80/20 Ratio

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on April 5, 2016)

 

Photo by Rick Hustead

 

 

There is an unwritten guideline in hypnotherapy that the client should do most talking (about 80 percent) compared to listening to the therapist, while the hypnotherapist will do the most listening compared to talking (20 percent). Furthermore, during hypnotherapy, it is the client’s “responsibility” to describe the motivations for seeking this therapy, desires about changing an unwanted behavior and to express emotions about and during this therapeutic process. Similarly, it is the hypnotherapist’s “responsibility” to listen to what the client is saying and use this information to create an effective hypnotic script that will facilitate the achievement of the person’s therapeutic goals. This policy is very important for several reasons.

First, when someone comes in for hypnotherapy, that individual is not only looking for a possible solution to help change an unwanted belief or behavior. The person is also subconsciously looking for and needs a space in which to vent his or her emotions—a sounding board, if you will—to explain how and why the habit started in the first place. The last thing the client needs is to wonder if the expert from whom he or she is seeking help is somehow subtly dismissing those concerns by comparing them to the hypnotherapist’s own issues. At that point, the client would be justified in wondering whether the therapist’s problems might be more significant than his or her own. This is also the point at which rapport and trust are destroyed.

Second, especially during the cognitive (alert and aware) portion of the hypnotherapy session, the hypnotherapist needs to focus on what the client is saying to create the hypnotic script. This script is based on the key words, metaphors and even emotions that the client expresses to describe his or her self-improvement goals and motivations. During the cognitive portion of the first session, I reassure my hypnotherapy clients that they will essentially hypnotize themselves based on the words and motivations to change an unwanted behavior, which I incorporate into the hypnotic script. As I explain in my previous blog titled Creating Your Hypnotic Script, we are all most suggestible to ourselves. Conversely, if the hypnotherapist does most of the talking, the hypnotic script is less likely to be effective because the client’s subconscious mind does not recognize these motivational words, phrases, and images as his or her own.

Third, unlike traditional forms of psychotherapy such as licensed marriage and family therapy, psychology and licensed social work or even psychiatry hypnotherapy is not “talk therapy.” According to the Business and Professions Code 2908, hypnotherapists must provide hypnosis during the therapeutic session. In addition, they must also seek a referral from these professionals if a client wants to address an issue outside of the scope of hypnotherapy. Our role as hypnotherapists is to help our clients find solutions to problems and achieve vocational and avocational goals by working with the subconscious mind in hypnosis, not discussing these issues in a cognitive, alert and aware state.

 

 

Special Offer: Free 30-Minute Phone or Zoom Consultation

This is a great opportunity to find out why hypnosis is so effective and how hypnotherapy can help you achieve your self-improvement goals. Call or text me at (661) 433-9430 or send me an e-mail at calminsensehypnosis@yahoo.com to set up your free, 30-minute phone or Zoom consultation* today! 

*This is not a full hypnotherapy session. Hypnosis will not be provided during this consultation. This offer is not redeemable for cash and may not be combined with any other promotion.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

© 2023

 

Applying the Model of Emotional and Physical Sexuality When the Client Is Having An Affair, Part 1

(This blog was originally posted on June 27, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

Rapport between the hypnotherapist and the client is a key component of therapeutic success. One way to build rapport between them is for the client to know that the information disclosed to the hypnotherapist is that this information is confidential. (An exception to this protocol is if the client expresses an intention to harm him- or herself or another person. In that context, the hypnotherapist is obligated to inform authorities and/or warn the intended victim of this danger.) But if a client discloses that he or she had or is having an affair the hypnotherapist must honor the person’s trust and not disclose this information to the spouse/significant other.

Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D. advised the client to not tell the spouse/partner about the infidelity if the person wanted to preserve the marriage if this disclosure was likely to destroy that relationship. During the cognitive portion of the hypnotherapy session the hypnotherapist must help the client understand the nature of Emotional and Physical Sexuality and how the person’s having an affair fits into this model. For example, an Emotional Sexual personality may have an affair because he or she has become bored or frustrated in the marriage.

