Being a Good Host

 

                In January, I had brunch with relatives I had not seen since I was about 10 years old. Last night, I saw one of those cousins again at a Passover Seder. This was the first night of Passover and, apparently, the first time he had ever experienced this holiday. I know from my hypnotherapy training how and why it is not always easy or comfortable to participate in an unfamiliar holiday or event (unknown); but he was a very enthusiastic and appreciative participant (guest) in this very interactive meal. His interest and apparent joy about being included in the Seder inspired everyone else to also pay closer attention to and appreciate the significance of the many symbolic elements of this meal.

It also reminded me how important it is to be a compassionate and involved host in order to help each guest feel welcome, relaxed, interested and interesting so everyone can have a great time.

Advice for the Host(s)

·         Do as much food and set-up preparation as possible well before the guests are due to arrive. The less rushing around you have to do, the calmer you will feel and the more relaxed you will be during your party.

·         Consider assigning seats around the dining table to facilitate introductions of specific guests or, if necessary, to separate others who do not get along.

·         Remember to breathe! Deep breathing increases the flow of oxygen throughout the body, via the bloodstream. Draw a deep breath through the nose and hold it for the count of four. Imagine, visualize, picture or pretend that you are inhaling confidence, relaxation, calm and any other positive emotions that represent to you a comfortable social interaction. At the count of four, exhale that breath through your mouth. As you exhale visualize, imagine, picture or pretend that you are releasing the anxiety, discomfort and/or any other negative emotions that you have previously associated with these kinds of social interactions. Say/repeat the following mantra: “I am very relaxed, calm and confident. With each deep breath I take, I am becoming even more relaxed, sociable and in control of everything around me. In fact, the harder I try to do or be the opposite, the more comfortable and outgoing I become/am.”

·         Take a relaxing bath and/or do some meditation to deepen your sense of relaxation. You can even do some self-hypnosis to reinforce suggestions that your party will be fun and successful in order to assuage any anticipatory anxiety about the event. These suggestions may include: “My guests will feel relaxed and enjoy meeting and inviting these new people into their lives”; and “(As the host or hostess) I release any and all worry or negative expectations and will have fun at my party.”

·         Do not assume that a guest is bored or uninterested in what is going on at your party just because the person isn’t doing much (or any) talking. It takes some people a little while to relax and feel comfortable in a social environment, let alone a bustling or structured one. Sometimes, this kind of event can be overwhelming—so much so that the physical stimuli and activities going on induce a gentle trance or light state of hypnosis!

·         Be an interested host: Ask your guests questions and listen to their replies. Invite them to participate in different aspects of the event, such as proposing a toast, helping to serve part of the meal, leading the group in prayer before the meal, etc. Not only do these kinds of activities help to integrate individuals within this new social group, they also facilitate conversations between the guests during the party.

·         Similarly, if your guest(s) offer to help you serve part of the meal or beverages, or want to help you clean up afterward, it is okay for you to accept this offer. I find that people often want to pitch in this way. It is a way for guests to show how much they appreciate the time and effort their hosts made to put on a successful event, as well as to be more involved in it.

·         Once you have introduced all of your guests to each other, do not linger to monitor these interactions. It is natural for conversations to ebb and flow. Your guests may have more or less in common with each other than you hoped or expected; however, it is out of your hands whether they a friendship or other relationship ultimately develops from this introduction.

·         Point out common interests that your guests share. This will help to break the ice and facilitate conversations. If you someone seems uncomfortable, make a point of striking up conversation with that guest. Discuss things that you know he or she is interested in and make a point of introducing that person to others at the event who are likely to share a common interest.

·         Eat protein (cheese, meat or non-meat protein substitutes, nuts, etc.) before and during the event to stabilize your blood sugar and keep your mood even.

