Language in Nature

Photo courtesy of Fotolia

                Like California, Japan is in a seismically active area that geologists call the Ring of Fire. Experts claimed that there was no warning before the March 11, 2011 Tohoku earthquake other than the nation’s earthquake-alert system that warned citizens that a tremor was coming. By the time the initial shaking from that 9.0 quake stopped, tsunami waves were on their way to devastate seaside communities and trigger a radiation leak and ultimate nuclear meltdown of the Fukashima Daiichi Nuclear Power Plant.

                Over three and one-half years later, that area of the Ring of Fire lived up to its name again. Apparently, 150 hikers were on the crater when Mount Onatake, a volcano located in central Japan, unexpectedly burst to life on Saturday, September 27, 2014. Approximately 40 people died in the explosion; many witnesses reported that there had been no warning before the ash and gas explosion. This account worried me. As a resident in Southern California, I am very aware that there rarely is a warning before a natural disaster—at least, a disaster in which tectonic plates are involved. Or, are there warnings that humans just don’t yet know how to detect?

                When Mount St. Helens erupted in 1980, there were plenty of indicators that something was going on with the volcano. In addition to frequent and increasingly intense earthquakes, residents reported that their pets and livestock were behaving strangely before the eruption. I also remember hearing stories about birds becoming disoriented and flying into buildings; this strange behavior was explained as a consequence of some kind of electro-magnetic disturbance in the atmosphere. I don’t know if that was true, but I immediately thought of that theory when a bat inexplicable flew right into a book store where I was working in 2010. I remember telling a colleague, Either that bat is sick or we’re in for some major tectonic-plate activity. A few days later, on April 4, 2010, a magnitude 7.2 earthquake struck Baja California. Shaking from the Mexicali Earthquake, as it was immediately dubbed, was strong enough to be felt all the way to Los Angeles County. The next day, one of the assistant managers I worked with came up to me and told me that he immediately recalled my “premonition” about earthquakes and was seriously spooked as soon as he felt the shaking.

                Remember when thousands of black birds inexplicably fell from the sky, dead, in Beebe, Arkansas on January 1, 2011? Experts ruled out poisoning or disease as a cause of death. However, thousands of other dead birds were reported in Kentucky and Louisiana around Christmas of 2010, and schools of fish suddenly washed up on the shores of the Arkansas River around that same time. Meanwhile, a 3.8 magnitude earthquake shook North-Central Indiana on December 30, 2010. Hmm….

                Less than one year after the bat flew into my bookstore before the Mexicali temblor hit and approximately three months after the blackbirds fell out of the sky in the Midwest following an earthquake near Indiana, the Tohuku Earthquake happened. Once again, a quake was preceded by a spooky animal behavior. Exactly one week before the quake, thousands of dead fish were discovered floating in a Los Angeles harbor. Once again, my first thought was that this incident could be a warning about an earthquake. I thought about a college geology lecture in which the instructor explained how noxious gases can be released during a quake. In 2004, several bison were poisoned by poison gases released near a geyser in Yellowstone National Park, which is a Super Volcano in its own right. Anyway, the connection between the dead sardines and tectonic activity made sense to me; and my prediction—if you want to call it that—came true on March 11, 2011.

                I prefer to think of my observations of behaviors or phenomena I observed or heard about were just that—observations—and not specifically predictions of future natural disasters. Again, as a resident in Southern California I am interested in earthquakes and other related phenomena because I live in an area that gets shaken up from time to time (pun intended). You can bet that if the Discovery Channel® is broadcasting a documentary about earthquakes, volcanoes or tsunamis is on that I will probably be tuning in to watch. As a fan of mystery novels and thrillers, it is fun for me to gather clues and collect evidence about potentially recurring events. As an animal lover, I watch a lot of documentaries and read books about the various species that most interest me. Needless to say, my interest definitely piques when the narrator or author describes what these animals seem to know (predict), how they behave and what they do to survive when a natural disaster destroys their home. Over the years of reading about, watching documentaries and experiencing earthquakes myself (subconscious knowns), I have created my own subconscious mental script and associations about these events and how to survive them. I just hope that neither I nor the people I care about are ever in a situation to have to activate that emergency plan.

