In compliance with current WHO and
CDC recommendations to minimize risk of exposure to and spread of the COVID-19
virus, I am temporarily suspending in-person hypnotherapy sessions with me in
my office. However, phone and Skype consultations ARE and WILL REMAIN
AVAILABLE!
(This blog was originally posted on February
4, 2016)
Photo by Rick Hustead
In my previous blogs titled All About Emotional and Physical Sexuality, Part 1 and All About Emotional and Physical Sexuality, Part 2, I described characteristics of John
Kappas, Ph.D.’s cornerstone
therapeutic model, Emotional and Physical Sexuality. Once you understand how
behaviors and motivations of the respective partners affects a relationship,
this model can help improve the relationship or even amicably separate from a
partner if the relationship has run its course. The Hypnosis
Motivation Institute founder used
this model to successfully help thousands of hypnotherapy clients to negotiate
conflicts in their romantic and personal relationships.
Following is a summary of how the Emotional Sexual and
Physical Sexual partner behaves in a relationship.
Emotionals vs. Physicals
- Emotional Sexual individuals don’t like
to confront their partner. Physical Sexual individuals have no problem
asking for or “demanding” what they want and need.
- Guilt controls the Emotional Sexual partner.
The Physical Sexual partner feels actual, physical pain during a
break-up, but when the relationship is over an Emotional “seems” to move
on to a new relationship. (A bad break-up can take the Physical out of the
dating game for a very long time in some cases, or subconsciously
“chooses” another Physical partner because the previous experience with
the Emotional lover/end of relationship was so traumatic.)
- The Emotional Sexual partner has 3-day cycles
for sexual receptiveness. Day “3” is optimal for sexual
intimacy/likelihood of the Emotional Sexual to solicit sexual contact from
the partner. On day 3, the Emotional Sexual is most “Physical”
(sub-dominance).
- Sex and the relationship are two
different/separate things for the Emotional Sexual partner. The Emotional
Sexual can compartmentalize: “It’s ‘just’ sex” with a mistress.
- Sex and the relationship are the one and the
same for the Physical Sexual partner. A Physical Sexual person can’t
imagine being sexually intimate without “feeling” an emotional connection
with the other person.
- BOTH the
Emotional Sexual and Physical Sexual partner wants control in the relationship
but go about getting it in different ways. For example, the Physical
Sexual partner shouts/pouts/makes demands for more attention. Conversely,
the Emotional Sexual Partner freezes out/ignores the Physical Sexual
partner, which makes the Physical Sexual partner become even more needy—shouting/making
demands until one of them walks away from the relationship or reconciles
the difference.
The goal of the Physical Sexual partner is to raise the Emotional
partner’s subdominant (Physical Sexual) trait in order to receive the affection
and attention that he or she needs and craves. The goal of the Emotional Sexual
partner is to lower the Physical Sexual partner’s physicality in order to give
the Emotional more “space” to feel desire and come forward. To reduce negative tension and
increase physical desire between the Emotional and Physical Sexual partners,
Dr. Kappas recommended that each individual “give a Twinkie” ( a metaphoric
treat or favor) in the form of a desired behavior, from time to time. For example:
- The Physical Sexual partner can
give the Emotional partner “space” to do his/her own thing for a little while
or be an asset to the Emotional partner’s career.
- The Emotional Sexual partner can
send love notes to the Physical partner, have flowers delivered, etc. to show
that he/she is thinking about the other person even when not in the mood for
physical intimacy.
- Understanding the 3-day cycle and
planning intimacy around this is “giving a Twinkie” as well. Physical partner
is usually responsible for this gesture because the Physical is most likely to
feel/be sensitive to Emotional partner’s inadvertent rejection on Day 1 and Day
2 of the sexual cycle.
- The Emotional
partner has 3-day cycles for sexual receptiveness. Day “3” is optimal for
sexual intimacy/likelihood of the Emotional to solicit sexual contact from the
partner. On day 3, the Emotional is most “Physical” (sub-dominance).
- Cubicle release:
Emotional wants a strong sensation/ultimate sexual experience to really “feel”
intimate with the partner. 1 ejaculation vs. 3 ½ for the physical partner, who
can ejaculate in smaller volumes to have many experiences.
- “Buy the symptoms” of the
opposite behavior: When the Emotional is cycling, it’s not about you (the
Physical partner). It’s about cycle days, so give the Emotional partner the
space to come to you (the physical partner). If the Emotional partner
only encounters the Physical partner on a cycle day, he/she can feel even more
physical. This good experience shortens the length of time between cycle days.
References:
1. Kappas,
Ph.D., John G. Relationship Strategies:
The E & P Attraction. Panorama Publishing, Tarzana, California. © 1992.
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Offer valid through August 31,
2020.
Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a
certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with
honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. In July 2019 she was voted
the Best Hypnotherapist in Santa Clarita, California. For more information
about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an
appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.
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