·         Alcohol lowers inhibition and can consequently affect your mood and confidence, so avoid drinking or limit your intake of alcoholic beverages before and during your event. Similarly, even if you are serving alcohol, be sure to offer your guests nonalcoholic beverages such as water, fruit juice and even soda to drink. Restrict the amount of caffeinated beverages you drink, which can also affect blood-sugar level and your mood.

 

 

 Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy®, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

 

Tired? There's a Nap for That!

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

                Have you ever pulled an all-nighter to study for an exam or complete a project before a deadline? Or, have you ever become so caught up in a social activity that you didn’t want to close your eyes in case you missed something? (Remember when you or one of your kids tried to stay up all night to catch a glimpse of Santa Claus coming down the chimney on Christmas Eve?) We seldom think about it—or try not to--but sleep is a precious commodity that many of us neglect or even avoid at all costs. This behavior doesn’t do our body any good.

                Sleep is the time when our body can take a rest and recuperate from any physical exertion or stress that we experienced during the day. This is when the cells in the body regenerate. This is when dreams happen—those precious seconds when the subconscious mind works through and/or “dumps” all of the information that we don’t need to consciously think about anymore. It is as natural to need and want to sleep as it is to eat, drink and create social bonds with other people. But for some reason, we tend to perceive an admission of feeling tired or sleepy as a sign of weakness and won’t slow done for that needed rest until we collapse from exhaustion.

                When you feel tired, lie down and take a nap or go to bed for the night. Show your body the same consideration and respect as you do when you eat a meal or drink some water to slake your hunger or thirst. If you cannot sleep or have interrupted sleep, or if you feel you sleep “too much,” consult your primary physician to make sure that there is not a medical cause for this behavior. Hypnotherapy is a great complement to traditional health care in that hypnosis, guided imagery/visualization and relaxation techniques also provide an opportunity to vent emotional stress that may prevent normal sleep patterns and cause you to feel (or not get) tired. Your body is telling you something when you feel tired; isn’t it time to listen to what it is trying to say?

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

 

What Is Your Strategy?

Photo by Sara Fogan

 

                I stopped at a local Starbucks® on my way home from the barn today. It was a hot afternoon so I thought an iced beverage would be a good choice: but, which one? Sweetened iced tea? Iced coffee?  Iced tea or tea with lemonade would be refreshing, but I would probably drink it very fast and need something more to completely quench my thirst. Iced coffee was a possibility. Then again, an iced hazelnut latte or an iced caramel macchiato was appealing, but the milk and syrups would make the drinks seem too heavy and less likely to quench my thirst. The line was long enough that I had several minutes to ponder my options. Even though I was going to use a gift card to pay for the drink I still had to consider the cost: iced tea costs less than a latte, a latte is less expensive than the macchiato…what did I want to drink, and did I have enough on the card to pay for a more expensive beverage? (I thought so.) I still hadn’t completely made up my mind when the barista asked me what I would like to order. Ultimately, I settled on none of the drinks that I and I had previously considered and ordered a Starbucks double shot over ice. On the one hand, I wasn’t really surprised about my ultimate choice because it is my favorite, go-to beverage on a hot day. Its strong flavor and the image of milk swirling and drifting to the bottom of the plastic cup are so aesthetically appealing to me as to be temporarily mesmerizing. Also, since I used to prepare this drink at a local Barnes and Noble café, its sight, smell and taste have become “knowns” in my subconscious mind. So, why did it take so long for me to make up my mind that I wanted this beverage before I ordered it? It’s not like this was a major purchase or anything…

On the other hand, when I really want to do something—when something is very important to me—I just do it. I don’t do too much strategizing about how to attain that specific goal, either. I basically just visualize, imagine, picture and pretend that I have already achieved it and then carry on as if success is a foregone conclusion. When I decided to pursue my postgraduate degree in London, England, I worked hard to earn the requisite grade-point average that would qualify me for a spot on the course; then I just sent in the application and waited for my acceptance letter. Similarly, when I decided that I wanted to fulfill one of my lifelong dreams to own a horse, I simply pitched a couple of offers to my then-trainer, Jim O’Leary, to buy one of his schooling horses that I liked. When Jim and his wife, Connie, accepted my second bid, I bought the horse. (I even got to write the purchase agreement.)

