Pearls

(This blog was originally posted on November 8, 2016)

Image courtesy of Microsoft

It started as a parasite or even a grain of sand, irritating the sensitive flesh of the oyster in which it is embedded. To ease this discomfort and defend itself against this intrusion, the mollusk secretes a substance that covers that granule until, eventually, a pearl is created. The pearl stays there throughout the host’s life, but at least its smoother contours are more comfortable for the shellfish. Over time, this tiny irritant can even become a valuable gem.

I like to use the creation of a pearl as a metaphor to illustrate how unpleasant experiences often become valuable learning experiences and even cherished memories. Think about a challenge you are enduring or recently faced. Consider what you are doing or the actions you had to take to overcome it. Did you have to change a behavior or replace a belief system? What kind of discomfort or inconvenience (pain) do/did you have to deal with during this ordeal? If the situation is resolved, what positive aspect or lesson did you take away with you? If you are still dealing with the conflict, what is the ideal or desired outcome for you, when it is over? For example, one or both partners may experience emotional pain and anxiety at the end of the romantic relationship. Hopefully, over time the individuals will be able to overcome these negative emotions and form successful, loving relationships with other people and be able to look back at the former partner in a positive light. Even if a truly positive “spin” can’t be associated with the former partner, the lessons the couple learned about themselves and what they want and need in a relationship will prove valuable tools in the future.

Let’s go back to the image of that original pearl. Now harvested, it is has been attached with many other pearls to create a necklace. The natural luster of these gems is breathtaking, and the owner of this string of pearls wears the jewelry with considerable pride. Over the years, this item of jewelry is handed down through the generations as a gift to the first daughter to get married, on her wedding day. While the individual pearls maintain their value, the string that links them together start to decompose. Unless the pearls are restrung, the slightest tug could easily break necklace and the pearls will fall dramatically away.

This image is another useful metaphor for how ideals, beliefs and behaviors (subconscious mental script) can change over time. Sometimes these changes occur, or evolve, naturally. Perhaps that third-generation bride really isn’t interested in wearing her great-grandmother’s necklace in its current form, but would like to reconstruct the pearls as a couple bracelets and some earrings. Times have changed, and this woman has very different ideas about what kind of jewelry she likes. Whatever she ultimately decides to do with the pearls, it is definitely past time to do some maintenance work and replace the disintegrating string. Her relatives might not be too happy about her plans to deconstruct the original necklace, though…

Similar maintenance is often needed for long-held beliefs and behaviors. Over time, many of these principles become outdated and even incompatible with current social and cultural values. I liken hypnotherapy with the metaphoric “restringing” of Grandma’s pearl necklace. As the original string is cut, the pearls (old beliefs and behaviors) are allowed to just fall away to be reassembled or even redesigned to complement the owner’s preferences and style. Maybe some of the original pearls have become discolored or cracked or a flaw is discovered, and those specific jewels are not included in the new design. Or, the person likes everything about that necklace and wants to keep/wear it as it is, but just wants to restring the pearls to prevent accidental breakage. Hypnotherapy can be like that, too: an opportunity for maintenance and tuning up of current beliefs and behaviors by strengthening the metaphoric jeweled foundation (self-confidence and self-esteem, etc.) upon which they are based.

Special Offer! Hypnosis to Quit Smoking

·      Intensive Hypnosis to quit smoking: $275 (This session lasts 2 hours. You must be smoking 5 or fewer cigarettes per day to participate in this program.)

·      Hypnosis to Stop Smoking: $800 for six-week series. (This is a $100 savings!) The $200 fee for the first session will be included in this rate only when the package is purchased up front.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. In July 2019 she was voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2020

Protective Posturing

(This blog was originally posted on December 8, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

A few years ago, as I was switching channels on the television, I happened to catch a couple minutes of a rodeo competition on RFDTV. As I recall, a rider was climbing onto a very large bull, waiting for the chute to open and begin his round. The television announcer started providing a bit of background about the man, including a very interesting detail. Apparently, the rider had recently recovered from a broken scapula (collar bone). However, his posture on the animal indicated that he was subconsciously “protecting” the previously injured area, which could undermine his success during the round, the announcer warned. A doctor had cleared the rider to compete, so the man was obviously healthy, fit and strong enough to ride a bucking bull again. However, the rider’s subconscious mind didn’t completely believe this prognosis, which could undermine his self-confidence and actual ability to ride well and stay safe.

Most of us can probably identify with this phenomenon. Whether we are coming back from a long illness or get hurt participating in a sport or performing a task at work, it’s natural to favor other areas of the body to protect the injured area. Sometimes this means that we assume very strange postures or physical contortions, which ultimately puts undue extra strain on the healthy/intact body part.

