Utility of Worry

“Worry is like going around in circles with one foot nailed to the floor.”

– Women Who Do Too Much Day Calendar (February 11, 2015)

Photo by Rick Hustead

Worrying can seem like a very useful activity because it always gives us something to do. It is a way to stay (or just look) busy when our time is not otherwise occupied doing something else, like completing that task we keep putting off. As a writer of the philosophy for the January 1, 2015 page in the Women Who Do Too Much, page-a-day calendar wrote, “[Worry] is a great way to occupy and fill up our time.” 

Indeed, worrying is a great way to avoid actually facing a possible negative outcome to a project we started. For example, if we keep so busy fretting about how to actually accomplish “x” that we inadvertently somehow manage to miss our deadline or opportunity at least we won’t have to face the embarrassment of a possible failure. Right? Wrong.

Similarly, when we worry that a prospective romantic partner may not reciprocate our interest or feelings in a relationship we want to pursue, we often pile on so many negative thoughts about our self-worth to “prepare” ourselves for possible rejection. Instead of cushioning what we believe is an inevitable emotional blow such negative “chatter” more likely sets us up for disappointment. For one thing, we are more attractive to other people when we exude self-confidence and, yes, self-love: It’s as if we are sending out a beacon that says, “Of course I am loveable/desirable/interesting.” If nothing else, worrying that the other person might reject our romantic overtures can ultimately undermine the opportunity for creating a strong emotional connection with that person because fear has prevented us from making that initial contact.

While I was completing my hypnotherapy certification at the Hypnosis Motivation Institute, one of my favorite instructors, the late Marc Gravelle often warned us about the perils of “toxic worry.” Basically, toxic worry is the trap (never-ending circle) of wondering “What if X happens…?” and then even worrying about being worried about that dilemma. And still, nothing gets solved or resolved except increased anxiety and distress. This training and my experiences as a hypnotherapist have taught me to re-adjust my attitude and expectations about situations that previously would have sucked me into that whirlpool of toxic worry. These days I can quickly activate the reasoning, logic, will-power and decision-making faculties in my conscious mind to determine whether I can do something productive to change or improve a challenging situation—and then take that positive action. If there isn’t an opportunity to make this kind of positive change, then I can choose to not worry about it and move on to something (or someone) that will offer an opportunity for positive self-growth that I desire. 

For more information about toxic worry, check out my blogs titled Toxic Worry and Hypnotherapy and a Different Perspective.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2018

Processing the Outcome

Photo by Rick Hustead

The ballots are in. The votes are counted. Acceptance and concession speeches, respectively, have been delivered. Many people are thrilled with the outcome of this contentious presidential campaign; many people are not. But even though Americans have made their choice who will be the next Commander-in-Chief, there is plenty of raw emotion on display. 

For months, many Americans believed and expected that former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton would win the election. Ultimately, that was not to be. Last night, millions of citizens who had grown frustrated, weary and jaded by the business-as-usual antics of lifelong Washington politicians effectively expressed this dismay in electing Republican candidate Donald J. Trump as the United States’ 45^th president. The stunning outcome of the presidential race was surprising, exciting, disappointing depending which candidate you supported. On the one hand, the election was a great civics lesson for all Americans to illustrate how this country’s election process works and why every citizen’s vote really does make a difference. People who had been frustrated, angry and, yes, scared, about where they thought the country was headed dropped the metaphoric gauntlet for change, and the new President-Elect picked up that mantle. In his acceptance speech, he swore to be their champion and effect all those social changes his supporters wanted.

Meanwhile, many of Secretary Clinton’s supporters are experiencing grief and even confusion about what happened last night and, more significant, anxiety what will happen in the next four years. Those who voted for and expected her to win this presidential race also had a special vested (subconscious) interest in her inauguration. A Democratic president has occupied this office for eight years. In addition to supporting causes that are particularly important to this party, people have become comfortable with what Mrs. Clinton represents and stands for. In the 30-plus years she has been politically active, her political mind-set and decision-making processes/actions had become familiar and known. It was unlikely she would say or do anything unexpected or whimsical. She represented a reliable, “safe” choice for a leader who promised to fulfill certain specific campaign promises.

However, more people in the country wanted and demanded a change from business-as-usual. Mr. Trump’s message spoke clearly and directly to his party. He promises to deliver what his supporters haven’t enjoyed for a long time—including, they insist, a sense of feeling safe and protected. Whether he consciously employed hypno-modality techniques at political rallies, the President-Elect (more) successfully used these tools to convince voters that he was the better candidate for the job.

Almost 24 hours later, Americans are still processing the outcome of this recent election and what it means—and will mean—for this country. It is okay to feel disappointment and even grief if your candidate did not win. Many people’s dreams, hopes and optimism for a better future started to be realized at the exact same moment those of other people were dashed. Depending on your level of investment in this race, you may need to revise your previous subconscious mental script or even construct a completely new one to adapt to these unexpected/unwanted changes in your long-term plan. Meanwhile, take care to prevent getting carried away in daydreams or falling into a spiral of toxic worry about the future. Get plenty of sleep at night and be sure to eat healthy, nutritious meals that contain protein (meat or plant-based) that will help keep your mood even and anxiety levels low. Diaphragmatic breathing exercises and practicing the Emotional Freedom Technique are also great ways to increase relaxation and reduce anxiety and any negative emotions/associations about the outcome of this election.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

Toxic Worry

(This blog was originally posted on May 30, 2014)

“Worry is love. How will your children know you love them if you don’t

worry about them?” -- Anonymous

 

     When I came upon that quote a few weeks ago, I knew I had to address this sentiment in a blog. Have you ever loved someone so much that it is physically painful to imagine anything or anyone hurting that person? Have you ever loved someone so much that, to assuage this worry (i.e., self-inflicted pain), you tried to control and even micro-manage the other person’s activities to prevent this misfortune to such an extent that neither of you could live your own, authentic life?

