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Friday, March 21, 2014

Familiar Themes

Have you ever noticed the way one event or thought can attract other, similar events or thoughts? Right after I posted my last blog on March 19, 2019 about the importance of maintaining separate interests in a relationship, someone on Facebook posted a related quote from lessonslearnedinlife.com: “When you are truly comfortable with who you are not everybody will like you. But you won’t care about it one bit.” One of my friends wondered if I had a theme going with those posts. No. Not consciously, anyway.

I would not claim that this quote resonates with me all of the time. Of course, I do care if people like me. I love my family and friends. I enjoy working with and exchanging ideas with my colleagues and advisors. I feel uncomfortable if there is tension about something, and I will do my best to resolve the issue when I can. However, I am no longer willing to give up on my ideas, ideals or interests because someone disagrees with me or doesn’t like the same thing(s) I do.

In the last ten years or so since I trained in hypnotherapy and became a certified hypnotherapist, I have learned how to express how I feel in an assertive way, not an aggressive one. I have learned it is okay to explore my emotions and I listen to my instincts about something before I make a decision. I have learned how to actively listen to someone else’s point of view and re-frame or ask questions about what the other person said to make sure I really understand. I have learned that every new experience may be an “unknown” to my subconscious the first time I do it but, over time and practice, it will become familiar and easier to do. I have learned how to stay calm and focused in situations where, in the past, I might have had a panic attack. I have learned to be comfortable with myself, in my own skin, to accept an invitation or to say “no” if I don’t want to do something.

And while I have learned to be (and am) perfectly content to pursue my own interests, it is nice to hang out with people I like and who like me. I have learned a lot. So, “learning” is a familiar theme in this blog and hypnotherapy, too.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Your Own Room

In my February 14, 2014 blog, I described seven characteristics of a successful relationship. Each of these factors is equally important in this context, but one—separate interests—is imperative for ensuring individual growth in and outside of the relationship. Let me explain.

Whether we are discussing a platonic friendship or a romantic partnership, two people enter a relationship because they are attracted not just to the similarities and mutual interests they share but also the differences between them. The expression “opposites attract” really is true: We are attracted to people who possess skills, characteristics and experiences that are different from our own. It is natural to consciously adopt some of the other person’s interests and to subconsciously mimic some facial expressions, mannerisms and beliefs during the course of the relationship. After spending time together, people tend to focus on and emphasize those similarities as a way to demonstrate that their relationship really is meant to be. (Have you ever noticed how couples that have been together for a long time, such as your parents or grandparents, even start to look alike?)

Ironically, when one (or both) of you forfeits your unique traits or interests to be more “like” the other person the relationship may falter. Rather than closing any space between you, abandoning your individuality can inadvertently cause the other person to lose some interest in you. Whether the relationship continues to thrive or eventually ends, you want to have a foundation on which you can continue to enjoy doing the things you always have, with or without the other person in your life.

If you want share a healthy relationship with someone else, start by nurturing your relationship with yourself. What do you enjoy doing? What do you want to do or never do again? Meditate, work with a hypnotherapist or practice self-hypnosis and explore what is important to you. How much are you willing to compromise on an issue or even sacrifice an activity or belief, in order for the relationship to thrive? Give yourself permission to make room in your life for you, and practice doing something for yourself every day. Maintain and grow your self-confidence by expressing an opinion or asking questions about an issue if something doesn’t make sense to you. Sing, dance, laugh, and cry. Give yourself permission to experience every emotion as you feel it. Be present in every moment. The more interested and engaged you are with the world around you, the more interesting you will be and become to people in your life.

You will be interesting to yourself, too.

Wake-Up Call

Photo by Sara Fogan

I love mountains. I love their power and majesty as they tower over the tallest buildings. I love how invigorated I feel when I am in their midst, breathing in the clean, fresh air and enjoying the scent of the pine trees that cover this landscape and not the pollution that often covers the city over a mile below. Of course, mountains are the product of a powerful force of nature that many people in Los Angeles experienced early Monday morning: earthquakes.

