(This blog was originally posted on
December 8, 2016)
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| Photo by Rick Hustead |
A
few years ago, as I was switching channels on the television, I happened to
catch a couple minutes of a rodeo competition on RFDTV. As I recall, a rider was climbing
onto a very large bull, waiting for the chute to open and begin his round. The
television announcer started providing a bit of background about the man,
including a very interesting detail. Apparently, the rider had recently
recovered from a broken scapula (collar bone). However, his posture on the
animal indicated that he was subconsciously “protecting” the previously injured
area, which could undermine his success during the round, the announcer warned.
A doctor had cleared the rider to compete, so the man was obviously healthy,
fit and strong enough to ride a bucking bull again. However, the rider’s
subconscious mind didn’t completely believe this prognosis, which could
undermine his self-confidence and actual ability to ride well and stay safe.
Most
of us can probably identify with this phenomenon. Whether we are coming back
from a long illness or get hurt participating in a sport or performing a task at
work, it’s natural to favor other areas of the body to protect the injured area.
Sometimes this means that we assume very strange postures or physical
contortions, which ultimately puts undue extra strain on the healthy/intact body
part.
We
also do this metaphorically to protect ourselves from emotional pain or
discomfort, such as following the end of a relationship or loss through
bereavement or geographic relocation. We build metaphoric walls around our
feelings (hearts), and use sarcasm and even cruel comments to discourage anyone
from trying to break through and establish a bond. Have you ever sworn to
“never fall in love again” when your true love breaks your heart, or to never
buy or adopt another pet after a beloved companion animal has died? These
behaviors serve the same purpose: to protect that vulnerable or injured part of
ourselves from future pain by blocking off or using defensive behaviors to guard
that area from further injury.
In
fact, the desire to avoid emotional pain is so ingrained that the subconscious
mind has specific strategies to protect us from these risks. According to Hypnosis Motivation Institute
founder John Kappas, Ph.D., an
Emotional Sexual
individual uses rationality and intellect to distance (separate) him- or
herself from a potentially contentious (romantic) situation to protect these
vulnerable emotions. The Emotional Sexual person always wants to maintain
control, and the best way to do this is to literally “turn off” the feelings
or, at very least, to segregate sexual desire from emotional entanglement.
While a Physical Sexual
individual uses his or her body (sex) to protect the person from emotional
vulnerability, sex and love are often indistinguishable in this person’s mind.
If and when this person feels threatened emotionally—in other words, fears
rejection by the partner—he or she tends to become very clingy and needy,
trying to keep the lover close by and thus “under control.” Of course, these
behaviors only push the other person further away and open fresh emotional
wounds.
When
it comes to recovering from a broken bone or a broken heart, many times the
best course for complete recovery is to step back for a little (or long) while and
let that real or metaphoric fracture to heal. Loosen the reins or hold you have
on that volatile situation; let it run its course without so much intervention
but enough confidence in your ability to either stay the course or safely
separate from it to ride or love again another day.
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Sara
R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern
California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation
Institute in
2005. In July 2019 she was voted the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita,
California. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.
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