A Greater Sense of Control

(This blog was originally posted on June 26, 2014)

                Many people seek hypnotherapy to help them change an unwanted behavior: quit smoking, lose weight, increase self-confidence, be able to relax, etc. Whatever their ultimate goal happens to be, the person will have to control, change or override a familiar behavior (known) to achieve it. When they make that initial phone call to set up a first hypnotherapy appointment they may have some or no previous experience being hypnotized, but many people have an idea about what it may entail.

                During that initial conversation or our first meeting the person will express a conscious, enthusiastic desire to make a positive change in his or her life. The idea of having my (or another hypnotherapist’s) undivided attention for about an hour, including the 15 to 20 minutes they will spend in hypnosis to work on changing their undesired behaviors, appeals to a lot of clients. They know that this appointment is their time to be listened to in a confidential, supportive, nonjudgmental environment. They understand that hypnosis and therapeutic guided-imagery are effective tools that hypnotherapists use to help replace the unwanted behaviors that no longer work for them. But one nagging doubt still lingers in the back of their mind: Will you be able to control my mind?

                This is one of the most common concerns people have about hypnosis. My answer is, no. Hypnosis is an ancient, natural and drug-free state that can be used as an effective therapeutic tool. I explain to each of my clients at our first appointment that hypnosis cannot make a person say anything or behave in a way that he or she wouldn’t ordinarily act when in a fully alert and aware state. I incorporate the language of the person’s subconscious mind (suggestibility) with the person’s words and expressions in the hypnotic script that will help motivate, encourage and support the desired behavioral change. The client is hypnotizing him- or herself; as the hypnotherapist, I guide and facilitate this process.

                Hypnosis is one of the most relaxing states that you can experience. In fact, everyone is in a light state of trance (hypnosis) twice each day: for 30 minutes after waking up in the morning and 30 minutes before drifting to sleep. Contrary to popular belief, it is not a state of unconsciousness or even sleep. Every sense is heightened during hypnosis. Yes, you will be more receptive to suggestions and other sensory influences while you are in this state. You may even suddenly notice a slight itching sensation on your neck when I bring your attention to the label sewn into the collar of your shirt.

However, during hypnotherapy the only person who can and will control your mind is you, and that is how and why the avocational and vocational self-improvement changes you want to make in your life will be achieved. It provides an opportunity to gain even more control over an aspect of your life that you may not have previously been able to change. If you would like to get rid of an unwanted habit or behavior why not give hypnotherapy a try? You will find that you have even more control over—not risk of losing control of—your mind, behavior and beliefs than you ever imagined!

SPECIAL OFFER!

I am currently offering a 15 percent discount on all hypnotherapy for weight-loss/weight-management* sessions. This offer is good through June 15, 2015 and is not exchangeable for cash. For more information and to set up an appointment, please contact Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. at (661) 433-9430 or send an e-mail to calminsensehypnosis@yahoo.com.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis MotivationInstitute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

© 2015

Empty Your Mind

(This blog was originally posted on August 19, 2015)

Photo courtesy of Sara Fogan

                When I was an editor at Black Belt® magazine, I often came across the following quote in which martial artists were urged to practice mushin no shin or “mind of no mind” during combat or competition. Basically, this term philosophy urges you to empty your mind and turn off your emotions so you can think and perceive what’s going on around you. I had an opportunity to practice this philosophy while I hung out with Galahad this afternoon.

               The time I spent with my horse was not in combat but in a kind of moving meditation as I groomed him. Once I had him secured in the cross-ties, I turned all of my attention to making him feel relaxed while I gently curried away shedding hairs and dirt. He did a lot of sighing and fluttered his nostrils a few times, so I am pretty sure he was beyond comfortable and probably a little blissed out during his mega-grooming session. (My trainer has commented several times that my horse is a bit hedonistic.)

Unlike complete Galahad, relaxation has never been easy for me; it is a rare day that I am not doing two or three things at one time. Even spending quiet time at the barn is not an inherently relaxing activity. For example, I always need to know where my feet and hands are to avoid being accidentally stepped on or nibbled when I give Galahad a treat. I have to be careful not to let my horse walk directly behind me when I lead him or he could run right over me if something spooked him and he bolted forward. When I ride, I must use various parts of my body to ensure that I communicate exactly what I want my horse to do and he understands what I am asking for. In addition, my entire body must be soft and relaxed while I remain aware of my surroundings and alert to anything that could spook my horse, including changes in my body that indicate I’m not focused on what I’m doing.

