very effective modality to help boost
confidence and overcome fear of public speaking.

 

                This evening I came across the outline for my first-ever presentation about hypnosis. It had been an assignment for the Speech Craft class that my classmates and I took at the Hypnosis Motivation Institute a couple of months before graduation. In it, we learned all of the fine points of crafting and delivering an effective, impactful speech about some element of our new, future vocation as certified hypnotherapists. My speech was very basic: I included some personal information about me and my educational background in the introduction, and then I focused on how and why I decided to become a hypnotherapist. That should be easy, right? Not so fast.

Reading those notes again, 10 years later, I could still remember how nervous I felt while I composed the draft for that speech. As a rule, I did not like to speak in public. I hated to be the center of attention in any circumstance, as I knew I would have to be when I did my presentation. Finally, the instructor and my classmates would be grading my presentation, a prospect that not only exacerbated my anxieties about public speaking but also of taking tests.

Before I drove to class that night, I made sure that I ate a nutritious meal with protein to keep my blood-sugar level (and mood) stable, which I knew would help to lower my anxiety. I wore one of my most professional-looking skirt suits that always helped me feel confident. Once I was in class, I practiced diaphragmatic breathing to calm my nerves while I waited for my turn to speak.

When the instructor finally called me up to the podium to do my presentation, my mind flashed back to the best advice I have ever received about public speaking. The current director of HMI, George Kappas, M.A., C.Ht., once gave the class a pep talk about public speaking and doing presentations on hypnosis and hypnotherapy to the general public. He reassured us that each of us would probably know more about this topic than anyone else in the room. He told us to relax and even suggested that we probably wouldn’t (shouldn’t) even need or want to use notes or notecards to prompt our speeches because, again, we would already be the experts on this topic. So when I stepped up to the podium that night, I took his words to heart and allowed myself to own the room. Since this presentation was about me and my experience, I could be (and was) completely confident that I was the expert in the room about this topic. That night, I was finally able to overcome a personal challenge. To my surprise, I even created a new “known” in my subconscious mind: public speaking was fun!

Looking back, this class turned out to be one of my favorites on the hypnotherapy-certification program at HMI. First, the assignment made me face and overcome my fear and discomfort about public speaking and taking tests. Second, the experience of having to do a presentation gave me an invaluable opportunity to experience the efficacy of techniques that I now also use and teach to my clients to help them overcome similar fears and anxieties.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

We Carry On

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

I salute everyone who participated in the Boston Marathon today.
Congratulations on races well run!

 

 

                One year ago last week, terrorist bombs exploded during the 2013 Boston Marathon. Three people died and more than 260 others were wounded, some with severed or mutilated limbs. As Americans, our nerves were shattered that another attack could actually happen again on our soil again. It was like September 11, 2001 all over again. But as a nation and as individuals, we are strong. We overcome adversity. We learn from our experiences to come back even better than ever.

                The fear, trauma and tragedy that the athletes, bystanders and citizens of Boston experienced during the 2013 Boston Marathon cannot be denied. All of the horror associated with that day has become anchored in our nation’s collective subconscious mind. However, to quote Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D., today we once again proved that it is possible to “turn the situation around.” As a nation, Americans learned important lessons of survival, perseverance and endurance after we experienced the tragedy at last year’s great race. There were no breaches in security. The local and national law-enforcement agencies present to protect the athletes and the city exchanged information and shared a network of security cameras and video that kept track of everything that going on around them. Spectators cooperated with security regulations and left backpacks and other potentially suspicious packages at home. For the most part, everyone tolerated the temporary inconvenience of blocked streets. Participants and supporters cheering along the race route were compassionate, encouraging and supportive of each other. Some people ran in honor of the ones who were injured or died. Others participated in a demonstration of personal courage and determination to not allow fear or anxiety to dictate how, when and where they live their lives.

Today, the Boston 2014 Marathon was a success. The athlete who won the men’s marathon was the first American in 30 years to do so. These intense security precautions paid off and everyone—32,000 marathon runners, police officers, National Guard personnel and spectators, alike—remained safe and could enjoy one of our nation’s most celebrated annual sports events.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

Body Syndromes

 

                According to John Kappas, Ph.D., whenever a person represses or holds in (does not express) an emotion the displaced energy from that experience is converted into a physical “symptom” of that emotional trauma. Even though there are no nerve endings in the brain, emotions in the brain through our perceptions (e.g., smell, taste, sight, hearing, touch). Electric impulses carry this information through the body and begin to manifest physical discomfort in those areas that are specifically associated with a certain repressed emotion, the Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder stated. The five basic body syndromes are:

·         Crying Syndrome (affects the neck, chest and head): What do you want to say or express?

