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Sunday, January 18, 2015

More Inspirational Musings

Every now and then I like (and need) to take a few moments and remind myself about what is really important to me, in my life. If you follow me on Facebook you may have seen some of these quotes before on this page, or will in the future. Many of these Quotes Of the Day are beautiful examples and illustrations of the work I do as a hypnotherapist, so I will probably draw on them in future essays.

· “Never, ever, let anyone tell you what you can and can’t do. Prove the cynics wrong. Pity them for they have no imagination. The sky’s the limit. Your sky. Your limit. Now. Let’s dance.” – Tom Hiddleston

· “You were born to win, but to be a winner, you must plan to win, prepare to win and expect to win.” – Zig Ziglar

· “The greatest danger to our life is apathy.” – Jane Goodall

· “Evaluate the people in your life; then promote, demote, or terminate! You’re the CEO of your life!" – Tony Gaskins

· “Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen.” – www.behappy.me

· “A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.” – Christopher Reeve

· "Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending." – Maria Robinson

· “If you yearn for more faith, if you want answers, you must begin by listening. You must be still and listen.” – Rena Pedersen

· “Man will never get to the furthest reaches of space until he gets to the furthest reaches of himself.” – Fred Armisen

· “Hate is like acid. It can damage the vessel in which it is stored as well as destroy the object on which it is poured.” – Ann Landers

· “Life is short, live it. Love is rare, grab it. Anger is bad, dump it. Fear is awful, face it. Memories are sweet, cherish it.” – Zig Ziglar

· “Gratitude goes deeper and lasts longer than merely being thankful.” – Cindy Weigand

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

Friday, January 16, 2015

Choosing the Right Horse

(A version of this blog was originally posted on March 25, 2011)

“You're not perfect, sport, and let me save you the suspense: this girl you've met, she's not perfect either. But the question is whether or not you're perfect for each other.” –Good Will Hunting

I love that quote. Ben Affleck may have been giving romantic advice to Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting, but the insight is also appropriate when you’re looking for an equine partner. Once you start “shopping” for a new horse, you need to ask yourself some very important questions about your goals and ideas about your future, “perfect” equine partner.

What kind of riding do you want to do? Whether you train in dressage, jumping, reining, or any other riding discipline, you should look for a horse that is trained in the area you would like to do.

How much more “experienced” should the horse be? It is usually recommended that less-experienced riders look for a horse that is schooling in that discipline and working at a slightly higher level than they ride. However, the horse should not have so much more training/experience that the animal is likely to get bored working on material he or she has already mastered while the rider is learning to do basic techniques.

What kind of riding ability do I need to have in order ride a horse that is working/training at a higher level than I am currently training? The more time you spend in the saddle, the better. In addition to working regularly with a trainer, spend time working with your horse on your own to practice the movements or techniques you are working on in your lessons. It is important to remain patient, relaxed and calm when you are with your horse so you can feel confident enough in your riding skill to go beyond your comfort zone. For example, before I bought my horse, Galahad, I had never ridden such a “forward” mount; I had to do a lot of strength training and spend time riding him to get used to this kind of action.

What kind of ability/talent should the horse have? This will come down to the horse’s conformation and its work ethic/attitude. If you are looking for a “forward” moving horse that is likely to excel in competitive riding, he or she will need to have plenty of flexibility, impulsion, and action and strength in the hindquarters as well as physical and mental ability to accomplish those goals.
Which breed of horse should I be looking at? A horse of any breed may be able (or not) to do the kind of riding you enjoy. For example, Warmbloods make good mounts in dressage and jumping competitions. Quarter Horses are typically seen in Western Pleasure and reining competitions. Arabian horses can succeed in English and Western show classes, although they particularly excel in endurance competition. To some extent, the horse’s breed will be less important than his personality/attitude, patience, conformation, and ability to achieve your riding goals. The choice of breed may depend on what you want to do with your equine partner, but keep the motto “Form to Function” in mind. You don’t want to end up “over-horsed” or overwhelmed by an animal that is too big for your body and too strong to handle when you are riding. For example, if you are very petite like me a large horse such as a Thoroughbred or Warmblood breed would literally be too big for me and possibly a lot of horse to handle. A better choice for you might be a small horse or a large pony in terms of size and ease/accuracy of applying riding aids.

