Welcome: February 2023

Tuesday, February 28, 2023

Family Ties

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on August 5, 2014)

Photo by Rick Hustead

In one episode of his talk show, Late Night with Seth Meyers host, Seth Meyers, had his younger brother, Josh, as a guest on the show to help promote their animated series, The Awesomes. This was the first time I ever saw them interact together, and I was immediately struck by how easy, comfortable and familiar they were. That made sense: not only are they brothers; they are obviously very good friends. Watching the interview was less like a promotion for their shared venture on the Hulu® network and more like being a fly on the wall at a family reunion. It was fun to listen to them reminisce about their childhood and adolescence, the private names they call each other and the verbal shorthand they use to communicate. Apparently, the brothers knew each other so well that when Seth offered to pick up a sandwich for Josh, the younger sibling immediately knew that the family dog had died. Similarly, when Josh started a phone conversation by saying “I’m all right,” Seth knew those words were actually a code for, I’m alive, but this, this and this happened to me on the ski slopes today, or whatever.

Family members aren’t the only ones who communicate like this. Good friends, spouses, romantic partners or military personnel also share a similar verbal shorthand. Words don’t even need to be spoken, yet a gesture or facial expression tells an entire story to the other party in this non-verbal exchange. An observer, someone who is not part of this immediate group, might wonder if the members are even psychic the way they finish each other’s sentences. Even spookier is when one person says something and another says, “I was just going to say that!” and you know it is true. Extra-sensory perception may or may not have a part in the fluidity of this exchange, but you can definitely chalk up the mutual understanding to shared experiences and shared subconscious knowns. Siblings are a great example of this phenomenon.

Consider this second example of shared, familial knowns versus what we learn from non-family members (strangers). The popular detective series of the late 1980s and early 1990s, Inspector Morse, got a new spinoff a few years ago titled Endeavour. This new series follows Shaun Evans’ rookie detective constable at the start of Morse’s police career, negotiating department politics while he solves complicated murders. I think Evans is well-cast as Morse. He has the clear-blue eyes for which John Thaw’s Chief Inspector Morse was known, and the younger man has mastered Thaw’s facial expressions, posture and pattern of speech. But Thaw’s daughter, Abigail, who has a recurring role in the new series, is even more like her late father than the man who portrays him. In addition to bearing some physical resemblance to him, Ms. Thaw absolutely has that raised eyebrow, grimace, slow smile that fans remember from her father’s embodiment of “Morse.” These are not gestures that she would have had to study and learn so she could mimic them in her role, the way Evans would have had to do to convincingly portray a younger version of Inspector Morse. Rather, she would have acquired them over the years while sitting on her father’s knee listening to a story when she was a little girl or any number of casual interactions with him during a family get-together.

Whether or not you are emotionally close to your family, if you were raised and grew up together you already share more than DNA. You also learned various behaviors and beliefs from your parent(s)/guardian(s) through the development of your suggestibility, as did your sibling(s). You learned to associate certain events or stimuli with pleasure or pain, and these experiences became the knowns that would create, support and reinforce your subconscious life script. This process is the basis of Hypnosis Motivation Founder John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind and development of suggestibility. Whenever someone observes how two “like” minds think alike, I would say that is true more frequently about family members’—especially, siblings’—mental processes than that of two “strangers” such as spouses or close friends. Dr. Kappas’ Theory of Mind probably also goes a long way to explain the role of nurture in terms of contributing to our social development.

Special Offer: Free 30-Minute Phone or Zoom Consultation

This is a great opportunity to find out why hypnosis is so effective and how hypnotherapy can help you achieve your self-improvement goals. Call or text me at (661) 433-9430 or send me an e-mail at calminsensehypnosis@yahoo.com to set up your free, 30-minute phone or Zoom consultation* today!