·         Fight/Reaching Syndrome (affects the arms and hands): What do you want to defend yourself from? What are you reaching for?

·         Flight Syndrome (affects the legs and feet): What do you feel you need to run away from?

·         Guilt/Sexual Frustration Syndrome (affects areas and organs around the waist, lower back and hips): What do you feel guilty about? What is going on in your relationship?

·         Responsibility Syndrome (affects areas and organs around the shoulders and upper back): What do you feel responsible for?

               

As a certified hypnotherapist, it is out of my scope of expertise to diagnose an illness or to recognize/identify specific symptoms that have a psychological or physiological basis. Therefore, I do and will refer clients to an appropriate licensed medical or psychology professional to determine the cause and/or treat that specific physical symptom that. However, once this other expert has ruled out a medical etiology of your symptom, with a follow-up referral from that licensed professional, I can continue to work with you in hypnotherapy, which can provide complementary therapeutic benefits and help to alleviate and/or control these symptoms and help you to pursue and achieve your vocational and avocational self-improvement goals.

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

Making It Happen

Photo courtesy of Sara Fogan

                Have I ever mentioned how powerful the subconscious mind is? As in, the SCM wants nothing more than to do what you tell it to do. You don’t even have to mean what you are thinking about; an idea just pops into your head and is gone in a nanosecond. Until…

I decided to wear my red jeans tonight so I could throw the blues into the washing machine with my other dark colors. I didn’t want to run the machine again just wash my magenta top; but if I could wait until tomorrow evening to throw the red jeans in with the shirt, that would be an acceptable load. Funny, my subconscious obviously didn’t agree with this strategy. Somehow, while I was eating dessert a stray blob of ice cream dripped off my spoon, onto the edge of the kitchen table and right on the leg of my red jeans. Really? Come on! I had only been wearing them for a couple of hours!

                In my “Power of Thinking” blog (March 7, 2014), I described the premise of John Kappas, Ph.D.’s book, Success Is Not an Accident. According to the Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder, any thought or idea that we program into our subconscious mind becomes a mental script; it is these mental scripts that determine the outcome of our actions. Whether we imagine a positive or negative result, the SCM follows that mental script and work to actualize the goal it thinks you “want.”

If blogs have “morals,” this one is, be careful what you think of. I guess I really did want to wash those red items tonight.

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

Forever Friends

Photo courtesy of Sara Fogan

                Someone I knew in college once told me, “Every relationship has a shelf life.” As I look back on the past twenty or thirty years of my life, I am starting to appreciate what she meant. Over time, it is natural to grow out of the hobbies and habits that used to preoccupy us. (Do you remember Atari video games?) The crushes on pop stars and television or movie stars that once fascinated us when we were teenagers are replaced by one true love that meant the world to us—and even that relationship eventually runs its course. But life goes on, and we continue pursue some old and new interests; we create strong new social bonds. It is often sad to acknowledge that no matter how hard we try to fight this process and hang on to that part of ourselves we have started to outgrow, this fight can rarely be “won.” On the other hand, when we accept that such growth and change in ourselves and others is a natural part of living, it is possible to enjoy a very long-lived (and evolved) friendship.

In my February 14, 2014 blog titled “Keys to a Successful Long-Term Relationship,” I described seven components that characterize a successful romantic partnership. Most of these factors are also present in a long-term, successful platonic friendship: like each other, trust each other, respect each other, mutual interests, separate interests, good communication. This is certainly true of my friendship with two women I have known since I was eight years old.

We rarely have a chance to spend time all together anymore since one of my friends, Jennifer, is living her dream in New York City. Joy, her sister, is newly married and lives in Northern California. But despite the distances between us, we continue to share secrets and confidences over the phone or in letters, cards or e-mails. We can still laugh at or cry about the same shared memory. We provide emotional support to help each other overcome a fear or reassurance if one of us feels nervous or anxious. One of my friends persuaded me to read the Harry Potter books—the U.S. version, even though I once vowed I would only read them in the original U.K. format. She also introduced me to sushi and music by one of her favorite bands; I have become a Bon Jovi fan, too. Her sister and I remain loyal fans of a long-running afternoon soap opera and Dallas (original and new series). I entertain them by reminding my friends of that day, many years ago, when “X” event happened, and I even remember what day of the week it was.

Of course, there are differences between us, too. There are probably more differences than similarities these days, since we lead such different lives now. We each have friends that the others have never met, hobbies that don’t interest each other, jobs that we can’t imagine doing—or know how to start to do in the first place. Ten or fifteen years ago, these disparities and the idea of growing up and away from them definitely alarmed me. But I have learned that even though many things have changed in each of our lives and time continues to fly by, everything is okay. I really, truly like, trust and respect the good communication, mutual interests and separate interests that cement our friendship.