               I would like to extend my heartfelt condolences to everyone who was affected by the eruption of Tohoku Volcano last week.

A Place of Non-Judgment

 

                What is the key to a successful hypnotherapist and hypnotherapy session? It is giving the client a place of non-judgment in which to work on his or her self-improvement issues.

In a pivotal scene of Shonda Rhimes’s new series, How to Get Away With Murder, law instructor Professor Annalise Keating (Viola Davis) explains how she can tell whether her client is innocent: “I don’t care.” I admit that example is extreme: I help people achieve their vocational and avocational self-improvement goals, not represent them in a capital crime. Having said that, I must and do approach each client from a similar position of non-judgment (unconditional positive regard) as Professor Keating to help my clients feel comfortable, relaxed and open to do the intensive inner work that hypnotherapy often entails.

                Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D., believed that it is not a hypnotherapist’s role or responsibility to make moral value judgments about a client’s situation or circumstances. Rather, it is up to the therapist to “buy the symptoms” of and provide information about the client’s presenting behavior.  According to Dr. Kappas, the hypnotherapist’s only role is to repair the problem that the client has brought. The only exception is if the client is a victim of or threatens violence against himself or herself or another person. In that case, the therapist is obliged to warn or intervene on another person’s behalf, or call authorities if necessary, he said. (I also follow this policy, which I explain to my clients when we start working together.)

There is no right or wrong when it comes to the client’s life and world view. When the hypnotherapist takes this approach, it facilitates helping the person through the bad times and guides the person to happier times, he advised. “The moment you make a judgment call, you lose the client.”₁

 

1.        Intimate Conversations With Dr. John Kappas. 1994. Video series, Lesson 1

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

Slow Down to Speed Up

 

 

                Have you ever noticed how it takes twice as long to complete a task when you rush to get it done? Whether it is finishing a homework assignment or a big project for work, somehow something goes wrong at the last, worst possible moment and totally messes up your projected deadline. What if you could avoid all that hassle in the first place and meet your deadline with time to spare?

                Last year, the Automobile Association of America ran a great television advertisement that perfectly illustrated this point. In it, someone in a flashy car speeds past another vehicle. At first, it seems like the driver in the second car gets ahead, but then he is stopped at an intersection with the driver in the original car waiting for the light to change. This pattern is repeated the same way several more times until the message becomes clear: driving fast and recklessly doesn’t get anyone ahead; in fact, it may cause more inconvenience (and waste more gas) than the apparent rush is worth. Similarly, in an episode of the police drama, Rookie Blue, one of the characters reminded an officer he had trained why he once insisted she finish eating her lunch before getting out of the squad car. Sergeant Shaw wanted her to take those extra couple of seconds so she could mentally prepare herself for dealing with regardless of the situation she would be facing outside. The crime scene would still be there, he explained, but the officer needed to calm down and plan what she needed to do to apprehend the criminal or else risk getting seriously hurt or even killed making the arrest.

                Often, when we are under pressure to complete a task, we rush through or even skip important steps so we can get the job out of the way and move onto other more interesting or “fun” things. Monty Roberts, an award-winning horse trainer and author, often advises: “Give yourself fifteen minutes and it will take an hour; give yourself an hour and it will take fifteen minutes.” In other words, when we work carefully and conscientiously—focusing only on the task at hand—we are in a better position to get the job done quickly and usually on the first try. However, when we rush through the job to meet a self-imposed or official deadline we are more likely to neglect important steps to complete the task which may ultimately undermine it.

                An unintentional byproduct of rushing to complete a task is that we can put ourselves into hypnosis. Consider John G. Kappas, Ph.D.’s definition of hypnosis: “Hypnosis is created by an overload of message units, disorganizing our inhibitory process (Critical Mind), triggering our fight-flight mechanism and ultimately resulting in a hyper-suggestible state, providing access to the subconscious mind.” When we rush around trying to meet a deadline, our minds are already whirling practically out of control as we consider what we need to get done and if/how many steps we can get away with “leaving out.” Even if we do not intend to take a short-cut to finish the task, in this naturally induced hypnotic state we may neglect an important step because our subconscious (not conscious) mind has taken over the behavior. We have literally “escaped” into hypnosis to avoid the anxiety and stress we feel trying to complete that project.

