Reinforcement for Hypnosis

(This blog was originally posted on January 30, 2014)

Image courtesy of Sara Fogan

     When I work with a client, it is very important to me that the person feels relaxed, comfortable and secure about the work that we do together to help the individual achieve his or her goal. In the 21^st Century, hypnotherapy is definitely becoming a more mainstream a therapeutic modality. Nonetheless, previous myths about hypnosis being a form of “mind control” continue to linger in many people’s minds. Therefore, I provide several tools for my clients to use after they leave my office to reassure them about how and why hypnosis is an ideal tool to help them achieve their vocational and avocational self-improvement goals.

·         Get to know you. The first time we “meet” will probably be when you call me to inquire about my hypnotherapy practice and to set up an appointment. During this conversation, I take note (literally and metaphorically) of your therapy goals and presenting issue and other details about your social/emotional background so I can prepare for your hypnotherapy session.

·         Reinforcement CD. I provide a CD or digital track for you to listen to at home. This track is typically made during the hypnosis session, but I am happy to create a new or modified version at your request. The function of this track is to reinforce your goals and motivations to change unwanted behaviors. You should listen to the track before falling asleep at night. Warning: Do not listen to it while driving or operating heavy machinery, etc.

·         Provide relevant reference material. I will provide relevant articles from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute website’s digital library for you to read and keep for future reference. With your permission and/or at your request, I will also periodically send you digital links to motivational articles and/or news stories that are relevant to your hypnotherapy.

·         Maintain contact. I will maintain phone and/or e-mail contact with you throughout the duration of your hypnotherapy to answer questions and help you set new therapeutic goals.

·         Make appropriate referrals. From time to time, someone has a presenting issue that is out of my scope of expertise. As a certified hypnotherapist, I can work with you to help you achieve an avocational or vocational self-improvement goal. However, I must and will refer you for a consultation with a licensed physician or licensed mental-health worker to assess those other therapeutic needs you may have (e.g., persistent headache or other physical symptom, threaten to harm self or others). I will be happy to continue working with you to complement your traditional medical/psychological therapy if appropriate and with a reciprocal referral from the other licensed practitioner.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2015

Thoughts of the Day

Thoughts of the Day

                Every now and then I like (and need) to take a few moments and remind myself about what is really important to me, in my life. If you follow me on my Calminsense Hypnotherapy Facebook page you may have seen some of these quotes before on this page, or will in the future. Many of these Quotes of the Day are beautiful examples and illustrations of the work I do as a hypnotherapist, so I will probably draw on them in future essays.

• “Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a brilliant stroke of luck.” – Dalai Lama

• “If you haven’t cried your eyes can’t be beautiful.” – Sophia Loren

• “You see things; and you say “Why?” But I dream things that never were; and I say “Why not?” – George Bernard Shaw

• “The cost of being wrong is less than the cost of doing nothing.” – Seth Godin

• “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

• “Knowing is not enough. We must APPLY. Willing is not enough. We must DO.” – Bruce Lee

• “An entire sea of water can’t sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship. Similarly, the negativity of the world can’t put you down unless you allow it to get inside you.” – Goi Nasu

• “Throw me to the wolves and I will return leading the pack.” – Unknown

• “Train your mind to see the good in every situation.” – Unknown

• “Our thoughts create our reality. Where we put our focus is the direction we tend to go.” – Peter McWilliams

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2015

Toxic Worry

(This blog was originally posted on May 30, 2014)

“Worry is love. How will your children know you love them if you don’t

worry about them?” -- Anonymous

 

     When I came upon that quote a few weeks ago, I knew I had to address this sentiment in a blog. Have you ever loved someone so much that it is physically painful to imagine anything or anyone hurting that person? Have you ever loved someone so much that, to assuage this worry (i.e., self-inflicted pain), you tried to control and even micro-manage the other person’s activities to prevent this misfortune to such an extent that neither of you could live your own, authentic life?

     Not only does this preoccupation cause anxiety in the person who is doing the worrying, it also induces stress in the object of our affection. It is can feel difficult to breathe, let alone live, when we feel as though someone else is dictating how we are going through our lives. And here is another thought to consider: if energy attracts like energy, worrying (negative energy) about a possible disaster can attract that which you are trying to avoid (negative outcome). Now imagine this dynamic in the context of toxic worry. While you are so concerned about your loved one’s well-being, your mind starts to wander to those dark scenarios in which some kind of emotional or physical disaster befalls that person. And then you might become anxious or stressed out because you’re worried that your worry caused whatever happened. And, so on.

Stop it.

While I was completing my hypnotherapy certification at the Hypnosis Motivation Institute, one of my favorite instructors, the late Marc Gravelle often warned us about the perils of “toxic worry.” It is characterized by the trap (never-ending circle) of wondering “What if X happens…?” and then even worrying about being worried about that dilemma. I believe that the anxiety people often feel about whether their loved ones fully appreciate the depth and sincerity of this devotion falls into this kind of toxic worry.

Loving someone can be a beautiful experience, but it is not possible, nor should it be possible, to control whether that person reciprocates that sentiment. In an ideal world, parents love their children and want/work hard to keep them safe and secure. Parents’ behavior influences their children’s developing suggestibility and personality, as well as teaches (directly and by example) how to negotiating various life challenges and even moral dilemmas. But perhaps the most import part of raising a child is allowing that youngster to live and experiment (within reason) so that he or she can eventually leave the family home and live as an independent adult.

There is no way to guarantee that the information, wisdom and example you provide will completely protect your child from any of the possible misfortunes that you are worried might affect him or her. In fact, some of our greatest life lessons are those painful or challenging ones we all have to go through at some point. Do yourself and your loved ones a favor and avoid the trap of toxic worry about possible consequences of a situation that have not and may not even arise. Instead, spend that valuable time talking to and teaching your child to behave and follow the morals and ethics that are important to you. Take an emotional step or two back and remove yourself from the very center of your child’s life to give him or her that opportunity to prove that the youngster deserves your trust and can/will make good decisions. You may well find that your willingness to allow your child to live his or her life will not only alleviate your toxic worry, but will also motivate him or her to want the guidance you long to provide.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy®, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2015

The Parataxic Distortion Response

(This blog was originally posted on March 4, 2014)

         Imagine that you are having a conversation with your partner or spouse about your plans for the weekend. The conversation is relatively banal until the other person casually mentions that you still haven’t replied to the neighbor’s invitation to their party on Saturday. “Are we going or not?”

Bam! It’s like someone flipped a switch in you. Just like that, the joking mood and light-hearted banter evaporate in the heat of your sudden, apparently inexplicable rage: “Why are you asking me? You sound just like my mother. Why can’t you ever make a decision about what to do?”

Or, you are watching a movie in happy, relaxed silence when your companion starts whispering (loud) comments about the film in your ear. Another person in the audience glares at you and hisses, “Sshhh!” even though you haven’t said a word. You are furious that you have been blamed for the disturbance—especially because this incident is so like that time you were punished for talking during silent-reading period at school (twenty years ago), and you didn’t say anything then, either. Your companion, who is indifferent to the other movie-goer’s annoyance and oblivious to the memory it has triggered in you, is hurt and confused because you barely speak to him the rest of the night. Didn’t you like the movie?

         These are examples of the parataxic response: a reaction to a subconscious memory that is totally unrelated to the person or incident that you are responding to. Anything from the tone of voice in which a question was asked, a facial expression or the specific words that another person used could trigger this reaction. The power of this emotional response are likely to take the person responding this way by surprise, not to mention the unintended target(s) of this reaction.  

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014