Are You Afraid to Lose...or Win?

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on May 14, 2014)

Photo by Rick Hustead

 

Have you refused to participate in an activity because you didn’t want to look bad or ruin your current performance record? Have you ever refused to participate in an activity in which you were likely to succeed? Both of these examples are potential causes of performance an­­xiety, and recognizing what triggers this anxiety is the first step to successfully managing and treating it.

Fear of success is often more difficult for people to imagine feeling, because who doesn’t want to succeed and to be the best at something, right? But success comes with its own kinds of pressure and stress, including responsibility. Suddenly, it does not matter to that newly minted executive that he or she has years of training and experience to validate this promotion. It does not matter that the person has a proved track record of being able to execute profitable negotiations in the boardroom and is willing to make tough decisions about that will benefit the company. Once you get the big promotion that you have been working so hard to receive, you have to do more work and probably take on more roles than you previously had, to earn the new title and salary that you now earn. You will have to use the skills you have honed during your tenure in your previous role and put them to a real test in a leadership position. Like it or not, when you make a decision the buck will start and stop with you.

Or, imagine an honors student at high-school student who has received two letters of acceptance from two different universities. He or she may decide to accept a place in the state university because he or she feels intimidated by the anticipated course demands and his or her family’s expectations about what it means to be a student at Harvard. It doesn’t matter that you have earned academic letters or were the captain of your sport or debate team. It doesn’t matter how many awards you have received for community service or other extracurricular activity. Once you leave the security of high school (and childhood) where you were the top-ranked student of your class, you will be starting over in a new environment that is populated by hundreds of young adults just like you. You may well become the head of your class and set a new standard of academic achievement, or not. Whatever you do academically, high-school graduation and attending college are a rite of passage from childhood to adulthood.

The physical manifestations of performance anxiety take many forms, including trembling or shaking, feeling nauseated or “blanking out” (forgetting) the lines or music you are going to perform or the information you are supposed to present. Hypnotherapy and therapeutic guided-imagery techniques can help you to manage these symptoms and overcome this anxiety so you can do the performance or presentation.

• Systematic desensitization to the stimuli that trigger the anxiety/fear response.
• Creating hypnotic scripts that reinforce the client’s recent achievements to boost his or her self-confidence about ability to achieve the stated goal.
• Use guided-imagery techniques to help the client re-experience those previous successes and further reinforce his or her self-confidence about being able to achieve a new goal.
• Teach the client how to practice diaphragmatic breathing and to activate an “anchor” to help relieve symptoms of anxiety.
• Educate the client about the relationship between nutrition and anxiety; specifically, the correlation between drops and spikes in blood-sugar level and feeling anxious or afraid.
• Instruct the client about using the Emotional Freedom Technique (tapping) to reduce anxiety and replace negative responses with positive/desired responses to achieve a goal.

Performance anxiety affects most people at some time in their lives. As John Kappas, Ph.D. explains in his book Success Is Not an Accident: The Mental Bank Concept, every person has the ability to achieve success. You do not have to be afraid to fail or to succeed to achieve your goals. Now is the perfect time for you to turn your dreams into reality.

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit my website. 

© 2022

 

Accept the Apology You Never Received

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on June 2, 2016)

“Don’t let yourself go/’Cause everybody cries/And everybody hurts sometimes.” – R.E.M.

Photo by Rick Hustead

 

During the course of a lifetime, it is unlikely that many of us will never be hurt—emotionally if not physically—by someone we care about. Whether it’s a verbal slight, cruel teasing, bullying, or a physical or sexual assault, emotional and even physical pain can be caused. To add insult to the injury, the person who hurt you may never offer a genuine apology for or show remorse about this behavior. But that doesn’t mean you can’t act “as if” one has been offered so we can get on with our lives. Following are some techniques I teach my hypnotherapy clients that can facilitate this process.