It is important that the client “buys” the symptoms or behaviors of these personalities in order to understand why he or she was unfaithful. Dr. Kappas explained: “An Emotional [Sexual] male doesn’t feel guilty about cheating, just that the other person will feel hurt. The Emotional male has probably already replaced [his wife], but he’s not too concerned about the mistress because he usually doesn’t end up with her. But once he thinks about the futility of the behavior in therapy, he usually returns to the relationship.” Conversely, an Emotional Sexual male wouldn’t believe that his wife would be unfaithful, and it is difficult for a Physical Sexual male to tell the Emotional Sexual female that he has had an affair. 

The hypnotherapist should also explain to the client how each sexual personality response to frustration in a relationship and the perception/fear of being abandoned. A Physical Sexual will also leave a relationship if he or she is bored or the Emotional Sexual partner “set it up” that way by rejecting the partner until he or she leaves the marriage, etc. However, a Physical Sexual may become even more locked into the failing relationship if he or she feels rejected, the HMI founder warned. “Never tell a Physical Sexual to leave a relationship; it won’t work,” he said.

In tomorrow’s blog I will describe how hypnotherapy can be used to help the client salvage or end the marriage/original partnership depending on the person’s relationship goals.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2018

Working with the Individual

(This blog was originally posted on February 15, 2016)

My horse, Galahad (front) and his brother,

the Lipizzan stallion Favory Alisa II (Amadeus)

Photo by Sara Fogan

Earlier this afternoon one of my good friends described how and why she has slightly different training approaches for each of her three horses. One of them responds well to body language, vocal and clicker instructions. He is a “thinker,” she said, and he will work to figure out what she wants and complete his “task” before he gets his reward. The other two, she said, would crash into themselves and her to get a treat, so she must adjust how she asks and make sure they understand what is expected of them and when. This makes complete sense to me. 

Although my gelding, Avalon’s Galahad, receives the same training and handling as the other horses at the barn, he is definitely his “own horse.” Like them, he understands the aids for walking forward, stopping, transitioning up and down between gaits, backing up, standing still, etc. Like them, he also knows when I am on him and when our trainer is riding him, and what he can, cannot and will try to get away with depending who is on board. Galahad likes to really understand what he is being asked to do and why. If he thinks human error/confusion is going on, he tries his best to do what is being asked. If that still doesn’t make sense, he responds how he thinks the human up there on his back intended. To his credit, he understands the subconscious intent of his rider in terms of her body language. How she sits in the saddle or shifts her weight is one of the aids he correctly interpreted, based on his training. However, at that moment his rider’s conscious mind hadn’t caught up with her body (subconscious mind) and she didn’t actually ask for the movement she intended. So horse and rider try again: the rider asks the question more clearly and/or a little differently and checks how Galahad responds. Sometimes he is genuinely confused when he is learning a new movement; sometimes I give mixed signals when I ask for that transition down to a walk but my body keeps moving along with the rhythm of his very comfortable trot. He is probably thinking: What do you want, lady?

For example, before she ever put me on Galahad for a trial ride, my trainer had me ride her hunter (and Galahad’s brother), Ban. I knew the gelding understood what I was asking him to do, but he would not budge no matter how many clucks or squeezes I gave him. Ban knew his owner/trainer was not on him, and he was not going to move a hoof until she said to do so, at which point he became a (fairly) willing equine partner for an hour or so.

Granted, my horse is much more fluent speaking and understanding “Human” and body language than I am speaking Equus (horse). We share a mutual vocabulary in terms of the aids we use during ground-work and training in the saddle. Unlike his brother, Galahad is my horse; when I ask him to do something he will make a great effort to do answer my question as he understands it. We also enjoy a good rapport: mutual respect, trust, improving communication and to like and even enjoy each other’s company. I know and understand from working with my hypnotherapy clients that these factors are imperative to understanding their individual therapeutic goals, as is being able to effect the specific desired behavior changes through hypnosis. I believe the same is true when we are riding and interacting with horses. With rapport and good communication skills, it is possible to have a great, mutually rewarding and even enlightening conversation.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified clinical hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2018