Decision time. Bring someone along to look at the horse who is an experienced rider or horse trainer. Your current trainer or riding instructor is the ideal choice because he or she can evaluate the horse’s talents in the context of your equestrian experience and goals and provide a neutral, objective evaluation of the animal.. Have the current owner ride the horse before you get on, and see if your trainer will do the same. Also, be sure to get a veterinarian to do a thorough physical evaluation of the horse to check for soundness. You may want to get X-Rays of the horse’s legs and hooves and even draw blood to rule out tranquilizing drugs, etc. in its bloodstream. If possible, ask a veterinarian you already know and have worked with to do this check. First, you already have a working relationship and trust with this person; second, the veterinarian can also provide important feedback about suitability of the horse for you based on his or her familiarity with you.

At the end of the day, it will be up to you to make the ultimate decision whether to buy the horse. Your trainer, the veterinarian and even the person selling the horse can provide information and his or her professional opinion about suitability of the horse for you. But you will be the one who will ultimately spend the most time working with and caring for the horse if you buy it. Whether you want to compete or take long rides along the beach it is important to take your time to make a decision that will be in the best interest of you and your new equine partner.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Our Thoughts Create Our Reality

“Our thoughts create our reality. Where we put our focus is the direction

we tend to go.” – Peter McWilliams

Photo by Sara Fogan

It sounds easy. Just focus on something you want to have or want to achieve in your life, and then attract that object or goal to yourself. It’s almost like the universe conspires to help you get what you asked for. Consider what actor/comedian Jim Carrey did at the start of his career. He reportedly wrote himself a check for $15 million and kept that intention in his mind as he built his career until he actually did have that much money (and then some) in his bank account.

Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D., stated that we begin to write our individualized subconscious mental scripts from a very young age. Furthermore, we will behave and even think in ways that are consistent with that script even when it doesn’t facilitate achievement of our personal goals. It wants (and tries) to help you realize your goals whether they are great or small, beneficial or detrimental to your well-being. After all, you are the one who created that script, right?

So what happens when you muse about something negative just for a split-second and that is what manifests in your life? Remember, the subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between your passing thought about the frequency of rear-end car crashes and your true desire to have a safe journey when an SUV smashes into your new car two seconds later. You can think, I didn’t mean it! But it’s too late: your subconscious mind has already sent that thought out and the universe has replied.

As the examples above demonstrated, your subconscious mind will put a specific mental script into action as soon as the opportunity arrives for you to enact it, so you can “get” what your SCM thinks you want (or wanted). Therefore, it is important to always be mindful of what you are thinking about or telling yourself, because your subconscious mind is paying attention to every word (thought) in the subconscious mental script you created.

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Defense mechanisms: Turning Against Self

Sometimes, emotional pain or intense disappointment because something didn’t go our way can lead to self-criticism and self-recrimination (self-blame). Rather than direct our negative emotion toward the cause or source of this pain, we turn on ourselves. For example, have you ever told yourself that the reason a romantic partner ended the relationship with you was because you were unattractive and actually “unworthy” of his or her love? Have you ever scolded yourself for being unskilled and “hopeless” at your job when a relatively new, junior colleague got the pay-raise or promotion you deserved after you landed that big account? Or, have you ever blamed yourself for “doing something stupid” that resulted in an injury while playing your favorite sport or doing a maintenance project around the house? If so, you have turned against yourself, which is a form of defense mechanism.

I previously touched on this phenomenon in my blog titled Stop! Negative Self Talk. Every time we disparage ourselves we create powerful, negative subconscious messages about ourselves that undermine our self-confidence and self-esteem. Since the subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between fantasy (imagination) and reality, thinking or speaking these negative beliefs in a moment of pique cause equal damage.

Like other defense mechanisms, turning against self is: 1) unconscious; 2) self-deceptive; 3) and it distorts reality through thoughts and action. According to the Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind, people are subconsciously motivated to maintain and/or restore a known physical and emotional status of comfort and security. Whenever someone says or does something that causes physical injury, hurts your feelings or challenges your beliefs, your mind automatically tries to compensate for this threat or “pain” by activating this or another form of defense mechanism. In this case, you turn against yourself to avoid having to experience the pain of rejection or disappointment that someone else caused you.