Unfortunately, the stress we consciously and subconsciously tried so hard to reduce or avoid is likely to reappear, and be even more intense, when we rush to just “get it done.” When we take those extra few seconds or even an entire hour, at the end of the day the fastest way to accomplish a goal is to slow down.

 

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

Release and Let It Go

(This blog was originally posted on February 26, 2014)

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

 

Everyone lives in the context of a pain/pleasure principle. We prefer—and try—to do what makes us feel good (pleasure) and avoid the things that cause discomfort (pain) in the context of the “knowns” in the subconscious mind. For example, John Kappas, Ph.D., theorized that the SCM would categorize your 10-year feud with your siblings as pleasure (known) because it is so comfortable with all of the emotions it associates with this grudge.

When anger morphs into a long-term resentment, it is a habit. Like any other habit or behavior, it is something you learned. The great news is, since you learned how to feel angry about a particular situation or at a specific person; therefore, you can unlearn the anger response in that context. Following are some basic strategies I would use as a hypnotherapist to help the individual transform his or her anger response into one of forgiveness, healing and emotional and spiritual freedom.

·         I would describe the person’s strained relationship with the sibling in the context of Dr. Kappas’ Theory of Mind by way of explaining/helping the client to understand how he or she has substituted/emphasized anger at the sibling in order to avoid feeling any emotional pain that conflict caused.

·         Once the client is in hypnosis, I would help him or her to feel and acknowledge the hurt the original incident caused. I would also employ therapeutic-guided imagery and desensitization techniques to help the person work through the triggers that continue to incite the anger and hurt. I do not use age-regression techniques to bring up these triggers, I will desensitize the client only to the memories/associations that he or she remembers and has described during an alert/aware state.

·         I will use more deepening/relaxation techniques and guided imagery to help the person forgive him- or herself for having been in a position to have been hurt, in the first place. Next, I will use these techniques to help the client also forgive the other person for doing whatever he or she did to cause the original pain in the first place.

Marc Gravelle, a late instructor of the Hypnosis Motivation Institute, once advised: “As long as you remain angry at a person, you’re giving him permission to control you physically, emotionally and intellectually. When you forgive the other person, you’re not giving him permission to do ‘whatever.’ He’s still guilty of doing that, but you (the client) can move on and the other person no longer controls you.”

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

 

 

Parental Guidance

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

 

                Little kids are like sponges. They literally absorb every piece of information around them. Good or bad, if a child sees or hears something he or she is likely to imitate or repeat the behavior at the first opportunity. Like their adult counterparts, they have come into the world not knowing anything except the reactions to a fear of falling and of loud noises. Over time, they will learn countless behaviors and beliefs by association and repetition of those same behaviors and beliefs they have observed in people around them. As children, we learn attitudes and behaviors from our primary caretaker (usually mom) that are likely to stay with us throughout our lifetime. This is Theory of Mind.

                A couple of things in the media have recently really caught my attention because they are real-life examples of Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D.’s model. In the first, a television advertisement depicts a man and his young son hanging out together for the day. The little boy imitates everything his dad does from the way the adult crosses his legs to how he brushes his teeth. At one point, the father looks over at his son sitting beside him on the sofa eating potato chips right out of the bag just like he is. It is as if a light-bulb goes on in the father’s head: he suddenly gets up, turns off the TV and goes into the kitchen with his son to prepare a cooked meal.

                In the second example, this morning a radio talk-show host discussed a recent news story in which a popular young television actress has reportedly filed a restraining order against her alleged abusive boyfriend. Apparently, the young man had been physically and verbally abusive toward her throughout their relationship. During the course of his report, the host issued his own impromptu, loving “warning” to his daughter and her boyfriend. He told them that as the teenage girl’s dad, would not tolerate anyone mistreating his daughter in any way for one day, let alone four years. He ended the segment by observing that both loving/considerate and abusive/inconsiderate behaviors are learned. Of course, if his daughter’s boyfriend really ever did mistreat her, it might not be productive to contact the boyfriend’s dad to “break up with” the other boy. After all, he mused, when and where/from whom was the kid must likely to have learned that abusive behavior was okay?