California is no stranger to earthquakes. Anyone who experienced the 1989 San Francisco or the 1994 Northridge quakes knows how deadly and destructive they can be. Consequently, public-service announcements regularly remind us to prepare for the Big One (it’s coming!). The local news features stories about seismic activity that has occurred in other parts of the world and reminds residents to store enough food and water to last five days, in case it happens tomorrow. Many people who lived through it still reminisce about the Northridge quake as if it just happened. But even a comparatively minor one like the temblor we had yesterday—it was only a 4.4 magnitude, compared to the 6.7 magnitude of the one 20 years ago—is terrifying and disorienting. They also trigger our two most basic emotional reactions, as described in John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind: fear of loud noises and fear of falling.

When the ground starts to move, buildings creak and groan as the structures sway or collapse on their foundations. Furniture and the objects resting on them, books standing on shelves or pictures hanging on the walls, may crash to the floor. The ground moves beneath our feet and can trigger vertigo and the innate fear of falling. Even if you never experienced an earthquake before, you probably know already knew enough about this phenomenon to be concerned for your safety when the shaking started yesterday morning. Everyone who has felt an earthquake before probably did feel genuinely, understandably scared yesterday. However, this fear was not just about the disorienting physical sensations we experienced, but the violence of our anticipatory anxiety that was also triggered when the shaking started.

According to Dr. Kappas, anticipatory anxiety is an example of the fight/flight response, whereby a person instinctively prepares himself or herself to face a potential threat based on previous experience that the threat exists. “You’ve had the panic [and] you start worrying it will recur. You’re more affected by what you think will happen,” he observed. When the shaking started it triggered many people’s memories of the last Big One and their anticipatory anxiety about what could happen, this time. This is how it started/what it felt like last time. There is nowhere to go! There was so much damage to my house! The neighbor had a heart-attack. Two homes in the neighborhood were condemned… Many people were still sleeping (and had not yet eaten breakfast) when the quake started, so a lower blood-sugar-level may have also exacerbated the physiological sensations that can occur during a fear or phobic response. In just the few seconds that the earthquake lasted, heart-rates accelerated and breathing became shallow. Some people may have started to sweat profusely, felt dizzy or confused, and even experienced tunnel vision as they were reminded that they have no control over the environment (at that moment).

Fortunately, yesterday’s earthquake caused no significant damage to buildings, and no one was injured or killed. It was, however, a well-timed reminder to us all of how the beautiful mountains that surround Los Angeles, came to be. As Dr. Lucy Jones, a seismologist with the United States Geological Survey, explained during a press conference yesterday, we do live in an earthquake zone, and the Big One is coming. None of us have control over when, where and how large the movement of those tectonic plates beneath us will be. However, we absolutely can and do have control over our response next time they do.

Take these hours and days when the memory of the fear and “flight” response is still fresh in your mind, and write a new mental script that focuses on and will activate the “fight” response. Make and rehearse an emergency plan with your family so everyone knows where to go, what to do and who to contact if there you need to reunite somewhere after the quake. Know where your gas meter is located on your property and be able to turn the gas off to prevent a leak. Participate in the earthquake “drills” at your school/college and in your neighborhood so you know what to do during and where to go after the earthquake. Learn CPR so you can provide first aid to the injured. Memorize the access routes into and out of your community if you need to evacuate the area. Pack the recommended quantity of food and water for you, your family and your pets—and make sure these supplies are accessible if you need to grab them in a hurry. Create a list of neighbors and out-of-state friends or relatives whom you can contact to send a message to loved ones about your health and whereabouts in case the phone lines are down after the earthquake. Learn breathing and relaxation techniques—even self-hypnosis—that you can use to be calm and focused during and after the earthquake, which will enable you to help yourself and others survive the days and weeks to come.

For more information about earthquake preparedness, go to www.redcross.org.

Monday, March 17, 2014

Animal Hypnosis, Part 2

Photo courtesy of Sara Fogan

Me and Lydia Hiby in 2012

People seek out my hypnotherapy services because the logic/will-power/decision-making and reasoning faculties of their conscious mind want to change a behavior that no longer works for them. They are willing participants who become active partners in the therapy process. In addition to hypnosis and guided imagery, I teach my clients behavior-modification techniques that they can use to gently replace the unwanted or “problem” habit with a behavior that is more conducive to their desired lifestyle. But dogs, cats, horses and the multitude of other domestic animals people share their lives with do not make the decision to change a behavior. Their owners do.

