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Monday, November 23, 2015

Thoughts of the Day

Every now and then I like (and need) to take a few moments and remind myself about what is really important to me, in my life. If you follow me on my Calminsense Hypnotherapy Facebook page you may have seen some of these quotes before on this page, or will in the future. Many of these Quotes of the Day are beautiful examples and illustrations of the work I do as a hypnotherapist, so I will probably draw on them in future essays.

“Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a brilliant stroke of luck.” – Dalai Lama

“If you haven’t cried your eyes can’t be beautiful.” – Sophia Loren

“You see things; and you say “Why?” But I dream things that never were; and I say “Why not?” – George Bernard Shaw

“The cost of being wrong is less than the cost of doing nothing.” – Seth Godin

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

“Knowing is not enough. We must APPLY. Willing is not enough. We must DO.” – Bruce Lee

“An entire sea of water can’t sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship. Similarly, the negativity of the world can’t put you down unless you allow it to get inside you.” – Goi Nasu

“Throw me to the wolves and I will return leading the pack.” – Unknown

“Train your mind to see the good in every situation.” – Unknown

“Our thoughts create our reality. Where we put our focus is the direction we tend to go.” – Peter McWilliams

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

Friday, November 20, 2015

Toxic Worry

(This blog was originally posted on May 30, 2014)

“Worry is love. How will your children know you love them if you don’t

worry about them?” -- Anonymous

When I came upon that quote a few weeks ago, I knew I had to address this sentiment in a blog. Have you ever loved someone so much that it is physically painful to imagine anything or anyone hurting that person? Have you ever loved someone so much that, to assuage this worry (i.e., self-inflicted pain), you tried to control and even micro-manage the other person’s activities to prevent this misfortune to such an extent that neither of you could live your own, authentic life?

Not only does this preoccupation cause anxiety in the person who is doing the worrying, it also induces stress in the object of our affection. It is can feel difficult to breathe, let alone live, when we feel as though someone else is dictating how we are going through our lives. And here is another thought to consider: if energy attracts like energy, worrying (negative energy) about a possible disaster can attract that which you are trying to avoid (negative outcome). Now imagine this dynamic in the context of toxic worry. While you are so concerned about your loved one’s well-being, your mind starts to wander to those dark scenarios in which some kind of emotional or physical disaster befalls that person. And then you might become anxious or stressed out because you’re worried that your worry caused whatever happened. And, so on.

Stop it.

While I was completing my hypnotherapy certification at the Hypnosis Motivation Institute, one of my favorite instructors, the late Marc Gravelle often warned us about the perils of “toxic worry.” It is characterized by the trap (never-ending circle) of wondering “What if X happens…?” and then even worrying about being worried about that dilemma. I believe that the anxiety people often feel about whether their loved ones fully appreciate the depth and sincerity of this devotion falls into this kind of toxic worry.

Loving someone can be a beautiful experience, but it is not possible, nor should it be possible, to control whether that person reciprocates that sentiment. In an ideal world, parents love their children and want/work hard to keep them safe and secure. Parents’ behavior influences their children’s developing suggestibility and personality, as well as teaches (directly and by example) how to negotiating various life challenges and even moral dilemmas. But perhaps the most import part of raising a child is allowing that youngster to live and experiment (within reason) so that he or she can eventually leave the family home and live as an independent adult.

There is no way to guarantee that the information, wisdom and example you provide will completely protect your child from any of the possible misfortunes that you are worried might affect him or her. In fact, some of our greatest life lessons are those painful or challenging ones we all have to go through at some point. Do yourself and your loved ones a favor and avoid the trap of toxic worry about possible consequences of a situation that have not and may not even arise. Instead, spend that valuable time talking to and teaching your child to behave and follow the morals and ethics that are important to you. Take an emotional step or two back and remove yourself from the very center of your child’s life to give him or her that opportunity to prove that the youngster deserves your trust and can/will make good decisions. You may well find that your willingness to allow your child to live his or her life will not only alleviate your toxic worry, but will also motivate him or her to want the guidance you long to provide.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy®, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

Thursday, November 19, 2015

The Parataxic Distortion Response

(This blog was originally posted on March 4, 2014)

Imagine that you are having a conversation with your partner or spouse about your plans for the weekend. The conversation is relatively banal until the other person casually mentions that you still haven’t replied to the neighbor’s invitation to their party on Saturday. “Are we going or not?”

Bam! It’s like someone flipped a switch in you. Just like that, the joking mood and light-hearted banter evaporate in the heat of your sudden, apparently inexplicable rage: “Why are you asking me? You sound just like my mother. Why can’t you ever make a decision about what to do?”

Or, you are watching a movie in happy, relaxed silence when your companion starts whispering (loud) comments about the film in your ear. Another person in the audience glares at you and hisses, “Sshhh!” even though you haven’t said a word. You are furious that you have been blamed for the disturbance—especially because this incident is so like that time you were punished for talking during silent-reading period at school (twenty years ago), and you didn’t say anything then, either. Your companion, who is indifferent to the other movie-goer’s annoyance and oblivious to the memory it has triggered in you, is hurt and confused because you barely speak to him the rest of the night. Didn’t you like the movie?

