Dealing With Holiday Stress

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

 

                It seems almost counter-intuitive, but the holidays are actually one of the most stressful times of the year. Behind all that merry-making lurks the burden of having to deal with heavy traffic and possibly inclement weather to get wherever we’re going at the same time millions of other travelers are on the move to get to their holiday destination. While your kids and spouse are tossing a football back and forth or building a snowman on the lawn, you’re preparing the holiday meal and getting the house ready to host (or being hosted by) friends and relatives. The pressure of sending greeting cards and purchasing, wrapping and sending (or delivering) gifts on time lurks behind every expression of good cheer as you negotiate (fight) your way through throngs of impatient shoppers trying to achieve the same goal. By the time the holiday “day” actually arrives, you’re tired, irritable and no longer in a festive mood. Quite frankly, you’d almost be just as happy to get home already so you could recover from preparing for an event you barely got to enjoy in the first place, if you enjoyed it at all.

                Many people also follow a particular set of behaviors during the holidays. For example, we may going to a place of worship to celebrate the holiday, travel somewhere so you can spend time with (the same) friends and/or relatives or eat a specific dish of food at the holiday meal. We likely have the same conversation or talk about similar topics every year with those same people—a conversation that, more often than not, devolves into an argument. Even if we no longer enjoy or even like the way we are spending this time, it seems impossible to do anything different because doing so would be unfamiliar, painful—even scary. That is because over time, repetition of these behaviors become a habit—a known.

                It doesn’t have to be like this. Here are a few tips to help you avoid and/or manage common triggers of holiday stress:

·         Eat nutritious meals that contain protein. I know that there are plenty of sweet and savory treats to tempt us at this time of year, but protein is the best option to help you stabilize and maintain control of your emotions. John Kappas, Ph.D., founder of the Hypnosis Motivation Institute observed a strong correlation between low blood sugar and hyper-suggestibility, which can lead to anxiety and the perception of being unable to control the environment. Protein helps to lower blood-sugar levels and stabilize mood swings, which in turn helps you feel more in control of how you react and respond to stressors in your environment.

·         Get plenty of sleep. Not only does lack of sleep disrupt the regular circadian rhythm, it can also really mess up our productivity and attitude about things going on (or not) in our lives. Even though there may be parties and other activities going on late into the night and early the next morning, listen to your body and hit the hay when you feel tired.

·         Square breathe. If you notice that your temper is starting to rise and your level of patience is on a steep decline, practice drawing several slow, deep breaths. As you inhale through your nose, visualize or imagine that you are drawing from the universe an infinite amount of patience, calm and control. Hold that breath (and image) for four seconds and then release the air through your mouth. As you exhale, visualize or imagine that you are releasing any stress and/or other negative emotion or association into the universe where it can no longer affect you or anyone else. Repeat this exercise as needed.

·         Avoid alcohol and caffeine. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have any alcoholic beverages or your morning coffee, just to be smart about it. Both alcohol and caffeine affects suggestibility, which can distort your perception about what is going on in the environment around you. If you are already feeling stressed about something these substances are more likely to increase your annoyance, frustration or unhappiness than alleviate it.

·         Do something nice for someone else. Hold a door open for another shopper, “pay it forward” at your favorite café by purchasing another customer’s coffee, volunteer at a homeless shelter/animal shelter or compliment a co-worker on the snack the person contributed to the office party, etc. It really doesn’t matter what you do so long as you hold a positive intention and benevolent attitude; doing something nice for someone else will make you feel good, too!

·         It will be over soon. Remember: The holidays only come around once a year. You have dealt with the various challenges and their related stresses in the past, so you can (and will) get through the season again! Try the suggestions above to help you deal with any stress you may be feeling and help you prepare for the holiday.

·         Hypnotherapy to deal with holiday-related stress.

To help someone deal with stress during the holidays, I first explain the “mechanics” of this experience in the context of John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind. When the person is in hypnosis I gradually introduce specific aspects or qualities of what triggers this distress into his or her subconscious awareness and then systematically desensitize the person to that stressor. I may also incorporate guided-imagery exercises to enable the client to rehearse how he or she can and will handle the stress in a productive way. This process creates a new subconscious mental script that emphasizes a state of deep relaxation and the ability to control how they perceive and respond to negative stimuli that triggers the stress reaction. For example, I may have the client visualize that he or she is confidently, calmly deflecting a relative’s too-personal questions during the holiday meal and redirecting the conversation to a more neutral topic. As I create the individualized hypnotic script, I incorporate the client’s words and motivations to relax and enjoy the holiday events occasion, replacing his or her previous negative associations about the holidays with positive ones. Throughout the hypnosis session I use imagery and other key words to reinforce this state of deep relaxation and increase the person’s motivation to manage this stress once they return to an alert and aware state.

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

Energy Exchange

(This blog was originally posted on January 3, 2014)

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

 

                Perhaps you have heard or even used one of these expressions: “He has great energy”; “You give off a good vibe”; “there is a charge in the air when you’re around”; “she rubs me the wrong way”; “I have a very bad feeling about this”; or, “I feel very comfortable when I am around you.” These are just a few examples of how people experience emotional energy in their environment.