So, when people ask me to hypnotize their dog so it won’t bark so much or to persuade the cat to stay off of the dining table, I must politely defer to a professional animal trainer’s expertise to resolve those behavior issues. However, as a certified hypnotherapist, I have many tools and techniques that can help the human partner change specific responses to the pet that can reinforce any new behaviors that the companion animal is learning. The first thing I want to know is what the client think is going on with the animal. What might make it easier for the pet, or help the pet, to change its unwanted behavior? Imagery is a great place to start this exercise.

When Lydia Hiby teaches animal-communication clinics, she encourages and supports each of her students to develop our intuitive skills so we can also do what she does. This skill is also very important for a client who wants to improve his or her communication and relationship with a companion animal by correcting an annoying habit. When the client is in hypnosis, I guide the client through a visualization exercise in which he or she is listening and paying attention to every detail in their pet’s environment. What does the animal see? Hear? Smell? Touch? Perceive? How do these stimuli affect it, in terms of why and how often it repeats the undesired behavior? There is no right or wrong answer in this exercise; the important thing is for the client to give him or herself permission to experience the world from your pet’s point of view.

Next, I would guide the client in another visualization journey in which the person gets to practice using the behavior-modification techniques that the trainer recommended to correct the unwanted behavior. How is the pet responding to the training cues? The imagery includes noticing physical details about the animal—how it looks, smells, feels, how energetically it responds to the person’s commands—and how the client feels and responds to the pet’s efforts to do the right thing. The individual gets to practice each of the techniques with confidence, control and patience with the animal and him- or herself. Since the person will already be relaxed, comfortable and calm during these hypnosis and visualization exercises, he or she will also be replacing the previous negative response (frustration) to the behavior with this new emotional reaction (calm). At the end of the hypnotherapy session, I will teach the person how to anchor these sensations of calm and relaxation with the confidence and skills he or she has acquired in order to apply the training techniques and easily achieve the desired change of behavior.

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Animal Hypnosis, Part 1

Photo courtesy of Sara Fogan

Me and Lydia Hiby in 2012.

Every so often, someone asks me if I can hypnotize the family dog to stop barking so much or get the cat to stay off the kitchen counters. After all, if I can help a human client to rewrite a mental script and change an unwanted behavior, surely I have a similar technique that will make Max a little quieter and give Rex better table manners? Surely, I must have some technique in my hypnosis toolbox that will convince the champion show horse at the barn that the flower-boxes in front of a jump are not monsters. No, I don’t. But—and?—yes, I can.

In addition to my certifications in hypnotherapy and therapeutic guided imagery, I trained in Reiki energy healing with Tanya Nord, a Reiki Master and hypnotherapy instructor at the Hypnosis Motivation Institute. When I earned my certifications as a first- and second-degree Reiki practitioner, Ms. Nord told the class that from now on our touch would have healing power. In addition to offering energy treatments for my clients, I also wanted to provide these natural healing techniques to help quiet and relax my equestrian clients’ horses and to ease my senior animals’ discomfort from arthritis pain. I finally took Lydia Hiby’s class on animal communication a few years ago, and a new world of sensitivity, communication and healing opened up for me.

Lydia is a former veterinary technician, so in addition to teaching her students how to do what she does as an animal communicator she also provides a lot of general information about animal behavior, general first-aid and conflict resolution techniques. One of the first things she teaches in her communication class is how to do an intuitive body scan to detect physical discomfort in an animal. I now use this skill every time I do Reiki to find out whether and where I should specifically direct this energy to relieve stress or tension in my clients (human and non-human). This technique is not a substitute for medical or veterinary care! Like hypnotherapy, I provide Reiki to complement traditional medical care/treatment. However, this technique can provide useful clues about where the medical or veterinary expert should focus the examination when the client confirms that he or she (or the pet) experiences physical discomfort in a specific area.

The most important skill I have honed through Lydia’s animal-communication training is to use and trust my intuition. I do not “know” where the information comes from when a dog tells me she wants to eat steak and peas or that a cat wants to be a pirate like Johnny Depp but is far from the brave, swashbuckling rogue that his humans believe him to be. I have no way of knowing that when the big horse I’m talking to says he loves apples, he has only just been introduced to this new delicacy two days ago. When I do these readings, Lydia or the owner (i.e., human “parent” or guardian) is usually present to confirm or dispute the accuracy of the information I picked up during the conversation. More often than not, I come up with otherwise obscure details that I should not have known about an animal I have never met before—but I have learned to trust my gut instinct and just go with what I am picking up.

