How Cinderella Internalized Other People's Negative Beliefs

Yesterday, I watched the new, live-action movie, Cinderella. The film was very true to the fairy-tale I had grown up hearing. After her father dies, a young girl named Ella virtually becomes an indentured servant to her step-mother and step-sisters as she must rush around trying to fulfill their every need and whim. Fortunately, her Fairy Godmother appears at just the right moment to offer some much-needed reassurance and practical help so she can get to a magical ball in time to meet and win the heart of her Prince Charming.

Unfortunately, she never gets a chance to tell the prince her name when she must flee the ball before the magic that transformed her into a beautiful “princess” in her own right disappears and she must resume her original identity. As the story goes, Ella loses one of her glass slippers on the palace steps as she runs out of the castle. With only the shoe as evidence that his beloved truly exists, the prince sets out to search his kingdom to find the woman who wore it and stole his heart at the ball. It isn’t until the handsome prince (now, king) finally tracks her down that she finally reveals her identity.

After enduring years of degradation and insults from her step-mother and step-sisters, Ella has come to see herself as “only” a lowly servant in her step-mother’s home. After her father died his widow and her daughters stopped recognizing Ella as a legitimate member of the household and family. They relegated her living quarters to a dusty, drafty attic and did not allow her to eat meals with them in the dining room. Indeed, Ella spent most of her days so hard at work in the house and enduring her step-family’s snide comments and degradations that even she started to think of herself the same way they did: a mere servant with no status or worth. So when the king asks her name, she gives him the moniker by which she is known and has come to see herself: Cinderella.

According to John Kappas, Ph.D., the subconscious mind works on expectation and imagination. Over time, we learn to expect others to respond to and interact with us in a particular way based on our previous experience with those individuals. We also learn to internalize the message or emotion we perceive in those interactions, which can affect self-confidence and self-esteem, the Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder explained. No matter what the “message” is, as you hear and repeat it to yourself your subconscious mind starts to believe and even own that message. When everyone around you constantly bombard you with criticism and negativity, as Cinderella’s step-mother and step-sisters did, it’s no surprise that your self-confidence and self-esteem take a dive when even you start to believe in the negative hype.

Fortunately, (Cinder)Ella’s ability to remain true to her core beliefs to stay brave and be kind in spite of the abominable treatment she received enabled her to prevail and find true love and happiness at the end of the story. Even better, this version of the fairy-tale emphasized that these qualities (not just her beauty) are the characteristics that charmed and even inspired her prince to behave in a similarly noble and compassionate way.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2015

Inner Wisdom

(This blog was originally posted on April 8, 2014)

 

 

                “Would you like to meet Sophia?”

                I opened my eyes and looked around the waiting room. I must have dozed off while I waited for my friend to finish her doctor’s appointment, because an older woman was suddenly standing directly in front of me, nodding and smiling. She had on pink scrubs and was holding the leash of one of the biggest Standard Poodles I had ever seen. I sat up straighter in the hard plastic chair and blinked a couple of times. I hadn’t slept well last night—okay, at all—and, I admit, the chance to catch a quick nap was a welcome respite. I had been very stressed and worried about my friend these past few weeks, and I almost resented this interruption. However, once I shrugged off my sleepy confusion and oriented myself in the room, my irritation melted away. I suddenly noticed the gentle, warm pressure of the dog’s chest and right shoulder leaning into my right shin. Sophia’s long, delicate chin rested on my knees and she looked up at me with soulful brown eyes.

The woman gave her dog a loving scratch behind the ears. Sophia pressed her right shoulder even closer against my leg and let out a soft sigh. “Go ahead and pet her if you like. Sophia is a therapy dog. She will stay with you as long as you like, or until you get up if you have to go.”

“No, I’m good.” I noticed that I was smiling as I leaned over to rub the dog’s shoulders, patting and stroking her the way I gently scratch my horse’s withers. The large waiting room had suddenly shrunk to the three or four feet of space that Sophia, her handler and I were occupying.  The tightness and tension in my shoulders bled away as I also released a slow, steady exhale. I could tell right away—from these physiological changes going on in my body and the sense of deep relaxation that I was feeling—that I had drifted into a light form of hypnosis. What was happening? How did this dog and her handler know how much I needed this encounter at that moment?