• Write a letter to the person who hurt you. Explain or describe how that individual’s actions/behavior made you feel. Even if you never send this letter to the person, the process of writing this letter enables you to vent/release unexpressed emotions. Be sure to include information about how strong/loving/confident, etc. you still are and always will be, regardless of this incident or exchange.
• Write a letter from the person who hurt you. In this letter, write the things you want to know about what happened. Why did the person say or do that hurtful thing? Remember, this is an explanation, not an excuse. What could the person say to help you believe this apology is genuine? Even if you are/do not feel ready to forgive this action—and you certainly don’t have to be—use the words, phrases, expressions that you wish this person would say to you to express his or her contrition. Be sure to write this letter at night before you go to bed, so the subconscious mind can more easily accept and integrate this information. You know what you need to hear, so go ahead and say/write what will make you feel better. The subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between an actual or imaginary apology and will accept this information as real.
• Imagery and Hypnosis. After these letters are written, the positive/self-affirming messages in the text can be incorporated into a hypnotic script to help you let go of the negative situation. One of my favorite imagery journeys for this kind of situation has the client imagine that he or she is climbing a mountain. Eventually and gradually, the person drops or removes any heavy burdens (i.e., this pain or hurt) the individual doesn’t want to carry around anymore and enjoy the freedom of being finally free of this emotional burden.
• Systematic Desensitization. While you are in hypnosis, I desensitize you to the various aspects/triggers of the pain and disappointment you may still be carrying around. I will also teach you diaphragmatic breathing and help you create an emotional anchor so you can return to this extremely relaxed state whenever needed.

 

For more information about the concept of letting go of previous (emotional) burdens, I invite to read my blog titled, Why Are You Still Carrying It?

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit my website. 

© 2022

 

Mutts© Comics and the Systems Approach

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on August 15, 2014)

Photo by Rick Hustead

 

 

I am a devoted fan of Patrick McDonnell’s Mutts© comic strip. During the week of (August 11-August 14, 2014, two of the regular “seaside” characters, Crabby and Mrs. Crabby, were having a marital crisis. Not only was the king crab feeling “happy” and content, he had suddenly become very kind and even solicitous to his wife. Mrs. Crabby was beside herself with worry because she had no idea how to deal with his sudden change in behavior or attitude. She literally did not “know” her husband since he was no longer grumpy and complaining. The Crabby relationship was in jeopardy because the basic system of their marriage had been disrupted.

The source or reason for Crabby’s sudden attitude change wasn’t revealed; it didn’t matter that his gentler, more considerate nature might have ultimately improved the overall quality of their communication their relationship. Remember, doesn’t even matter if the “change” is for the better and could even improve the overall quality of their interactions or communication. According to John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind, anything new is unknown and, therefore, painful. This behavior was very painful to him and Mrs. Crabby—so painful, in fact, that they had to enlist the help of a marriage counselor (an octopus) to help restore the usual status quo and save their relationship.

Right away, I knew that a Systems Theory Approach would be the most effective way to address this conflict. The basic premise of the Systems Approach is: every component of a social/emotional system affects the entire system. Whenever one member of that social system changes his or her behavior in any way, that change could still destroy the relationship if the other parties are resistant toward it. The ultimate goal of a Systems Approach is to bring the original System back into balance.

According to Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder, this approach infiltrates all areas of therapy regardless of what the client’s problem or issue happens to be. Even if only one member of the family or one spouse or partner in a relationship is seeking therapy, that issue must be dealt with within the context of the client’s own system. Therefore, the hypnotherapist must address components in the person’s work, relationships, family past, the hypnotherapy he or she is receiving, plus aspects of the entire social system or relationship. If these other issues aren’t taken into account, the therapy won’t be successful and only the issue being addressed in therapy will be “treated” (improved or eliminated) per the client’s goal, Dr. Kappas warned.