I will discuss how people can apply the self-confidence and behavior-modification skills they have learned through hypnotherapy, and the (animal-)communication skills I am honing with Lydia Hiby, to help change a pet's unwanted behavior in tomorrow's blog.

Friday, March 14, 2014

Self-Improvement

Photo courtesy of Fotilia

When our self-confidence and self-esteem are low, so too
is our ability to value ourselves and our self-worth.

Yesterday, one of my friends posted this quote-of-the-day on his Facebook wall: “The only person you need to be better than is the person you were yesterday.” The quote was accompanied by a picture of a man looking down at his flexed biceps. His expression looked self-critical—but that was probably the desired interpretation, based on the quote. It definitely made me think, though.

It is very easy to become self-critical. The expression “self-improvement” implies that something is wrong or at least not as good, right or perfect as we would like it to be. Whether we are considering our business acumen, sports ability, beauty/physique, artistic talent, etc., it doesn’t take long for this evaluation to become a comparison to other people. When we compare ourselves to others, we lose sight of our own skills, talents, contributions and self-worth. We cannot be ourselves while we are trying and pretending to be someone else—and, we become angry and frustrated when we don’t fulfill those unrealistic expectations of being like or being “better than” that other person.

The most important work I do as a hypnotherapist is to help my clients to increase their self-confidence and self-esteem. I compare these traits to an emotional compass: the lower my client’s self-esteem or self-confidence is, the lower his or her motivation and self-acceptance tend to be. I use therapeutic guided imagery to help my client envision attaining the therapeutic goal. When I construct the hypnotic script I use the client’s words to describe the traits, skills and abilities that the person already possesses that will help him or her to achieve that specified goal to reinforce the imagery. Over time, as the person continues to use the skills and techniques that he or she has been rehearsing in hypnotherapy to achieve this goal in the real world, the person’s self-confidence and self-esteem get stronger. Furthermore, just about every aspect of the person’s social, emotional and professional life get “better”, too; and a new world of options and opportunities to achieve new challenges opens up.

Humans have a predilection to compare every experience and every person to another, but what is going on inside you today and tomorrow is the only comparison that really matters.

Thursday, March 13, 2014

The Pattern “Interrupt”

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

When you feel tempted to smoke that cigarette or to eat
one more cookie, opt to take your dog for a walk instead.

The subconscious mind controls 88 percent of our beliefs and behavior. Therefore, the mental script for an entrenched habit will trump the conscious mind’s logic, will-power, decision-making and reasoning faculties that want to change this habit every time. When I help a client to change a behavior in hypnotherapy, I utilize a technique called “pattern interrupt.” The purpose of the pattern interrupt is to give the SCM a time out while the individual engages in something completely different for a little while. Through this exercise, the client experiences how it feels to have the power and control to choose whether to engage in an activity that has been controlling his or her life.

When I work with someone to change a behavior, such as to quit smoking or lose weight, I first ask what specifically triggers the undesired behavior, and how he or she handles this kind of temptation. Next, we discuss options for dealing with the trigger without engaging in the unwanted behavior. It is important that the person comes up with these alternative behaviors in order for the client to remain motivated and enthusiastic about working to achieve his or her goal. The pattern interrupt should be simple and easy to do, whether it is taking ten slow, deep breaths instead of lighting a cigarette; drinking a glass of water instead of a can of soda; take the dog for a walk instead of playing a computer game. I will also reinforce these options as hypnotic suggestions so the subconscious mind will also start to recognize these new activities as “known” behaviors.

Every time you choose to do the replacement activity, even for just a couple of seconds, you are reinforcing a new behavior and creating a new known in the SCM. The great thing about the pattern interrupt is that anyone can do this. You don’t need to be in hypnosis or to have received a post-hypnotic suggestion to substitute an unwanted behavior. When temptation strikes, you just need to do something else for a little while…just long enough for the craving to subside and your subconscious mind to forget, for a little while, that this behavior ever existed, at all.