The Art of Communication

(This blog was originally posted on March 27, 2014)

 

 

                Communication is an art. I am not talking just about expressing a thought or a feeling in words (or dance, music, art, etc.) but also how and whether we take the time to really experience what is being communicated to us. Often, we are so preoccupied with our own thoughts about what we are seeing or listening to, we neglect to notice and process what is going on emotionally, physically and spiritually with the other person. We express ourselves to share how we feel or what we think about something; so what can we do to ensure that the other person truly “gets” what we have just communicated?

                Hypnotherapist Dr. Alex G. Kappas, used to say: “I know you believe you think you understand what I have just said; but I am not sure that what you heard is not what I meant.” In other words, we tend to “hear” a specific message based on our previous experience and expectations about what we think the other person is (or should be) saying as it fits our (not their) mental script. Then, we get preoccupied thinking about what we should or want to say in response and likely miss the rest of the message. Most of us do this subconsciously from time to time. So, how do we become an active listener?

                The answer is simply to listen. Be consciously present in the conversation. Pay attention to each word and each sentence as the other person is speaking. Do you understand what he or she is trying to say? Ask a question, rephrase the statement to check that you are getting the information your companion is trying to share with you. Imagine, visualize, picture or pretend that the only people in the room (or world) at that moment are you and the person you are talking to; actively “tune out” any distractions in your environment, or use those distractions to deepen your level of focus and concentration on the conversation you are in. Turn off/ignore your phone Do not interrupt your companion while he or she is speaking but wait for a natural ebb or pause in the conversation for your turn to speak.

                Sometimes the most important part of talking is actually listening.

               

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

The Parataxic Distortion Response

(This blog was originally posted on March 4, 2014)

 

 

 

                Imagine that you are having a conversation with your partner or spouse about your plans for the weekend. The conversation is relatively banal until the other person casually mentions that you still haven’t replied to the neighbor’s invitation to their party on Saturday. “Are we going or not?”

Bam! It’s like someone flipped a switch in you. Just like that, the joking mood and light-hearted banter evaporate in the heat of your sudden, apparently inexplicable rage: “Why are you asking me? You sound just like my mother. Why can’t you ever make a decision about what to do?”

Or, you are watching a movie in happy, relaxed silence when your companion starts whispering (loud) comments about the film in your ear. Another person in the audience glares at you and hisses, “Sshhh!” even though you haven’t said a word. You are furious that you have been blamed for the disturbance—especially because this incident is so like that time you were punished for talking during silent-reading period at school (twenty years ago), and you didn’t say anything then, either. Your companion, who is indifferent to the other movie-goer’s annoyance and oblivious to the memory it has triggered in you, is hurt and confused because you barely speak to him the rest of the night. Didn’t you like the movie?

                These are examples of the parataxic response: a reaction to a subconscious memory that is totally unrelated to the person or incident that you are responding to. Anything from the tone of voice in which a question was asked, a facial expression or the specific words that another person used could trigger this reaction. The power of this emotional response are likely to take the person responding this way by surprise, not to mention the unintended target(s) of this reaction.  

 

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

Going for a Cause

(This blog was originally posted on May 4, 2014)

 

 

 

 

                At some time in our lives, just about everyone uses a defense mechanism to cope with a stressful or disappointing experience. These strategies can include denial or displacement of the unpleasant emotion, repression of a memory, substance abuse, regressing to an earlier stage of development or even substance dependency. However these behaviors provide only a temporary perception of control over the environment; eventually, we have to deal with and resolve the primary issue that has triggered the defense mechanism in order to achieve personal growth. To be an effective hypnotherapist, I must recognize which one(s) a client may be using, how and why the device is working in this situation, and when it is preventing desired change and personal growth to occur.