The presenting issue of Crabby and Mrs. Crabby’s case was marital accord, a complete aberration of their normal interactions. If the (hypno)therapist doesn’t keep Mrs. Crabby in mind during the therapy, she is liable to walk out of the marriage because she has not been taken into account within the “system.” Fortunately, both of these spouses were willing to come in for (hypno)therapy to work on their marital issues and learned some techniques to help them restore the natural balance of the relationship.

I am pleased to report that the “therapy” worked, Crabby is back to being his usual “crabby” self and he and Mrs. Crabby is delighted with the results! You can read about their relationship at https://muttscomics.com/strips-archive.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit my website. 

© 2022

 

Mimicry. Imitation. Communiation.

 

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on September 2, 2014)

Photo by Jennifer Berkowitz

 

I recently witnessed something very interesting. While I was hanging out with my horse yesterday, a crow sitting on a branch in the tree beside me started to imitate the “honk” of some geese next door to my trainer’s property. I know that crows are exceptionally bright, but I have never seen or heard anything like that. I don’t believe that this was just a case of mimicry, either: the crow deliberately honked to the goose several times as if trying to get the other bird’s attention. When it finally responded, the crow honked right back a few times and then waited for the goose to communicate again. Meanwhile, another crow nearby cawed at the original one in the tree; the first crow responded in kind a few times and then resumed its calls to the goose. How cool is that?

This incident made me think about the different ways people imitate another person’s voices in speech and in song. Not just the words someone else says but also even the tone, pitch, rhythm/cadence of the words and even regional dialect or accent. Why do we do this, and how—and when—do we know that we are getting it right? For example, when I lived in England while I worked on my post-graduate degree, I gradually developed a slight lilt in my voice. I didn’t notice this change in my speech until I returned to the United States and people commented that I had developed a cool accent while I was away. This change made perfect sense, as the people with whom I worked, lived and socialized were British; over time, my subconscious mind accepted these accents as a new known and I eventually adopted it (or a version of it) as my own.

Similarly, I often sing along when a favorite song comes on the radio or my iPod. My conscious mind knows that I do not sound anything Celine Dion, Annie Lennox, Katy Perry, Bon Jovi or Tim McGraw, but I still try to imitate those singers’ voices when I’m singing along to their songs. Why won’t my subconscious mind let me give up that ghost and sing without trying to sound like someone I’m not? Even when I consciously try to sing in my own voice, in the back of my mind I can still imagine hearing what one of those performers sound like and I catch myself trying to sing the same way.

My answer to that question may be found in Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind. Dr. Kappas stated that from the moment we are born we start to develop a subconscious life script by learning specific behaviors through association and identification. Even though most of this script is written by the time we are about eight years old, the mind continues to take in more information which the subconscious mind may accept or reject. For example, we learned how to talk by associating and identifying specific words that a primary caretaker taught us, and then we imitated this behavior (e.g., how to move our mouths to create words) to speak. Over time, we also modeled other people to learn and correct our pronunciation and increase our vocabulary. Many parents or caretakers sing to their young children, which may explain people’s fondness for listening to music and singing, or participating in these activities ourselves. And, just like we did when we learned how to speak, once we learn the words to a song we like we subconsciously imitate the way the singer performs the lyrics.

I wonder if the crow I observed yesterday was unintentionally imitating the neighbor’s goose to communicate with the other bird the same way humans do in speech and song.

 

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit my website. 

© 2022

 

The Paris Window

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on February 24, 2017)

 

Photo by Rick Hustead

 

 

One of my favorite techniques to help a client find out what is really going on in the person’s life—i.e., the cause or foundation of the issue he or she wishes to address—is the Paris Window. This is a diagram of a box containing four squares. Each square features a question that is designed to clarify and bring the subconscious issue/motivation behind the unwanted behavior into conscious awareness.

This is what a Paris Window looks like:

 

Q: How do you feel about the problem?         1.	Q: How do you think other people feel about your problem?       2.
Q: How do you feel about how other people feel about your problem?       3.	The Actual Problem     4.