*This is not a full hypnotherapy session. Hypnosis will not be provided during this consultation. This offer is not redeemable for cash and may not be combined with any other promotion.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

Thursday, February 23, 2023

Don't Rise to the Bait

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on August 21, 2014)

Photo courtesy of Fotolia

Whether it’s a colleague at work or another kid at school who is subtly or not-so-subtly challenging you, the most effective strategy to dissipate the tension between you is to ignore the taunt. Unfortunately, nothing is one of the most difficult things to do when we want to stand our ground and defend what we believe. This is even more challenging when we buy into and believe the criticism or digs someone is directing our way. Like children on the playground, adults can also get caught in a seemingly endless cycle of verbal sparring because this kind of interaction has become an established pattern between the participants. There may not be a specific reason why this behavior occurs; and for the purposes of this essay, it doesn’t even matter. The point here is the behavior and how you can prevent yourself from responding to and engaging with whatever has instigated it.

Whenever you find yourself in a potentially negative interaction ask yourself: Is the trash talk part of your usual repertoire with this individual or individuals? If your answer is yes, consider who is instigating the negativity. Be honest! It surprises many people to realize that they may have started the argument or made the first dig without even consciously knowing or intending to do this. If you did intend to stir something up with the other person, consider your reason or reasons for doing so. Sometimes we criticize another person’s behavior or appearance, etc., because we actually disapprove of or even resent that attribute in ourselves. If your answer is no, think back to a similar, previous occasion or events in which you were the object of the other person’s animosity. How did you react in those situations? How did the other person respond to what you said or did? If this scenario has been repeated several times, it is likely that you both follow a subconscious mental script in which you trigger specific antagonistic/combative and defensive/combative responses in each other.

Even if this behavior has become a habit, the good news is that you both can unlearn it and rewrite your mental scripts to create a more constructive way of interacting. Do not use or waste this time and your energy trying to come up with a clever retort to the other person’s taunt, either. Any temporary pleasure you may feel when you say it will be overshadowed by the fact that your quip will only reinforce the unwanted behavior that you’re trying to get rid of and the other person’s negative behavior toward you. The easiest way to start changing the original pattern is simple: just do not respond to that dig or verbal jab. Instead, draw a deep breath through the nose and hold it to the count of four and then exhale the breath through your mouth. As you inhale, visualize, imagine, picture or pretend that you are inhaling calm, focus, patience and any word that you associate with feeling powerful, in control, and loving or benevolent. Then when you exhale, imagine that you are releasing from your body every last bit of anger, stress, frustration or negative energy or emotion that you feel about the other person and/or this situation.

For all intents and purposes, you are in a kind of “relationship” with the other person or people with whom you share this behavior. Like any other relationship in your life, this one is also subject to the principles behind the Systems Approach, whereby you cannot separate one component of the system from the sub-total or entire system. According to John Kappas, Ph.D., the founder of the Hypnosis Motivation Institute, changing your behavior in the relationship—i.e., no longer respond to comments or communicate with the other party the way you used to—will necessarily affect the basic structure of the relationship or system and create resistance within it. The ultimate goal of applying the Systems Approach in hypnotherapy is to bring the System (relationship) back into balance. However, if that system is no longer working for you and the other party or parties is unwilling to change their behavior to restore this balance, the relationship as it stands will not survive. Under those circumstances, you may ultimately find that leaving the toxic relationship and combative social environment is the better option anyway.

Special Offer: Free 30-Minute Phone or Zoom Consultation

*This is not a full hypnotherapy session. Hypnosis will not be provided during this consultation. This offer is not redeemable for cash and may not be combined with any other promotion.