I can’t remember what—if any—product was being marketed in the advertisement I described at the beginning of this blog. That didn’t matter to me, because the ultimate message viewers would receive is that parents or guardians must provide a healthy, loving role model for the children around them. When kids see the adults in their lives eating healthy foods, exercising or playing sports, and communicating with them and each other, they are more likely to imitate these positive behaviors. When a parent quits smoking cigarettes and cuts out unhealthy snacks in his or her own life, this is also a positive example. It shows the child that he or she “walks the walk” of the healthy lifestyle behavior that the parent is encouraging for the rest of the family. Similarly, children can (and do) just as easily pick up negative behaviors when the adult makes unhealthy lifestyle choices or is emotionally and/or physically abusive to other people in the environment. Regardless of which behavior is consciously or subconsciously (and perhaps unintentionally) taught or encouraged in the home, every time the child repeats this belief or action it becomes more firmly entrenched in his or her own subconscious life script.

As the grown-ups in our kids’ lives, it is up to us to be an example of the adults we would like them to become.

 

 
 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

Teeth Grinding

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

Teeth-grinding is a physical manifestation of an emotion that
you are unable or unwilling to express.

 

According to John Kappas, Ph.D., whenever a person represses or holds in (does not express) an emotion the displaced energy from that experience is converted into a physical “symptom” of that emotional trauma. Even though there are no nerve endings in the brain, emotions in the brain through our perceptions (e.g., smell, taste, sight, hearing, touch). Electric impulses carry this information through the body and begin to manifest physical discomfort in those areas that are specifically associated with a certain repressed emotion, the Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder stated.

Teeth grinding is a common manifestation of a Crying Syndrome, whose symptoms affect the neck, chest and head. This behavior is usually done at night while you are asleep, and can result in damage to the teeth or even to the jaw. A component of the “body syndrome” model, Dr. Kappas believed that a client who grinds his or her teeth usually knows why this behavior occurs. In other words, the teeth-grinding behavior is a physical manifestation or symptom of an emotion that the person is unable or unwilling to express verbally. Consequently, a direct suggestion can be provided during hypnosis to stop this behavior. “Your teeth will stop grinding back and forth to express [Problem X]. When you express your feelings, you won’t need to grind your teeth anymore,” the Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder advised.

As a certified hypnotherapist, it is out of my scope of expertise to diagnose an illness or to recognize/identify specific symptoms that have a psychological or physiological basis. Therefore, I do and will refer clients to an appropriate licensed medical or psychology professional to determine the cause and/or treat that specific physical symptom that. However, once this other expert has ruled out a medical etiology of your symptom, with a follow-up referral from that licensed professional, I can continue to work with you in hypnotherapy, which can provide complementary therapeutic benefits and help to alleviate and/or control these symptoms and help you to pursue and achieve your vocational and avocational self-improvement goals.

 

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

 

 

“Good” Girls and “Bad” Boys

“Disobedience is my joy.” Princess Margaret of England (1930-2002)

 

                The lyrics of the 19^th Century nursery rhyme titled “What Are Little Boys Made of?” proclaim that little girls are made of “sugar and spice and all things nice.” On the other hand, so says the poem, little boys are made of “snips and snails and puppy dog tails.” Not only is this attitude about boys very mean-spirited, it is also an inaccurate and unfair portrayal of both sexes’ behavior. No one is generally good all of the time; and no one is generally bad. Human behavior varies along a sliding scale that can fluctuate from day to day. So, why don’t social expectations about girls being “good” and boys being “bad” seem to change? Moreover, why is it more socially acceptable for a male than a female to not be good all the time?

                Why do people believe—and encourage others (future generations) to believe—that this dichotomy is a good thing? Perhaps my question isn’t about social acceptability but subconscious knowns. At some point during our lifetime, probably when we were very little children, we learned a belief/attitude and behavior that we practiced over and over, until it became a subconscious life script. Little girls sit with crossed legs and like to play with dolls? Check. Little boys pull pranks on their sisters and prefer rough play? Check. We see someone model these behaviors and we are rewarded for doing that, too.

