Why Are You Still Carrying It?

Photo by Sara Fogan

Many years ago, a yoga instructor read a story at the end of class that continues to resonate with me. The tale goes something like this:

Three monks set out on a walk to a monastery. Each monk is carrying a heavy load of clothing and other goods to donate to the poor. In addition, each one has taken a vow of silence, so they cannot pass the time talking during their journey. They come across a fast-moving river, where they see a young woman struggling to cross the water. She is losing her balance trying to keep her parcels dry, at risk of slipping into the water and drowning. One of the monks puts his belongings on the ground and goes into the river to help the stranger get across safely. He may have spoken to her at some point, just to reassure that he would help her get across the river to the other bank. Or, maybe he did not; but he was a gentle person with a kind heart, and the woman instinctively knew she had nothing to fear. Since he was very strong, it was easy to pick her up and carry the woman and her belongings the rest of the way across the river to the opposite shore. Once she was safely deposited there, the monk returned her bow to acknowledge her gratitude and crossed the river again to finish the journey to the monastery with his colleagues.

When they started walking, the first monk could immediately sense the other men’s great disgruntlement and frustration. Their strides and posture told him that they were very unhappy, maybe even angry, and he wondered what could be wrong. Finally, one of the other monks stopped and turned to glare at him. He said: “What did you think you were doing? We have taken a vow of silence! We have sworn to avoid the company and contact with women! And what do you do? You stop to help a maiden cross a river!”

“You touched her and you spoke to her,” the third monk exclaimed. “You broke your vow of silence and your promise not to have contact with the opposite sex! How dare you?”

The first monk sighed thoughtfully. Yes, he had done those things; but the woman was at risk of drowning in the fast-moving current. What else could he have done, except try to save her?

“Yes,” he said. “I did those things. But I put her down three miles ago. Yo­u are the ones who are still carrying her.”

This tale reminds me that it is usually a waste of time, energy and emotion to dwell on an event that has happened in the past. That action is over. There are rarely opportunities for a do-over. Often, we must make a split-second decision how to behave, think or even what to say in a conversation. Each of those decisions will be contingent upon the context in which they occur. As Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D., liked to say, we all do everything exactly the right way at exactly the right time. That is because our existing subconscious knowns, which are created by previous experiences and beliefs, have programmed our subconscious mental script that dictates how we will behave in that situation. Perhaps if the river’s current had not been so fast or the woman had not been burdened with packages to carry, the first monk may not have stopped to help her. Whatever earlier-life experiences the first monk had or the beliefs he held about the value of a vow of silence or celibacy versus the importance of saving a woman’s life, dictated his decision to rescue her. And who knows? If that monk had not decided to rescue her, maybe one of his other companions would have done so instead.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

Powerball

Image courtesy of Microsoft

This afternoon, the local news reported that the Saturday, January 9, 2016 Powerball Lottery jackpot had reached $800 million. People were shown purchasing lottery tickets from electronic machines and over the counter at their local grocery or liquor stores. Some favored venues where previous (albeit, considerably lower-value) winning tickets had been purchased in the hope that the location would bring some of the same luck to them. Others chose numbers that represented a significant dates in their lives—wedding anniversary, the age of a pet or child, spouse’s birth-date—in the hope and belief that these digits would show up on each of the winning balls. A recent AP report had punters estimating that the grand prize would surpass $1 billion for the next drawing if no one has the right numbers tomorrow night.

That’s a lot of money. 

When asked what they will/would do if they win the jackpot, many people said they would pay off credit-card debts. Buy a new car. Pay off the mortgage on their home and/or even buy a new house—maybe a gift for a senior parent. Some fantasized about going on a shopping spree, taking a cruise around the world. There were so many options and so much money to be spent…

The thing interesting thing about coming into a lot of money so quickly is how quickly it also disappears. We often hear about that actor or athlete who once commanded a high paycheck, or a lucky Lottery winner, is suddenly broke and in debt. How did that happen? we wonder. Where did all the money go?

How a person earns, spends and saves money has a lot to do with the individual’s subconscious mental script about finances. According to Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D., everyone follows a subconscious mental script that is created very early in our lives. We behave and even think in ways that are consistent with that script even when it does not facilitate achievement of our personal goals. Depending on the subconscious mental script about having and handling money, the future winner (or winners) of this Powerball jackpot may have some challenges when it comes to saving or spending all that cash.

For example, someone who grew up having to scrimp and save every penny may continue to behave as if there he does not have any financial security throughout the rest of his life even when this is no longer the case. It doesn’t matter that when he grew up, he got a good job with health and retirement benefits; maybe he even made some good financial investments and is now able to live quite comfortably on the dividends. He may even be a millionaire by now. However, his subconscious mind only knows how it feels to be “poor” and his lifestyle reflects this belief. Consequently, he still drives the same car he’s owned the past 15 years (and will until it can’t be repaired anymore), wears clothes he’s owned for 30 years, never goes on vacation and rarely treats himself with a meal at a restaurant. After all, who knows where money for the next meal is coming from? He is careful to save every penny he has, because that is what he “learned” while he was growing up. This is what he knows how to do.

Conversely, that person may follow a different mental script that says he should spend every penny that comes his way. He watched his parents earn and spend money. Whether the family possessed a lot of money at one time or just a little, there was usually enough for basic needs. And when there was a little bit extra on-hand, they spent that, too. After all, who knew when that opportunity would come around again? If the individual was consistently exposed to this kind of “feast or famine” attitude about money, he likely learned to assuage his physical or emotional discomfort (e.g., hunger or envy) was to spend cash when he had it. Unfortunately, these spending sprees often lead the person back to the “famine” part of the cycle because, at the end of the day, this state is more comfortable (“known”) to his subconscious mind. 