Wednesday, February 22, 2023

Age Regression...and Why I Don't Use This Technique to Uncover Traumatic Memories

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

This blog was originally posted on January 28, 2014

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

We often see characters on television or in the movies use age regression to solve a crime or resolve a mystery in a protagonist’s life. During the 1970s and 1980s, hypnosis was used as a crime-solving technique. During this period, there was a widely held belief that all psychological problems were caused by sexual abuse. Some people theorized that hypnosis would be a useful device with which to rewind a person’s memory of a traumatic incident to discover what had happened. Once this information was revealed, hypnosis could also help the person to vent out these memories and resolve his or her feelings about and reactions to the issue. Eventually, experts realized that this technique did not help either the client (alleged abuse victim) or lawyers to prosecute their cases. Memories are filled with distortion and amnesia; furthermore, a person under hypnosis is highly suggestible and becomes very eager to please the hypnotist. A highly emotional-suggestible client will infer that the hypnotist wants to hear certain information and will duly provide those details.

In some situations, age regression is considered a therapeutic technique: to help an adult remember a license plate after a car crash or to find a personal item that he or she lost several weeks ago. I also use it as part of an imagery exercise to remember every cigarette that the person has smoked when I help a client quit smoking. However, I do not use age regression to discover (or help my client discover) information or memories that the person is not ready to address. When a terrible trauma has occurred, a person knows how to breathe, sleep, eat and eliminate. If a memory is too traumatic, the mind creates a “scab” over that memory to protect the individual from further trauma or stress. Just like you wouldn’t pull a scab off of an abrasion, I do not use hypnosis to rip a similar scab off your mind. Again, since there is no way to prove the veracity of any memories that a person regains while under hypnosis, this information would not be allowed in a court of law.

My first responsibility to my clients is to do no harm. As a certified hypnotherapist, my role is to help them achieve a vocational or avocational self-improvement goal (California Business and Professions Code 2098). However, if a client spontaneously remembers a traumatic incident, I will use hypnosis to help him or her present reality more powerful than the past, and refer the person to a licensed psychologist or other medical professional for additional professional support in areas that are outside my own scope of expertise in hypnotherapy.

Special Offer: Free 30-Minute Phone or Zoom Consultation

*This is not a full hypnotherapy session. Hypnosis will not be provided during this consultation. This offer is not redeemable for cash and may not be combined with any other promotion.

Nutrition and Development of Phobias

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on January 14, 2014)

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

According to Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D., low blood sugar can exacerbate or even be the cause of a person’s presenting problem. A sudden drop in blood sugar can trigger physical symptoms such as shaking, light-headedness and feeling tired. People can also experience psychological symptoms such as depression, paranoia, irritability and memory problems. This condition is often associated with triggering a phobic response and influencing the person’s suggestibility, which will increase his or her vulnerability to other factors in the environment, Dr. Kappas warned.

When someone seeks my help to overcome a phobia, I work with the person to desensitize the person to the stimuli that triggers his or her anxiety. I also suggest that the person should include more protein in the diet to help stabilize the blood-sugar level. Keep protein-rich foods such as almonds or peanuts, cheese or even a slice of turkey available to snack on between will meals to alleviate the physical symptoms described above. (Please consult your physician and/or a certified nutritionist for recommendations about an appropriate diet to manage low blood sugar).

“As the blood-sugar level stabilizes, the client’s anxieties will start dissipating on their own,” Dr. Kappas advised.

Special Offer: Free 30-Minute Phone or Zoom Consultation

*This is not a full hypnotherapy session. Hypnosis will not be provided during this consultation. This offer is not redeemable for cash and may not be combined with any other promotion.

Monday, February 20, 2023

The Origins of Fears and Phobias

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on April 2, 2014)

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

According to Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, PhD, every person is born with two specific fear reactions: fear of loud noises and fear of falling. Every other fear is a learned behavior. Although they have different origins, both fears and phobias can be very inconvenient and even debilitating until you can overcome and work through the anxiety that is associated with the specific stimuli (e.g., fear of dogs, water, spiders, flying, riding in elevators, etc.). Following is a brief description of each of these phenomena:

· Fears, which are generally formed earlier in life, are triggered by a specific event or exposure to the stimulus. Although a fear can develop during adulthood, it usually starts during childhood because children are typically more suggestible or impressionable. A fear is a rational response—the result of a traumatic experience—that is manifested by a very severe emotional reaction, such as changes in breathing or heart-rate. For example, perhaps you were bitten by a relative’s Chihuahua when you were a toddler and have carried a generalized fear of dogs ever since.

