Body Language

I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on October 28, 2014)

Photo by Rick Hustead

I am fascinated by a new television advertisement for mobile (cell) phone services. In the ad, a group of potential customers puts a representative of a major, national phone company through her paces as they ask about various communications features that the company offers. Viewers are led to infer that the prospective customers are real-estate agents, because each of them is professionally rand sports a tan blazer with a large emblem of a house on the left side of the jacket. The group pretty much verifies the identity of their vocation when one of the women says, “Let’s close!” and they all cross their arms over their chest and grin. But it is what the customers and the sales representative say with their bodies throughout the ad that is of greatest interest to me.

          Throughout the ad, the phone-company representative matches every physical and facial gesture that her prospective clients make. As a customer’s voice lilts at the end of a question, the salesperson uses a similar lilt in her response. When one person points a finger to make a point, the sales rep makes the same movement during her explanation. Someone steeples her fingers across her midsection; the sales rep makes the same gesture. Another person in the group nods and raises her eyebrows; so does the sales rep. When the camera pans back a little, viewers can see that she has even adopted a similar stance as she stands with the customers. At the end of the advertisement when one of the customers crosses her arms and announces they will all take (“close”) the deal, her colleagues look at her and immediately imitate the crossed-arms gesture.

         I like this ad because it is such a fabulous demonstration of how people mirror someone’s behavior in order to build rapport with someone. If your job entails selling products or services, you probably recognized every sales technique depicted in the advertisement I just described. You don’t have to be a salesperson or a customer to identify with what went on. We mirror each other’s various behaviors—facial expressions, physical gestures, patterns of speech—all the time, often without realizing that we are doing it. These actions are like a “fast track” to building rapport with someone you would like to get to know better. People are naturally attracted to others who behave or seem to think like they do.

Think about a conversation you have had recently: Did you nod at some point during the conversation or lean forward in your seat as if to listen to your companion’s words even more closely? And did your companion then lean his or her body closer to yours, return your nod or mirror a hand movement that you were previously unaware of having made? Did you notice when your spouse or friend took a step forward, backwards or sideways to mirror your stance, or raised or lowered his or her voice to match the tone of yours? These are examples of mirroring, and mirroring is a subconscious (or conscious) behavior that creates rapport and can facilitate social bonds by reinforcing similarity or familiarity between you. Rapport is an inherent and necessary component of every kind of relationship; it is the cornerstone upon which every relationship is built. It is only when we establish rapport with someone are we likely to explore the similarities and differences between us, and know whether we want to spend the time and energy to create a social, romantic, or professional relationship with that person. Without rapport, we cannot come to trust, respect, like or communicate well with him or her, and a relationship—or a successful sale—is unlikely to result from the interaction.

 

 

Special Offer: Free 30-Minute Phone or Zoom Consultation

This is a great opportunity to find out why hypnosis is so effective and how hypnotherapy can help you achieve your self-improvement goals. Call or text me at (661) 433-9430 or send me an e-mail at calminsensehypnosis@yahoo.com to set up your free, 30-minute phone or Zoom consultation* today! 

*This is not a full hypnotherapy session. Hypnosis will not be provided during this consultation. This offer is not redeemable for cash and may not be combined with any other promotion.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

© 2023

Moving On, Part 1

 I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on August 3, 2018)

Image courtesy of Microsoft

 

 

I recently read a quote from Redefining Refuge which really resonated with me: “Cutting people out of your life doesn’t mean you hate them; it simply means you respect yourself. Not everyone is meant to stay.” Think about it: children are born, grow up and eventually move out of the family home. They may attend college, get married and start their own families; or they choose a vocation and start their career, perhaps moving out of state (or out of the country) to establish their own lives. Changing and moving on is part of living; growing up emotionally as well as physically and chronologically. While these separations are initially hard for both the parents and the “kids,” that doesn’t mean these life transitions should not occur.