Of course, the reason why I sometimes have so much trouble quieting my mind and directing my focus is, multitasking is my go-to behavior. It is my known. Even though I was physically relaxed while I groomed my horse—the repetitive motions of currying and brushing are actually hypnotizing, pun intended—my mind was anything but. Random thoughts kept popping into my head: What should I blog about today? Has so-and-so received my e-mail? I have to get ready for that meeting tomorrow, etc. Whenever my thoughts drifted away from what I was doing with Galahad, he would politely by pointedly change his posture as if to remind me to pay attention to what I was doing. After all, this was his time to be with me and get fussed over.

Spending time with my horse is my favorite time of day and my absolute favorite thing to do, but I sometimes have trouble completely turning off the rest of the world even when I’m with him. Today was one of those days. I know I shouldn’t have to work so hard at relaxing but, let’s face it: sometimes tuning out is really hard work. My conscious mind knows that it should not be more stressful to relax and take time to decompress from the day than it is for me to multi-task various responsibilities I must fulfill and projects to complete during the day. My subconscious mind knows otherwise: Multitasking is my default, go-to behavior. It is a subconscious known, an established behavior, a mental script. Furthermore, according to John Kappas, Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind, I reinforce that behavior every day, when I am working (e.g., preparing for a session, working and following up with clients after their appointment and taking continuing education courses). Then I go out to the barn and ride/hang out with my horse, where I typically do several things at the barn just to stay safe. (As much as I love and trust Galahad, I know that I am physically no match against his 900-pound might if I ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time.)

Well, I have been working very diligently to rewrite that old mental script that says I have to multitask every minute of my day. I’m pleased to say that after a few false starts this afternoon I was finally able to get into a groove with Galahad when I was able to tune out that extra chatter in my head for longer and longer periods of time. When I caught myself thinking about something that didn’t have to do with him, I simply re-directed my attention back on Galahad where it belonged. By the end of our afternoon together, the image and sound of him contentedly nibbling on grass and the earthy smells around me were the only thoughts on my mind.

Mind of no mind.

               

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/. 

© 2015 

Energy Vampires

(This blog was originally posted on May 7, 2014)

  

                Vampires are very popular these days. They show up as main characters in popular television series and movies. They are heroes (or anti-heroes) in novels for young-adult and adult readers. The Count on Sesame Street teaches young viewers about numbers and counting. Finally, vampires represent a powerful metaphor to describe a person who literally drains someone else of positive energy and emotional fortitude. Maybe you even know or have someone like this in your life. Like the creatures represented in literature and on film, emotional vampires “prey” on just about anyone they can sink their emotional fangs into. Just like Kristen Wiig’s character of “Penelope” on Saturday Night Live, they are very needy individuals who try to one-up every other person in the room in order to feel more confident and in control of their lives.

However, like the supernatural creatures they represent, emotional vampires share specific characteristics and must also observe certain behavioral protocols that make them easy to recognize and defend against.

How to recognize an emotional vampire:

·        Emotional vampires have a lower vibrational energy than others around them.

·        They are often in the middle of or just getting through some kind of emotional disaster. Part of their charm or attraction is that they give off a lost or needy vibe that motivates others to want to just look after them during a crisis. By then, of course, you are already “hooked” and eager to offer more support when another problem develops.

·  They often revel in their negative experiences or other people’s disappointments.

·         When you share a painful confidence with this person, he or she seems to be in competition with you to describe an even more distressing experience: “When that happened to me….” When you interact with an emotional vampire, you actually feel worse about what is going on in your life than you did before.

·         An emotional vampire’s negative energy literally “sucks” out and dampens the optimism, good mood and spiritual/psychic energy of everyone else in his or her environment.

How to defend against an emotional vampire:

·         Remember: Just like the vampires in horror movies, an emotional vampire must be invited or welcomed into your emotional/personal life. Whenever you feel uncomfortable in someone’s presence, pay attention/listen to that emergency alert from the primitive part of your subconscious mind, warning you to stay away from someone who could be emotionally (or even physically) dangerous to you.

·       Be a true friend to one or several people and surround yourself with individuals who are true friends to you. These are people who like, trust and respect you. They are individuals with whom you share various mutual and separate interests. They may challenge you, but their support does not waver. They celebrate your successes with you, but they do not insult or ridicule you and they do not try to make you bad or worse about a misfortune. They look out for your best interests, and you do the same for them. They also “close ranks” around you and try to shield you from the negative energy of others who try to bring you down.

·         Participate in activities that you enjoy doing and make you feel relaxed, happy, positive and self-confident. The more positive energy you give off, the more positive energy you will attract!

·       Use your positive energy (attitude) to neutralize negativity in your environment. See my blog titled “Energy Exchange” for more information about how to raise the energy level in your environment.