Animals’ intuition never fails to impress and astound me. Throughout my life, my cats always seem to know when I am sick. They stay close to me and curl up beside me on the sofa or in bed, feline versions of Florence Nightingale that are determined to keep a close eye on me until I recover. My horses—first, Geeves and now Galahad—always become very protective and even careful around me when I don’t feel well or if my confidence wavers during a ride. Similarly, when my mom and I met Monty Roberts at an Equine Affaire event many years ago, Mr. Roberts explained that his Mustang, Shy Boy, always sought out people in the audience who seemed to need a little special attention. Well, that little Mustang came right over to my mother and me. I definitely wanted and hoped he would come over to us; but my mom was especially excited and emotional about this encounter.

Today, I just had a sense that the dog was singling me out for this attention, because she was suddenly there in front of me, looking at me, nuzzling me. Since I had been sleeping when this pair entered the waiting room, I don’t know how many people they had already visited before they got to my corner against the wall. But once Sophia came over to me, she stayed in the same position pressed against my legs for at least 20 minutes. There were a few other patients sitting nearby, but I was the person the dog and her handler hung out with for so long. Even when other patients and their children came over to meet her, Sophia stayed close to me. I wasn’t even officially a patient today, but I definitely needed and appreciated the kind of gentle comfort that she was able to provide for me that morning.

 

                 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2015

 

Hypnotherapy for Pain Management

Photo courtesy of Microsoft/Bing

Hypnotherapy and therapeutic guided imagery are fabulous modalities to help manage pain. There are two categories of pain: acute, which is characterized by sudden onset (occurrence) and is the result of an event that has just happened. Conversely, chronic pain has been present for some period of time after a causative event (e.g., car crash), develops over time due to a causative factor (e.g., repetitive stress injury) or disease. Hypnosis and guided imagery are effective tools in the following ways:

·         They enable your subconscious mind to release from the physical sensations of chronic pain by changing the way your mind perceives pain by shutting off pain receptors during hypnosis. (e.g., breathing exercises, visualization);

·         They can help you learn to change your physical reactions to painful sensations associated with your chronic pain (e.g, “glove anesthesia”; “transfer of pain” to a more tolerable part of the body to facilitate more control; remodel pain sensations to a more acceptable/tolerable level);

·         They can help you reduce anxiety about experiencing pain by permitting the physical body to relax (release muscle tension) and the brain to release the body’s natural pain killers, serotonin and endorphins (e.g., “special place” imagery)

·         They can help you re-establish your perception of being able to control your pain through self-hypnosis (e.g.: “control room”; “imaginative transformation” of the context of the pain).

California law allows me to provide hypnotherapy as a complementary or alternative treatment to help you manage/control pain as a way to achieve vocational and avocational self-improvement goals (Business and Professions Code 2908). However, I must receive a referral from a licensed medical doctor or mental-health professional in order to work with you on this issue. I would also need a medical referral if your pain gets worse or your condition changes during the therapy, or if your wakes you from sleep.

For more information about this topic, I invite you to read my previous blog titled What You Can (and Cannot) Expect From Hypnotherapy.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2015

Quoting Your Mother (Again)

 

Someone posted this Bern Williams quote on my Facebook wall recently: “Sooner or later we all quote our mothers.” Well, of course we do, I immediately thought. Let me tell you why this is true.

According to Hypnosis Motivation Founder John G. Kappas, Ph.D., we get our early suggestibility (how we communicate and learn) from how the primary caretaker (usually the mother) takes care of and interacts with us during early childhood (birth up to age 5). Words, tone of voice and body language create suggestibility, he explains. If your mom tended to communicate with you directly and literally—“You can play with your friends after you have finished your homework!”—and was consistent in enforcing this instruction, you likely followed her example with your own kids. Similarly, if she occasionally allowed you to play first you likely compensated for her inconsistency by trying to guess or infer what she really meant when she told you to do something.

Many of us remember (with fondness or even some consternation) various expressions, terms of endearment or even chastisement that our mother has said over and over throughout our lives. Every time she repeated this behavior, those words or phrases and the behavior(s) they accompanied were reinforced in our subconscious mind. Over time and with frequent repetition, these associations become so ingrained in our subconscious life script that we find ourselves responding to a similar situation the same way mom did or would have with your children.

And when your kids are grown they will be able to make a similar observation about their own interactions with their family, and so on.

 

 

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2015

 

Positive versus Negative Energy

 

It is easy to dwell on or even promote negativity and hatred. However, the positive energy that is expended to spread love, joy and positive vibes that encourage and support other people in our environment, spreads much faster and is far more powerful.

