How Hypnotherapy Can Help You Change Negative Self-Perception

(This blog was originally posted on February 1, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

"People are constantly changing and growing. Do not cling to a limited, disconnected, negative image of a person in the past." – Brian Weiss

When I saw that quote on a Twitter feed, I knew I had found my blog topic for the day. In addition to holding onto an outdated image of others, we often carry around the baggage of similarly disconnected and negative images of ourselves. The longer you held that perception, the more time your subconscious mind was bombarded with chatter to reinforce that negative opinion of yourself. Ironically, you may be the only person who continues to see yourself in that old light; but other people’s perceptions alone are not powerful enough to not persuade the subconscious mind to change a long-held belief about personal worth. No matter how much work you have put into changing or getting rid of an unwanted habit or belief, it can seem really tough to completely evict the negative perception about yourself that went along with that old behavior.

But tough is not impossible, and hypnotherapy is a very effective way to dismantle the subconscious mental scripts that no longer reflect the person you are and want to be.

A lot of these negative belief systems about perceived futility of change come from and are reinforced by low self-esteem and low self-confidence. If the person believes that he or she has or can never make a positive life change, lack of experience in actualizing a previous change in behavior only reinforces this negative belief system. Through hypnosis and therapeutic guided imagery, I help my clients imagine how it feels to be able to completely and effectively make the new, desired behavior changes. Since the subconscious mind does not know the difference between what is reality or pretend, it is ideal to practice and reinforce these new behaviors while in hypnosis, where a new positive mental script can be written.

Hypnotherapy and therapeutic guided-imagery techniques are also effective tools to further dismantle the former negative beliefs and replacing them with powerful new mental scripts to reinforce the client’s self-power, confidence and willingness to embrace the desired behavior change. Every time you “practice” the new desired behavior, confidence in your ability to make the desired change continues to grow and the realization that self-directed change is possible further increases self-esteem. Over time, repeated reinforcement of the new subconscious mental script—“I can do X, I am worthy, etc.”—replaces the negativity and self-doubt until you also believe that your power to change and the changes you have made are here to stay.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2018

Thoughts of the Day

Photo by Sara Fogan

Every now and then I like (and need) to take a few moments and remind myself about what is really important to me, in my life. If you follow me on my Calminsense Hypnotherapy Facebook page you may have seen some of these quotes before on this page, or will in the future. Many of these Quotes of the Day are beautiful examples and illustrations of the work I do as a hypnotherapist, so I will probably draw on them in future essays.

• “Your life is your own. If it’s not the life you want, only you can change it.” – William Nicholson

• “If you make friends with yourself you will never be alone.” – Maxwell Matz

• “It takes a long time to grow an old friend.” – John Leonard

• “The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.” – Becky Mansfield

• “The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to forget is the happiest.” – Lolly Daskal

• “The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you.” – Anthony Robbins

• “Compassion is the wish to see others free from suffering.” – Dalai Lama

• “What you can become depends upon what you can overcome.” – Anthony Douglas Williams

• “Be not simply good; be good for something.” – Henry David Thoreau

• “Words can inspire. And words can destroy. Choose yours well.” – Robin Sharma

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2018

Getting Control in the Relationship

(This blog was originally posted on April 4, 2016)

Image courtesy of Microsoft

When it comes to relationships, Physical Sexual and Emotional Sexual partners have very different needs and desires. A Physical Sexual controls the Emotional Sexual partner with guilt. Relationships are very important to this personality, and if the relationship ever seems to be in jeopardy the Physical Sexual will do just about anything to rescue and preserve the relationship.

Whereas the Physical Sexual experiences very little guilt, the Emotional Sexual partner is laden with it, observed Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder Dr. John Kappas. Therefore, to maintain control in the relationship, the Physical Sexual partner must never release that hold until the person gets what he or she wants, he advised. The Physical Sexual is also easily hurt, such as in instances of betrayal, and can be vindictive. “They really hold onto that hurt,” he said.

Conversely, the Emotional Sexual controls a Physical Sexual partner by rejection or withholding emotion. The Emotional Sexual tends to be defensive and protective, and generally has difficulty expressing his or her true feelings, Dr. Kappas explained. Furthermore, the Emotional Sexual also gets over failed relationships fairly quickly. This personality tends to need more spare and does not place as high a priority on relationships as the Physical Sexual tends to do. The more the Emotional Sexual withdraws to create more space for him- or herself in the relationship, the more desperate the Physical becomes to reconnect. Paradoxically, this behavior only irritates the Emotional Sexual partner, and he or she tends to withdraw from the partner even more.

Sex is another area where the Emotional and Physical partners tend to try to control each other, the hypnotherapist pointed out. Both male and female Physical Sexual partners crave closeness after intercourse, but an Emotional Sexual male wants to get his orgasm over with and move on to something else. Whereas a Physical Sexual female wants her partner to “prove” that he cares about her through intimacy, a Physical Sexual male can control his partner through his release (ejaculation), Dr. Kappas said. Finally, the Emotional Sexual female wants to figure out how to manipulate or control her Physically Sexual male partner.

“It’s a lot easier for a hypnotherapist to work with couples where there’s an Emotional Sexual female and a Physical Sexual male, because it’s easier to ‘mold’ the Emotional Sexual female than it is to mold the Emotional Sexual male. Plus, she suffers a lot of guilt,” Dr. Kappas said.

For more information about how to address the Emotional Sexual and Physical Sexual personalities’ response to rejection, I invite you to check out my blog titled, Dealing With Rejection in Hypnotherapy.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2018