                One of the classes in my Neurolinguistic Programming certification course addressed strategies for achieving a goal. It wasn’t until I volunteered to allow one of the instructors, Joe Leeway, C.Ht., and my classmates analyze my horse-purchasing strategy that I realized a lot more thought and planning typically goes into accomplishing a major goal or task. My process seemed to be overly simplistic, similar to the motto I once saw on a Cowgirls Unlimited T-shirt that read: “Cowgirls (saw it, wanted it) Got It.” Surely, there had to be more to my story then just seeing the horse, wanting and then buying him? Didn’t I have to readjust my goal? Did I ever need to recruit help or activate other resources or strategies to attain it? Joe and the other students asked over and over.

Actually, no: Before I actually met or even rode my future (first) horse, I saw his name on a stall door: Jeeves. That was on the day of my first riding lesson in about 20 years. I remember saying to myself, “I have to meet this horse.” I had lived in England for seven years and was a fan of P.G. Wodehouse’s Jeeves and Wooster novels. I had even met and had a photo taken with actor Stephen Frye, the actor that portrays “Jeeves.” As far as I was concerned, this horse was destined to be in my life, end of story. I just sent a picture of myself owning the horse out to the universe, and then waited a few months for that dream to become manifest—no strategizing required, just patience.

And he was worth the wait.

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

Blogging

Photo courtesy of PresentationPro

My blogs are an important tool by which I can educate, inform and
inspire others about hypnotherapy and guided imagery as effective
tools of behavior change.

                The first time I ever heard the words “blog” and “blogging” was from a former client. I admit that I initially didn’t really get what blogging was about or what it could do—let alone why someone would do it in the first place. All that changed when I saw the film Julie and Julia, which starred Amy Adams and Meryl Streep. Computer blogging was the cornerstone of the movie in which Adams’ character (Julie Powell) wrote a blog each day for one year about her experiences cooking and eating food that she had prepared from a Julia Child cookbook. She also included other details about her life in these essays and provided background information about the late chef’s personal and culinary challenges and triumphs. Ultimately, Powell’s online journal was not only a chronicle of her own culinary adventures that year, but it also provided a cornucopia of life experiences and philosophies that she had learned in the process.

                I often think about this film when I sit down to write my own blogs. I think about Powell’s passion about recreating each of Julia Child’s recipes exactly how the chef wrote them. I think about the author’s dedication to sharing each aspect of these culinary projects with anyone and everyone who was interested or curious in what she was trying to do. Unlike Powell, I do not have a general or generic book of hypnosis recipes that I can replicate and will share with you each night. In fact, each one of the hypnotic scripts that I create for my clients is as individual and specific as the person for whom I have created it. Also, for ethical reasons I would not and could not share this information in order to preserve client/therapist confidentiality.

However, I am like Julie Powell in that I do have a lot of information, skills and experience in my own area of expertise that can help and motivate you to achieve your own goals. I can share the theoretical premises behind hypnosis and hypnotherapy, and human behavior/motivation. I can explain how and why hypnosis works. I can tell you how and why the subconscious mind responds to the negative (or positive!) “chatter” that you have been telling yourself so that you continue to practice a behavior or habit that no longer works for you. I can share information about the many and various hypnotherapeutic techniques that I have learned and mastered since I first started working as a hypnotherapist. I can write blogs about all of these things to inspire you to give hypnotherapy and therapeutic guided imagery a try so you can also achieve your own vocational and avocational self-improvement goals.

Hypnotherapy worked for me…I know it will work for you, too!

 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

Physiological Benefits to Quit Smoking

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

People have various reasons why they want to quit smoking.
Hypnotherapy can help you achieve this goal.

