Getting Control in the Relationship

Image courtesy of Microsoft

When it comes to relationships, Physical Sexual and Emotional Sexual partners have very different needs and desires. A Physical Sexual controls the Emotional Sexual partner with guilt. Relationships are very important to this personality, and if the relationship ever seems to be in jeopardy the Physical Sexual will do just about anything to rescue and preserve the relationship.

Whereas the Physical Sexual experiences very little guilt, the Emotional Sexual partner is laden with it, observed Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder Dr. John Kappas. Therefore, to maintain control in the relationship, the Physical Sexual partner must never release that hold until the person gets what he or she wants, he advised. The Physical Sexual is also easily hurt, such as in instances of betrayal, and can be vindictive. “They really hold onto that hurt,” he said.

Conversely, the Emotional Sexual controls a Physical Sexual partner by rejection or withholding emotion. The Emotional Sexual tends to be defensive and protective, and generally has difficulty expressing his or her true feelings, Dr. Kappas explained. Furthermore, the Emotional Sexual also gets over failed relationships fairly quickly. This personality tends to need more spare and does not place as high a priority on relationships as the Physical Sexual tends to do. The more the Emotional Sexual withdraws to create more space for him- or herself in the relationship, the more desperate the Physical becomes to reconnect. Paradoxically, this behavior only irritates the Emotional Sexual partner, and he or she tends to withdraw from the partner even more.

Sex is another area where the Emotional and Physical partners tend to try to control each other, the hypnotherapist pointed out. Both male and female Physical Sexual partners crave closeness after intercourse, but an Emotional Sexual male wants to get his orgasm over with and move on to something else. Whereas a Physical Sexual female wants her partner to “prove” that he cares about her through intimacy, a Physical Sexual male can control his partner through his release (ejaculation), Dr. Kappas said. Finally, the Emotional Sexual female wants to figure out how to manipulate or control her Physically Sexual male partner.

“It’s a lot easier for a hypnotherapist to work with couples where there’s an Emotional Sexual female and a Physical Sexual male, because it’s easier to ‘mold’ the Emotional Sexual female than it is to mold the Emotional Sexual male. Plus, she suffers a lot of guilt,” Dr. Kappas said.

For more information about how to address the Emotional Sexual and Physical Sexual personalities’ response to rejection, I invite you to check out my blog titled, Dealing With Rejection in Hypnotherapy.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

Thoughts of the Day

Photo by Sara Fogan

      Every now and then I like (and need) to take a few moments and remind myself about what is really important to me, in my life. If you follow me on my Calminsense Hypnotherapy Facebook page you may have seen some of these quotes before on this page, or will in the future. Many of these Quotes of the Day are beautiful examples and illustrations of the work I do as a hypnotherapist, so I will probably draw on them in future essays.

• “If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.” – Lao Tzu

• “Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle.” – Ian MacLaren

• “Everything you need will come to you at the perfect time.” – Unknown

• “The more you like yourself, the less you are like anyone else, which makes you unique.” – Walt Disney

• “If there is a solution to the problem, then don’t waste time worrying about it.” – Dalai Lama

• “The problem with communication is the illusion that it has been accomplished.” – George Bernard Shaw

• “Think like a man of action; act like a man of thought.” – Henri Louis Bergson

• “The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity.” – Winston Churchill

• “Knowing yourself is to be rooted in Being, instead of lost in your mind.” – Eckhart Tolle

• “If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success uncommon in the common hours.” – Henry David Thoreau

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

Hypnotherapy, Low-Blood Sugar Levels and Agoraphobia

Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D. believed that agoraphobia—a dysfunctional disorder that stems from a fear of loss of control—is strongly associated with and but could even be also be exacerbated by low blood-sugar levels. According to the hypnotherapist, agoraphobia typically starts as one type of fear, such as fear of the dark or a fear of being alone or a fear of certain animals, and then generalizes to other anxieties and issues. 