     Not only does this preoccupation cause anxiety in the person who is doing the worrying, it also induces stress in the object of our affection. It is can feel difficult to breathe, let alone live, when we feel as though someone else is dictating how we are going through our lives. And here is another thought to consider: if energy attracts like energy, worrying (negative energy) about a possible disaster can attract that which you are trying to avoid (negative outcome). Now imagine this dynamic in the context of toxic worry. While you are so concerned about your loved one’s well-being, your mind starts to wander to those dark scenarios in which some kind of emotional or physical disaster befalls that person. And then you might become anxious or stressed out because you’re worried that your worry caused whatever happened. And, so on.

Stop it.

While I was completing my hypnotherapy certification at the Hypnosis Motivation Institute, one of my favorite instructors, the late Marc Gravelle often warned us about the perils of “toxic worry.” It is characterized by the trap (never-ending circle) of wondering “What if X happens…?” and then even worrying about being worried about that dilemma. I believe that the anxiety people often feel about whether their loved ones fully appreciate the depth and sincerity of this devotion falls into this kind of toxic worry.

Loving someone can be a beautiful experience, but it is not possible, nor should it be possible, to control whether that person reciprocates that sentiment. In an ideal world, parents love their children and want/work hard to keep them safe and secure. Parents’ behavior influences their children’s developing suggestibility and personality, as well as teaches (directly and by example) how to negotiating various life challenges and even moral dilemmas. But perhaps the most import part of raising a child is allowing that youngster to live and experiment (within reason) so that he or she can eventually leave the family home and live as an independent adult.

There is no way to guarantee that the information, wisdom and example you provide will completely protect your child from any of the possible misfortunes that you are worried might affect him or her. In fact, some of our greatest life lessons are those painful or challenging ones we all have to go through at some point. Do yourself and your loved ones a favor and avoid the trap of toxic worry about possible consequences of a situation that have not and may not even arise. Instead, spend that valuable time talking to and teaching your child to behave and follow the morals and ethics that are important to you. Take an emotional step or two back and remove yourself from the very center of your child’s life to give him or her that opportunity to prove that the youngster deserves your trust and can/will make good decisions. You may well find that your willingness to allow your child to live his or her life will not only alleviate your toxic worry, but will also motivate him or her to want the guidance you long to provide.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy®, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2015

Toxic Worry

“Worry is love. How will your children know you love them if you don’t

worry about them?” -- Anonymous

 

 

 

                When I came upon that quote a few weeks ago, I knew I had to address this sentiment in a blog. Have you ever loved someone so much that it is physically painful to imagine anything or anyone hurting that person? Have you ever loved someone so much that, to assuage this worry (i.e., self-inflicted pain), you tried to control and even micro-manage the other person’s activities to prevent this misfortune to such an extent that neither of you could live your own, authentic life?

                Not only does this preoccupation cause anxiety in the person who is doing the worrying, it also induces stress in the object of our affection. It is can feel difficult to breathe, let alone live, when we feel as though someone else is dictating how we are going through our lives. And here is another thought to consider: if energy attracts like energy, worrying (negative energy) about a possible disaster can attract that which you are trying to avoid (negative outcome). Now imagine this dynamic in the context of toxic worry. While you are so concerned about your loved one’s well-being, your mind starts to wander to those dark scenarios in which some kind of emotional or physical disaster befalls that person. And then you might become anxious or stressed out because you’re worried that your worry caused whatever happened. And, so on.

Stop it.

While I was completing my hypnotherapy certification at the Hypnosis Motivation Institute, one of my favorite instructors, the late Marc Gravelle often warned us about the perils of “toxic worry.” It is characterized by the trap (never-ending circle) of wondering “What if X happens…?” and then even worrying about being worried about that dilemma. I believe that the anxiety people often feel about whether their loved ones fully appreciate the depth and sincerity of this devotion falls into this kind of toxic worry.

Loving someone can be a beautiful experience, but it is not possible, nor should it be possible, to control whether that person reciprocates that sentiment. In an ideal world, parents love their children and want/work hard to keep them safe and secure. Parents’ behavior influences their children’s developing suggestibility and personality, as well as teaches (directly and by example) how to negotiating various life challenges and even moral dilemmas. But perhaps the most import part of raising a child is allowing that youngster to live and experiment (within reason) so that he or she can eventually leave the family home and live as an independent adult.

There is no way to guarantee that the information, wisdom and example you provide will completely protect your child from any of the possible misfortunes that you are worried might affect him or her. In fact, some of our greatest life lessons are those painful or challenging ones we all have to go through at some point. Do yourself and your loved ones a favor and avoid the trap of toxic worry about possible consequences of a situation that have not and may not even arise. Instead, spend that valuable time talking to and teaching your child to behave and follow the morals and ethics that are important to you. Take an emotional step or two back and remove yourself from the very center of your child’s life to give him or her that opportunity to prove that the youngster deserves your trust and can/will make good decisions. You may well find that your willingness to allow your child to live his or her life will not only alleviate your toxic worry, but will also motivate him or her to want the guidance you long to provide.

 

 

 Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy®, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014