 

 

 

                People have various motivations to give up cigarettes when seek hypnotherapy to quit smoking. With increasingly tighter restrictions on the areas people can smoke in public, it is becoming more difficult and uncomfortable to light up when they are out of the house. Some people hate the smell of smoke in their hair and on their skin and clothes. Others decide that the financial burden of purchasing cigarettes is no longer worth the enjoyment of smoking. (A pack of cigarettes costs more than a gallon of gasoline in most locations in the United States; and health and life-insurance policies can be more expensive for people who smoke.) But the primary motivation people quit smoking is to improve their health. Here is a list of the specific physiological benefits and improvement to your health that you will enjoy after quitting smoking, and an estimated time frame in which these benefits are realized since smoking your last cigarette.

·         20 minutes: Blood pressure, pulse rate and body temperature return to normal/natural level.

·         8 hours: Carbon monoxide level drops to normal level; oxygen level in the blood increases to normal.

·         24 hours: Chance of heart attack decreases.

·         48 hours: Nerve endings start to re-grow, and ability to taste and smell improves.

·         72 hours: Lung capacity increases and bronchial tubes relax.

·         2 weeks-3 months: Improved circulation and increased lung function (up to 30%); it becomes easier to walk.

·         1 month-9 months: Decrease in coughing, sinus congestion, fatigue and shortness of breath. Also, cilia begin to grow back in the lungs, which increases their ability to clean, handle mucous and reduce infection in the lungs.

·         5 years: Decrease in lung-cancer death rate for the average smoker (one pack per day): from 137 per 100,000 people, to 72 per 100,000 people.

·         10 years: Decrease in lung-cancer death rate for the average smoker (one pack per day) to 12 per 100,000 people. This rate is almost the same as that for someone who has never smoked. Other benefits include replacement of pre-cancerous cilia and decrease risk of other cancers associated with smoking: bladder, esophagus, kidney, mouth and pancreas.

Hypnotherapy is an effective tool to help you achieve your goal of becoming a permanent non-smoker. This is because hypnosis enables you to communicate with your subconscious mind to reprogram your previous mental scripts about wanting and needing to smoke, with ones that reinforce your decision, motivations and ability to stop smoking. I offer a 6-week, smoking-cessation hypnotherapy program that is good for people who smoke one or more pack of cigarettes a day. During this time, you will learn how to resist the triggers of your psychological and physiological addiction to nicotine while you gradually stop smoking altogether. I also record and provide a customized stop-smoking track for you client to listen to in order to reinforce this new behavior (lifestyle of a permanent non-smoker). If you are ready to quit smoking, I am here and ready to help you!

                 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014



Inner Wisdom

                “Would you like to meet Sophia?”

                I opened my eyes and looked around the waiting room. I must have dozed off while I waited for my friend to finish her doctor’s appointment, because an older woman was suddenly standing directly in front of me, nodding and smiling. She had on pink scrubs and was holding the leash of one of the biggest Standard Poodles I had ever seen. I sat up straighter in the hard plastic chair and blinked a couple of times. I hadn’t slept well last night—okay, at all—and, I admit, the chance to catch a quick nap was a welcome respite. I had been very stressed and worried about my friend these past few weeks, and I almost resented this interruption. However, once I shrugged off my sleepy confusion and oriented myself in the room, my irritation melted away. I suddenly noticed the gentle, warm pressure of the dog’s chest and right shoulder leaning into my right shin. Sophia’s long, delicate chin rested on my knees and she looked up at me with soulful brown eyes.

The woman gave her dog a loving scratch behind the ears. Sophia pressed her right shoulder even closer against my leg and let out a soft sigh. “Go ahead and pet her if you like. Sophia is a therapy dog. She will stay with you as long as you like, or until you get up if you have to go.”

