"Good" Girls and "Bad" Boys

All hypnotherapy sessions are conducted via phone or Zoom. 

 

(This blog was originally posted on September 23, 2014)

 

Photo by Rick Hustead

 

“Disobedience is my joy.” Princess Margaret of England (1930-2002)

 

The lyrics of the 19^th Century nursery rhyme titled “What Are Little Boys Made of?” proclaim that little girls are made of “sugar and spice and all things nice.” On the other hand, so says the poem, little boys are made of “snips and snails and puppy dog tails.” Not only is this attitude about boys very mean-spirited, it is also an inaccurate and unfair portrayal of both sexes’ behavior. No one is generally good all of the time; and no one is generally bad. Human behavior varies along a sliding scale that can fluctuate from day to day. So, why don’t social expectations about girls being “good” and boys being “bad” seem to change? Moreover, why is it more socially acceptable for a male than a female to not be good all the time?

 Why do people believe—and encourage others (future generations) to believe—that this dichotomy is a good thing? Perhaps my question isn’t about social acceptability but subconscious knowns. At some point during our lifetime, probably when we were very little children, we learned a belief/attitude and behavior that we practiced over and over, until it became a subconscious life script. Little girls sit with crossed legs and like to play with dolls? Check. Little boys pull pranks on their sisters and prefer rough play? Check. We see someone model these behaviors and we are rewarded for doing that, too.

The thing about these kinds of stereotypes is that they establish false expectations about how most people generally behave in the real world. Fairy tales about young women languishing in a tower just waiting for a dashing prince to rescue them from an uncertain fate so they can live happily ever after is incredibly detrimental to their self-esteem and self-confidence. Who says the woman couldn’t or shouldn’t be able to do something to rescue herself? After all, Maggie Q’s portrayal of the title character in Nikita, Scandal’s Olivia Pope and virtually every female in Game of Thrones take matters into their own hands to create their own fate in every episode. Why shouldn’t we encourage modern females to model and emulate their smarts, strength and emotional fortitude? Oh, right. Because these women may not always do the socially acceptable correct and expected thing; sometimes, like their bad-boy counterparts, they go a little rogue to get the job done.

Meanwhile, many of us follow the media’s lead in practically glorifying the “bad boy” motif. Gloria Estefan sings about them. Movies and television series fashion them as veritable demi-gods. As I recall, Jake Ryan—Molly Ringwold’s character’s crush in Sixteen Candles—was supposed to have been one (sort of). Last night, television audiences learned in the season finale of Dallas, J.R. Ewing—the man everyone “loved” to hate on the original series—has a self-proclaimed rival in his son John Ross. Even the POTUS on Scandal has immoral (and some criminal) tendencies. Finally: hands up, Vampire Diaries fans, if you think Damon Salvatore is much more fun than his brother Stefan. Nonetheless, no matter what dastardly deeds they have done or plan to do, they somehow, typically end up winning the day. Furthermore, no matter what evil these men unleash on their family, friends or foes, audiences just want more of the same. Maybe that’s because we want to live vicariously through their misbehavior. As for the women in these men’s lives, well…they’re turning out to have a darker side, too.

Not a “bad” side; just a more realistic one.  

 

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Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

© 2023

The Saddest Thing I Ever Heard

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

 

(This blog was originally posted on September 6, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

 

In August 2016, a four-year-old-girl was rescued from an abusive home in Hot Springs, Arkansas.¹ When police officers rescued her, she reportedly told them that her name was “Idiot” because that’s what her mother’s boyfriend allegedly called her. Apparently, she was called that so often that she did not even know her real name.

This incident absolutely broke my heart.

According to John Kappas, Ph.D., the subconscious mind works on expectation and imagination. Over time, we learn to expect others to respond to and interact with us in a particular way based on our previous experience with those individuals. Eventually, this treatment becomes part of our subconscious mental script as we also learn to internalize the message or emotion we perceive in those interactions. All of this can and does affect self-confidence and self-esteem, the Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder explained. No matter what the “message” is, the more you hear and repeat it to yourself your subconscious mind starts to believe and even “own” that message. When everyone around you constantly bombards you with so much criticism and negativity, including referring to you as an idiot or some other derogatory slur, it’s no surprise that your self-confidence and self-esteem take a hit. It’s really only a matter of time until you start to believe in the negative hype, and when you are as young and impressionable as this child it takes even less time to create a negative mental script.