These are examples of the parataxic response: a reaction to a subconscious memory that is totally unrelated to the person or incident that you are responding to. Anything from the tone of voice in which a question was asked, a facial expression or the specific words that another person used could trigger this reaction. The power of this emotional response are likely to take the person responding this way by surprise, not to mention the unintended target(s) of this reaction.

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Feeling Blocked

(This blog was originally posted on February 26, 2014)

Sometimes, there are no words. No musical notes. No freedom of movement. Your muse has disappeared; your inspiration has taken flight. Suddenly, there is no obvious way for you to tap into all of the inspiration that you have worked so hard to cultivate. What should you do, now? Whether you write, paint, draw, sculpt or dance, hypnosis is a fabulous tool with which to release blocks in your creativity because these arts are an expression of the subconscious mind. Here are some practical suggestions to help you get back your creative mojo.

· Practice diaphragmatic breathing. Draw a slow, deep breath through your nose, hold it the breath for four seconds and then release it through your mouth. You know you are doing this technique correctly if only your abdomen puffs out a little when you inhale; the shoulders should remain even and still when you breathe. Repeat this process several times until you feel the tension in your body start to release.

· Take a walk or do some kind of exercise to take your mind off the project you are working on. As you focus on the physical activity you are doing, give yourself permission to know and believe that your inspiration will be waiting for you when you return to your desk, easel, etc.

· Visualize or imagine that you are working on your project. Where are you working? What does the room/space look like? What are you wearing? Who/what is in the room with you? How does the room smell? What is the ambient temperature? How does it feel to handle/work/mold the materials you are using? What is your body doing, and how does this feel? The more details you can provide in this exercise, the richer the visualization will be and the more “real” this creative process will feel for your. Remember: The subconscious mind does not know the difference between fantasy and reality, so imagining or pretending how you will do something is a great way to rehearse doing that activity in the real world.

· Just start working on the project. Even if your conscious mind hasn’t completely formulated what you want to say, do or express, the physical action of starting/doing this work will reinforce the creativity and technical skills (subconscious knowns) stored in your subconscious mind. The most effective way to trigger or re-activate these behaviors is to do them!

· Give yourself permission to accept whatever you create during this exercise regardless of the form it takes. Your finished product may or may not resemble the project you originally envisioned, but that is okay. This version could be even better than the one you first imagined!

You are not the first person to ever experience a creative block at a crucial moment, and you will not be the last. You can and will break through that wall to tap into your creativity and imagination once more. Remind yourself that you have all of the skills, talent, etc. to overcome whatever is challenging you right now and create something wonderful. Every other project you have ever worked on began as a thought or inspiration. Where did that inspiration come from? Probably the same place that this one you are starting to have right now in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1….

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Going For a Cause

(This blog was originally posted on May 4, 2014)

At some time in our lives, just about everyone uses a defense mechanism to cope with a stressful or disappointing experience. These strategies can include denial or displacement of the unpleasant emotion, repression of a memory, substance abuse, regressing to an earlier stage of development or even substance dependency. However these behaviors provide only a temporary perception of control over the environment; eventually, we have to deal with and resolve the primary issue that has triggered the defense mechanism in order to achieve personal growth. To be an effective hypnotherapist, I must recognize which one(s) a client may be using, how and why the device is working in this situation, and when it is preventing desired change and personal growth to occur.

According to John Kappas, Ph.D., resistance to changing a behavior is the first stage of effecting this change. “We do things systematically to avoid change,” said the founder of the Hypnosis Motivation Institute. “Change is a threat to the unconscious mind.” To facilitate change in a client’s behavior—such as helping someone to quit smoking or to lose weight—the hypnotherapist must “buy” the person’s symptoms of defensive behavior and provide some symptomatic relief. But for the problem or unwanted behavior to be truly resolved it is often necessary to go for the cause of the conflict or symptom. “The client may be subconsciously protecting [the cause] by employing defense-mechanism devices,” Dr. Kappas explained.

Usually, many factors combine to create the primary issue or problem, and the client is suggestible to those precipitating factors, the hypnotherapist explained. Consequently, the first hypnotherapy session with a client is the most important component of the therapeutic process, because this is the first opportunity to start working with the client’s suggestibility and “suggest” certain changes in behavior. For example, I might work with a client to desensitize the person to the association of smoking a cigarette while drinking an alcoholic beverage before supper. Or, I would create a new association in which a client would “choose” to write about his or her negative emotions in a journal rather than eat a bowl of ice cream when the person felt angry or sad. But these changes in behavior—social drinking and displacing negative emotions through eating—can and will only occur when the client is ready to recognize the relationship between the emotion and behavior.

“You cannot cure a person by telling him what the problem is,” Dr. Kappas said. “Whenever you hit the cause of the problem, symptoms start to disappear. Once you identify and remove the primary cause of the problem, you must alleviate secondary issues.”