The thing about these kinds of stereotypes is that they establish false expectations about how most people generally behave in the real world. Fairy tales about young women languishing in a tower just waiting for a dashing prince to rescue them from an uncertain fate so they can live happily ever after is incredibly detrimental to their self-esteem and self-confidence. Who says the woman couldn’t or shouldn’t be able to do something to rescue herself? After all, Maggie Q’s portrayal of the title character in Nikita, Scandal’s Olivia Pope and virtually every female in Game of Thrones take matters into their own hands to create their own fate in every episode. Why shouldn’t we encourage modern females to model and emulate their smarts, strength and emotional fortitude? Oh, right. Because these women may not always do the socially acceptable correct and expected thing; sometimes, like their bad-boy counterparts, they go a little rogue to get the job done.

Meanwhile, many of us follow the media’s lead in practically glorifying the “bad boy” motif. Gloria Estefan sings about them. Movies and television series fashion them as veritable demi-gods. As I recall, Jake Ryan—Molly Ringwold’s character’s crush in Sixteen Candles—was supposed to have been one (sort of). Last night, television audiences learned in the season finale of Dallas, J.R. Ewing—the man everyone “loved” to hate on the original series—has a self-proclaimed rival in his son John Ross. Even the POTUS on Scandal has immoral (and some criminal) tendencies. Finally: hands up, Vampire Diaries fans, if you think Damon Salvatore is much more fun than his brother Stefan. Nonetheless, no matter what dastardly deeds they have done or plan to do, they somehow, typically end up winning the day. Furthermore, no matter what evil these men unleash on their family, friends or foes, audiences just want more of the same. Maybe that’s because we want to live vicariously through their misbehavior. As for the women in these men’s lives, well…they’re turning out to have darker side, too.

Not a “bad” side; just a more realistic one.  

 

  

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

Defense Mechnanisms: Projection and Projection Identification

 
 

                Defense mechanisms are strategies to cope with a stressful situation in our lives. Furthermore, at some point in our lives almost everyone uses one to ameliorate an undesirable reaction to an unpleasant circumstance. However, these defense mechanisms provide us only a temporary perception of control over the environment. Eventually, we have to deal with and resolve the primary issue that has triggered the defense mechanism in order to achieve personal growth.

A common defense mechanism for handling a distressing situation is to direct our attention and project blame for our emotions about the stressful situation onto other people. For example, an individual may accuse a colleague of “hating” her for no reason when the accuser is the person who actually holds the negative feelings toward that other woman (projection). Or, a man who is tempted to be unfaithful in a relationship may suspect or even blame his spouse of infidelity (projection identification). Why go to these extremes and just admit the truth?

                These (and all other) defense mechanisms share four common traits: 1) they are unconscious; 2) they are self-deceptive; 3) they contain elements of denial; 4) they distort reality through thoughts and action. Their primarily role is to protect the subconscious mind from what it perceives as a threat or “pain.” In this case, the pain would be caused by our peers negatively judging our attitudes or behavior that contradicts acceptable beliefs or behaviors: e.g., unethical behavior or unacceptable feelings toward others. Rather than risk this negative response, accusing someone else of engaging in the undesirable behavior not only protects us but may even attract further (and deeper) acceptance and support from our social group.

According to John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind, we are all subconsciously motivated to maintain and/or restore a known physical and emotional status of comfort and security. In this case, social acceptance represents pleasure, whereas criticism and potential rejection from our peers are pain. Since the SCM is motivated and even programmed to seek the pleasure stimuli, we may adopt these defense mechanisms to literally “defend” against potential social rejection (pain). By creating an imagined scenario such as perceived persecution by a peer or spousal infidelity, the SCM enables us to rail against an imagined threat to help control the unwanted emotions we feel at that moment.

 

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

Energy Exchange

(This blog was originally posted on January 3, 2014)

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

 

                Perhaps you have heard or even used one of these expressions: “He has great energy”; “You give off a good vibe”; “there is a charge in the air when you’re around”; “she rubs me the wrong way”; “I have a very bad feeling about this”; or, “I feel very comfortable when I am around you.” These are just a few examples of how people experience emotional energy in their environment.

                I am not talking about energy in the context of lightning or electricity as depicted in the photo that accompanies this blog. Rather, “energy” in this context refers to that primal and subconscious reaction to another person or a situation. This reaction may be one of attraction or repulsion; it may change (positively or negatively) over time. Whenever energy is very big and not controlled, even positive energy can overwhelm, confuse and frustrate you. Low energy can make you feel depressed, anxious and suffocated. The great thing about energy in either context is that you have the power to change (raise or lower) it so you feel more relaxed and comfortable. Here are a few easy techniques to help you do this.