Just as we grow up and outgrow our roles as children in the family home, we can also outgrow the relationships we have forged during the course of our lives. As we mature, it is natural to develop different and separate interests from the ones we shared with our childhood and school friends. We often away from friendships and romantic relationships we have enjoyed as adults. But, why shouldn’t this occur? We continue to grow and mature every minute of our lives. It is not so unusual to discover that the things that you couldn’t imagine liking or wanting to do at seventeen have become sources of profound enjoyment at thirty-seven. If the relationship devolves from friendship and respect to resentment and even physical and/or physical abuse, it is time to cut those ties and move on to a healthier relationship and a safer environment. But knowing this doesn’t make it easier to do. Does it?

It isn’t just that we continue to feel strong emotions about or bonds to the other person that makes this separation so difficult. Rather, per John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind, it is so difficult to “leave” a relationship we have outgrown because we must give up a powerful known in our subconscious mind. This relationship and the person(s) we share it with have become part of our subconscious mental script; the longer we have been following this script by interacting in loving and respectful ways with the other person, the more difficult it is to stop following that script. The same is also true if and when we have been following an unloving and disrespectful or abusive script. Even if you do not or no longer have positive feelings about the other person or people, this separation may be painful because you must venture into the unknown experience of being independent from that relationship. Regardless of the quality of that bond, disengaging from it and the habits or behaviors you have practiced during the relationship entails breaking script.

Whatever the cause, letting go of a relationship can be very difficult and painful. In the next blog, I will explain how experiencing grief and the five stages of loss during hypnotherapy can help accept that the relationship is finished. When we are able to say goodbye with love and respect, we can move forward in our lives and so can they.

       

 

 

Autumn Promotion: Hypnosis for Weight Loss

 

Let the power of your subconscious mind help you release extra weight and increase your motivation to make healthier eating/nutrition and exercise choices. Book the entire 10-week series and save $250!

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit my website. 

© 2022

 

Moving On, Part 1

(This blog was originally posted on August 3, 2018)

 

Image courtesy of Microsoft

 

 

I recently read a quote from Redefining Refuge which really resonated with me: “Cutting people out of your life doesn’t mean you hate them, it simply means you respect yourself. Not everyone is meant to stay.” Think about it: children are born, grow up and eventually move out of the family home. They may attend college, get married and start their own families; or, they choose a vocation and start their career, perhaps moving out of state (or out of the country) to establish their own lives. Changing and moving on is part of living; growing up emotionally as well as physically and chronologically. While these separations are initially hard for both the parents and the “kids,” that doesn’t mean these life transitions should not occur.

Just as we grow up and outgrow our roles as children in the family home, we can also outgrow the relationships we have forged during the course of our lives. As we mature, it is natural to develop different and separate interests from the ones we shared with our childhood and school friends. We often away from friendships and romantic relationships we have enjoyed as adults. But, why shouldn’t this occur? We continue to grow and mature every minute of our lives. It is not so unusual to discover that the things that you couldn’t imagine liking or wanting to do at seventeen have become sources of profound enjoyment at thirty-seven. If the relationship devolves from friendship and respect to resentment and even physical and/or physical abuse, it is time to cut those ties and move on to a healthier relationship and a safer environment. But knowing this doesn’t make it easier to do. Does it?

It isn’t just that we continue to feel strong emotions about or bonds to the other person that makes this separation so difficult. Rather, per John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind, it is so difficult to “leave” a relationship we have outgrown because we must give up a powerful known in our subconscious mind. This relationship and the person(s) we share it with have become part of our subconscious mental script; the longer we have been following this script by interacting in loving and respectful ways with the other person, the more difficult it is to stop following that script. The same is also true if and when we have been following an unloving and disrespectful or abusive script. Even if you do not or no longer have positive feelings about the other person or people, this separation may be painful because you must venture into the unknown experience of being independent from that relationship. Regardless of the quality of that bond, disengaging from it and the habits or behaviors you have practiced during the relationship entails breaking script.

