Thoughts of the Day

Photo by Sara Fogan

      Every now and then I like (and need) to take a few moments and remind myself about what is really important to me, in my life. If you follow me on my Calminsense Hypnotherapy Facebook page you may have seen some of these quotes before on this page, or will in the future. Many of these Quotes of the Day are beautiful examples and illustrations of the work I do as a hypnotherapist, so I will probably draw on them in future essays.

• “If you want something in your life you’ve never had, you’ll have to do something you’ve never done.” – J.D. Houston

• “A genuine relationship is one that is not dominated by the ego with its image-making and self-seeking.” – Eckhart  Tolle

• “Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing.” – Albert Schweitzer

• “Failure is a detour, not a dead end street.” – Zig Ziglar

• “Humor is a rubber sword: it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.” – Mary Hirsch

• “The highest courage is to dare to be yourself in the face of adversity.” – Michael Moore

• “If you don’t make time to work on creating the life you want, you’re eventually going to be forced to spend a lot of time dealing with a life you don’t want.” – Keving Ngo

• “Impossible is not a fact. It’s an opinion.” – Muhammad Ali

• “You don’t fall on top of the mountaintop, you have to work to get there!” – Bruce Van Horn  

• “Listen to the spaces between the words.” – Lolly Daskal

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2017

Hypnotherapy & Erik Erikson's Stages of Development

(This blog was originally posted on February 9, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

According to psychologist Erik Erikson, personality develops throughout a person’s lifetime. In other words, you “become” the person you are, starting from birth until you die. Each stage is characterized or punctuated by a specific goal that you must achieve to progress to the next stage of development. If you do not overcome that challenge, however, you will continue to be affected by the unresolved issue that is associated with the stage of development in which you are stuck.

Dr. John Kappas incorporated Erikson’s Stages of Development into his therapeutic approach. The Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder believed that hypnotherapists must always try to alleviate a client’s presenting issue “symptomatically.” However, if that approach doesn’t work it may be necessary to uncover the cause of the person’s presenting problem.

“Many conditions may be ‘relieved’ later in life if they’re not completed,” Dr. Kappas said. “We always attempt to fulfill what’s missing.” If a client is stuck in one of these stages, the hypnotherapist must explain the stages of development and discuss where/why the conflict arose. It may also be necessary to explore why the stage of development hasn’t been completed, he explained.

However, Dr. Kappas warned that age-regression therapy should not be used to identify the cause of a client’s presenting problem that developed during one of those stages. This technique could inadvertently expose a host of other issues that the person had previously repressed or dealt with, which the hypnotherapist would have to help the individual address all over again. Furthermore, HMI does not endorse age-regression as a form of therapy and legal courts do not admit any evidence obtained using this method.

 The goal of the therapy is to help the client resolve this conflict and set appropriate goals that are appropriate to facilitate progression to the stage of development that is appropriate for the client’s age, he said. Following is a summary of Erikson’s Eight Stages of Development:

Stage 1: Infancy (oral-sensory, birth-1 year). Conflict: trust vs. mistrust. Important event: feeding.

Stage 2: Early Childhood (muscular-anal, 1-3 years). Conflict: autonomy vs. doubt. Important events: Toilet training, suggestibility.

Stage 3: Play Age (locomotor, 3-6 years). Conflict: initiative vs. guilt. Important event: Independence.

Stage 4: School Age (6-12 years). Conflict: industry vs. inferiority (competence). Important event: School.

Stage 5: Puberty and Adolescence (12-18 years). Conflict: identity vs. role confusion. Important event: Peer relationship.

Stage 6: Young Adulthood (19-40 years). Conflict: intimacy/affiliation and love vs. isolation. Important event: Love relationships.

Stage 7: Middle Age (40-65 years). Conflict: generativity vs. stagnation/self-absorption. Important event: parenting.

Stage 8: Later life (Maturity, 65 years to death). Conflict: integrity vs. despair. Reflection on and acceptance of one’s life.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2017

The Origins and Development of Emotional and Physical Sexuality: A Caveat

Photo by Rick Hustead

According to psychologist and hypnotherapist Dr. John Kappas, an individual develops his or her sexual personality by modeling these behaviors of the secondary caretaker, usually dad or another male role model. Indeed, once I know whether my client is an Emotional or Physical Sexual, I have a great picture of how the person’s parents interacted in their relationship. This model is so accurate that I can usually correctly identify who was the primary earner and who tended to make the first move toward reconciliation after an argument or fight.

As I explained in a previous blog titled All About Emotional and Physical Sexuality, Part 1, sexual personality is modeled after the secondary caretaker (usually dad or another primary male role model) starting when you are around eight years old. If this person was focused on work and running the household you are likely to adopt these priorities in your life, as well. Conversely, if he spent more time focused on relationships and his hobbies, etc., these will probably become your priorities (core traits), too. However, there are a couple of instances in which this model does not apply.

·         Identity of the secondary caretaker. Although mothers are typically the primary caretaker who assumes most of the day-to-day responsibility of raising a child, sometimes dad or another relative has this role. If the father has the primary-caretaker role, he will model suggestibility and mom (or the other adult) will model the sexual personality. This pattern is also applicable if the child has two moms or two dads, etc.

·         Stage of your parents’ relationship. Emotional expression between partners tends to ebb and flow depending on where the couple is in their relationship. For example, during the honeymoon stage both individual are more affectionate and participate more in each other’s hobbies and family activities. A youngster perceives and processes these behaviors as a subconscious known and begins to model them. Conversely, if this role model is focused on earning an income or developing his career or business, the child is likely to develop similar priorities.

·         Birth order. This category also reflects the stage of the parents’ relationship in that experience raising a child may make the parents more or less relaxed about being a parent during your upbringing. If you are the first child and were born very early in your parent’s relationship/marriage, the secondary caretaker may be more focused on securing the family’s financial stability. Younger children may have a different relationship with their parents who feel more relaxed and comfortable in their role after nurturing other kids. In this case, the way your parents communicated and interacted with you as a young child will also affect which traits and core values you integrate in your own behavior.

·         No interaction with the secondary caretaker. Finally, little or no interaction with a secondary caretaker between ages eight to 14 years old, or a difficult relationship with that person, can result in modeling the primary caretaker’s sexual personality as well as suggestibility.

For more information about Emotional and Physical sexuality, I invite you to check out my other blogs titled:

·         All About Emotional and Physical Sexuality, Part 1

·         All About Emotional and Physical Sexuality, Part 2

·         All About Emotional and Physical Sexuality, Part 3

·         A Shorthand Guide to E & P Communication

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2017