                I am not talking about energy in the context of lightning or electricity as depicted in the photo that accompanies this blog. Rather, “energy” in this context refers to that primal and subconscious reaction to another person or a situation. This reaction may be one of attraction or repulsion; it may change (positively or negatively) over time. Whenever energy is very big and not controlled, even positive energy can overwhelm, confuse and frustrate you. Low energy can make you feel depressed, anxious and suffocated. The great thing about energy in either context is that you have the power to change (raise or lower) it so you feel more relaxed and comfortable. Here are a few easy techniques to help you do this.

·         Square breathe. Draw a deep breath through your nose and hold it for the count of 4, 3, 2, 1…and release the breath slowly through the mouth. Continue breathing like this to/until you feel centered (relaxed, patient, focused and confident) to deal with the person or situation that is affecting you.

·         Use these seconds that you are drawing and expelling each cleansing breath to think about what you will say or do in response to the emotionally charged person you are dealing with and/or to actually change the energy around you.

·         If you feel overwhelmed (negatively or positively) by the energy around you, hold your right (or left) forearm in front of you and make a quick slicing motion in front of you. (You can also perform this action to each side and behind your body.) I use this technique every time I conclude a Reiki (energy) healing session to ensure that I separate from the other person or animal’s energy, when we are done. You should immediately notice a sensation of release and greater relaxation once you have literally cut off the connection with the intrusive energy.

·         Match your level of activity (tone and cadence of speech, intensity of the same behavior, etc.) and then slowly, gradually start to lower or raise your level of energy. As you change your energy level, the other person(s) will subconsciously start to match your behavior in a similar way to how you consciously matched their behavior to effect this change.

 

 

 Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy®, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

Being a Good Host

 

                In January, I had brunch with relatives I had not seen since I was about 10 years old. Last night, I saw one of those cousins again at a Passover Seder. This was the first night of Passover and, apparently, the first time he had ever experienced this holiday. I know from my hypnotherapy training how and why it is not always easy or comfortable to participate in an unfamiliar holiday or event (unknown); but he was a very enthusiastic and appreciative participant (guest) in this very interactive meal. His interest and apparent joy about being included in the Seder inspired everyone else to also pay closer attention to and appreciate the significance of the many symbolic elements of this meal.

It also reminded me how important it is to be a compassionate and involved host in order to help each guest feel welcome, relaxed, interested and interesting so everyone can have a great time.

Advice for the Host(s)

·         Do as much food and set-up preparation as possible well before the guests are due to arrive. The less rushing around you have to do, the calmer you will feel and the more relaxed you will be during your party.

·         Consider assigning seats around the dining table to facilitate introductions of specific guests or, if necessary, to separate others who do not get along.

·         Remember to breathe! Deep breathing increases the flow of oxygen throughout the body, via the bloodstream. Draw a deep breath through the nose and hold it for the count of four. Imagine, visualize, picture or pretend that you are inhaling confidence, relaxation, calm and any other positive emotions that represent to you a comfortable social interaction. At the count of four, exhale that breath through your mouth. As you exhale visualize, imagine, picture or pretend that you are releasing the anxiety, discomfort and/or any other negative emotions that you have previously associated with these kinds of social interactions. Say/repeat the following mantra: “I am very relaxed, calm and confident. With each deep breath I take, I am becoming even more relaxed, sociable and in control of everything around me. In fact, the harder I try to do or be the opposite, the more comfortable and outgoing I become/am.”

·         Take a relaxing bath and/or do some meditation to deepen your sense of relaxation. You can even do some self-hypnosis to reinforce suggestions that your party will be fun and successful in order to assuage any anticipatory anxiety about the event. These suggestions may include: “My guests will feel relaxed and enjoy meeting and inviting these new people into their lives”; and “(As the host or hostess) I release any and all worry or negative expectations and will have fun at my party.”

·         Do not assume that a guest is bored or uninterested in what is going on at your party just because the person isn’t doing much (or any) talking. It takes some people a little while to relax and feel comfortable in a social environment, let alone a bustling or structured one. Sometimes, this kind of event can be overwhelming—so much so that the physical stimuli and activities going on induce a gentle trance or light state of hypnosis!

·         Be an interested host: Ask your guests questions and listen to their replies. Invite them to participate in different aspects of the event, such as proposing a toast, helping to serve part of the meal, leading the group in prayer before the meal, etc. Not only do these kinds of activities help to integrate individuals within this new social group, they also facilitate conversations between the guests during the party.

·         Similarly, if your guest(s) offer to help you serve part of the meal or beverages, or want to help you clean up afterward, it is okay for you to accept this offer. I find that people often want to pitch in this way. It is a way for guests to show how much they appreciate the time and effort their hosts made to put on a successful event, as well as to be more involved in it.

·         Once you have introduced all of your guests to each other, do not linger to monitor these interactions. It is natural for conversations to ebb and flow. Your guests may have more or less in common with each other than you hoped or expected; however, it is out of your hands whether they a friendship or other relationship ultimately develops from this introduction.