Whatever the cause, letting go of a relationship can be very difficult and painful. In the next blog, I will explain how experiencing grief and the five stages of loss during hypnotherapy can help accept that the relationship is finished. When we are able to say goodbye with love and respect, we can move forward in our lives and so can they.

       

 

Summer Promotion: Hypnosis for Weight Loss

 

Let the power of your subconscious mind help you release extra weight and increase your motivation to make healthier eating/nutrition and exercise choices. Book the entire 10-week series and save $250!

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. In July 2019 she was voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

 

© 2019

 

Systems Theory and Weight Loss

 I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. However, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

(This blog was originally posted on February 16, 2016)

Image courtesy of Microsoft

 

 

According to Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D., the most important component of a successful weight-loss program is the hypnotherapy client’s active participation in the process. For example, the person must consistently, regularly write down in a ledger what he or she eats during the day—including the quantity of food ingested. To control eating behaviors, the client should be instructed to always leave 25 percent of the food on the plate.

As long as the person recording these details it is working—even if the weight is not coming off during a plateau stage. “This process is something you’re conscious that you’re going to do,” Dr. Kappas said. “You choose [to do or] not do the ledger.” If the person does not record this information in the ledger and/or does not control eating behaviors, he or she is not ready to do the process and lose weight, he explained.

Another indication that the individual may not be ready to lose the weight is by not showing up for appointments. In this case, it is worthwhile to do a Systems Approach evaluation to find out if relationship or family pressures are inhibiting the weight loss. This may reveal that the client may be gaining weight to preserve the status quo of the marriage or relationship that he or she is already in. When one partner or family member loses weight, the status quo in that relationship naturally undergoes a shift in relation to the client’s perceptions about him- or herself. For example, the client’s spouse may feel subconsciously threatened by the partner’s physical change and concomitant increase in self-confidence, and fear that the client will leave the relationship. The partner’s subconscious goal would be to keep the current “system” in place. To do this the person may try to (again, subconsciously) sabotage the client’s diet by eating forbidden foods (e.g., sweets, pizza, etc.) in front of the person or even offering some to him or her. The spouse’s perception of the client and the “new” relationship is also likely to shift, and the client may even worry that the partner will leave. In an attempt to keep the relationship intact, the client may abandon the weight-loss program, Dr. Kappas explained.

Alternatively, the client may abandon the weight-loss program and gain, or regain, weight as a way to end the relationship with the spouse without feeling guilt. In this case, the client may use weight to “get back at” a partner who says he or she will only return to the relationship once the client loses the weight.

Another possibility is that the client may be trying to make him- or herself unattractive to the partner because there is no sexual activity between them. This is a form of emotional blackmail; in this case, the hypnotherapist must deal with the client in terms of just the weight and not the person’s relationship with the spouse.

Food may also fulfill (gratify) a need that the client has, which the partner is not meeting in the relationship. Finally, weight-gain is also often related to problems or hang-ups with sexuality, which also leads to low self-esteem, Dr. Kappas said.

Emotional issues cause 20-percent of weight problems, said the HMI founder. “Weight is a glue that holds together a style of emotions, and by removing that glue the emotions are likely to fall apart.” Therefore, in these cases, the client must be emotionally ready and motivated to resolve the problem in order to lose the weight.

 

*California law allows access by California residents to complementary and alternative health care practitioners who are not providing services that require medical training and credentials. The purpose of a program of hypnotherapy is for vocational and avocational self-improvement (Business and Professions Code 2908) and as an alternative or complementary treatment to healing arts services licensed by the state. A hypnotherapist is not a licensed physician or psychologist, and hypnotherapy services are not licensed by the state of California. Services are non-diagnostic and do not include the practice of medicine, neither should they be considered a substitute for licensed medical or psychological services or procedures.

 

 

Special Discount for Military Personnel & 1^st Responders

 

Special Offer: 25 percent discount off the first hypnotherapy session for all active/retired military personnel and first responders (police, fire-fighters, EMT/paramedics, ambulance personnel, emergency dispatchers, ER physicians and nurses, COVID-19 Ward staff).