And I love them.

 

               

 Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy®, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

Overcoming Fear, Part 2

Photo by Sara Fogan

Galahad (front) and his half-brother, Amadeus,
a purebred Lipizzaner stallion.

 

 

As I explained in my April 16, 2014 blog (Overcoming Fear, Part 1), repeated exposure to and familiarity with a stimulus helps to increase confidence about dealing with a potential threat or fearful situation. That is because the subconscious mind is more likely to accept and feel comfortable with something it knows. Of course, this kind of familiarity and resulting sense of relaxation can backfire as the person relaxes and feels more comfortable. Some degree of fear and a healthy dose of respect are very important emotions to have when working with horses: A lot of “accidents” happen with and around horses when we forget or ignore how big and powerful they are and can be. On the other hand, when you use your subconscious mind’s known information about working with that animal while you remain focused and aware of your environment, this can be a fabulous and safe experience.

Over the years, I have handled, groomed and clipped each of my riding instructor’s twenty horses. I handle the mares and geldings on a more regular basis, but I often rotate the stallions between their stalls and the turnout arena. Through these activities, I have come to know each one’s quirks and preferences: I knew who was likely to nip or rear to test his rank with the human at the other end of the lead line; I knew who would walk quietly past other horses and stallions in their stalls and who might pin his ears and try to kick through a fence to intimidate a challenger. I was not afraid of these animals per se, but I always treated them with the respect they were due and an abundance of caution for my own safety and well-being when I handled them. As a former trainer once said of the stud at his barn, “He knows he’s a stallion, so he deserves respect.”

Each of my trainer’s stallions is generally very sweet, well-behaved and respectful of the people who ride and handle them. But they are also 900-plus pounds of powerful muscle and strong bones, with a very healthy fight-flight instinct and an equally a strong courtship instinct. I did not just decide to clip my trainer’s stallions yesterday on a whim or a personal dare to prove I could do it. Rather, it was my job to clip the horses that needed it that day—including the two more demonstrative ones. So I put on my helmet and gloves to protect my head and hands—rope burn is no fun and very easy to get when a horse pulls suddenly back on the line—grabbed the clippers, a bag of treats and got down to work.

The first stallion on my list was actually my gelding Galahad’s half-brother, Amadeus. He is a Lipizzaner stallion, whose modus operandi for intimidation and asserting dominance featured holding a levade (a very controlled half-rear) for several seconds. Since the mares were already turned out in the paddock for their playtime, I took the clippers and a bag of treats to the stud where he was also enjoying turnout time in the arena, away from the mares. I admit that I was already a little wary: I had never clipped this stallion on my own, before (my trainer was usually nearby when I did this work). Since I knew from previous experience that this horse could get very “challenging” to handle if mares were his immediate vicinity, so I decided to hedge my bets and do my work where we were. Amadeus stood still as I slid his halter over his head; he even cocked a hind hoof—a sign of equine relaxation. I plied him with treats and slowly desensitized him first to the electric clippers in the off position (some reaction) and then to the persistent buzz when I turned them on.

I don’t know whether the sound of the clippers scared him; perhaps the sensation of the blades against his muzzle irritated or tickled him. Whatever: the stallion immediately pulled back and coiled his body to make a few half-hearted attempts at a levade. Since I was expecting this reaction (his “known”/previous reaction to the clippers), I was prepared and able to hold on to the lead-line while Amadeus had his temper tantrum. While I waited, I immediately did some deep, diaphragmatic breathing to keep my adrenaline low and consider my next move to get the horse back under control. I spoke quiet words of reassurance (not placation) and told him to quit his behavior. For the first time, I spoke with a confidence and sense of control that I truly felt in this situation. I was confident in the physical precautions I had taken to be as safe as I could be in this situation; and, I was confident in my new-found ability to effectively handle this horse and finish my job without having to call my trainer for assistance.

Amadeus must have sensed that I meant business, too; because the stallion dropped back onto all four hooves and stood still while I went to work on his whiskers and bridle path, plying him with treats and praise the entire time. By the time I finished clipping him and removed his halter, the stallion lowered his head and ambled just behind me, at my right shoulder, right up to the gate. I believe that this was a very good clipping experience for both of us, the perfect opportunity to create a positive “known” association between my confidence in my ability to safely handle, reassure and help Amadeus through an encounter with clippers. As my dad likes to say, “Every experience becomes a part of you.” I, for one, am looking forward to having a lot of good, positive experiences like that becoming a part of my life.

 

 

 Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy®, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014