To help someone change this behavior, while the client is in hypnosis I desensitize him or her to the situation (and similar situations) that triggered this defense mechanism. I also employ therapeutic guided-imagery techniques to help them reframe their negative beliefs and self-recrimination to positive thoughts that are self-nurturing and promote self-love and self-confidence. Finally, I use imagery techniques to enable the individual to find solutions for those situations and visualize how they have overcome this setback and which lessons they learned from this experience have increased self-confidence and social coping skills.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Monday, January 12, 2015

Reasons Why People Smoke

Photo courtesy of Microsoft Bing

People smoke cigarettes for various reasons, but the addiction to nicotine is very real and extremely powerful. Depending on your “trigger” to smoke, techniques to help you quit may vary. Following is a list of the different reasons (motivations) why people smoke and strategies to help you quit.

· Pleasure Seeker. You enjoy smoking cigarettes, particularly after finishing a meal or while drinking liquor. Therapeutic strategy: Find a pleasurable activity or substitute to replace cigarettes.

· “I Need a Cigarette to Cope.” You smoke when you feel tense, nervous or stressed out. Therapeutic strategy: Learn new coping strategies to reduce stress and manage your life more effectively.

· Habitual Smoker. You smoke in specific situations because this behavior has become a habit at those times (e.g., while talking on the phone, after a meal, while drinking alcohol). Therapeutic strategy: Desensitization to the “triggers” for your smoking habit and creating physical obstacles to limit access to cigarettes (e.g., limiting access to the cigarettes or only being allowed to smoke only in one specific location).

· Stimulation Smoker. You need a cigarette first thing in the morning to wake up and you smoke throughout the day to remain alert/keep going. You enjoy the physiological stimulation that nicotine provides. Therapeutic strategy: Relaxation techniques, reduction of cigarettes in conjunction with replacement strategies that substitute smoking with activities that create a similar physical sensation. It may also be advised to wear a nicotine patch at the beginning of the therapy.

Hypnotherapy is an effective tool to help you achieve your goal of becoming a permanent non-smoker. This is because hypnosis enables you to communicate with your subconscious mind to reprogram your previous mental scripts about wanting and needing to smoke, with ones that reinforce your decision, motivations and ability to stop smoking. I offer a 6-week, smoking-cessation hypnotherapy program that is good for people who smoke one or more pack of cigarettes a day. During this time, you will learn how to resist the triggers of your psychological and physiological addiction to nicotine while you gradually stop smoking altogether. I also record and provide a customized stop-smoking track for you to listen to in order to reinforce this new behavior (lifestyle of a permanent non-smoker).

You can read about the benefits of becoming a permanent non-smoker in my blog titled Physiological benefits to quit smoking. When you are ready to quit smoking, I am here and ready to help you!

Friday, January 9, 2015

The Philosophy of Thank you, Part 2

Many years ago I read an article about how the late Princess of Wales was raising her young sons, Prince William and Prince Harry, to be as much like “normal” (i.e., non-royal) children as possible. One of the most poignant things she taught them was the importance of good manners—especially, saying thank you. Apparently, she once told them something along the lines of: “If you ask for a Coke® and someone gives you orange juice, say ‘thank you’ and drink the orange juice.”

A few days before Christmas I tuned in to an animated debate during Bill Carroll’s KFI broadcast. The question being discussed was: “Is it ever okay to give someone a monetary gift card for Christmas?” Many callers said that giving cash or a gift card to a close relative, loved one or friend was the height of tackiness or even thoughtlessness. Some people believed such a gift was a sign of epic laziness: What? You couldn’t even spend a couple of minutes to think about what I would like and go get it for me? Other people seemed to be ambivalent: Money is cool, but if nothing else I can always re-gift the card to the gardener if I don’t like it, etc. A final group had no problem giving (or receiving) gift cards as a present.

O-kay. Can I take the high road by taking the middle of the road in this debate? Great!

As someone who both gave and received gift cards at the holidays, I see no problem with or question about the thoughtfulness of these kinds of presents. While it may not be financially feasible to purchase that new iPad for your nephew, it’s usually possible to make some kind of monetary contribution to the gift in the form of a gift card. If that special someone specifically hints that the most appreciated gift would be money to help pay down a credit-card debt or pay this month’s phone bill, how is obliging this request a sign of insensitivity? Every little bit adds up, right? And, at the end of the day it is the thought that counts. The true, original, spiritual meanings of Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanza, etc., and exchanging presents on birthdays or anniversaries, were never to celebrate consumerism. Ultimately, when gifts are exchanged isn’t it to express loving sentiments toward and appreciation for someone you care about?

No matter who you are, no matter what you are doing, saying “thank you” to express gratitude that someone thought of you is still a very cool thing to do. It really is the thought and not the gift that counts.

What are you grateful for?