· Phobias can develop at any age, although they typically have a later onset than fears. Also, the person is aware that the phobic reaction is unnatural and even illogical, and the cause of the phobia cannot be traced to a particular event or trigger. Phobias, especially agoraphobia (fear of open spaces) are often associated with a sudden drop in blood-sugar level. When this happens, the body automatically “defends” itself by substituting adrenaline for glucose (sugar). The bloodstream carries and delivers this hormone to the organs, muscles and glands to activate the fight/flight or survival response. When blood-sugar levels are low, it is common to experience various physical symptoms such as nervousness, anxiety, dizziness, or nausea. In extreme cases, you may have a panic attack or even faint. Meanwhile, your subconscious mind automatically attaches significance to whatever you are doing or even your location when this discomfort sets in, and the phobia is born.

Hypnotherapy is a great modality with which to “unlearn” and change or replace these unwanted fear and phobia behaviors. When you are in hypnosis, I will guide you through a visualization exercise in which he or she “experiences” every phase of the fear/phobia response while systematically desensitizing him or her to the negative (trigger) stimulus. I also use imagery to replace the anxiety response (association) with the relaxation, calm and comfort the client is currently enjoying. Finally, I teach the individual how to create an emotional anchor that can be activated whenever he or she feels stressed or anxious. For more information about the relationship between nutrition and the development of phobias, please read my Nutrition and Development of Phobias blog.

Special Offer: Free 30-Minute Phone or Zoom Consultation

*This is not a full hypnotherapy session. Hypnosis will not be provided during this consultation. This offer is not redeemable for cash and may not be combined with any other promotion.

Thursday, February 16, 2023

Tired? There's a Nap for That!

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on April 13, 2014)

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

Have you ever pulled an all-nighter to study for an exam or complete a project before a deadline? Or, have you ever become so caught up in a social activity that you didn’t want to close your eyes in case you missed something? (Remember when you or one of your kids tried to stay up all night to catch a glimpse of Santa Claus coming down the chimney on Christmas Eve?) We seldom think about it—or try not to—but sleep is a precious commodity that many of us neglect or even avoid at all costs. This behavior doesn’t do our body any good.

Sleep is the time when our body can take a rest and recuperate from any physical exertion or stress that we experienced during the day. This is when the cells in the body regenerate. This is when dreams happen—those precious seconds when the subconscious mind works through and/or “dumps” all of the information that we don’t need to consciously think about anymore. It is as natural to need and want to sleep as it is to eat, drink and create social bonds with other people. But for some reason, we tend to perceive an admission of feeling tired or sleepy as a sign of weakness and won’t slow done for that needed rest until we collapse from exhaustion.

When you feel tired, lie down and take a nap or go to bed for the night. Show your body the same consideration and respect as you do when you eat a meal or drink some water to slake your hunger or thirst. If you cannot sleep or have interrupted sleep, or if you feel you sleep “too much,” consult your primary physician to make sure that there is not a medical cause for this behavior. Hypnotherapy is a great complement to traditional health care in that hypnosis, guided imagery/visualization and relaxation techniques also provide an opportunity to vent emotional stress that may prevent normal sleep patterns and cause you to feel (or not get) tired. Your body is telling you something when you feel tired.

Isn’t it time to listen to what it is trying to say?

Special Offer: Free 30-Minute Phone or Zoom Consultation

*This is not a full hypnotherapy session. Hypnosis will not be provided during this consultation. This offer is not redeemable for cash and may not be combined with any other promotion.