Each scenario poses distinct challenges for the future winner of this Powerball jackpot. Someone who is used to conserving money will likely need to learn how to feel comfortable spending some of it. On the other hand, someone who is used to or even feels compelled to spending money whenever he has it will need to learn how to feel comfortable about choosing not to spend that winning ticket. 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

"You Have Ages, Yet"

“Adopt the pace of nature. Her secret is patience.” – Unknown

Photo by Sara Fogan

When I studied in London during my junior year at college, one of my friends was fond of saying, “You have ages, yet,” to reassure me that I had plenty of time to complete an essay or project. She was right, of course: I typically started and completed essays as soon as the lecturer had assigned them. (That strategy was all the better for allowing enough time to do countless rewrites and edits, but that’s a topic for another essay.) Somehow, the deep timbre of her voice and calm way of delivering the statement always helped to take the pressure off. I knew that the only real pressure on me was what I was putting on myself. Without explicitly saying so, the statement reminded me that the more stressed-out and worked up I allowed myself to become about the assignment, the more “stuck” I became in my worrying—time would be better spent actually doing the work. Depending on the value of the assignment—weekly essay versus a term project—sometimes I had to repeat the mantra to myself (“I have ages, yet”) while I worked. But I always finished and turned in the essay on time and a little less stressed.

As I look back on those days, I can identify the different stages of repeated and learned behaviors that were going on, based on John Kappas, Ph.D.’s model for the Theory of Mind. Throughout our lifetime, starting from birth, we create and follow a subconscious mental script that dictates how we are likely to feel about and react to different situations. According to the Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder, these responses are based first on what we have modeled and learned from our primary caretaker(s); later, we start to model friends’ and colleagues’ behaviors. For example, I “learned” or model my behavior of taking copious notes during a class and re-copying (hopefully, neatly) them into a separate notebook, from watching my mother do this when she worked on her degree when I was a teenager. I also followed her example of further organizing the relevant information into a structured outline before I wrote the assignment. This process was followed with several edits and rewrites up until the morning the essay or project was due. That may have been my way of “flirting” with procrastination: During high school, one of the girls in my class was well-known for procrastination. Somehow, she was able to put off studying for a test or completing an assignment until the very last minute and still earned very good grades. Her behavior was drastically different from my (known) way of being a student and it ultimately proved too emotionally and physically stressful (e.g., procrastination=pain) for me to successfully imitate. I quickly returned to my own ways of studying.

However, my friend’s perception of time to complete an assignment was an epiphany for me. Perhaps she was able to influence my attitude and study behaviors because we were friends, which increased my suggestibility to her. I knew she worked very hard and was very good student; but she seemed to be better at balancing fun/relaxation with getting down to doing her work when an assignment was due or a test was looming. I envied and admired that talent, so I decided to adopt her perspective about time to see if it would help me relax a little more. I was sick of making myself sick and sleep-deprived as I rushed to complete a deadline I had actually met, several drafts ago.

It worked. Just the act of repeating her words—“You have ages, yet”—reminded me that I did have enough time to complete the project seemed to stretch time out a little bit. Without yet knowing the term “chunking it down” I was able to mentally prioritize what I needed to do to finish my work so I could get a good night’s sleep and go for a meal or to a movie with my friends. I could give myself permission to enjoy my time and experiences in a different country while I learned and achieved academic success there.

After all, I had ages, yet, to be able to do it all.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

The Auto-Dual Induction

Everybody can be hypnotized. It is actually very easy to achieve this state. Have you have ever driven past your freeway exit because you were thinking about something else? Have you ever been so involved in a video-game you were playing that you lost track of time? If so, you were in a natural state of hypnosis.

However, it can sometimes be more challenging to enter they hypnotic state in a clinical setting, during hypnotherapy. If this is the first time the person is being hypnotized this way, it is common for the client to (subconsciously) resist the process. That is why it is imperative for me (or any hypnotherapist) to establish a strong rapport and trust with the client to facilitate the first and subsequent hypnotic induction.

As I have described in my previous blog titled Creating Your Hypnotic Script, I consider the client’s suggestibility when I talk to the person’s subconscious mind in hypnosis. For some people, a suggestion that is given as a direct or literal statement is more effective, such as, “Your eyes are closed and you are entering the state of hypnosis.” Others respond better to a metaphor or inference, like, “Your eyelids are feeling very heavy and you are becoming more completely relaxed.” Sometimes (high-emotional suggestible) clients must do the induction, themselves, to go into hypnosis for the first time.

When that happens, I employ the Auto-Dual Induction technique when a client is very resistant to hypnosis for fear of losing control. Created by Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D., this technique essentially has the person do the hypnotic induction by repeating after me a very specific script that describes the physiological process of hypnosis. Since I will direct the pace and rhythm of this patter, the person is quickly overloaded with stimuli—listening to the words and repeating them—to  be able to over-analyze these changes as they occur. This overload prepares the person to feel physically and psychologically more prepared to drift more comfortably into the hypnotic state. Once the client’s eyes are closed, I complete the induction by touching the individual’s forehead and saying, “deep sleep” to deepen the hypnotic state further. I also give the post-hypnotic suggestion to re-hypnosis to facilitate future hypnotherapy sessions in which I provide the hypnotic induction.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016