Now that this little girl has been found and her alleged abusers—her mother and her mother’s boyfriend—are in custody, she can start to heal from the psychological damage she endured as well as her physical injuries and emaciation. Hopefully the inner resources that helped her endure the negative treatment and messages she received during these early years will also help her to heal, thrive and find happiness, safety, and security throughout the rest of her life.

1.       “Abused 4-Year-Old Child Tells Police Her Name Is ‘Idiot’: Mother, Boyfriend Charged After Abuse Reported” by Anneclaire Stapleton, CNN. http://www.clickorlando.com/news/national/abused-4-yearold-child-tells-police-her-name-is-idiot

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

© 2023

 

What Do You Believe?

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

 

(This blog was originally posted on August 26, 2014)

 

Photo by Rick Hustead

 

 

  I love this quote from actress Cameron Diaz: “I know I am capable of anything because I’ve never been told otherwise.” Wow. What a powerful statement. I can almost hear and feel the confidence in her voice. Unfortunately, many people do not possess the same amount of confidence in their own abilities. Why? For the same reason that Ms. Diaz and other people have high self-esteem or high self-confidence: they learned what to believe about their abilities.

  John Kappas, Ph.D., a psychologist and founder of the Hypnosis Motivation Institute, best explained this phenomenon in his Theory of Mind. Your subconscious mind learns and adopts behaviors and ways of thinking from a very young age. By the time you are about five years old the blueprint of your future beliefs and behaviors is estab­lished, based on the beliefs and behaviors you learned during those early years of your life. When you were a very small child, a caretaker believed and encouraged you to believe that anything is possible—or not. You learned by association and repetition of that activity to like and feel comfortable doing it; and every time that person or others encouraged you to participate in the activity/activities you enjoyed, your confidence and self-esteem continued to grow. Conversely, if you received negative messages (e.g., criticism and disapproval) and/or were discouraged from doing “x” your self-confidence and/or self-esteem are unlikely to be so high. For example, there is a fabulous scene in the 1981 film, Paternity, in which Burt Reynolds’ character points to a little boy riding his bicycle on a brick wall. He tells Beverly D’Angelo that the child has never fallen off that wall, but that the day he does fall it will be “the day he finds out about gravity.”

  According to Dr. Kappas, everyone carries the association and enjoyment (or not) of our specific “known” behaviors and beliefs throughout our life or until we are motivated to change this belief or behavior. Whether someone encouraged or discouraged you from doing something or believing in yourself, these patterns formed knowns in your subconscious mind and eventually became part of your subconscious life script. From then on, every time you encountered an unfamiliar situation, this script influenced whether you would attempt a challenge with confidence or bow out because you didn’t believe you could really accomplish the task at hand. Not only does your SCM store the association between those beliefs and behaviors, it also reinforces them every time you engage in that behavior or bow out of an activity. No matter how much your conscious mind dislikes or rails against the self-doubt you carry around with you, so long as your SCM is comfortable and familiar (pleasure) with this known that is what you will continue to believe.

   Your subconscious mind may know what you really want, but it is your conscious mind that possesses the willpower, decision-making, reasoning and logic to literally change your mind. I use hypnosis and therapeutic guided-imagery techniques to help my hypnotherapy clients change those unwanted or negative beliefs or behaviors that have prevented them from achieving their true potential. Hypnotherapy works because you want to make those changes, and it helps you to see and realize that anything really can be possible because you no longer tell yourself otherwise.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

© 2023

 

 

Dressing the Part

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on December 28, 2014)

Photo by Rick Hustead

 

Whenever I have to get something done, I dress the part. When I was working as a magazine editor, I wore a suit to work just about every day. I don’t know why I started doing that. Perhaps it was because, having just returned from England after living abroad for seven years, I was used to seeing professional people looking like they had somewhere important to go. Monday through Friday, on the London Underground, at bus stations and walking around the city, everyone looked so chic. (Of course, people dressed the part in Los Angeles, too; but since most people drove cars out here it was hard to know how they really looked from outside the vehicle.) But I also discovered that it was easier for me to get and maintain that mind-set for my work throughout the day.