A couple weeks ago I heard a very sad news report about  a man in England who was fat-shamed on social media after someone posted a video of him dancing at a club. Viewers could literally see the effect of this negativity: in one frame, the man is shown smiling and seeming to have a great time getting his groove on. But in the next he is standing alone with his head down and shoulders slumped while everyone around him continues to dance and party. Whatever joy he had been experiencing moments before was seemingly been sucked right out of him when others made their criticism (loudly) known.

The video went “viral” throughout the Internet. However, when a very compassionate young woman in Southern California named Cassandra Fairbanks saw the video she turned the vitriol and negative energy that inspired the post onto its metaphoric head. She found out who the man was, organized a huge dance party for him and even started an online fundraiser to help raise money to pay for his plane ticket to attend the party as the guest of honor. As word spread about the party plans, hundreds of people (likely more, now) signed up to attend and donated more money to the fund. A couple celebrities reportedly volunteered to perform at it and expressed great excitement and enthusiasm about taking part in the upcoming event. How cool is that?

The optimistic, joyous resolution of this story—organizing a huge party to celebrate versus hurt and humiliate another person—demonstrates that it is possible to over-write the negativity in the environment by focusing on the positive energy surrounding you. For more information about this topic, check out my previous blogs: How to Deal With the Naysayer, Energy Vampires and Energy Exchange.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2015

 

Thoughts of the Day

Photo by Sara Fogan

 

                Every now and then I like (and need) to take a few moments and remind myself about what is really important to me, in my life. If you follow me on Facebook you may have seen some of these quotes before on this page, or will in the future. Many of these Quotes of the Day are beautiful examples and illustrations of the work I do as a hypnotherapist, so I will probably draw on them in future essays.

 

“I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become.” – Pleasure P

“If you have passion and belief in yourself, anything’s possible.” – Criss Angel

“There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work and learning from failure.” –Colin Powell

"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." ~ Wayne W. Dyer

“The best use of imagination is creativity. The worst use of imagination is anxiety.” – Deepak Chopra

“There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from."- Elizabeth Kübler-Ross

"He who knows all the answers has not been asked all the questions." ~ Confucius

"And you? When will you begin that long journey into yourself?" Rumi

"The state of your life is nothing more than a reflection of the state of your mind." ~ Wayne W. Dyer

“Whatever you are not changing you are choosing.” – Laurie Buchanan

 

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2015

Don't Pack More Than You Can Carry

(This blog was originally posted on February 6, 2014)

 

 

 

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

 

 

As I have mentioned in my blog titled Dream Therapy, Part 1, it is very important to devote some time every day to relaxation and chilling out. Your conscious mind and physical body need down time the same way your subconscious mind needs REM sleep and dreams to process information and work through stress while you sleep. With a blast of summer-like weather hitting Southern California, many Los Angeles residents will likely head out to the beach to take advantage of the unseasonably warm weather. Others may opt to take a “staycation” and spend quality time at home with friends and family. And still others may choose to take the next few days to spend quality time alone, going to a health spa to meditate and recharge their emotional batteries.

While you prepare for the weekend, consider which items you absolutely need and want to bring with you and those you can (and should) leave behind. Plane/train/boat tickets, money and I.D., change(s) of clothes, toothbrush and toothpaste are obvious items you will need to bring along. If you plan to go water-skiing or surfing, you will probably also want to pack your sports gear for the trip, too. Just as there is limited carrying space in a suitcase, the trunk of your car and in the storage compartments of airplanes, trains and tour buses, I believe that there should also be limited room for the mental scripts that you bring to spend the weekend. “Necessary” items to include in this kind of subconscious mental script are: positive emotions and energy about the trip, optimism and alternative strategies or options if you must make an unexpected change of plan. What you do not need to bring on your trip are negative memories/associations with your travel destination and negative emotions (e.g., frustration, pessimism, etc.). If possible, you should leave your job at home, too.

If you have any anxiety about or negative associations with your vacation destination—for example, if you haven’t been in the ocean since you got caught in a rip current ten years ago—check out my suggestions for increasing self-confidence in my blog titled, When Self-Confidence Is on Thin Ice. I also provide a generic breathing and relaxation exercise in my blog titled, Breath Control: Here, I teach you an effective technique to replace negative associations with positive ones as you exhale and inhale your breath, respectively.

                I hope you have a wonderful and safe weekend, wherever you go and however you spend it.

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2015