Modes of Communication

Photo by Rick Hustead

It took me a long time to come up with a topic for today’s blog.

While I waited for my temporary writer’s block to pass, I stayed busy catching up on my e-mail and social-media accounts and mulled over possible topics. In the background, my iPod was tuned into the “Love Songs” broadcast on KOST 103.5 FM. One of the hosts had posed a question for listeners. She wanted to know: What is the one thing you require in a future long-term partner before you commit to having the relationship with that person? Some callers said the prospective partner needed to share the same religious beliefs or political beliefs with them. Others cited a mutual desire for children (or not) was the priority. Financial security was another big factor. Listening to these responses inspired today’s essay: Modes of communication.

Obviously, the caller and his or her prospective partner or spouse would have needed to have a conversation or some other mode of discussion to discover whether they were truly on the same page with this priority. The way this information was exchanged would have also likely influenced how and whether it was perceived, interpreted and processed. Did one or both of them have the same level of enthusiasm/passion/dedication to this position? Was one or both of them willing to compromise or change a behavior to accommodate the other person’s goals and nurture the relationship? If so, how was this negotiated? Or, was a negotiation even possible? In some cases, apparently, it was not.

As I listened to the callers’ anecdotes, it also occurred to me that they were still communicating with the significant other, not to mention the radio host and the thousands of people listening to the program. Many of these callers had selected a specific song to play for the loved one—something with lyrics that epitomized the other person’s characteristics or paid tribute to aspects of the relationship. Whenever someone didn’t have a song picked out, the deejay made the choice for the caller based on the information he or she provided.

There it was, again: communication.

Of all the things we do during the day, communication is one of the most significant activities or even pastimes we engage in. Think about the number of conversations you have during the average day. Whether you are talking to your spouse, your kid(s), a pet, a boss or colleague, etc., you are communicating in some way. Writing a letter, text message or e-mail, “reacting” to someone or something on Facebook or Twitter are all forms of communication. Even non-communication is a form of communication. When we give someone a cold shoulder or the silent treatment is a way to express (communicate) displeasure, anger or annoyance.

It is no wonder that good communication is one of the seven key components to a successful relationship.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

Hand-Clasp Induction

Photo by Rick Hustead

According to Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D., the hand-clasp is a secondary-induction technique that can help deepen the hypnotic trance during the first hypnotherapy session. As always, start with the arm-raising induction followed by a progressive relaxation; then “awaken” the client and do the hand-clasp induction and give another suggestion. “This process will make the client feel like you are taking him deeper into hypnosis,” the hypnotherapist explained. However, this induction should never be used as a primary induction technique to hypnotize a person, he warned.

To do the hand-clasp induction, the client is instructed to clasp his or her hands in front of the body while looking directly into the hypnotherapist’s eyes. The individual is then instructed to close the eyes while the hypnotherapist holds the outstretched arms at the elbow. At this point, the hypnotherapist counts down from five to zero, explaining that the person’s hands will tighten and the fingers will interlock with each count. By the time the count reaches “zero,” the person’s body will be totally relaxed. Meanwhile, the hands will be tightly locked together so that the harder the individual tries to separate them, the tighter this grip will become (double-bind), Dr. Kappas said.

At the hypnotherapist’s suggestion the arms begin to feel very heavy and start to drop into the person’s lap in small, jerking motions. “As the arms reach the lap [the client] will go deeper and deeper into hypnosis.”

In a variation of the hand-clasp induction, the client is instructed to raise the arms—bent at the elbow—with the fingers and palms facing each other. There should be several inches between the hands to start. There will be a tendency for the fingers to draw together until they are touching. At this point, the hypnotherapist instructs the client to close the eyes and concentrate on the hands moving closer together. When the fingers touch, the person will be at the height of his or her suggestibility, Dr. Kappas explained.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

Thoughts of The Day

Photo by Sara Fogan

      Every now and then I like (and need) to take a few moments and remind myself about what is really important to me, in my life. If you follow me on my Calminsense Hypnotherapy Facebook page you may have seen some of these quotes before on this page, or will in the future. Many of these Quotes of the Day are beautiful examples and illustrations of the work I do as a hypnotherapist, so I will probably draw on them in future essays.

•  “Loving ourself is the foundation for loving another person.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

• “Our doubts are our traitors.” – William Shakespeare

• “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” – Winston Churchill

• “It’s a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.” – W. Somerset Maugham

• “Every time you’re tempted to react in the same old way, ask if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future.” – Deepak Chopra

• “The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.” – Oprah Winfrey

• “If you’re always looking back, you’ll never see opportunity when it arrives.” – Bille Baty

• “In order to carry a positive action, we must develop here a positive vision.” – Dalai Lama

• “Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.” – Eckhart  Tolle

• “What we think, we become.” – Buddha   

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

Accept the Apology You Never Received

“Don’t let yourself go/’Cause everybody cries/And everybody hurts sometimes.” – R.E.M.

 

Photo by Rick Hustead

During the course of a lifetime, it is unlikely that many of us will never be hurt—emotionally if not physically—by someone we care about. Whether it’s a verbal slight, cruel teasing, bullying, or a physical or sexual assault, emotional and even physical pain can be caused. To add insult to the injury, the person who hurt you may never offer a genuine apology for or show remorse about this behavior. But that doesn’t mean you can’t act “as if” one has been offered so we can get on with our lives. Following are some techniques I teach my hypnotherapy clients that can facilitate this process.

•                      Write a letter to the person who hurt you. Explain or describe how that individual’s actions/behavior made you feel. Even if you never send this letter to the person, the process of writing this letter enables you to vent/release unexpressed emotions. Be sure to include information about how strong/loving/confident, etc. you still are and always will be, regardless of this incident or exchange.

•                      Write a letter from the person who hurt you. In this letter, write the things you want to know about what happened. Why did the person say or do that hurtful thing? Remember, this is an explanation, not an excuse. What could the person say to help you believe this apology is genuine? Even if you are/do not feel ready to forgive this action—and you certainly don’t have to be—use the words, phrases, expressions that you wish this person would say to you to express his or her contrition. Be sure to write this letter at night before you go to bed, so the subconscious mind can more easily accept and integrate this information. You know what you need to hear, so go ahead and say/write what will make you feel better. The subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between an actual or imaginary apology, and will accept this information as real.

•                      Imagery and Hypnosis. After these letters are written, the positive/self-affirming messages in the text can be incorporated into a hypnotic script to help you let go of the negative situation. One of my favorite imagery journeys for this kind of situation has the client imagine that he or she is climbing a mountain. Eventually and gradually, the person drops or removes any heavy burdens (i.e., this pain or hurt) the individual doesn’t want to carry around anymore and enjoy the freedom of being finally free of this emotional burden.

•                      Systematic Desensitization. While you are in hypnosis, I desensitize you to the various aspects/triggers of the pain and disappointment you may still be carrying around. I will also teach you diaphragmatic breathing and help you create an emotional anchor so you can return to this extremely relaxed state whenever needed.

For more information about the concept of letting go of previous (emotional) burdens, I invite to read my blog titled, Why Are You Still Carrying It?

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016