My days as a magazine editor are long over, but I continue to dress for whatever part or role I am playing on a given day. If am going to give a presentation about hypnotherapy or work with my hypnotherapy clients, I wear business attire. If I am going out to the barn to ride my horse or just hang out with him and do chores around the barn, I put on my “horse clothes”: i.e., britches, shirt or sweater, half-chaps, Mountain Horse Jod boots. Right before I get on Galahad, I am also wearing gloves and my Troxel riding helmet. If I am competing in a horse show, I wear specific riding gear for that: white britches, white blouse and stock tie, black dressage coat and my tall dressage boots—plus white leather gloves, hair-net and stock pin. If I am going out for the evening, I wear appropriate attire for whatever the activity or event I am attending.

Finally, dressing the part helps to increase my self-confidence in my ability to do whatever task is at hand. When I was dressed like an editor—or what I thought an editor should wear—I also looked and acted like an editor. As a hypnotherapist, it is important to me that I can convey a sense of confidence, experience, calm and support to my clients. Sometimes, I also wear a name badge to reinforce this image when I work with someone for the first time. When I’m at the barn, I feel more confident and secure about my activities knowing that I am wearing protective gear that is specifically designed to prevent serious injury if I fall off a horse or get kicked or stepped on.

Guess what? I even put on something that tells me (and my subconscious mind) it’s time to relax and unwind from the stresses of the day when I am just planning to hang out at home reading or watching television. I know that my SCM should “know” how to relax as instinctively as it knows how to do most of the activities I mentioned above. However, sometimes I even have to remind myself that it’s okay to just do one thing (or nothing) at a time. In a way, the clothing functions like the critical area of my subconscious mind, as Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D., described in his Theory of Mind. This is the area of the mind that rejects any unknown or unfamiliar (painful) information for the SCM. So, to put this model into effect, when I am at work seeing a client, my official attire reminds my mind rejects distracting message units about the time I will spend with Galahad later in the day. And when I am with my horse, my riding garments remind me to focus on him.

Especially the boots: they have a reinforced steel toe to protect my feet in case I start thinking about something other than my boy, who likes to remind me where my attention should be focused should it drift away from him.

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Let the power of your subconscious mind help you release extra weight and increase your motivation to make healthier eating/nutrition and exercise choices. Book the entire 10-week series and save $250!

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit my website. 

© 2022

 

 

Hypnotherapy and Negative Self-Perceptions

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

(This blog was originally posted on February 1, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

 

 

"People are constantly changing and growing. Do not cling to a limited, disconnected, negative image of a person in the past." – Brian Weiss

 

 

When I saw that quote on a Twitter feed, I knew I had found my blog topic for the day. In addition to holding onto an outdated image of others, we often carry around the baggage of similarly disconnected and negative images of ourselves. The longer you held that perception, the more time your subconscious mind was bombarded with chatter to reinforce that negative opinion of yourself. Ironically, you may be the only person who continues to see yourself in that old light; but other people’s perceptions alone are not powerful enough to not persuade the subconscious mind to change a long-held belief about personal worth. No matter how much work you have put into changing or getting rid of an unwanted habit or belief, it can seem really tough to completely evict the negative perception about yourself that went along with that old behavior.

But tough is not impossible, and hypnotherapy is a very effective way to dismantle the subconscious mental scripts that no longer reflect the person you are and want to be.

A lot of these negative belief systems about perceived futility of change come from and are reinforced by low self-esteem and low self-confidence. If the person believes that he or she has or can never make a positive life change, lack of experience in actualizing a previous change in behavior only reinforces this negative belief system. Through hypnosis and therapeutic guided imagery, I help my clients imagine how it feels to be able to completely and effectively make the new, desired behavior changes. Since the subconscious mind does not know the difference between what is reality or pretend, it is ideal to practice and reinforce these new behaviors while in hypnosis, where a new positive mental script can be written.

Hypnotherapy and therapeutic guided-imagery techniques are also effective tools to further dismantle the former negative beliefs and replacing them with powerful new mental scripts to reinforce the client’s self-power, confidence and willingness to embrace the desired behavior change. Every time you “practice” the new desired behavior, confidence in your ability to make the desired change continues to grow and the realization that self-directed change is possible further increases self-esteem. Over time, repeated reinforcement of the new subconscious mental script—“I can do X, I am worthy, etc.”—replaces the negativity and self-doubt until you also believe that your power to change and the changes you have made are here to stay.