“No, I’m good.” I noticed that I was smiling as I leaned over to rub the dog’s shoulders, patting and stroking her the way I gently scratch my horse’s withers. The large waiting room had suddenly shrunk to the three or four feet of space that Sophia, her handler and I were occupying. The tightness and tension in my shoulders bled away as I also released a slow, steady exhale. I could tell right away—from these physiological changes going on in my body and the sense of deep relaxation that I was feeling—that I had drifted into a light form of hypnosis. What was happening? How did this dog and her handler know how much I needed this encounter at that moment?

Animals’ intuition never fails to impress and astound me. Throughout my life, my cats always seem to know when I am sick. They stay close to me and curl up beside me on the sofa or in bed, feline versions of Florence Nightingale that are determined to keep a close eye on me until I recover. My horses—first, Geeves and now Galahad—always become very protective and even careful around me when I don’t feel well or if my confidence wavers during a ride. Similarly, when my mom and I met Monty Roberts at an Equine Affaire event many years ago, Mr. Roberts explained that his Mustang, Shy Boy, always sought out people in the audience who seemed to need a little special attention. Well, that little Mustang came right over to my mother and me. I definitely wanted and hoped he would come over to us; but my mom was especially excited and emotional about this encounter.

Today, I just had a sense that the dog was singling me out for this attention, because she was suddenly there in front of me, looking at me, nuzzling me. Since I had been sleeping when this pair entered the waiting room, I don’t know how many people they had already visited before they got to my corner against the wall. But once Sophia came over to me, she stayed in the same position pressed against my legs for at least 20 minutes. There were a few other patients sitting nearby, but I was the person the dog and her handler hung out with for so long. Even when other patients and their children came over to meet her, Sophia stayed close to me. I wasn’t even officially a patient today, but I definitely needed and appreciated the kind of gentle comfort that she was able to provide for me this morning.

 

                 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014

Waiting Room

Photo courtesy of PresentationPro

 

                Sometimes, there is nothing to do but wait. Wait for the bus or train to show up at the station. Wait for the traffic light to change. Wait for the movie, concert or theater performance to start. Wait for a laboratory test result to come in. Wait for that important phone call. Wait for a child to be born, two weeks after its due date. Wait for that acceptance (or rejection) letter from the college of choice to arrive in the mail. Just…wait.

                Waiting seems like it should be an innocuous pastime; but it can be an extremely stressful activity under these and similar situations. Some people seem to be “good” at waiting; they know how to be patient. They have an apparently natural ability to put anxiety out of their minds and just be in the moment. They carry on living their lives, “soldiering on” whether they get the result they were hoping for.

Others are plagued by self-doubt and negative expectations. They pace the floor and run on nervous energy (adrenaline), trying to keep busy enough to get ahead of or escape the anxiety, anger and/or fear that they are experiencing while they wait. Even when the anticipated outcome is a positive one, tempers flare and emotions overflow during these tense periods of waiting. When I work with these clients in hypnotherapy, I use hypnosis and therapeutic guided-imagery techniques to desensitize them to specific stimuli that trigger anxiety or other negative behavioral response during a stressful situation. I also teach them how to do diaphragmatic breathing and how to create and access an anchor that will help them return to the relaxed, calm and focused feeling they enjoyed while in hypnosis as they cope with an anticipated (or unanticipated) stressful situation when they are in an alert state.

Finally, I teach my clients to employ the following “Mindful Parenting” skill to defuse and tamp out any emotional flare-ups they experience during moments of stress, frustration and/or impatience. (I have been using this skill on a regular basis myself since I learned it from Lisa Machenberg, C.Ht., an instructor at the Hypnosis Motivation Institute.) It really works!

1.       Relax the muscles in your forehead and around face, and “smile” with your eyes. (Soft eyes)

2.       Ask yourself: What do I want to do at this moment? How do I want to respond to the insensitive comment/blaring horn/traffic jam, etc.?

3.       Take a deep breath from the bottom of your lungs all the way down to the soles of both feet (diaphragmatic breath).

4.       Exhale on the word calm, love, peace, etc.

5.       Make a choice about what you want to do next/how you want to behave to release the stress.

                 

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2014