We also do this metaphorically to protect ourselves from emotional pain or discomfort, such as following the end of a relationship or loss through bereavement or geographic relocation. We build metaphoric walls around our feelings (hearts), and use sarcasm and even cruel comments to discourage anyone from trying to break through and establish a bond. Have you ever sworn to “never fall in love again” when your true love breaks your heart, or to never buy or adopt another pet after a beloved companion animal has died? These behaviors serve the same purpose: to protect that vulnerable or injured part of ourselves from future pain by blocking off or using defensive behaviors to guard that area from further injury.

In fact, the desire to avoid emotional pain is so ingrained that the subconscious mind has specific strategies to protect us from these risks. According to Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D., an Emotional Sexual individual uses rationality and intellect to distance (separate) him- or herself from a potentially contentious (romantic) situation to protect these vulnerable emotions. The Emotional Sexual person always wants to maintain control, and the best way to do this is to literally “turn off” the feelings or, at very least, to segregate sexual desire from emotional entanglement.

 While a Physical Sexual individual uses his or her body (sex) to protect the person from emotional vulnerability, sex and love are often indistinguishable in this person’s mind. If and when this person feels threatened emotionally—in other words, fears rejection by the partner—he or she tends to become very clingy and needy, trying to keep the lover close by and thus “under control.” Of course, these behaviors only push the other person further away and open fresh emotional wounds.

When it comes to recovering from a broken bone or a broken heart, many times the best course for complete recovery is to step back for a little (or long) while and let that real or metaphoric fracture to heal. Loosen the reins or hold you have on that volatile situation; let it run its course without so much intervention but enough confidence in your ability to either stay the course or safely separate from it to ride or love again another day.

Special Offer! Hypnosis to Quit Smoking

·      Intensive Hypnosis to quit smoking: $275 (This session lasts 2 hours. You must be smoking 5 or fewer cigarettes per day to participate in this program.)

·      Hypnosis to Stop Smoking: $800 for six-week series. (This is a $100 savings!) The $200 fee for the first session will be included in this rate only when the package is purchased up front.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. In July 2019 she was voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2020

The Post-Hypnotic Suggestion

(This blog was originally posted on September 26, 2017)

Photo by Rick Hustead

When I work with my hypnotherapy clients, I give a lot of suggestions during the session. Some of those suggestions happen at the very beginning of hypnosis. For example, I will tell a Physical suggestible client: “You are allowing your eyes to close.” Or I might say to the Emotional Suggestible person, “Right about now you are noticing that your eyelids are feeling verrrrrrrry heavy.” The content of the suggestions I use to facilitate the client’s desired behavioral changes will depend on the person’s therapeutic/self-improvement goal and his or her suggestibility. I also include two specific post-hypnotic suggestions during the session.

The first is the post-hypnotic suggestion to re-hypnosis. This is what enables the client to easily, comfortably re-enter the hypnotic state in future hypnotherapy sessions whenever a specific word/phrase or physical trigger occurs: the words “deep sleep” and me snapping my fingers or touching the client’s forehead. I include the phrase, “Each time deep sleep is suggested to you for the purposes of hypnosis, with your permission and only your permission” to ensure that this state will be induced only in the context of hypnotherapy. When I work with children/teens I make it clear during the cognitive (alert) and hypnosis portions of the session that only the hypnotherapist can induce the hypnotic sleep, not a parent or sibling, etc. Similarly, when I use hypnosis to help a pregnant woman and her birthing partner prepare for childbirth, I include a similar caveat. For example, the client will not be suggestible to doing anything that is not relevant to relaxation and aspects of the birth process.

The second post-hypnotic suggestion I use is called the post-suggestion to reaction. This is a specific suggestion that activates a desired behavior change when the client is no longer in hypnosis and has returned to an alert and aware state. For example, I might suggest to a client to wants to feel more relaxed and confident when speaking in public begins to notice a specific color that represents relaxation and calm everywhere around him, all over the environment. Furthermore, every time the person sees this color, he immediately feels completely confident, relaxed and in control of his response to every situation and can express himself and his ideas easily, comfortably and confidently.

Special Offer! Hypnosis to Quit Smoking

·      Intensive Hypnosis to quit smoking: $275 (This session lasts 2 hours. You must be smoking 5 or fewer cigarettes per day to participate in this program.)

·      Hypnosis to Stop Smoking: $800 for six-week series. (This is a $100 savings!) The $200 fee for the first session will be included in this rate only when the package is purchased up front.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. In July 2019 she was voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2020