Wednesday, February 15, 2023

Overcoming Fear, Part 2

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

“Fear does not prevent death. It prevents life.” – Naguib Mahfouz

(This blog was originally posted on April 17, 2014)

Photo by Sara Fogan

As I explained in my previous blog, Overcoming Fear, Part 1, repeated exposure to and familiarity with a stimulus can help increase confidence about dealing with a potential threat or fearful situation. That is because the subconscious mind is more likely to accept and feel comfortable with something it knows. Of course, this kind of familiarity and resulting sense of relaxation can backfire as the person relaxes and feels more comfortable. Some degree of fear and a healthy dose of respect are very important emotions to have when working with horses: A lot of “accidents” happen with and around horses when we forget or ignore how big and powerful they are and can be. On the other hand, when you use your subconscious mind’s known information about working with that animal while you remain focused and aware of your environment, this can be a fabulous and safe experience.

Over the years that my horse, Galahad, and I were at our first training barn, I groomed and clipped each of my riding instructor’s twenty horses. I handle the mares and geldings on a more regular basis, but I often rotated her four stallions between their stalls and the turnout arena. Through these activities, I came to know each one’s quirks and preferences: I knew who was likely to nip or rear to test his rank with the human at the other end of the lead line; I knew who would walk quietly past other horses and stallions in their stalls and who might pin his ears and try to kick through a fence to intimidate a challenger. I was not afraid of these animals per se, but I always treated them with the respect they were due and an abundance of caution for my own safety and well-being when I handled them. As another former trainer once said of the stud at his barn, “He knows he’s a stallion, so he deserves respect.”

Each of my trainer’s stallions is generally very sweet, well behaved and respectful of the people who ride and handle them. But they are also 900-plus pounds of powerful muscle and strong bones, with a very healthy fight-flight instinct and an equally a strong courtship instinct. I did not just decide to clip my trainer’s stallions yesterday on a whim or a personal dare to prove I could do it. Rather, it was my job to that day—including the two more demonstrative ones. So I put on my helmet and gloves to protect my head and hands—rope burn is no fun and very easy to get when a horse pulls suddenly back on the line—grabbed the clippers, a bag of treats and got down to work.

The first stallion on my list was Galahad’s half-brother, Amadeus: a purebred Lipizzaner whose modus operandi for intimidation and asserting dominance featured holding a levade (a very controlled half-rear) for several seconds. Since the mares were already turned out in the paddock for their playtime, I took the clippers and a bag of treats to the stud where he was also enjoying turnout time in the arena, away from the mares. I admit that I was already a little wary: I had never clipped this stallion on my own, before (my trainer was usually nearby when I did this work). Since I knew from previous experience that this horse could get very “challenging” to handle if mares were his immediate vicinity, so I decided to hedge my bets and do my work where we were. Amadeus stood still as I slid his halter over his head; he even cocked a hind hoof—a sign of equine relaxation. I plied him with treats and slowly desensitized him first to the electric clippers in the off position (some reaction) and then to the persistent buzz when I turned them on.

I don’t know whether the sound of the clippers scared him; perhaps the sensation of the blades against his muzzle irritated or tickled him. Whatever: the stallion immediately pulled back and coiled his body to make a few half-hearted attempts at a levade. Since I was expecting this reaction (his “known”/previous reaction to the clippers), I was prepared and able to hold on to the lead-line while Amadeus had his temper tantrum. While I waited, I immediately did some deep, diaphragmatic breathing to keep my adrenaline low and consider my next move to get the horse back under control. I spoke quiet words of reassurance (not placation) and told him to quit his behavior. For the first time, I spoke with a confidence and sense of control that I truly felt in this situation. I was confident in the physical precautions I had taken to be as safe as I could be in this situation; and, I was confident in my new-found ability to effectively handle this horse and finish my job without having to call my trainer for assistance.

Amadeus must have sensed that I meant business, too, because the stallion dropped back onto all four hooves and stood still while I went to work on his whiskers and bridle path. Once again, I plied him with treats and praise the entire time. When I finished clipping him and removed his halter, the stallion lowered his head and ambled just behind me, at my right shoulder, right up to the gate. I believe that this was a very good clipping experience for both of us, the perfect opportunity to create a positive “known” association between my confidence in my ability to safely handle, reassure and help Amadeus through an encounter with clippers.