 

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

© 2022

 

The Saddest Thing I Ever Heard

 I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on September 6, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

 

In August 2016, a four-year-old-girl was rescued from an abusive home in Hot Springs, Arkansas.¹ When police officers rescued her she reportedly told them that her name was “Idiot” because that’s what her mother’s boyfriend allegedly called her. Apparently, she was called that so often that she didn’t even know her real name.

This incident absolutely broke my heart.

According to John Kappas, Ph.D., the subconscious mind works on expectation and imagination. Over time, we learn to expect others to respond to and interact with us in a particular way based on our previous experience with those individuals. Eventually, this treatment becomes part of our subconscious mental script as we also learn to internalize the message or emotion we perceive in those interactions. All of this can and does affect self-confidence and self-esteem, the Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder explained. No matter what the “message” is, the more you hear and repeat it to yourself your subconscious mind starts to believe and even “own” that message. When everyone around you constantly bombards you with so much criticism and negativity, including referring to you as an idiot or some other derogatory slur, it’s no surprise that your self-confidence and self-esteem take a hit. It’s really only a matter of time until you start to believe in the negative hype, and when you are as young and impressionable as this child it takes even less time to create a negative mental script.

Now that this little girl has been found and her alleged abusers—her mother and her mother’s boyfriend—are in custody, she can start to heal from the psychological damage she endured as well as her physical injuries and emaciation. Hopefully the inner resources that helped her endure the negative treatment and messages she received during these early years will also help her to heal, thrive and find happiness, safety and security throughout the rest of her life.

1.       “Abused 4-Year-Old Child Tells Police Her Name Is ‘Idiot’: Mother, Boyfriend Charged After Abuse Reported” by Anneclaire Stapleton, CNN. http://www.clickorlando.com/news/national/abused-4yearold-child-tells-police-her-name-is-idiot

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, three years in a row (2019, 2020, 2021). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

© 2022

 

Eating Disorders Are Not an Extreme Diet

To minimize risk of exposure to and spread of the COVID-19 virus and COVID-19 variants, I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. Meanwhile, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

 

(This blog was originally posted on June 9, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

“I have it on very good authority that the quest for perfection our society demands can leave the individual gasping for breath at every turn. This pressure inevitably extends to the way we look. Eating disorders, whether it be anorexia or bulimia, show how an individual can turn the nourishment of the body into a painful attack on themselves.”

– Diana, Princess of Wales

 

 

Recently, singer Meghan Trainor took her music label to task for altering her image. Apparently, the company digitally slimmed her waistline in the video of her song, “Me Too.” Trainor was happy and confident with her talent and her body image. Apparently, the record company had a different idea, which is why the tweak was ordered in the first place. Long story short, the video was promptly taken down and replaced with the original version, sans photo-shopped images and exactly how the singer wanted to be presented.

But not everybody has the opportunity or resources (internal or otherwise) to determine how to present him- or herself and be perceived by others. With so many magazines and movies/television programs featuring uber-slim models and actors/actresses, it is not surprising that we integrate the message that this is how they should look. After all, that is the image the media and clothes designers want to promote. NBC’s popular weight-loss program, The Biggest Loser, makes the process of losing weight into a competition. In this case, the “winner” is the person who has dropped the most weight within the duration of the series (just a few months). Is it really surprising when someone takes these popular images and subconscious suggestions about the importance/value of looking like the beautiful people featured in the magazines, to an extreme? Apparently, there are websites devoted to the various ways a person can lose weight—including fasting and purging—and there are various dietary “supplements” available to suppress appetite and facilitate weight loss.

An eating disorder is not an extreme version of a diet or extreme over-eating at a meal. There are three basic categories of eating disorders: anorexia nervosa; bulimia; and compulsive eating. In the context of this essay, I will address just the first two. Each is a very complicated, dangerous condition that can cause severe physiological destruction and even death. The symptoms and etiology (medical/psychiatric origin) of each are addressed in the Diagnostics and Statistic Manual of Mental Disorders, a basic reference guide for various psychiatric disorders. Typically, these conditions are out of scope of my or most other certified hypnotherapists’ professional expertise to address in hypnotherapy. To do so, I would have to receive a referral from the person’s (licensed) medical doctor and/or mental-health worker to work with the individual. Even then, my input as a hypnotherapist would be only to help the client fortify her or his self-confidence and self-esteem and reinforce new healthy-eating behaviors recommended by the person’s medical and psychiatric team. Ultimately, the treatment (management) of anorexia nervosa and bulimia is often a lifelong process which must be done under such medical supervision.