 

I use the Paris Window during the cognitive (alert) portion of the hypnotherapy. It is a particularly effective way to discover any underlying, subconscious motivation(s) behind the person’s unwanted behaviors that may be preventing the desired behavior change. One benefit of this technique is that it is very visceral: the person can literally watch a story about the origins or basis of this subconscious resistance evolve while writing the responses to each question (ideomotor response). Once the issue is revealed, I discuss it with the client in terms of his or her beliefs and feelings about the problem/conflict, motivations to change or get rid of the unwanted behavior and strategies to accomplish this. Finally, when the person is in hypnosis, I incorporate specific suggestions in his or her hypnotic script to help the person implement these new beliefs or behaviors to help actualize this self-improvement goal.

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

© 2022

 

Getting Control in the Relationship

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on April 4, 2016)

Image courtesy of Microsoft

 

When it comes to relationships, Physical Sexual and Emotional Sexual partners have very different needs and desires. A Physical Sexual controls the Emotional Sexual partner with guilt. Relationships are very important to this personality, and if the relationship ever seems to be in jeopardy the Physical Sexual will do just about anything to rescue and preserve the relationship.

Whereas the Physical Sexual experiences very little guilt, the Emotional Sexual partner is laden with it, observed Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder Dr. John Kappas. Therefore, to maintain control in the relationship, the Physical Sexual partner must never release that hold until the person gets what he or she wants, he advised. The Physical Sexual is also easily hurt, such as in instances of betrayal, and can be vindictive. “They really hold onto that hurt,” he said.

Conversely, the Emotional Sexual controls a Physical Sexual partner by rejection or withholding emotion. The Emotional Sexual tends to be defensive and protective, and generally has difficulty expressing his or her true feelings, Dr. Kappas explained. Furthermore, the Emotional Sexual also gets over failed relationships fairly quickly. This personality tends to need more space and does not place as high a priority on relationships as the Physical Sexual tends to do. The more the Emotional Sexual withdraws to create more space for him- or herself in the relationship, the more desperate the Physical becomes to reconnect. Paradoxically, this behavior only irritates the Emotional Sexual partner, and he or she tends to withdraw from the partner even more.

Sex is another area where the Emotional and Physical partners tend to try to control each other, the hypnotherapist pointed out. Both male and female Physical Sexual partners crave closeness after intercourse, but an Emotional Sexual male wants to get his orgasm over with and move on to something else. Whereas a Physical Sexual female wants her partner to “prove” that he cares about her through intimacy, a Physical Sexual male can control his partner through his release (ejaculation), Dr. Kappas said. Finally, the Emotional Sexual female wants to figure out how to manipulate or control her Physically Sexual male partner.

“It’s a lot easier for a hypnotherapist to work with couples where there’s an Emotional Sexual female and a Physical Sexual male, because it’s easier to ‘mold’ the Emotional Sexual female than it is to mold the Emotional Sexual male. Plus, she suffers a lot of guilt,” Dr. Kappas said.

For more information about how to address the Emotional Sexual and Physical Sexual personalities’ response to rejection, I invite you to check out my blog titled, Dealing With Rejection in Hypnotherapy.

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

© 2022

The Best Time to Write Affirmations

 I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on January 6, 2014)

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

 

A lot of people write affirmations to reinforce positive behaviors and attitudes that they have adopted to change and improve their lives. I write affirmations, and I encourage my hypnotherapy clients to do this as well.

The best time to write affirmations is 30 minutes after you wake up or 30 minutes before you drift off to sleep. These times are important because this is when your subconscious mind is most receptive to these messages. The subconscious mind does not know the difference between fantasy and reality, negative and positive, so be sure to use positive imagery and words that will reinforce your positive behaviors and attitudes. I also advise my clients to not watch or listen to the news or any programs/broadcasts that may contain negative or violent messages/imagery before bed.

        

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit my website. 

© 2022