As my dad likes to say, “Every experience becomes a part of you.” I, for one, am looking forward to having a lot of good, positive experiences like that becoming a part of my life.

Special Offer: Free 30-Minute Phone or Zoom Consultation

*This is not a full hypnotherapy session. Hypnosis will not be provided during this consultation. This offer is not redeemable for cash and may not be combined with any other promotion.

Tuesday, February 14, 2023

Overcoming Fear, Part 1

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

“Fear does not prevent death. It prevents life.” – Naguib Mahfouz

Photo by Sara Fogan

Many of us fear the Great Unknown: a new experience, a new environment, a new member of our social circle. Will this unknown entity hurt or kill us? Or will exposure to this X-factor make us more confident, stronger or self-resilient? No matter what frightens us, the emotion of fear is actually a great physical, emotional and psychological defense, because it is already known to the subconscious mind. We may not be afraid of the same things, but the experience of fear—especially, fear for personal survival—is a great equalizer in every species on the planet.

I have certainly felt trepidation and even fear in various situations. I will not deny that when I first arrived in London to do my junior-year abroad, and then moved back to England in 1990 to do my post-graduate degree, I certainly felt some fear. I was on my own in a foreign country, thousands of miles away from my family, friends and familiar surroundings. But I wanted these experiences badly enough that I over-rode my fears of the unknown and struck out on my own in a foreign land. England became my “spiritual home,” and I made some very dear friends. I learned how to take care of myself, to think for myself and to be able to pick myself up after a disappointment and carry on, stronger than ever.

As my father likes to say, “Everything you do becomes a part of you.” Once I started my hypnotherapy training at the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2004, the basis of the subconscious mind’s strategies to guide our behavior to essentially protect us and ensure our survival became very clear to me. According to HMI founder John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind, everything that is unknown to the subconscious mind is immediately, inherently something to be feared. The conscious mind—replete with our reasoning, decision-making, logic and will-power faculties—cannot easily over-ride this instinct until the subconscious mind accepts the stimulus as a known.

In addition to hypnosis, repeated exposure to an unknown or threatening stimulus can desensitize us to its negative (unfamiliar) aspects so that it eventually becomes a known in the SCM. Once you have had previous exposure to the original event, person or object, this experience can help you to create and activate a strategy that will enable you to meet and hopefully resolve a challenge or neutralize a perceived threat.

That is why I decided to clip the muzzles and bridle paths of each of my former trainer’s four stallions.

Special Offer: Free 30-Minute Phone or Zoom Consultation

*This is not a full hypnotherapy session. Hypnosis will not be provided during this consultation. This offer is not redeemable for cash and may not be combined with any other promotion.

Monday, February 13, 2023

Blogging

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on April 10, 2014)

Photo by Sara R. Fogan CHt

The first time I ever heard the words “blog” and “blogging” was from a former client. I admit that I initially didn’t really get what blogging was about or what it could do—let alone why someone would do it in the first place. All that changed when I saw the film Julie and Julia, which starred Amy Adams and Meryl Streep. Computer blogging was the cornerstone of the movie in which Adams’ character (Julie Powell) wrote a blog each day for one year about her experiences cooking and eating food that she had prepared from a Julia Child cookbook. She also included other details about her life in these essays and provided background information about the late chef’s personal and culinary challenges and triumphs. Ultimately, Powell’s online journal was not only a chronicle of her own culinary adventures that year, but it also provided a cornucopia of life experiences and philosophies that she had learned in the process.