Click here to watch the late Princess of Wales’s entire speech about eating disorders.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. In July 2019 and in September 2020 she was voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2021

 

Reconstructive Surgery and Self-Esteem

 

To minimize risk of exposure to and spread of the COVID-19 virus and COVID-19 variants, I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. Meanwhile, phone and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on August 18, 2014)

Photo by Rick Hustead

 

In a way, some instances of reconstructive surgery is like putting a bandage on a wound rather than healing the tissue that has been injured. John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind tells us that we start receiving message units the moment we are born. Between the ages of five and eight, we start taking these messages directly into the subconscious mind. Even negative messages that cause emotional pain, such as criticism about physical appearance or intelligence will be accepted and integrated to help form our life script. Negative messages create negative beliefs, and unless or until those beliefs are replaced with positive ones, our self-image will not improve even if the physique or appearance changes.

To further complicate this situation, we are strongly influenced by peers and social trend as we get older. Society also influences our personal beliefs about what we think is attractive. Furthermore, should we decide to have plastic or reconstructive surgery to “fix” a perceived blemish in our appearance, we still might not think those changes make us look better or more attractive. If you were constantly criticized about your looks or physique, no matter how clear your skin is now or how fit you are now, those early beliefs may still make you doubt what you see in the mirror. Increasing the number or frequency of reconstructive procedures cannot increase your self-confidence or self-esteem so long as your mental script believes otherwise.

In other words, the path to improving your self-image starts with improving that image—yourself-confidence and self-esteem from the inside. “Don’t put in suggestions about being attractive if it’s not true. Give negative suggestions about negative situations if you were different: i.e., the downside of being more attractive,” the Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder suggested. “You have to learn to live with [the way you look].”

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. In July 2019 and in September 2020 she was voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2021

 

Passive Aggression and the Fear of Success

 

To minimize risk of exposure to and spread of the COVID-19 virus and COVID-19 variants, I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. Meanwhile, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on July 10, 2014)

 

Photo by Sara Fogan

 

Passive-aggressive behavior is one of the most common ways that we sabotage ourselves. According to developmental psychologist Erik Erikson, it usually starts very early in life: between the ages of 3 and 6 years old (although as young as 18 months is possible). During this time, which Erikson characterized as the play-age/loco-motor stage of development, a child is learning the difference between right and wrong behavior, on his or her way to learning to become independent.

To facilitate healthy development at this stage, Erikson believed that children should be encouraged to be creative and use their imagination when they play. In addition, they should be allowed to play adult roles and assert their individuality by taking initiative and doing things on their own. Otherwise, they may develop a sense of guilt and believe that everything they do is “wrong.” When children are not allowed or is discouraged from expressing their feelings, they may try to punish their parents for causing this discomfort. When they continue this behavior as adults, however, they become the object of this punishment, Erikson warned.

“A passive-aggressive person first believes that asserting himself will cause him pain, so he backs off from people who challenge him,” John Kappas, Ph.D., explained. However, even if the individual initially seems very passive and cooperative, the objective in this behavior is to teach someone a lesson. Passive-aggression is self-sabotaging and is at the passive-aggressive person’s expense, such as quitting a job before being fired, the Hypnosis Motivation Institute explained.

For example, even if a person wants to have a successful career in a specific vocation, he or she may find reasons to not pursue this goal. The individual may decide that it is taking too long to achieve that goal, even though the person is already very good at this job. It may even be true that he or she could earn more money doing something else instead of wasting precious time learning pre-requisite skills to advance and achieve the desired career. But that is what the conscious mind—the area of will-power/free will, decision-making, reason and logic—says. This is what the subconscious mind, which still follows an early-life subconscious mental script, says: “You will never be good/talented/smart enough to do that.” This belief is the actual reason why the person will actually walk away from that “dream” job.

