A Shorthand Guide to E & P Communication

Photo by Rick Hustead

Does this scenario sound familiar? You know that the milk is running out, but rather than putting the product on the grocery list you or your partner put the near-empty carton back into the fridge rather than finish it off. There may not even be enough left for cereal in the morning, but that’s not the point: its presence is there to remind someone to get to the grocery store right away and buy more. Passive-aggressive behavior aside, the person who left the milk knows that the other partner will get the inference.

When I teach my hypnotherapy clients about suggestibility and the tenets of Emotional and Physical Sexuality, one of the most important components of these lessons is to increases their understanding of communication between these groups. Certified hypnotherapist Alex G. Kappas, Ph.D., used to say: “I know you believe you think you understand what I have just said; but I am not sure that what you heard is not what I meant.” In other words, each of us tends to “hear” a specific message based on our previous experience and expectations about what we think the other person is (or should be) saying, based on our mental script. In today’s blog I will give you some hints about how to better understand the meaning behind those often-misunderstood words.

For example, someone with emotional suggestibility tends to better understand metaphor and inference while the physical suggestible counterpart generally takes the literal meaning of the words that he hears or reads. The Emotional suggestible easily perceives and understands sarcasm and double entendre in a conversation or written text—even if none exists or was intended. The physical suggestible is more likely to take the literal meaning of these words, but may misunderstand or completely miss these subtle inflections of the other person’s voice to indicate that the comment was a joke. For example, the Emotional may perceive an unintended slight while the Physical may not pick up the subtle hint to change a behavior, and then resent the partner for not warning about the otherwise-avoidable social faux pas.

The sexual personality of the parties also plays an important role in this kind of (mis)communication. Remember: the Emotional Sexual individual is naturally attracted to the Physical Sexual counterpart, and vice versa. Consequently, the Physical speaks in metaphor and inferences that will attract the Emotional partner; while the Emo speaks literally and directly to attract and communicate with the Physical. Conflict and hurt can arise if and when one partner literally processes the words or infers a specific meaning in the tone or brusqueness of other person’s voice. The Emotional Sexual partner’s economy of words and direct way of communicating may hurt the Physical partner’s feelings and fuel a grudge without knowing or intending to create this rift.

When the Emotional Sexual partner communicates, verbal or written sentences are often short, direct and to the point. Conversely, the Physical tends to take his or her time, leading up to the point of the anecdote by laying out every detail of the experience before (eventually) reaching the resolution or outcome. In this case, the Emotional may become impatient waiting for the partner’s circuitous way of story-telling. However, the other person is likely to feel hurt or slighted when the Emotional starts gesturing to hurry up or noticeably tunes out the story.

Finally, the different communication styles and preferences are also evident in the kinds of books or reading material that an Emotional suggestible or Physical suggestible is likely to prefer. Emotionals tend to go for novels/fiction whereas Physicals enjoy biographies and non-fiction books. 

These descriptions are intended as guidelines to help you better understand how you communicate and why misunderstandings can occur. When in doubt, if you don’t understand what someone has said—or what you think the person meant—ask for clarification. Words aren’t the only components of effective communication, but they are often the most objective ones. 




Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016