·         Finally, try this cool imagery exercise (one of my favorites!) to create a protective energy shield around you. Visualize, imagine, picture or pretend that you are surrounding yourself with silken strands of pure, positive energy. This energy is manifested as the most delicate strands of gold and silver light, more delicate than the silk of a spider’s web but millions of times stronger. (Remember: silk from a spider’s web is already proportionally stronger than steel. In other words, very strong!) Gradually wind these gold and silver strands around yourself, starting with your feet, and work your way up your body. These strands appear invisible to you and everyone around you, but only until the emotional vampire tries to get to close to you. Unlike a traditional spider’s web, this silk repels rather than ensnares the threat. These strands of beautiful, pure energy encase you like a knight’s armor. They are strong as iron but slippery as soap or ice. Since there is nothing for an energy vampire to hold or sink his or her fangs into, this person has no choice but to is go away and find another “victim.”

  

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2015

Passive-Aggressiveness and the Fear of Success

(This blog was originally posted on July 10, 2014)

Photo by Sara Fogan

                Passive-aggressive behavior is one of the most common ways that we sabotage ourselves. According to developmental psychologist Erik Erikson, it usually starts very early in life: between the ages of 3 and 6 years old (although as young as 18 months is possible). During this time, which Erikson characterized as the play-age/loco-motor stage of development, a child is learning the difference between right and wrong behavior, on his or her way to learning to become independent.

                To facilitate healthy development at this stage, Erikson believed that children should be encouraged to be creative and use their imagination when they play. In addition, they should be allowed to play adult roles and assert their individuality by taking initiative and doing things on their own. Otherwise, they may develop a sense of guilt and believe that everything they do is “wrong.” When children are not allowed or is discouraged from expressing their feelings, they may try to punish their parents for causing this discomfort. When they continue this behavior as adults, however, they become the object of this punishment, Erikson warned.

“A passive-aggressive person first believes that asserting himself will cause him pain, so he backs off from people who challenge him,” John Kappas, Ph.D., explained. However, even if the individual initially seems very passive and cooperative, the objective in this behavior is to teach someone a lesson. Passive-aggression is self-sabotaging and is at the passive-aggressive person’s expense, such as quitting a job before being fired, the Hypnosis Motivation Institute explained.

For example, even if a person wants to have a successful career in a specific vocation, he or she may find reasons to not pursue this goal. The individual may decide that it is taking too long to achieve that goal, even though the person is already very good at this job. It may even be true that he or she could earn more money doing something else instead of wasting precious time learning pre-requisite skills to advance and achieve the desired career. But that is what the conscious mind—the area of will-power/free will, decision-making, reason and logic—says. This is what the subconscious mind, which still follows an early-life mental script, says: “You will never be good/talented/smart enough to do that.” This belief is the actual reason why the person will actually walk away from that “dream” job.

My role as this person’s hypnotherapist would be to change his or her mental script by helping to increase his or her self-confidence and perception of self-worth. I would also help the individual change the passive-aggressive tendencies to assertiveness by setting realistic career goals, following through with goals and reinforcing his or her new self-confidence (behaviors and beliefs). Finally, I would teach my client about the Mental Bank Concept and incorporate it in the person’s daily life to reinforce these new behaviors and perception (belief) of self-worth.

For more information about passive-aggressive behavior, read my blog titled “Passive-Aggressive Behavior.” You can also find out more about how the Mental Bank process works in my July 7, 2014 blog titled “Introduction to the Mental Bank Concept” or watch the free online video about this topic at http://www.hypnosis.edu/streaming/#Mental-Bank-Program.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2015

Follow Your Own Path

(This blog was originally posted on July 6, 2014)

Photo by PresentationPro

            It is easy—too easy—to get carried away while planning somebody else’s life. From the moment a baby is born, its proud relatives start imagining the kind of fulfilling, exciting and successful life this new person will ultimately live. Will Baby grow up to be President of the United States one day? Will Baby become a doctor, lawyer, soldier, police officer or firefighter like Mom or Dad? Maybe our newborn is destined to live a life in the limelight as an actor or, even marry the heir to a throne in Europe and will become a monarch one day. (Hey, it’s happened before, why not to our tot?)

               There are a few problems with this fantasy game. First, each person who “plays” it can only project the possibilities that already exist as knowns in his or her mind. It is common to imagine your young child or loved one follow a similar life path as your own, because this is what you already know; this is your comfort zone. If you have chosen the same career as one of your parents, this association is likely to be reinforced even more: “Of course, Baby will do this, since generations of our family are already in this career!” Maybe Baby will do that; he or she will receive plenty of conscious and subconscious message units about this vocation, and is likely to nurture a subconscious mental script about it. But, what if other people’s plan for you isn’t what you truly want for yourself? What if you don’t even know what you want to do, or change your mind (and switch careers) down the road? How do you break this news to your “very disappointed” family?