·         Square breathe. Draw a deep breath through your nose and hold it for the count of 4, 3, 2, 1…and release the breath slowly through the mouth. Continue breathing like this to/until you feel centered (relaxed, patient, focused and confident) to deal with the person or situation that is affecting you.

·         Use these seconds that you are drawing and expelling each cleansing breath to think about what you will say or do in response to the emotionally charged person you are dealing with and/or to actually change the energy around you.

·         If you feel overwhelmed (negatively or positively) by the energy around you, hold your right (or left) forearm in front of you and make a quick slicing motion in front of you. (You can also perform this action to each side and behind your body.) I use this technique every time I conclude a Reiki (energy) healing session to ensure that I separate from the other person or animal’s energy, when we are done. You should immediately notice a sensation of release and greater relaxation once you have literally cut off the connection with the intrusive energy.

·         Match your level of activity (tone and cadence of speech, intensity of the same behavior, etc.) and then slowly, gradually start to lower or raise your level of energy. As you change your energy level, the other person(s) will subconsciously start to match your behavior in a similar way to how you consciously matched their behavior to effect this change.

 

 

 Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy®, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

Hypnotherapy and a Different Perspective

Photo courtesy of Microsoft
 

Approximately two weeks ago, the local news reported that a white cobra was loose in a neighborhood in Thousand Oaks, California. Residents responded to this information in various ways. Many were understandably frightened by the prospect of having an exotic, venomous snake potentially slithering around their property and told reporters that they would secure their livestock in barns and keep domestic pets inside until it was caught. Others seemed to take a more measured approach, explaining how they would continue to live their lives as usual but would avoid areas where the snake was last seen or biologists warned it might hide. Another person (or persons) even went to social media and created a Twitter account for the cobra so the snake could post updates on its whereabouts and, presumably, add some levity to a very tense situation.

I was surprised that my reaction to the news that a cobra was loose in a local neighborhood was one of curiosity rather than terror. If I lived anywhere near where the snake had been spotted or if I kept my horse out there, I probably would have been beside myself with anxiety and concern. My subconscious mental script was already familiar with the idea that venomous snakes live in Southern California: anyone who owns or rides horses here knows to be on the lookout for rattlesnakes hiding in a hay barn or slithering across the path on a trail. Of course, the idea of a lethal exotic (and comparatively rare) snake slithering around a suburban neighborhood is a different story.

But ever since I earned my hypnotherapy certification in 2005, my attitude and expectations about various situations I have encountered during my life have changed. As soon as I heard about the loose cobra, I was quickly able to activate the reasoning, logic, will-power and decision-making faculties in my conscious mind to determine whether I or anyone I knew was in immediate danger: No. Even if I had been, past experience dealing with animal control and law-enforcement officers reassured me that these professionals were trained to deal with various threats, including unexpected ones posed by wild animals that the average citizens probably never consider. I was confident that I could have put my trust and faith in their recommendations to keep myself and my animals out of its way until it was caught. Also, I trusted that the survival instinct in my (and just about every other person’s) subconscious mind was strong enough to avoid unnecessary risk and avoid areas where I knew/heard the animal had last been seen or was likely to hide.

Something else helped me take a more measured perspective about the possible danger posed by that cobra.  I knew various mental tools with which I could re-frame what I initially believed to be a no-win situation and turn it into an opportunity to learn something new: i.e., look up information about the biology and natural habitat of cobras. That kind of lesson would be far more beneficial for me than indulging in toxic worry about a situation over which I and most of the residents of that Thousand Oaks neighborhood had little control.

Fortunately, the snake was safely caught and removed from that community the next day and no humans or animals were victims of its lethal bite. Another positive thing to come out of this situation is that everyone who was affected by this experience now has a new “known” in his or her repertoire of mental scripts. While it is unlikely any Southern California residents will have to deal with another cobra loitering by their swimming pool, if this scenario is ever repeated, we will have some idea what to expect and how to handle the situation.

