The Recipe for a Successful, Long-Term Relationship

(This blog was originally posted on September 29, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

Hypnotherapists are not allowed to give relationship “counseling.”* However, it is okay to provide relationship “strategies” for clients who are experiencing conflicts in their romantic partnership. For example, I typically describe characteristics of the Emotional and Physical Sexuality/personalities and how they behave in the context of a relationship to all of my clients. I also outline the seven key factors of a successful romantic partnership. Last but certainly not least, I might offer the following suggestions to enhance emotional intimacy between you and your romantic partner:

• Speak real words of appreciation to your partner every day. For example, “Watching you with the children, I can go to work knowing they are taken care of.”

• Gossip. Talk to your partner/spouse about what went on during your day. Share information, anecdotes etc. When your partnership is based in love, it is actually very sexy to hear that someone else find’s your significant other attractive, too!

• Ask questions for information, not to criticize the other person. Never talk to your spouse/lover in a way that you would address your kids.

• Request for change. The way you deal with anger during a conflict is very important. Don’t speak to your partner the way you would never speak to your best friend. No name-calling, no belittling. The relationship has to be built on respect.

• Share fantasies and dreams and visions of the future.

*Business and Professions Code 2908: California law allows access by California residents to complementary and alternative health care practitioners who are not providing services that require medical training and credentials. The purpose of a program of hypnotherapy is for vocational and avocational self-improvement (Business and Professions Code 2908) and as alternative or complimentary treatment to healing arts services licensed by the state. A hypnotherapist is not a licensed physician or psychologist, and hypnotherapy services are not licensed by the state of California. Services are non-diagnostic and do not include the practice of medicine, neither should they be considered as a substitute for licensed medical or psychological services or procedures.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2017

Fear of Being Alone

(This blog was originally posted on October 28, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

If there is no specific cause for being afraid of being alone—for example, a specific traumatic incident that threatened the person, such as a physical attack—the individual may have agoraphobia. The late Dr. Ron Hodges, a psychiatrist and colleague of Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D., and former director of the Atlanta, Georgia branch of HMI, contended that fear of being alone is many people’s Number One Fear. Since this reaction is often associated with low blood-sugar levels, it is imperative for the hypnotherapist to address this issue before working with the client to alleviate the actual fear or phobia.

“[Fear of being alone] is an irrational fear based on physical sensations,” Dr. Kappas explained. “You think something will happen to you.” These include irregular heartbeat, dizziness, shaking, confusion, increased suggestibility and anxiety or panic. But the related anxiety of losing control, which is triggered by these physiological sensations, forms the basis of this fear. Once better nutrition is established and the person’s blood-sugar levels are stabilized, the hypnotherapist must teach the client face the fear of being alone. This is accomplished by demonstrating how to induce and ameliorate the physical symptoms that come up whenever he or she thinks about situations that typically trigger fear.

“Desensitize the physical feelings for every situation you feel the fear. It’s got nothing to do with the event,” he said. Remember that it can take some time—months or even years—until the person can completely overcome this fear, Dr. Kappas warned.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2017

More Dressage Training Tips From Charlotte Dujardin: For the Rider

(This blog was originally posted on October 3, 2016)

Photo by Sara Fogan

On March 8, 2014 and March 9, 2014, I audited a dressage symposium at the Los Angeles Equestrian Center in Burbank, California. Charlotte Dujardin, the Olympic 2012 and 2016 Olympic British individual gold medalist in dressage and reigning world champion in the sport, was the featured clinician. She and her former trainer, International Grand Prix champion Judy Harvey, shared their expertise with six accomplished equestrians and their equally impressive horses to work through specific training issues. Following are more tips and training insights about what to look for in a young horse/competitive dressage prospect that Ms. Dujardin shared during these clinics, which you might find helpful too.

• There is a saying that practice makes perfect, but the truth is that perfect practice makes perfect performance. Bad habits form very easily, so it is important to do and teach your horse to do the movement right in the first place. Moral of the story: “Nine times out of 10, riders who do bad transitions at home will do bad transitions in a competition. Always practice doing good transitions,” Ms. Dujardin cautioned. “Do good transitions as if your life depended on it.”

• The Olympic champion emphasized the importance of using clear and natural aids when teaching transitions. “Lose the whip! The horse must know to go off the leg,” she said. “Soften your hands. You’ve got to let go and then press to get the other gears.”

•  A common error/reaction when asking for a bigger stride or an up transition is to inadvertently shut down this process. “When you ask a horse to go [forward], let him go!” the Olympian encouraged. Whether you are doing up or down transitions, the horse must always be waiting for the rider’s instructions what to do next,

• If you hold the reins too tightly you are likely to make your horse tight and nervous, Ms. Dujardin said. “You should be able to relax your hands and the horse should be able to continue the movement without you holding her in,” You hold the horse with your seat and legs, not the reins, she said. Riders must also be careful not to shorten the neck too much when rounding the horse, she added. “He needs his neck for balance.”

• Keep your horse interested in his training by including hacks (trail rides) and a day completely off in a pasture. “It is very important for the horse to have time off/switch-off periods.” For example, the Grand Prix horses that Charlotte Dujardin trains typically go on 20-minute trail rides before spending 15 to 20 minutes warming up, followed by a schooling session. While older horses work for 40-45 minutes schooling session, the training repertoire for younger horses is considerably shorter: they work for a maximum of 30 minutes with plenty of walk breaks, she said.

• No matter what level you are training, always reward your horse for doing good work during his training. The reward for good collection work is a long rein so he can stretch his neck. “Be sure to reward the horse when he does something right or you will get a sour/unwilling horse,” she warned.

• If your horse is spooky, don’t make an issue about what is setting him off, Ms. Dujardin advised. Instead, “Ignore it and use leg-yielding into the object rather than away. If you beat the horse up for spooking at something, you give him more reason to avoid it.” Continue to practice riding a line toward the object that is acceptable to the horse so he can get used to what scared him until it is no longer an issue. “Over time, you build a bond with the horse and give him confidence to deal with whatever until eventually he will walk through fire for you. You know you have a real connection with your horse when you feel him relax under you when he was scared of something.”

• The horse needs to be in front of your leg to maintain suspension in the gait. “Rhythm and balance makes good movement,” she said.

• “Don’t punish a good horse by making him practice one movement over and over.”

• Think of the walk as a movement. It has a double co-efficient, after all! “It is equally important to work on the walk as any other gait. It is not a chance to goof off,” Ms. Dujardin said.

I will share more of her horse-training and riding suggestions in future blogs.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2017

Thoughts of the Day

     Every now and then I like (and need) to take a few moments and remind myself about what is really important to me, in my life. If you follow me on my Calminsense Hypnotherapy Facebook page you may have seen some of these quotes before on this page, or will in the future. Many of these Quotes of the Day are beautiful examples and illustrations of the work I do as a hypnotherapist, so I will probably draw on them in future essays.

• “One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his greatest surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn’t.” – Henry Ford

• “Success is the result of good judgement, which is the result of experience, experience is often the result of bad judgement.” – Tony Robbins

• “Happiness is not a goal...it’s a by-product of a life well lived.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

• “We never lose, we never fail, we always learn.” – Lolly Daskal

• “As long as you have certain desires about how it ought to be, you can’t see how it is.” – Ram Dass

• “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison

• “If somebody offers you a great opportunity and you’re not sure if you can do it, say yes—then learn how to do it later.” – Richard Branson

• “We’d achieve more if we chased our dreams instead of our competition.” – Simon Sinek

• “Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.” – Khalil Gibran

• “Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.” –  Albert Einstein

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.