·         Point out common interests that your guests share. This will help to break the ice and facilitate conversations. If you someone seems uncomfortable, make a point of striking up conversation with that guest. Discuss things that you know he or she is interested in and make a point of introducing that person to others at the event who are likely to share a common interest.

·         Eat protein (cheese, meat or non-meat protein substitutes, nuts, etc.) before and during the event to stabilize your blood sugar and keep your mood even.

·         Alcohol lowers inhibition and can consequently affect your mood and confidence, so avoid drinking or limit your intake of alcoholic beverages before and during your event. Similarly, even if you are serving alcohol, be sure to offer your guests nonalcoholic beverages such as water, fruit juice and even soda to drink. Restrict the amount of caffeinated beverages you drink, which can also affect blood-sugar level and your mood.

 

 

 Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy®, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

 

Time Management

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

It is often psychologically easier and more rewarding
to tackle small portions of a project at a time.

 

 

Many people fulfill several roles in their daily life. They juggle the role of parent, spouse or romantic partner, athlete, friend, etc., plus the myriad responsibilities they fulfill at work. Sometimes it feels like a full-time job to just keep track of who you are supposed to be and what you are supposed to be doing at any given moment. Here are some suggestions to help you relax and be completely “present” in whatever you are doing—no matter how much (or little) time you spend in that role.

·         Square breathe. Draw a deep breath through the nose and hold it to the count of four, then exhale through your mouth. As you inhale, visualize, imagine, picture or pretend that you are inhaling calm, focus, patience and any word that you associate with feeling powerful and in control. As you exhale, allow any stress, frustration or negative energy or emotion that you identify in your body.

·         Anchor this new sensation by pressing or rubbing the thumb and index (pointing) finger of either hand. This action physically “anchors” your subconscious mind to the calm, relaxed state of focused energy that you will be able to access as you fulfill each role.

·         Prioritize what you need to do. Make a list—mental or write it down—of what needs your attention. The first item should be what needs to be done right now. What is the next priority, and so on?

·         If a project is particularly complicated or involved, break that big project into several smaller, more manageable “chunks.” Even though the final project is the same, it is psychologically easier—and more rewarding—to tackle small portions of it at a time.

·         Stay organized and on-task­. Make sure that you have all of the material(s) available and on-hand to achieve your goal or complete your project.

·         Unless the project absolutely demands this kind of contact or you are waiting for someone in your group to arrive, turn off/silence your phone or computer. Technology makes our lives easier in many ways, but the temptation to check for unrelated text messages or voice-mail and browse the Internet for something-that-might-be-useful-but-is-actually-totally-unrelated to what you are doing, is almost always more distracting than helpful. 

·         Complete each task according to its priority before you tackle the next one!

Whether you are supervising a project at work, spending quality time with your family or just chilling out with your friends, each activity will place a specific demand on your attention and the time you spend doing...whatever. It is important to dedicate as much time as you want or need to this activity, but make sure that your focus is completely on that project. You, and whatever you are doing or working on, deserve nothing less—and you will value the time you spend focusing on this endeavor even more.

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

Energy Exchange

 

 

Photo courtesy of Microsoft 

You have the power to change (raise or lower) the energy in a situation
so you feel more relaxed and comfortable. 

                Perhaps you have heard or even used one of these expressions: “He has great energy”; “You give off a good vibe”; “there is a charge in the air when you’re around”; “she rubs me the wrong way”; “I have a very bad feeling about this”; or, “I feel very comfortable when I am around you.” These are just a few examples of how people experience emotional energy in their environment.

                I am not talking about energy in the context of lightning or electricity as depicted in the photo that accompanies this blog. Rather, “energy” in this context refers to that primal and subconscious reaction to another person or a situation. This reaction may be one of attraction or repulsion; it may change (positively or negatively) over time. Whenever energy is very big and not controlled, even positive energy can overwhelm, confuse and frustrate you. Low energy can make you feel depressed, anxious and suffocated. The great thing about energy in either context is that you have the power to change (raise or lower) it so you feel more relaxed and comfortable. Here are a few easy techniques to help you do this.

·         Square breathe. Draw a deep breath through your nose and hold it for the count of 4, 3, 2, 1…and release the breath slowly through the mouth. Continue breathing like this to/until you feel centered (relaxed, patient, focused and confident) to deal with the person or situation that is affecting you.

·         Use these seconds that you are drawing and expelling each cleansing breath to think about what you will say or do in response to the emotionally charged person you are dealing with and/or to actually change the energy around you.

·         If you feel overwhelmed (negatively or positively) by the energy around you, hold your right (or left) forearm in front of you and make a quick slicing motion in front of you. (You can also perform this action to each side and behind your body.) I use this technique every time I conclude a Reiki (energy) healing session to ensure that I separate from the other person or animal’s energy, when we are done. You should immediately notice a sensation of release and greater relaxation once you have literally cut off the connection with the intrusive energy.

·         Match your level of activity (tone and cadence of speech, intensity of the same behavior, etc.) and then slowly, gradually start to lower or raise your level of energy. As you change your energy level, the other person(s) will subconsciously start to match your behavior in a similar way to how you consciously matched their behavior to effect this change.

 

 Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy®, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.