 

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy®, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

Keys to Happiness

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

                I recently saw a trailer for a new film titled Hector and the Search for Happiness.  In it, a psychiatrist travels around the world to discover the true meaning of the apparently elusive emotion in his life. The premise of this movie intrigued me, and I started to think about the sources and definition of happiness in my own life. For example, Spending time with my friends and family and riding and hanging out with my horse makes me very, very happy. The sound of raindrops beating on the roof and against my windowpanes makes me happy. So does chocolate ice cream and the idea of Thursday night (because I have the whole weekend to look forward to).

                But are those things true happiness? Is it the blush of first love, a new baby, an expensive car? How do you recognize it when happiness is in your grasp to experience? Maybe it has a smell or sound or texture that I have never consciously noticed. If so, how do you or I know if we have missed our chance to be happy? Or, do we only know that you are happy because we are not experiencing other emotions that we associate with experiences that we associate with familiar, challenging negative experiences in our daily life? In that case, the subconscious mind would likely associate financial insecurity/unemployment, physical illness, etc. as a part of your subconscious life script. No matter how challenging and stressful these experiences may be, the SCM will accept them because they are familiar, comforting and known; conversely, will likely reject or avoid any other experience that evokes an opposite emotional reaction such as happiness, which is unknown and therefore painful.

These questions let me to consider that more existential question which would likely be addressed in the film: How did I (or anyone) even know what happiness is, to be able to identify any emotion as such? Even talk-show radio personality Dennis Prager addresses how hard a person must work to achieve this state in his self-help book titled Happiness is a Serious Problem. To be honest, puzzling over this question began to make me feel agitated, unsure and uncomfortable—the opposite of happy.

                Eventually, my thoughts drifted to Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder Dr. John Kappas’s Theory of Mind concept. It posits that human behavior is based on the subconscious mental scripts that we create during early childhood. Furthermore, since fear of falling and fear of loud noises is the only emotion (or reaction to emotions) that human beings are born with, we must learn what happiness is and create our own and individual associations with it. Put in this context, I concluded that there must be countless definitions of and explanations for happiness—which made me feel much better.

                Dare I say it? It made me feel happy.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

Signature Moves

 

           The Los Angeles Times recently ran an interesting article about the way various baseball players sign autographs (http://www.latimes.com/sports/angels/la-sp-autographs-analysis-20140916-story.html). In it, the president of the American Handwriting Analysis Foundation, Sheila Lowe, interpreted the traits of several members of the Los Angeles Dodgers based on characteristics of their signatures. I agreed with many of Ms. Lowe’s characterizations of the writing she analyzed, such as her interpretation of the left-slant in one player’s long strokes (possibly holding onto the past) and the angular, illegible style of another (intelligence and impatience). Probably the most telling characteristic of any of the signatures she analyzed in this article were the extra loops or doodles that Ms. Lowe observed in Jered Weaver’s signature, which she interpreted as a possible wind-up for a pitch.

As I have explained in my previous blog titled And Your Handwriting Says, your handwriting is a manifestation of what you consciously think that is motivated by a subconscious ideomotor (automatic physical) response. In other words, the way you write—the shape and size of each letter, whether you connect the letters and even the speed of your writing—are literally a reflection of your behavior and personality traits. Unlike the body of the main text of your writing, your signature indicates how you would like to be seen by others. It is not necessarily indicative of who you really are or what you are really like. Someone whose signature matches or is most like the body of the writing tends to be very no-nonsense; “what you see is what you get.” The opposite would be true your signature is very different from the rest of your writing.  

Finally, remember that athletes and other celebrities often stylize their signatures to be a kind of informal trademark when they sign autographs for fans. Some add flourishes while others just sign initials or even make an ineligible scrawl (filiform writing) as if to subconsciously conceal their “true” identity. Without access to the rest (body) of a handwriting sample it is very difficult to really interpret what these athletes’ signatures truly reveal about their subconscious behavior.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

Body Language

(This blog was originally posted on April 25, 2014)

 

                I am fascinated by one of the television advertisement for mobile (cell) phone services. In the ad, a group of potential customers puts a representative of a major, national phone company through her paces as they ask about various communications features that the company offers. Viewers are led to infer that the prospective customers are real-estate agents, because each of them is professionally clad in a tan sports blazer with a large emblem of a house on the left side of the jacket. The group pretty much verifies the identity of their vocation when one of the women says, “Let’s close!” and they all cross their arms over their chest and grin. But it is what the customers and the sales representative say with their bodies throughout the ad that is of greatest interest to me.

