Breaking Up Is Hard to Do: How Emotional Sexual & Physical Sexual Partners Deal With the End of a Relationship

(This blog was originally posted on April 25, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

According to John Kappas, Ph.D., Emotional Sexuals do not get hung up in a failed relationship for as long or the way a Physical Sexual is likely to do. Physicals focus their lives on a relationship and a loving commitment. Once the relationship becomes physically (sexually) intimate, they tend to plan the future and have high expectations for commitment with the partner.

“The Physical Sexual female subconsciously thinks, ‘Would he make a good husband/father of my child? Could I spend an eternity with him?” The Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder explained. If the other person is a good candidate for such a relationship, this evolution of the partnership will happen naturally.  However, if the relationship seems to be failing or if the other partner (typically an Emotional Sexual) rejects the person’s advances, the Physical Sexual will panic about losing the person and cling even more. When the Physical Sexual backs off a bit—perhaps even making the Emotional Sexual jealous—the relationship tends to start up again.

When the relationship is finally over and the Physical Sexual leaves for good, the person doesn’t go back. However, the person’s fear of the emotional pain resulting from this separation and the fact that self-worth is so closely tied to the relationship makes it difficult to make this final break, Dr. Kappas observed. This fear and the person’s lack of confidence that he or she can survive without the partner will subconsciously motivate the person to hold onto the dead relationship. However, it may be prudent to let the relationship go if you’re not getting what you want or need, he advised.

Since people continue to evolve over time, you should become involved with another person with whom you can grow in this way, Dr. Kappas said. Don’t hold onto a relationship that’s not going anywhere for you and replace expectations about getting married and having a partner with that partner, specifically. “You need to separate what you want for yourself. You have to project availability and attainability. Lovers are not forever, but for now or tomorrow.”

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2018

Dealing With Rejection in Hypnotherapy

Image courtesy of Microsoft

John Kappas, Ph.D., observed once observed that “Emotional rejection is probably the most difficult [challenge] to overcome.” This may be particularly true of the high-level Physical Sexual men and women. These individuals often build their sense of identity and self-worth around the partner and relationship; when the relationship ends, the person’s confidence and perception of self-worth also plummet. The degree of the person’s physical sexuality and the level of devastation of the rejection will determine how long he or she “hangs on” to the former partner, the Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder explained.

Since a Physical Sexual can only accept that there is a possibility to save the relationship, the first step in hypnotherapy is to affirm the client’s belief, Dr. Kappas advised. At this stage, the hypnotherapist should encourage the person to think about the partner’s good qualities and examine the positive things that happened during and since the relationship began. The individual should be encouraged to describe every detail of the relationship: how long it lasted, who rejected whom, what caused the break-up and how many times “x” event occurred that precipitated the break-up. “Continue to revisit these memories with the client until the pain is gone,” he suggested.

It is important for the hypnotherapist to acknowledge that the client is hurting emotionally, but remind the person that it does not help to blame either party or the break-up for this distress. Instead, remind the individual that the estranged partner was attracted to him or her during the relationship, but something happened during this time that changed the attraction and the person went in another direction.

“A Physical Sexual can’t accept that the partner was at fault in a break-up,” Dr. Kappas said. Even if the partner had another lover or was having an affair, the client is likely to blame the third party for ruining the relationship. The hypnotherapist must gently remind the client that it is the partner who chose to leave their relationship, not the other lover (likely, a Physical Sexual) that he or she is with, now.

It is important to help rebuild the client’s self-confidence so the person can stop grieving for the partner and start to move away from the lost relationship, toward a new life. If the client continues to maintain superficial involvement with the former partner and is still hanging on to the previous relationship, this behavior must also be exposed. “The client must get what’s necessary from the past relationship to get closure on it,” the hypnotherapist explained.

A Physical Sexual’s response to rejection is mostly a phobic reaction, based on misconceptions about the relationship. Dr. Kappas suggested that when the client has not completely let go of the ex-partner or former relationship, the best therapeutic strategy is to desensitize the person to the relationship/partner and expose the facts about it. If the client is/was in an extremely bad relationship and enjoyed no “good times” during that time, in hypnosis have him or her repeatedly bring up all of the “bad times” and then pass those memories (Circle Therapy). If there were any good elements of the relationship, the client should bring those up first, before bombarding his or her subconscious mind with negative associations about the partner, Dr. Kappas advised.

“Desensitize the [person] to hurt by giving more pleasure in the relationship and search out what [the client really wants,” he said.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2016