How Passive-Aggressive Behavior Affects Motivation

(This blog was originally posted on August 29, 2016)

Photo by Sara Fogan

According to Erik Erickson’s Stages of Development model, passive-aggressive behavior begins when a child is between three to six years old (Loco-Motor stage), when he or she is just starting to become independent. The youngster also learns about guilt and initiative at this time. Erickson observed that if a child is punished or discouraged from expressing initiative, he or she would try to sabotage the parents. For example, the individual might wet or soil the pants instead of going to the bathroom despite having been toilet trained. This kind of passive-aggressive behavior carries over into adulthood as a way to subtly hurt or frustrate someone as if to teach a lesson to the other person. However, it is ultimately the person who behaves in this passive-aggression way who suffers the most.

John Kappas, Ph.D., considered passive-aggressive behavior part of a “losing syndrome” in which the person subconsciously always expects to fail because he or she was never allowed or encouraged to succeed at a task, or was even punished for being assertive. An example of passive-aggressive behavior in adulthood is an employee saying or doing something at work that contradicts the workplace environment/culture that jeopardizes the individual’s chances of promotion or even gets the person fired.

In the above example, Dr. Kappas worked with a man who sought hypnotherapy to increase his motivation about his job and stop procrastinating. The client conceded that he had had 20 jobs over the years; despite feeling optimistic and believing he would succeed at the beginning of each employment, it ultimately wouldn’t work out. When asked why the jobs didn’t work, the client blamed his co-workers when something went wrong; or, he became bored very quickly if he didn’t feel challenged if the job didn’t pay well.

To help the client work through these issues, the hypnotherapist identified and pointed out common denominators between the unwanted behavior (procrastination and low motivation) and the man’s passive-aggressive tendencies. Examples included tardiness to work, tendency to daydream, avoidance of responsibility and failing to show up at meetings or appointments. Next, Dr. Kappas recommended specific dietary changes to stabilize the client’s blood-sugar level and reduce anxiety and frustration, and gave him positive suggestions for future personal growth and appreciation of his abilities. Finally, Dr. Kappas introduced him to the Mental Bank Concept to increase the client’s motivation and sense of self-worth.

“Passive aggressiveness gets worse as the person gets older,” warned the Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder, which is why it is so important to obviate these behaviors sooner than later to ensure continued growth and opportunities for self-improvement.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2018

Hypnosis to Overcome a Fear of Water

(This blog was originally posted on August 24, 2016)

Photo by Rick Hustead

Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas, Ph.D.., once worked with a client to help her overcome her irrational fear of water. She told the hypnotherapist that she even felt anxious just thinking about water and always tried to wipe the fluid off her face as quickly as possible. This anxiety was a legitimate fear versus a phobia because the client had nearly drowned in a river as a young child and was subsequently involved in a car crash where the vehicle went over a bridge. However, she also manifested 27 symptoms consistent with having low blood sugar.

When working with someone who has an irrational fear of water, start by advising the person to change her eating habits to normalize the blood-sugar level, Dr. Kappas advised. It is also necessary to modify her suggestibility to decrease this fear and susceptibility to suggestions about it. Once the client is in hypnosis, work with the individual to separate her anxiety of water and the sensation of it making contact with her face.

Use circle therapy to desensitize the person to the fear reaction by repeatedly having her bring up the fear and then relax, the hypnotherapist said. This process will help the individual associate relaxation with the originally threatening stimulus. As the client disassociates her fear of water from the fear of her physical reaction, she will gradually be able to think about this stimulus without associating it to a fear response.

Finally, use a double bind to lock in her sense of relaxation, Dr. Kappas said: “The harder you try to feel the fear of water, the more difficult it will become.”

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2018

Dealing With Frustration

(This blog was originally posted on July 15, 2014)

Photo courtesy of Microsoft

        What frustrates you? Being stuck in rush-hour traffic? Having to chase your dog around the neighborhood to catch him after he jumped the fence? Sleeping through your alarm and being late for work? Pop-up ads that block the computer screen and impede your work until you figure out how to get rid of the advertisement? The list goes on. Following are some practical relaxation and visualization techniques that you can use to help you relax when you experience stress during such moments of frustration.

• Diaphragmatic breathing. Draw a slow, deep breath through your nose; hold it four three or four seconds and then release the air through your mouth. Breathing this way not only relaxes the tension in your physical body; it also provides a tangible example (proof) that you can control a specific physical behavior. Repeat this exercise several times until you notice that your pulse/heartbeat returns to its normal (resting) rate.

• Let your conscious awareness of the situation help you out. According to Hypnosis Motivation Institute founder John Kappas,Ph.D.’s Theory of Mind, your subconscious mind is likely following a mental script about how it thinks you “should” respond or behave when you are frustrated. When you are in a situation with which you regularly associate anxiety and frustration, you are likely to experience these negative emotions as soon as your SCM recognizes similar themes in that environment. Practice diaphragmatic breathing while you focus your attention on specific physical characteristics (message units) of the stimuli you experience around you. What do you see, hear, feel, taste or smell? Directing your conscious attention to these individual details in this way will not only help to relax you by distracting your attention away from the source of your stress or frustration. It will also inundate your SCM with these new message units and help to create a new, different (innocuous) mental script about this formerly stress-inducing environment.

• Focus on your options/solutions. As Gil Grissom, one of my favorite characters from the original cast of CBS’ hit series, CSI, used to say: “There is always a clue.” Once your physical body is relaxed and your mind is calm, you can turn your attention to finding solutions to the problem that is causing your stress. Once your subconscious mind has created new associations (knowns­) between feeling calm and your ability to focus, it becomes easier to create new solutions for reducing your frustration or even access previously proved (success) mental scripts to manage your frustration.

• Be polite and gracious to the people around you. Good manners go a long, long way to preventing the development of additional social/emotional stress in your environment. For example, if there is a long line at the drug store when you go to pick up your prescription, you can be pretty sure that other people, including the clerk, are also experiencing frustration about the wait. The simple physical action of smiling at the people around you transforms your negative energy/emotion into a positive response. As Dr. Kappas liked to remind his clients and students, it is impossible for two opposite emotions to exist at the same time. In addition, positive emotion has stronger energy than a negative emotion such as anger or frustration. When you smile, you not only convert the negative energy but also (metaphorically) invite solutions that will resolve your problem, including another person offering to help you out.

Finally, hypnotherapy and therapeutic-guided imagery are great tools to help you learn to relax and manage/control stress and frustration. I will teach you simple breathing and relaxation exercises that you can use to help reduce stress and create a hypnotic script to help manage your frustration during specific situations. I will also give you a recording of your hypnosis to keep that you can listen to and reinforce the relaxation techniques that we worked on during your hypnotherapy session.

Sara R. Fogan, C.Ht. is a certified hypnotherapist based in Southern California. She graduated with honors from the Hypnosis Motivation Institute in 2005. For more information about Calminsense Hypnotherapy® and to set up an appointment, please visit http://www.calminsensehypnotherapy.com/.

© 2018