                Throughout the ad, the phone-company representative matches every physical and facial gesture that her prospective clients make. As a customer’s voice lilts at the end of a question, the salesperson uses a similar lilt in her response. When one person points a finger to make a point, the sales rep makes the same movement during her explanation. Someone steeples her fingers across her midsection; the sales rep makes the same gesture. Another person in the group nods and raises her eyebrows; so does she. When the camera pans back a little, viewers can see that the sales rep has even adopted a similar stance as she stands with the customers. At the end of the advertisement when one of the customers crosses her arms and announces they will all take (“close”) the deal, her colleagues look at her and immediately imitate the crossed-arms gesture.

                I like this ad because it is such a fabulous demonstration of how people mirror someone’s behavior in order to build rapport with someone. If your job entails selling products or services, you probably recognized every sales technique depicted in the advertisement I just described. But you don’t have to be a salesperson or a customer to identify with what went on. We mirror each other’s various behaviors—facial expressions, physical gestures, patterns of speech—all the time, often without realizing that we are doing it. These actions are like a “fast track” to building rapport with someone you would like to get to know better. People are naturally attracted to others who behave or seem to think like they do.

Think about a conversation you have had recently: Did you nod at some point during the conversation or lean forward in your seat as if to listen to your companion’s words even more closely? And did your companion then lean his or her body closer to yours, return your nod or mirror a hand movement that you were previously unaware of having made? Did you notice when your spouse or friend took a step forward, backward or sideways to mirror your stance, or raised or lowered his or her voice to match the tone of yours? These are examples of mirroring; and mirroring is a subconscious (or conscious) behavior that creates rapport and can facilitate social bonds by reinforcing similarity or familiarity between you. Rapport is an inherent and necessary component of every kind of relationship; it is the cornerstone upon which every relationship is built. It is only when we establish rapport with someone are we likely to explore the similarities and differences between us, and know whether we want to spend the time and energy to create a social, romantic or professional relationship with that person. Without rapport, we cannot come to trust, respect, like or communicate well with him or her, and a relationship—or a successful sale—is unlikely to result from the interaction.

 

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

Forgiveness

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

 

                Have you ever got stuck in a blame-game with someone, refusing to accept some responsibility for your role in the situation or to accept the other person’s apology for hurting you? Do you ever hold onto the anger and emotional pain about something that occurred so long ago that you don’t even feel those emotions anymore but keep holding onto them because…you don’t even know why? Would you be willing to let go of all that negative energy if you knew this release would help you feel better, to be at peace and free you from the emotional baggage you have been dragging around?

I recently saw this quote from Inspirationboost.com, and it really resonated with me: “Forgive. Not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.”

At some point during our lifetime, someone hurts us. This injury may be physical or metaphoric, intentional or accidental, but long after the physical wounds have healed some emotional scars continue to feel raw. To assuage this pain and gain a sense of control over what happened, we may claim that the injury was justified or believe that we somehow brought it on ourselves. Indeed, it can be very difficult to see past this pain when someone you once cared about is hurling verbal and legal barbs your way during an acrimonious divorce or dissolution of a business or social relationship. You may even resent and even guilt/shame for having ever trusted him or her with your heart (and your finances).

The problem with holding onto these negative emotions is you are the one who continues to suffer emotional pain long after the relationship is ended and you and the other person have parted ways for good. Whenever you dwell on the negative events that happened during the relationship and the sadness or anger that you felt at the time, you reinforce the strength and the habit of feeling (and feeding) those negative emotions. This continued bombardment of thoughts, memories and negative associations with the past relationship overloads the conscious mind, triggering the fight/flight mechanism and putting you in an even more hyper-suggestible state (hypnosis). Since we are most suggestible to ourselves, every time we repeat a thought or behavior you reinforce its strength and power in your subconscious mind. In other words, you are hypnotizing yourself to perpetuate this unwanted behavior. Ultimately, the most effective way to heal from that hurt is to forgive the person who inflicted it so you can pursue the life that you want and deserve to be living.

               

  

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014