                According to John Kappas, Ph.D., resistance to changing a behavior is the first stage of effecting this change. “We do things systematically to avoid change,” said the founder of the Hypnosis Motivation Institute. “Change is a threat to the unconscious mind.” To facilitate change in a client’s behavior—such as helping someone to quit smoking or to lose weight—the hypnotherapist must “buy” the person’s symptoms of defensive behavior and provide some symptomatic relief. But for the problem or unwanted behavior to be truly resolved it is often necessary to go for the cause of the conflict or symptom. “The client may be subconsciously protecting [the cause] by employing defense-mechanism devices,” Dr. Kappas explained.

                Usually, many factors combine to create the primary issue or problem, and the client is suggestible to those precipitating factors, the hypnotherapist explained. Consequently, the first hypnotherapy session with a client is the most important component of the therapeutic process, because this is the first opportunity to start working with the client’s suggestibility and “suggest” certain changes in behavior. For example, I might work with a client to desensitize the person to the association of smoking a cigarette while drinking an alcoholic beverage before supper. Or, I would create a new association in which a client would “choose” to write about his or her negative emotions in a journal rather than eat a bowl of ice cream when the person felt angry or sad. But these changes in behavior—social drinking and displacing negative emotions through eating—can and will only occur when the client is ready to recognize the relationship between the emotion and behavior.

                “You cannot cure a person by telling him what the problem is,” Dr. Kappas said. “Whenever you hit the cause of the problem, symptoms start to disappear. Once you identify and remove the primary cause of the problem, you must alleviate secondary issues.”

Suggestibility on Prime Time

(This blog was originally posted on March 3, 2014)

 

 

                Did you watch the 86th Academy Awards on television on March 2, 2014? Remember when host Ellen DeGeneres asked viewers to retweet the group “selfie” picture that host Ellen DeGeneres took of herself with a handful of Oscar nominees during the broadcast? Did you do it? If so, you weren’t alone: according to a CNN report, 2.7 million people took on her challenge, and the Twitter platform actually crashed for a few minutes. The event was undoubtedly a major advertising and publicity triumph for the Oscars and the company that manufactured the camera they used to take the shot (Samsung)—not to mention the host. This incident was also a great opportunity for me to illustrate how suggestibility and hypnosis work in real life.

                In my January 16, 2014 blog about hypnotic modalities, I explained how an authority figure could create a hyper-suggestible state in another person and use this state to persuade that individual to behave in a particular way. (If you have ever gone car shopping, you have likely experienced this kind of sensory overload.) She may not have literally sold an item to her audience, but Ms. DeGeneres did a very handy demonstration of group hypnosis with just a few elements naturally occurring elements:

1.       She had authority. As the Oscar host, Ellen DeGeneres had access to all areas of the stage and the audience in the auditorium. A celebrity herself, she also had charisma and charm that helped her to build a rapport with the guests as well as television viewers at home.

2.       She had a message. The role of any host at a party or event is to help the guests feel at ease and have a good time so that, hopefully, they will want to come back again. The Academy Awards may be an American event, but it is known around the world. No doubt the Academy and the television network wanted to receive positive reviews and feedback so they could do this again, next year. What better way to get this message out than to take a photograph of some of your guests having a good time and share that image with everyone you know (or who wishes they knew you)?

3.       There were plenty of environmental stimuli to overload the subconscious mind and create the hyper-suggestible state: the excitement of being nominated for or having won an Academy Award, or the disappointment of not winning that Oscar, after all; the visual overload of being surrounded by beautiful people wearing beautiful clothes; the amount of time the nominees had already spent posing on the red carpet before the awards began; the anxiety/stress that they must have been experiencing while they waited for the award to be bestowed in their category; waiting and wondering who would win an Oscar; the glamorous environment in the Kodak Theater and the stage… You get the picture.

4.       Ms. DeGeneres used the right language to get the group of nominees to do the photo with her. Not only did she have the advantage of being the host for the night, but she knew how and when to cajole one of the A-list actors sitting in the front rows to join the group. Soon, some actors just jumped into the shot without waiting for an invitation.