*Not to be combined with any other promotions or discounts. Offer not redeemable for cash.

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, four years in a row (2019-2022). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

© 2022

 

All About Emotional & Physical Sexuality, Part 3

To minimize risk of exposure to and spread of the COVID-19 virus and COVID-19 variants, I am continuing to suspend in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in my office. Meanwhile, phone, and Zoom consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN AVAILABLE! 

 

(This blog was originally posted on February 4, 2016)

 

Photo by Rick Hustead

 

 

 

In my previous blogs titled All About Emotional and Physical Sexuality, Part 1 and All About Emotional and Physical Sexuality, Part 2, I described characteristics of John Kappas, Ph.D.’s cornerstone therapeutic model, Emotional and Physical Sexuality. Once you understand how behaviors and motivations of the respective partners affects a relationship, this model can help improve the relationship or even amicably separate from a partner if the relationship has run its course. The Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder used this model to successfully help thousands of hypnotherapy clients to negotiate conflicts in their romantic and personal relationships.

Following is a summary of how the Emotional Sexual and Physical Sexual partner behaves in a relationship.

 

 

Emotionals vs. Physicals

• Emotional Sexual individuals don’t like to confront their partner. Physical Sexual individuals have no problem asking for or “demanding” what they want and need.

• Guilt controls the Emotional Sexual partner. The Physical Sexual partner feels actual, physical pain during a break-up, but when the relationship is over an Emotional “seems” to move on to a new relationship. (A bad break-up can take the Physical out of the dating game for a very long time in some cases, or subconsciously “chooses” another Physical partner because the previous experience with the Emotional lover/end of relationship was so traumatic.)

• The Emotional Sexual partner has 3-day cycles for sexual receptiveness. Day “3” is optimal for sexual intimacy/likelihood of the Emotional Sexual to solicit sexual contact from the partner. On day 3, the Emotional Sexual is most “Physical” (sub-dominance).

• Sex and the relationship are two different/separate things for the Emotional Sexual partner. The Emotional Sexual can compartmentalize: “It’s ‘just’ sex” with a mistress.

• Sex and the relationship are the one and the same for the Physical Sexual partner. A Physical Sexual person can’t imagine being sexually intimate without “feeling” an emotional connection with the other person.

• BOTH the Emotional Sexual and Physical Sexual partner wants control in the relationship but go about getting it in different ways. For example, the Physical Sexual partner shouts/pouts/makes demands for more attention. Conversely, the Emotional Sexual Partner freezes out/ignores the Physical Sexual partner, which makes the Physical Sexual partner become even more needy—shouting/making demands until one of them walks away from the relationship or reconciles the difference.

The goal of the Physical Sexual partner is to raise the Emotional partner’s subdominant (Physical Sexual) trait in order to receive the affection and attention that he or she needs and craves. The goal of the Emotional Sexual partner is to lower the Physical Sexual partner’s physicality in order to give the Emotional more “space” to feel desire and come forward. To reduce negative tension and increase physical desire between the Emotional and Physical Sexual partners, Dr. Kappas recommended that each individual “give a Twinkie” ( a metaphoric treat or favor) in the form of a desired behavior, from time to time. For example:

• The Physical Sexual partner can give the Emotional partner “space” to do his/her own thing for a little while or be an asset to the Emotional partner’s career.

• The Emotional Sexual partner can send love notes to the Physical partner, have flowers delivered, etc. to show that he/she is thinking about the other person even when not in the mood for physical intimacy.

• Understanding the 3-day cycle and planning intimacy around this is “giving a Twinkie” as well. Physical partner is usually responsible for this gesture because the Physical is most likely to feel/be sensitive to Emotional partner’s inadvertent rejection on Day 1 and Day 2 of the sexual cycle.

• The Emotional partner has 3-day cycles for sexual receptiveness. Day “3” is optimal for sexual intimacy/likelihood of the Emotional to solicit sexual contact from the partner. On day 3, the Emotional is most “Physical” (sub-dominance).