I often think about this film when I sit down to write my own blogs. I think about Powell’s passion about recreating each of Julia Child’s recipes exactly how the chef wrote them. I think about the author’s dedication to sharing each aspect of these culinary projects with anyone and everyone who was interested or curious in what she was trying to do. Unlike Powell, I do not have a general or generic book of hypnosis recipes that I can replicate and will share with you each night. In fact, each one of the hypnotic scripts that I create for my clients is as individual and specific as the person for whom I have created it. Also, for ethical reasons I would not and could not share this information in order to preserve client/therapist confidentiality.

However, I am like Julie Powell in that I do have a lot of information, skills and experience in my own area of expertise that can help and motivate you to achieve your own goals. I can share the theoretical premises behind hypnosis and hypnotherapy, and human behavior/motivation. I can explain how and why hypnosis works. I can tell you how and why the subconscious mind responds to the negative (or positive!) “chatter” that you have been telling yourself so that you continue to practice a behavior or habit that no longer works for you. I can share information about the many and various hypnotherapeutic techniques that I have learned and mastered since I first started working as a hypnotherapist. I can write blogs about all these things to inspire you to give hypnotherapy and therapeutic guided imagery a try so you can also achieve your own vocational and avocational self-improvement goals.

Hypnotherapy worked for me… I know it will work for you, too!

Special Offer: Free 30-Minute Phone or Zoom Consultation

*This is not a full hypnotherapy session. Hypnosis will not be provided during this consultation. This offer is not redeemable for cash and may not be combined with any other promotion.

Thursday, February 9, 2023

Just Say "No"!

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE!

(This blog was originally posted on April 23, 2014)

Photo by Rick Hustead

Elton John sings, “‘Sorry’ seems to be the hardest word.” That may be true; but ‘no’—the key word in assertiveness, in my opinion—is right up there in the Number Two position of difficulty for so many people to say, especially females. I often wonder why that is. Perhaps it has to do with the texture of the words, themselves. The definite, hard consonant “n” and then a long “o” gives the pronunciation and enunciation of no a cold, harsh sound. In comparison, the sometimes-vowel “y” and short “e”, and the soft, drawn out “s” when we say yes create an almost musical or lyrical sound. “Yes” is a nice word to hear and say.

This point brings me to the implication and connotations associated with each of these words. From early childhood, we learn to associate positive emotions and experiences—such as presents, treats, and rewards—with yes. Conversely, adherence to strict rules, criticism and/or punishment tend to go with no. What child has not categorized a parent, guardian or teacher who says yes a lot as being “nice” compared to the adult who expects Johnny and Sue to be on their best behavior and do their homework before they get to go outside to play? Even in adulthood, it is natural to prefer the company of someone who does what we like and want them to do compared to an individual who will not go along with our plans or desires just to please us unless doing so will also benefit the other person. In the heat of the moment, it is impossible to understand the motives and inner fortitude of people who can say “no” without blinking an eye and refuse to back down: how come they are so stubborn? Sometimes, we even resent them for their willingness to stand up and fight for their beliefs, especially when this stance blocks or interferes with our plans. And yet, these are the people many of us secretly admire and want to be like.

Self-confidence and self-esteem are key components behind the willingness to say yes and the ability to say no. Neither trait is automatic, nor are they mutually inclusive: It is possible to be very confident but have very low self-esteem (self-value), and vice versa. When I work with a client to help the person become more assertive, one of the first things I do is assess and, if necessary, increase the person’s self-confidence and strengthen his or her self-esteem. This work is imperative because it shores up the person’s defenses against negative self-chatter and suggestibility to other people’s criticism as he or she works to achieve this vocational and avocational self-improvement goal. Next, I use relaxation and therapeutic guided-imagery techniques in hypnosis to help the person rehearse using the assertive behaviors. This exercise not only creates a new known in the subconscious mind that he or she can be assertive, it reinforces the person’s confidence that he or she can use this new skill effectively and successfully in the real world.

No isn’t so hard to say, after all.

Special Offer: Free 30-Minute Phone or Zoom Consultation

*This is not a full hypnotherapy session. Hypnosis will not be provided during this consultation. This offer is not redeemable for cash and may not be combined with any other promotion.