5.       Watching the scene from home on our televisions or computers, etc., it looked like everyone in the shot was smiling and having fun. Didn’t you wish you could have been in on that picture, too? (Or one just like it, but with your friends and family?) When Bradley Cooper finally snapped the picture, the audience at home and in the theater was ready and waiting to be asked (or told/playfully challenged) to retweet the image so many times that Twitter couldn’t cope with all the traffic.

6.       And hey, presto: 2.7 million people accepted and acted on Ellen DeGeneres’ suggestion.

Now, that is impressive.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

 

Reinforcement for Hypnosis

(This blog was originally posted on January 30, 2014)

 

 

Photo by Sara Fogan

 

 

                When I work with a client, it is very important to me that the person feels relaxed, comfortable and secure about the work that we do together to help the individual achieve his or her goal. In the 21^st Century, hypnotherapy is definitely becoming a more mainstream a therapeutic modality. Nonetheless, previous myths about hypnosis being a form of “mind control” continue to linger in many people’s minds. Therefore, I provide several tools for my clients to use after they leave my office to reassure them about how and why hypnosis is an ideal tool to help them achieve their vocational and avocational self-improvement goals.

·         Get to know you. The first time we “meet” will probably be when you call me to inquire about my hypnotherapy practice and to set up an appointment. During this conversation, I take note (literally and metaphorically) of your therapy goals and presenting issue and other details about your social/emotional background so I can prepare for your hypnotherapy session.

·         Reinforcement CD. I provide a CD or digital track for you to listen to at home. This track is typically made during the hypnosis session, but I am happy to create a new or modified version at your request. The function of this track is to reinforce your goals and motivations to change unwanted behaviors. You should listen to the track before falling asleep at night. Warning: Do not listen to it while driving or operating heavy machinery, etc.

·         Provide relevant reference material. I will provide relevant articles from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute website’s digital library for you to read and keep for future reference. With your permission and/or at your request, I will also periodically send you digital links to motivational articles and/or news stories that are relevant to your hypnotherapy.

·         Maintain contact. I will maintain phone and/or e-mail contact with you throughout the duration of your hypnotherapy to answer questions and help you set new therapeutic goals.

·         Make appropriate referrals. From time to time, someone has a presenting issue that is out of my scope of expertise. As a certified hypnotherapist, I can work with you to help you achieve an avocational or vocational self-improvement goal. However, I must and will refer you for a consultation with a licensed physician or licensed mental-health worker to assess those other therapeutic needs you may have (e.g., persistent headache or other physical symptom, threaten to harm self or others). I will be happy to continue working with you to complement your traditional medical/psychological therapy if appropriate and with a reciprocal referral from the other licensed practitioner.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

Homage to War Horses

(This blog was originally posted on January 4, 2012)

Photo courtesy of Sara Fogan

 

 

My first real introduction to the concept of a War Horse was in the song, “Comanche (The Brave Horse),” by Johnny Horton and Francis Bandy. This 1959 tribute describes the deeds of an equine survivor of the Battle of the Little Big Horn. According to the lyrics of this ballad, Comanche was the only survivor of this infamous battle. This was not true, but he was severely injured. After being rescued from the battlefield, the horse—which was owned by Captain Myles Keogh, not General Custer—recovered from his wounds and lived the rest of his life as a hero of the American cavalry. I get goose-bumps whenever I listen to the song—which is often, as it is part of an iTunes play list I created for my new horse, Galahad.

Galahad is an Arazzon: a "hybrid" in that he is one-half Arabian and one-half Lipizzaner. His Arabian side makes him a direct descendant of the original war horse, the Arabian. The Arabian dates back 2000 years. They are legendary campaign horses in the North African and Arabian deserts: Bedouin warriors would ride mares to battle, leaving the stallions to protect the women and children at the camps.

