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John Kappas, Ph.D., observed once
observed that “Emotional rejection is probably the most difficult [challenge]
to overcome.” This may be particularly true of the high-level Physical
Sexual men and women. These individuals often build their sense of identity
and self-worth around the partner and relationship; when the relationship ends,
the person’s confidence and perception of self-worth also plummet. The degree
of the person’s physical sexuality and the level of devastation of the
rejection will determine how long he or she “hangs on” to the former partner,
the Hypnosis Motivation Institute
founder explained.
Since a Physical Sexual
can only accept that there is a possibility to save the relationship, the first
step in hypnotherapy is to affirm the client’s belief, Dr. Kappas advised. At
this stage, the hypnotherapist should encourage the person to think about the
partner’s good qualities and examine the positive things that happened during
and since the relationship began. The individual should be encouraged to
describe every detail of the relationship: how long it lasted, who rejected
whom, what caused the break-up and how many times “x” event occurred that
precipitated the break-up. “Continue to revisit these memories with the client
until the pain is gone,” he suggested.
It is important for the
hypnotherapist to acknowledge that the client is hurting emotionally, but
remind the person that it does not help to blame either party or the break-up
for this distress. Instead, remind the individual that the estranged partner
was attracted to him or her during the relationship, but something happened
during this time that changed the attraction and the person went in another
direction.
“A Physical Sexual can’t
accept that the partner was at fault in a break-up,” Dr. Kappas said. Even if
the partner had another lover or was having an affair, the client is likely to
blame the third party for ruining the relationship. The hypnotherapist must
gently remind the client that it is the partner who chose to leave their
relationship, not the other lover (likely, a Physical Sexual) that he or she is
with, now.
It is important to help
rebuild the client’s self-confidence so the person can stop grieving for the
partner and start to move away from the lost relationship, toward a new life.
If the client continues to maintain superficial involvement with the former
partner and is still hanging on to the previous relationship, this behavior
must also be exposed. “The client must get what’s necessary from the past
relationship to get closure on it,” the hypnotherapist explained.
A Physical Sexual’s
response to rejection is mostly a phobic reaction, based on misconceptions
about the relationship. Dr. Kappas suggested that when the client has not
completely let go of the ex-partner or former relationship, the best
therapeutic strategy is to desensitize the person to the relationship/partner and
expose the facts about it. If the client is/was in an extremely bad
relationship and enjoyed no “good times” during that time, in hypnosis have him
or her repeatedly bring up all of the “bad times” and then pass those memories
(Circle Therapy). If there were any good elements of the relationship, the
client should bring those up first, before bombarding his or her subconscious
mind with negative associations about the partner, Dr. Kappas advised.
“Desensitize the
[person] to hurt by giving more pleasure in the relationship and search out
what [the client really wants,” he said.
Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist
based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation
Institute in 2005. For more
information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an
appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.
© 2016
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