• Cubicle release: Emotional wants a strong sensation/ultimate sexual experience to really “feel” intimate with the partner. 1 ejaculation vs. 3 ½ for the physical partner, who can ejaculate in smaller volumes to have many experiences.

• “Buy the symptoms” of the opposite behavior: When the Emotional is cycling, it’s not about you (the Physical partner). It’s about cycle days, so give the Emotional partner the space to come to you (the physical partner). If the Emotional partner only encounters the Physical partner on a cycle day, he/she can feel even more physical. This good experience shortens the length of time between cycle days.

  

References

Kappas, Ph.D., John G. Relationship Strategies: The E & P Attraction. Panorama Publishing, Tarzana, California. © 1992.

 

 

 

Special Offer: Intensive Hypnotherapy to Quit Smoking

This session lasts approximately 2 hours. You must be smoking 5 cigarettes or fewer per day and have previously completed the First Hypnotherapy session with me to participate in this program. Relevant handouts and a free, digital reinforcement hypnosis track will be provided at the end of the session.  The Intensive Hypnotherapy to Quit Smoking session costs $275. If you also need to do the First Hypnotherapy session, I am also offering a $35 discount on the First Session if you book and pay for both up front, at the same time ($440 total). This promotional discount may not be combined with any other discount or discount package. It is not redeemable for cash. Expires on October 31, 2021.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. Sara has been voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California, three years in a row (July 2019, September 2020, July 2021). For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2021

 

Moving On, Part 1

(This blog was originally posted on August 3, 2018)

Image courtesy of Microsoft

I recently read a quote from Redefining Refuge which really resonated with me: “Cutting people out of your life doesn’t mean you hate them, it simply means you respect yourself. Not everyone is meant to stay.” Think about it: children are born, grow up and eventually move out of the family home. They may attend college, get married and start their own families; or, they choose a vocation and start their career, perhaps moving out of state (or out of the country) to establish their own lives. Changing and moving on is part of living; growing up emotionally as well as physically and chronologically. While these separations are initially hard for both the parents and the “kids,” that doesn’t mean these life transitions should not occur.

Just as we grow up and outgrow our roles as children in the family home, we can also outgrow the relationships we have forged during the course of our lives. As we mature, it is natural to develop different and separate interests from the ones we shared with our childhood and school friends. We often away from friendships and romantic relationships we have enjoyed as adults. But, why shouldn’t this occur? We continue to grow and mature every minute of our lives. It is not so unusual to discover that the things that you couldn’t imagine liking or wanting to do at seventeen have become sources of profound enjoyment at thirty-seven. If the relationship devolves from friendship and respect to resentment and even physical and/or physical abuse, it is time to cut those ties and move on to a healthier relationship and a safer environment. But knowing this doesn’t make it easier to do. Does it?

It isn’t just that we continue to feel strong emotions about or bonds to the other person that makes this separation so difficult. Rather, per John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind, it is so difficult to “leave” a relationship we have outgrown because we must give up a powerful known in our subconscious mind. This relationship and the person(s) we share it with have become part of our subconscious mental script; the longer we have been following this script by interacting in loving and respectful ways with the other person, the more difficult it is to stop following that script. The same is also true if and when we have been following an unloving and disrespectful or abusive script. Even if you do not or no longer have positive feelings about the other person or people, this separation may be painful because you must venture into the unknown experience of being independent from that relationship. Regardless of the quality of that bond, disengaging from it and the habits or behaviors you have practiced during the relationship entails breaking script.

Whatever the cause, letting go of a relationship can be very difficult and painful. In the next blog, I will explain how experiencing grief and the five stages of loss during hypnotherapy can help accept that the relationship is finished. When we are able to say goodbye with love and respect, we can move forward in our lives and so can they.

       

Summer Promotion: Hypnosis for Weight Loss

Let the power of your subconscious mind help you release extra weight and increase your motivation to make healthier eating/nutrition and exercise choices. Book the entire 10-week series and save $250!

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. In July 2019 she was voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2019