Arabians are also the seminal breed used to create the elegant and rare Lipizzaner four hundred years ago. (The Arabian stallion Siglavy is a foundation sire of this breed.) Although the Lipizzaner elevated battle maneuvers to an art form in haute école, these horses were never used in actual combat. They were bred exclusively for the Hapsburg royal family to ride. Over the centuries, various wars have pushed the breed to the brink of extinction. During World War II, American General George S. Patton famously helped Colonel Alois Podhasky, the director of the Spanish Riding School, to smuggle the horses out of Austria. These days, Lipizzaners are renown for their haute école performances at the Spanish Riding School, where the levade, capriole and courbette thrill audiences.

In December 2011, Steven Spielberg released the film adaptation of Michael Morpurgo's novel, War Horse. At first, I was very wary about going to see the movie. It wasn't that I didn't want to watch the movie. I really did. But I knew it would be a tearjerker.

I ultimately did go to watch the movie. It was very well done. But, I won't say that I "enjoyed" watching it. The battle scenes were harrowing. Not just because war is so devastating, but because the humans who went to war knew (sort of) what they were getting into. However, the equine soldiers who were similarly drafted to charge into the machine-gun fire and swinging swords did not.

When the movie let out, I drove to the barn to see my horse. I wanted to thank him for his gentle companionship and any sacrifices his forbears made for their human companions. On the cover of her book titled Perfect Partners, Kelly Marks encourages everyone to strive to be “the owner that your horse would choose for himself.”

Galahad, that is what I will do for you.

This blog is posted in loving tribute to the service men and service women and the canine and equine soldiers who have sacrificed so much throughout our country’s history to protect our freedom at home and abroad.

 

     Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy®, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

Hypnotherapy and Public Speaking

(This blog was originally posted on April 22, 2014)

 

 

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

 

                 This evening I came across the outline for my first-ever presentation about hypnosis. It had been an assignment for the Speech Craft class that my classmates and I took at the Hypnosis Motivation Institute a couple of months before graduation. In it, we learned all of the fine points of crafting and delivering an effective, impactful speech about some element of our new, future vocation as certified hypnotherapists. My speech was very basic: I included some personal information about me and my educational background in the introduction, and then I focused on how and why I decided to become a hypnotherapist. That should be easy, right? Not so fast.

Reading those notes again, 10 years later, I could still remember how nervous I felt while I composed the draft for that speech. As a rule, I did not like to speak in public. I hated to be the center of attention in any circumstance, as I knew I would have to be when I did my presentation. Finally, the instructor and my classmates would be grading my presentation, a prospect that not only exacerbated my anxieties about public speaking but also of taking tests.

Before I drove to class that night, I made sure that I ate a nutritious meal with protein to keep my blood-sugar level (and mood) stable, which I knew would help to lower my anxiety. I wore one of my most professional-looking skirt suits that always helped me feel confident. Once I was in class, I practiced diaphragmatic breathing to calm my nerves while I waited for my turn to speak.

When the instructor finally called me up to the podium to do my presentation, my mind flashed back to the best advice I have ever received about public speaking. The current director of HMI, George Kappas, M.A., C.Ht., once gave the class a pep talk about public speaking and doing presentations on hypnosis and hypnotherapy to the general public. He reassured us that each of us would probably know more about this topic than anyone else in the room. He told us to relax and even suggested that we probably wouldn’t (shouldn’t) even need or want to use notes or note cards to prompt our speeches because, again, we would already be the experts on this topic. So when I stepped up to the podium that night, I took his words to heart and allowed myself to own the room. Since this presentation was about me and my experience, I could be (and was) completely confident that I was the expert in the room about this topic. That night, I was finally able to overcome a personal challenge. To my surprise, I even created a new “known” in my subconscious mind: public speaking was fun!

Looking back, this class turned out to be one of my favorites on the hypnotherapy-certification program at HMI. First, the assignment made me face and overcome my fear and discomfort about public speaking and taking tests. Second, the experience of having to do a presentation gave me an invaluable opportunity to experience the efficacy of techniques that I now also use and teach to my clients to help them overcome similar fears and anxieties.

 

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014