My role as this person’s hypnotherapist would be to change his or her mental script by helping to increase his or her self-confidence and perception of self-worth. I would also help the individual change the passive-aggressive tendencies to assertiveness by setting realistic career goals, following through with goals and reinforcing his or her new self-confidence (behaviors and beliefs). Finally, I would teach my client about the Mental Bank Concept and incorporate it in the person’s daily life to reinforce these new behaviors and perception (belief) of self-worth.

For more information about passive-aggressive behavior, read my blog titled “Passive-Aggressive Behavior.” You can also find out more about how the Mental Bank process works in my July 7, 2014 blog titled “Introduction to the Mental Bank Concept” or watch the free online video about this topic at http://www.hypnosis.edu/streaming/#Mental-Bank-Program.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. In July 2019 and in September 2020 she was voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2021

 

The Saddest Thing I Ever Heard, Part 2

 To minimize risk of exposure to and spread of the COVID-19 virus, I am temporarily suspending in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, Skype and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

 

Photo by Rick Hustead

 

This morning, I read a tweet that made me very sad and then warmed my heart. In it, an anesthesiologist described how one team member demeaned himself and his role as a doctor when she introduced herself to her colleagues before a surgery. “I’m just a medical student,” he said. It was almost as if he was correcting her assumption and that of other more senior doctors in the room that he was not important and so didn’t need or deserve her professional courtesy. Apparently, he and his classmates had been repeatedly admonished by their instructors (and more senior physicians) that as a student, he should stay out of the way. He should not seek recognition or, heaven forbid, do anything to catch the attention of another “real” doctor. Or so he believed. Needless to say, the anesthesiologist made a point to introduce herself and find out his name. She lamented in her tweet that demeaning and diminishing the confidence of future physicians could only be harmful to their self-confidence and performance in the long run.

According to John Kappas, Ph.D., the subconscious mind works on expectation and imagination. Over time, we learn to expect others to respond to and interact with us in a particular way based on our previous experience with those individuals. Eventually, this treatment becomes part of our subconscious mental script as we also learn to internalize the message or emotion we perceive in those interactions. All of this can and does affect self-confidence and self-esteem, the Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder explained. No matter what the “message” is, the more you hear and repeat it to yourself your subconscious mind starts to believe and even “own” that message. When everyone around you constantly bombards you with so much criticism and negativity, including referring to you as an idiot or some other derogatory slur, it’s no surprise that your self-confidence and self-esteem take a hit. It’s really only a matter of time until you start to believe in the negative hype, and when you are as young and impressionable as this child it takes even less time to create a negative mental script.

I imagine that the medical student in the previous example processed his instructor’s admonitions about being “just” and “only” an inconsequential student, in a similar way. The higher status of the instructor and other more senior physicians he worked and trained with, combined with the subconscious overload of information—medical terms, techniques, and order of procedures—likely overloaded his subconscious mind and the student in a highly suggestible (trance) state. The pressure of processing criticism or corrections of his knowledge and skills, combined with being told that he was unimportant and even inconsequential, would have reinforced other negative messages in his mental script. It is understandable that he wanted to clarify and differentiate his identity, because by now he also believed what he had been taught: Students don’t matter.

This scenario reminded me of a similar one I described in a previous blog titled, The Saddest Thing I Ever Heard. In August 2016, a four-year-old-girl was rescued from an abusive home in Hot Springs, Arkansas.¹ When police officers rescued her, the child reportedly told them that her name was “Idiot” because that’s what her mother’s boyfriend allegedly called her. Apparently, she was called that so often that she didn’t even know her real name.

Hopefully, the anesthesiologist’s compassion and encouragement of the medical student she described in this morning’s tweet helped him feel appreciated and consequential for a little while. Everyone is a student, just learning the ropes, at some point in life and at the start of a career. Kindness and encouragement go a long way to create the professional that a person wants to become. Kudos to this doctor for taking the time to nurture this growth by doing something so simple as recognizing the future “professional” that medical student is becoming.

1.        “Abused 4-Year-Old Child Tells Police Her Name Is ‘Idiot’: Mother, Boyfriend Charged After Abuse Reported” by Anneclaire Stapleton, CNN. http://www.clickorlando.com/news/national/abused-4yearold-child-tells-police-her-name-is-idiot

 

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Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. In July 2019 and in September 2020 she was voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

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