Like other fears and phobias, the person doesn’t associate his or her anxiety with what is going on in the environment versus what they eat. Physical and psychological symptoms of agoraphobia can include heart palpitations, panic, memory problems, depression, confusion and even suicidal ideation. Food that contains high levels of sugar or carbohydrates, drinking alcohol or caffeinated beverages can elevate blood-sugar levels and exacerbate these symptoms until the individual becomes virtually immobilized by his or her fears.

“[Low blood sugar] can come on after stress,” Dr. Kappas said. “The fear reaction can create blood-sugar problems, resulting in phobic reaction onsets later.”

Agoraphobia (fear of open spaces) is often associated with a sudden drop in blood-sugar level, he explained. When this happens, the body automatically “defends” itself by substituting adrenaline for glucose (sugar). The bloodstream carries and delivers this hormone to the organs, muscles and glands to activate the fight/flight or survival response. When blood-sugar levels are low, it is common to experience various physical symptoms such as nervousness, anxiety, dizziness or nausea; in extreme cases, you may have a panic attack or even faint. Meanwhile, your subconscious mind automatically attaches significance to whatever you are doing or even your location when this discomfort sets in, and the phobia is born.

Hypnotherapy can be an effective treatment for agoraphobia with which to “unlearn” and change or replace these unwanted fear and phobia behaviors. In hypnosis, the hypnotherapist should address the client’s eating habits and encourages dietary changes that include more protein and fewer carbohydrates/sugars in the nutrition plan. Dr. Kappas also advised using systematic desensitization and relaxation techniques to reduce the client’s hyper-suggestibility to rewrite the client’s subconscious mental script about these generalized fears.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016

April Showers

Photo courtesy of Midnight

“April showers bring May flowers…”

I forget the rest of the lines to that saying, or maybe there aren’t any. Anyway, spring flowers are growing like gangbusters in Southern California right now, as they have been since mid-February. Although strong, El Nino-fueled weather systems were predicted to hit California this year, most of the heavy rain (and “wintry feeling) headed up to and stayed in Northern California, Oregon, Washington and the western coast of Canada. Instead, grass, weeds and early blooms started blooming much earlier than usual. Even Death Valley National Park has been treated to a carpet of beautiful desert blossoms.

The unusual weather has also produced a phenomenon that I can’t remember experiencing since I was a student in London: April showers. I vividly remember the first time I was caught in one of those unexpected (to me) and unusual deluges. A friend and I were chatting in a park when the clear blue sky opened up and heavy drops of rain started to pelt down. For a woman who grew up in Southern California, this phenomenon definitely counted as a subconscious “unknown.” There was nothing in my conscious mind or subconscious experience—I knew you need clouds to produce rain!—that prepared me for that moment. Rain didn’t happen in Southern California unless there were plenty of clouds around. My friend just smiled at my bewildered expression and reassured me that it was just an April shower and would stop in a minute or so. Which it did, and then started again a little while later. From that day I learned to accept and expect rain to come down anytime and anywhere, including from a clear blue sky. Since I like rain and changes in weather, it was kind of fun to be in on Mother Nature’s annual seasonal joke.

To be honest, I hadn’t thought much about April showers until this February. My sister and I were coming back from a walk around her neighborhood when plump drops of water once again started to fall from a clear, blue sky. There were a few heavy rain-clouds nearby but definitely not overhead; nonetheless, we were in the middle of an “April shower.” Like me two decades previously, my sister looked completely puzzled and disbelieving as she gazed at the sky. “There aren’t even any clouds!” she said.

I was treated to another April shower earlier this afternoon when I was at the barn, grooming my horse. Once again, there were some heavy clouds in the distance but overhead the sky was blue and spitting tiny drops of water. Galahad cocked a hind foot and nickered softly as I ran the shedding blade over his coat. I knew that the light shower would make his hair stick to my skin and clothes, but I didn’t care. It would be April in two days and these showers were a beloved rite of spring that I came to enjoy when I lived in England.

Anyway, all those spring blossoms need water to bloom, and I doubt there will be much more rain coming our way after this. Bring on those pre-April showers!

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016