            The second problem with this fantasy game is that each person may be influenced to pursue a life path that in which parents/caretakers and other relatives have no experience at all.For example, I decided that I wanted to be a psychologist at the tender age of 11. This decision was actually inspired by another student in my sixth-grade class who declared that this was what she wanted to do. I honestly didn’t know much about psychology back then, but I must have decided that career sounded pretty cool, and declared “psychology” as my college major eight years later.

 The third problem with this game is that none of us know where our lives will ultimately take us, even when we have a definite career or life/lifestyle in play. Ten years after I earned a research Master’s degree in psychology in another country, I was working as an editor of a martial arts magazine when I finally found my way back to my original choice of vocation. Well, not the original choice, but very close.The day I started my training to become a hypnotherapist, I realized that this was the work I really wanted to do and should be doing. Perhaps my decision to abandon what could have been a very successful career in journalism was impulsive, impetuous and even short-sighted; but I have never looked back.

  My young nephews recently also announced what they would like to do when they grow up. My family often has fun imagining ways that they can (or will) achieve their goals. In fact, we recently went to town embellishing details of how the youngest boy’s career can and will be successful (and fun for us, too). I know that’s not fair to him;he may well change his mind about what he wants to do, anyway. There was a time when I thought I would like to be a writer. One of my friends still (occasionally) tells me that I should be an author and how disappointed he is that I didn’t choose writing as my vocation. Whatever. I know that I made the right decision for me. There is really nothing like the feeling of doing what you know you want to do, what you are meant to do and what you truly enjoy doing.

  If it takes a long and winding road to get where you know you are meant to be, so much the better.

               

 Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy®, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/

(c) 2015

Tuning it Out

 (This blog was originally posted on February 20, 2014)

Photo courtesy of Fotolia

As the 2014 Winter Olympic Games in Sochi, Russia, drew to a close, I marveled at the athletes’ incredible physical and mental prowess. To even qualify to participate in an Olympic event, they had to be at the top of their game—a national or even a world champion or finalist in their sport. (Hard as qualifying to compete in the Olympic Games must certainly be, qualifying for them seems like it would be the “easy” part.) Once these athletes made their nation’s Olympic team, they all would have had to face off against similar-ranked competitors of other nations—and then then their teammates—on the world’s stage. There would be no time to revel in the excitement and honor of being an Olympian, representing and earning medals for their nation. Similarly, there would be no room in their training regimen (nutrition, rest, training, training, training, competition, etc.) to feel nervous about the athletic challenges to come. No matter what went on around them, whether they felt sore from yesterday’s competition or elated about having earned a career “best” in the preliminary round, these athletes had to remain focused on the job ahead of them. They had to continue to give their all (and a lot more) to score that winning goal, the highest/longest jumps, the most beautiful spins, the fastest runs down the mountain slope, half-pipe or chute. There would not be time to ruminate over mistakes they have just made or whether that triple-triple jump combination in their ice-skating program sufficiently intimidated their top-ranked opponent. So, how do these athletes keep it all together to bring home the gold or silver or bronze?

When I work with hypnotherapy clients to help them achieve their athletic goals, the first thing I do is reinforce and/or build their self-confidence about their skills and talent in the sport. If a person has won prizes or championships in this sport before, and/or had to qualify to participate in the upcoming event, I incorporate this information into the hypnotic script. I teach breathing techniques to help the person learn to relax his or her physical body; then, I introduce guided-imagery so the person has an opportunity (or several) to rehearse the event and even work through various competitive scenarios. If appropriate, and with my client’s permission, I may also invite the coach or trainer to help me incorporate sports-specific jargon or instruction about a technique that the person is working on, in the script. I also reinforce suggestions about continuing to follow a healthy lifestyle to support the client’s athletic program (e.g., eating nutritious meals, drinking plenty of water and getting enough rest and a good night’s sleep).

Equally important, I help my clients to tune out distractions during the competition, such as camera flashes, cheers or applause, or being in an unfamiliar environment. In these cases, I use imagery and systematic-desensitization techniques to not only “desensitize” the person to these stimuli, but to create an association in which these stimuli will actually help to increase their confidence in their athletic prowess and double their focus/concentration on what they need to do to succeed in the event. Many athletes are distracted and affected by negative self-talk, or some receive discouraging or disparaging comments from opponents or even teammates, friends, family members or a coach/trainer. In these instances, I first desensitize the person to these kinds of negative messages. Then, I help my client to create powerful imagery to virtually shield (protect) the individual from others’ negative comments/energy, and to dissolve and dissipate negative self-talk before the person even knows or notices that it is going on.

While the client in hypnosis, I include a final suggestion about muscle memory: “Allow the athlete inside of you to give yourself permission to trust your body. Trust your training and all of those previous experiences of success doing [this sport], which you have been doing for so long. Allow your body to do what it does well, and you are doing it even better than you ever have, before.”

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2015